Three Days Grace
by Temperance
Summary: SLASH! When Jacob and Edward finally meet up without Bella around Jacob realizes he might feel differently for Edward than he thought, and that Edward may too. Jacob/Edward *Read this story or gnomes will steal your underpants!* COMPLETE!
1. I Hate Everything About You

**Author**: Temperance

**Rating**: PG 13, at least I hope it makes it all the way to a 13

**Spoilers**: Sure, if you're one of the _six_ people in the world who haven't read the first book or seen the movie then there are tons of spoilers. Here's one; Edward is a vampire! I know, now I've ruined the whole surprise for you. Basically, I just decided to go along with the first book and most of the second, then I just broke off and took it to a whole different place. So I guess there are teeny tiny spoilers for books one and two… and maybe three and four.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the rights to Twilight.

**A/N**: WARNING! This story contains SLASH, which is two characters of the same sex… together… carnally; in this case it happens to be male/male. I just loved the idea of a vamp and a werewolf getting together so much, I sort of hoped Jacob would imprint on one of the women from the Denali coven, and since I just slash so much it just seemed like a natural choice; Jacob and Edward. Although, I have to admit, the idea only occurred to me after I heard someone say that they'd "rather route for Edward and Jacob than Edward and Bella" and my whole brain lit up.

Also, I do not do first person, I despise it, and I don't do prefaces. So, yeah. And also, also, I'm not particularly caring about the whole imprinting for genetic propagation and all that jazz so I've just decided to discard it entirely. Imprint for fun and profit, kids!

The songs in this fic are as follows Three Days Grace (duh): I Hate Everything About You, and Thriving Ivory: Twilight (I know, fate right)

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**Three Days Grace**

_Show me what it looks like_

_Outside your window at twilight_

_Show me what it looks like_

'_It wasn't love_', Jacob told himself, repeated again and again as he ran through the forest, running away from _them_. He remained in his human form, too afraid to phase, afraid he wouldn't be the only one poking around in his head and he needed time. He needed time to sort things out, to figure out what the hell had happened, and how he could change it back. '_It's _not_ love_,' Jacob told himself, '_it's just a complete uncontrollable devotion_.' Which, yeah, when he put it like that it sounded a lot like love but this _was not love_.

Branches and twigs from bushes cut into his skin as he sped through the forest, too preoccupied to notice or care, and the cuts healed almost instantaneously. He thought of that face, the bloodsucker's face, he thought of the way it had looked when realization had struck Jacob. He thought of the way it seemed to mirror his own, reflecting Jacob's emotions as they flickered across his own face until Jacob couldn't be sure if he was watching Edward's emotions or if Edward was showing him his own. The fury, anguish, hate, fear, and somewhere beneath all of that the desperate needing, all playing out like a symphony upon Edward's face. Even now, nearly to Canada, Jacob could feel _it_ inside him; the burn in his legs, an itch, a craving, willing him turn and go back the way he'd come. Go back to the Cullen's house, go back to see if he was _he_ was safe, unharmed, if he needed anything. The pull was so strong that Jacob's legs locked up sending him sprawling to the ground.

Rolling and tumbling out the remainder of his momentum, Jacob's skin broke and scraped as he rolled and impacted with rocks and broken, exposed twigs strewn about the ground. Jacob came to a sprawling stop, recognizing that the direction his foot pointed wasn't normal, nor the way his finger was bent, or the sharp pain in his chest. He had been moving faster than he'd thought. Jacob lay still, panting though it had nothing to do with the arduous run or fall he'd just taken. In the back of his mind he registered the pain of it all, his broken ankle, finger, the snapped rib, but it was just a dull throb compared to the fire he felt under his skin. A desire to get up, get moving, get back to see _him_.

Jacob sat up and twisted his foot around the right way, hissing in pain as he was forced to re-break it, then again with his finger. Once done the forest around him became suddenly silent, too silent, and unbidden Jacob rose to his feet and began sprinting down the path he'd just run. He kept a slow pace, knowing where he was going, unable to stop, and hating that deep down he didn't want to.

He hated wondering what Edward ―he shuddered and tried to push the name out of his mind, willing himself to forget it all together― what _the leech_ was doing. He hated wondering if he needed anything, if he _wanted_ anything, anything at all and Jacob would gladly get it. Unconsciously Jacob picked up his pace, moving just under half speed. The way Edward ―Jacob grimaced inwardly at the name but resigned himself to it― had looked at him earlier kept playing in his head. The whole fiasco replayed in his head. After the incident with the bikes, after the threats had been issued, after Bella's dad had ordered her into the house then kicked Edward out. Edward had stood in the driveway, glaring at Jacob, and Jacob saw him as though for the first time. Hell, it might have been the first time. Every time before all of Jacob's attention had been fixed on Bella, even when she was a peripheral she was still in the forefront of his mind. Suddenly, devoid of Bella, Jacob's vision had cleared and he was able to _see_ Edward, and the ground opened beneath him.

Edward became a beacon of light, overshadowing everything else, and just like that nothing else mattered. Not his dad, his sisters, his pack, Bella, the fact that Edward was a man, the fact that Edward was a _vampire_, nothing mattered except Jacob's devotion to him. For a moment Jacob had wanted to cross the drive, pull Edward into his arms and hold him for as long as he could. For a moment he thought he saw Edward's legs twitch, jump, spasm as though he was fighting the same urge. But Jacob remembered what Bella told him; Edward could read his thoughts. Jacob had watched as his own emotions played across Edward's perfect face, the way they played inside of him. Fear, anger, horror, _anger_, passion, lust, anger, desire, anger, anger, anger, revulsion, longing, so much longing, an endless ocean of longing and desire; desire for Edward. The desire to be anything and everything to Edward Cullen, _for_ Edward Cullen.

Jacob didn't hesitate as he hit the invisible border between La Push and Forks, couldn't remember when he'd begun running flat out, and before long he was outside of Bella's house, the place where Edward's scent was still the strongest. Jacob tried to blend into the forest, into the trees, but he knew it was pointless, Edward would know. Edward probably already did know that he was there. Jacob crouched down, leaning forward to peer through the trees up at Bella's window. His senses perked, not in danger, as was usual, but in an odd sensation of peculiar alertness. The longing flared unbearably.

"What are you doing here?" He asked. His voice was like fracturing crystal; horrifyingly melodious and disturbingly beautiful. Jacob didn't rise, didn't turn to face Edward, didn't trust himself enough to even glance at him. "Don't you think you've done enough?" Edward continued. Edward's voice was like razorblades wrapped in silk, reverberating in Jacob's head, slicing deep into his brain.

"I didn't come here to cause trouble," Jacob chocked out. He was angry at how small his voice sounded. '_I just had to see you. To know that you were okay, to see if―_'

"You should go," Edward growled. Jacob wondered idly how much of his thoughts Edward was listening to, or if he'd just decided to ignore the majority of it. If he was just choosing to ignore the fact that Jacob would do whatever he wanted. "I _want_ you to leave," Edward said.

'_Listening to every word_,' Jacob thought smugly. He allowed himself a small, pleased grin.

"I want you to leave," Edward repeated slowly, "now."

Jacob's heart sank. He had been desperate to be near Edward again, more so than he'd even realized, and now the idea of leaving him again actually caused him physical pain. His heart wretched at the thought, burning, pounding, a hollow ache thrumming deep in his chest, threatening to pull him inside out. It hurt so much, the thought of leaving Edward, that it surprised him when he began to move away. Edward had hissed, a low fervent sound, and Jacob had taken off, like a runner who'd heard the starting gun. He moved for the reservation, understanding meaning in Edward's inarticulate noise, a small command; _Go away, but don't go far_.

So Jacob went home, a place he was not looking forward to being because sooner or later he would have to phase into his animal form and everyone would know. All of the pack would be able to peer into his head and see how messed up he'd become. Something this big he could never hope to hide. He'd seen some try, Quil when he'd imprinted on little Claire, but it never stayed buried. An imprint was too huge, too monumental. It took up all the free space in your mind, freed up more space to occupy, left too big of a mark. They'd know, they all knew immediately, it was like trying to hide a forest fire under a match stick.

"Imprinting SUCKS!" Jacob yelled when he felt he was a safe enough distance from Edward's heightened hearing. There had to be at least five hundred eligible women in the area, why couldn't he have imprinted on any of them? Why not Bella? If it had had to be a guy why not _any guy but Edward Cullen_? Off the top of his head Jacob could think of a few guys he could stand to be imprinted to. Guys who were nice (not dead), guys who were cool (not a vampire), guys who wouldn't take advantage of the fact that Jacob would have to do whatever they wanted him to do (not Edward Cullen), who weren't his mortal enemy (not Edward Cullen), who weren't in love with his best friend (not Edward, not Edward, not Edward!).

There was no need for imprinting, Jacob decided, in this day and age. No need for old world rituals to dictate the people you could be interested in, no need for the past to intrude on the present, to determine who Jacob was allowed to think of. There had to be a way to change things, to turn back time and make everything normal again. This couldn't be the way things were meant to turn out. What purpose did making Jacob a slave to Edward's will serve the pack, their people, or Jacob's future? How was this going to make Jacob stronger?

Jacob bound up his front steps in one long leap, threw open the door easily, and froze in terror. They were already there, the whole pack, sitting in his living room. Had he phased unnoticed? Had he become a wolf, even for a moment, or let his mind slip? Had they evolved to the ability to read his human mind now too? As Jacob panicked he noticed, they weren't angry, they weren't glaring at him, although they each slunk into defensive posses when he came in. Jacob shut the door cautiously behind him, fire awash in his veins, racking his brain to figure out how they knew… so soon. They seemed to gather around Paul, almost protectively, while Paul stared at the wall, an oddly serene look of his face.

Leah sniggered as Jacob took a tentative step into the room, immediately sending all of his senses into high gear. They didn't know about Edward (yet) but something was definitely going on and it wasn't good. Something they expected him to freak out about. Everyone looked on edge, everyone except Paul who sat ominously still and stared serenely at the wall. Sam cleared his throat, nudged Paul in an attempt to get his attention (a failed attempt), and folded his arms commandingly over his chest.

"There will be _no_ fighting," Sam said then added as an afterthought, "in the house." Jacob grimaced further, fixed his eyes to glare at Paul who chose that moment to snap out of his reverie, and braced for the worst. "Jacob, Paul has imprinted."

Jacob cringed inwardly at the mention of the word, Paul had imprinted Sam said. So casual, no big, just bound to one person for the rest of your life. Jacob seethed with rage. His body shook with it. Knowing that Paul had imprinted, the whole pack knew, they were happy for him. Jacob could never tell the pack he'd imprinted on a vampire, they'd kill Edward in a heart's beat and Jacob was sure, if he hadn't found a way to break the imprinting, he would die with him. He glared at Paul, jealous of the ease at which he lived, thinking about jumping the room and ripping his throat out.

"Give 'im a chance to explain," Quil said. "You haven't imprinted, you don't know how it feels, the need, this pull. He didn't know it'd happen with your sister―"

"My what?" Jacob asked. In a flash all of the anger drained from Jacob and he stood, completely motionless, dumbfounded.

"Your sister," Sam repeated, "Mary, Paul imprinted on her."

Jacob blinked, staring open-mouthed at Paul. Paul had imprinted and on his sister, if he wasn't just the luckiest so-and-so. Jacob thought glumly that even his own sister would have been a better person to imprint on than Edward Cullen. The others were waiting for his reaction, for his fury, his indignation, for him to attack Paul, but he was just frozen. In truth he was envious. Envious at how easy Paul had it; he'd imprinted, the pack knew, and they were all happy for him, Jacob was happy for him, Mary was a fantastic girl. Why couldn't Jacob have that? Why did he get _stuck_ with Edward Cullen?

As soon as the thought entered his mind Jacob had regretted it, due in no small part to the pain that ripped through his chest. A wave of sorrow and misery rolled through him and, before Jacob even registered that he should move, he had turned and sprinted from the house.

"Just let him go," he heard Sam say. "He's got a lot to think through."

Jacob stopped, turned, and rushed back to poke his head into the house. "It's fine," he said, "I'm happy for you, Paul. You better treat me sister right or I'll kill you."

Before Jacob could leave Paul was in his face, a hand on his arm keeping him from moving. "You what?"

"If you hurt my sister," Jacob repeated, "I _will_ kill you."

"You're fine with this?" Paul asked skeptically.

An urge tugged at Jacob's senses, the same urge that had made Jacob want to leave the house in the first place, the need to escape into the woods. He didn't know why he needed to get to the woods, or even to where he would go, but he could feel the need. It was deep and urgent and desperate and Jacob was compelled to obey it. The more it urged the more clear his desire became; he needed to go to the bluffs, just past the old Highmark store. The need so clear he could almost see where he needed to be even though he'd never been there before. His every thought centered on the small clearing near the bluff. Jacob nodded at Paul and tried to shake free of his grasp but Paul wouldn't let go.

"Bullshit," Paul hissed, "you're furious."

"Paul," Jacob sighed, "man, at this moment I could only care more. I have got to go."

"Where?" Quil asked curious.

Jacob opened his mouth to respond but the firm tug on Jacob's senses peaked, clenching tightly around his heart and pulling it uncomfortably towards the door. Out of Jacob's mouth flowed a small, quivering whimper, quiet but horrifyingly audible in the tense room. Jacob wanted to be appalled, to be horrified by the desperate need that came through in that one wounded sound but couldn't feel anything but anxious to leave. Paul gaped at him, his mouth falling open, and relaxed his grip on Jacob's arm. Jacob took advantage of his slip and stole from the house as quickly as he could. He leapt from the porch, phasing as he did (his clothes obliterating), and rushed into the darkened woods. He could run faster in his wolf form and time was of the essence. Something was there, something was wrong on that small bluff by the lake, and Jacob had to get there to help.

_**Come**_.

Jacob ran faster, pushing himself nearly to his limit and past, the forest blurring around him. He reached the trees' edge of the bluff and jumped through the last row of trees, right over the edge of the cliff towards the sharp rocks and beating, swirling water below.


	2. Why Do I Love You

**A/N:** Danke for all of the reviews. I tried to get extremely far in this story before I posted it so fear not, it will end… Mwhahahaha mwhahahahahahahaha hahahahahaha ha ha *cough* er, this story will one day be complete. :D And now, on with the show.

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Why Do I Love You?

Strong, vise like stone arms wrapped around Jacob's body, stopping his momentum as he sailed through the air. Casually the arms tossed him backwards, away from the cliff. Jacob landed on his side, skidding to a halt, and then bound to his feet preparing for a fight. Edward crouched across from him, mimicking his attack pose, but as soon as Jacob recognized him his anger melted away and Jacob straightened immediately.

"Stupid careless mongrel," Edward growled. "Do you have any idea what would have happened if you'd died?"

'_Barely even a drop_,' Jacob thought smugly, '_I wouldn't have felt a thing_.'

Edward growled, reading Jacob's thoughts, but relaxed his pose. "You need to be more careful. If something had happened to you… _Bella_ would be heartbroken."

The sun had set, Jacob wasn't sure when, and the rare break in the clouds allowed the unfiltered moonlight to beam down on Edward's skin. The pale light made Edward even lighter, making his skin luminescent. He was perfect, Jacob realized, the perfect lure. His skin was beautiful, smooth, opaque; his thin lipped smile was the darkest shade of violet, his golden hair the color of sunrise, his long equine nose, slender, straight. The only flaw being the acidic scent radiating from him, burning Jacob's nostrils painfully. Edward frowned and took a step backwards, away from Jacob, towards the bluff.

'_Can't I have any thoughts to myself?_' Jacob thought sullenly.'_This isn't easy for me, you know_?'

"It's not exactly a walk in the park for me," Edward said. Jacob huffed and Edward sighed, his shoulders slumping forward dolefully. "You were going to try to fix this, you were going to try and stop it, can you?"

'_You were listening_?' Jacob wondered. Had he thought that when he was near Edward or back when he was in La Push? '_How long have you been listening to me_?'

"Not long," Edward answered. "You didn't stop it then?"

'_Would I be here if I had_?' Jacob thought morosely.

"I suppose not," Edward said.

Edward sighed loudly and stared at the ground, giving Jacob time to appraise him properly. Edward was lean, with the hint of muscles pulling at his clothes and he was tall, not as tall as Jacob but who was? His eyes, even being an unnatural shade of topaz, were absolutely stunning, even in the dark. Even his scent had gotten better, less acidic, easier to deal with. Jacob thought it might have been dulling his sense of smell but he could still smell everything else. He could smell tuna in the water below, the herd of deer a couple of miles to his left, Seth and Leah as they raced towards him―

Jacob whole body tensed and he froze. Edward's face registered what Jacob assumed was an equal amount of fear to his own but in an instant Edward had it concealed behind a mask of stone. Jacob could hear them now, now that he wasn't so absorbed in admiring Edward, hear Seth and Leah in his head. He could see what they saw, feel what they felt. The forest whipped around them, blurring into a mass of dark green in their speed. They were talking about him, he realized, about everything Jacob had just thought. They discussed splitting up, one coming to intercept him the other going to gather the pack. They were disgusted, horrified, and afraid for Jacob. They were worried about whatever the vampires had done, wondering how they'd cracked the secret of imprinting so that it could be used against the pack. How better to defeat them than to tie Jacob to one of their own? Seth and Leah were running full tilt; it wouldn't be long before they made it to the bluff.

'_That's right buddy_,' Seth thought optimistically, '_don't worry, we'll be there in no time_.'

Before the thought had fully formed in Jacob's mind he was human and moved closer to Edward. Edward's eyes locked on his own and bored into his skull. "You need to go," Jacob said forcefully.

"What about―"

"Don't worry about the damned treaty," Jacob snarled. "I'll make sure it still stands. You haven't done anything wrong." Edward looked like he wanted to argue with Jacob, the dark cloud of emotion that crossed his face a warning, but he glanced worriedly over Jacob's shoulder and whatever argument he'd begun in his head was silenced. "Go," Jacob demanded.

Without a word Edward stepped backwards, off of the cliff. Jacob watched as he fell gracefully, bounding elegantly from jutting rock to jutting rock until he reached the bottom. Without a backwards glace Edward raced along the ground until he was out of sight. Jacob turned back to face the forest, he could hear Seth and Leah gaining on him, and quickly phased back. Once in his animal form Leah and Seth played through his memory as he told Edward to leave. They felt his desire to save Edward, to get him away from any impending danger, the revulsion clear in their minds. Leah and Seth reached the cliff and skidded to a halt, glaring at Jacob.

'_What the _hell _Jacob_?!' Leah demanded.

'_He can't help it_,' Seth said. '_When you imprint―_'

'_Shut _up_ Seth_!' Leah barked. '_You can't imprint on a Vampire, a male vampire! It makes no sense!_'

'_There's a reason_,' Jacob thought. '_It may not be clear now, or even make sense, but there's a reason that my life is for Edward_.'

Leah growled ferociously, a low, guttural snarl so feral Jacob had trouble believing it had come from her. She glared at Jacob, debating whether it was better to rip his throat out now or get Sam and let him do it. She decided on tattling and turned tail, heading back into the woods. Jacob sat and locked eyes with Seth, holding the young wolf's attention but not actually watching him. Soon _they_ would know, soon the whole pack would be in his head, digging through his memories, his feelings, and judging him. Soon he'd have to defend Edward, defend himself, and defend their… relationship, whatever it was or would be. He didn't want to leave the bluff, let them come to him; at least here Edward's scent remained.

It was all happening too fast, the imprinting, his pack finding out, soon they'd be upon him and he'd be all alone to face their onslaught. Edward may have been his whole world now but that didn't make him Edward's. Jacob would be whatever Edward needed of him, friend, confidant, slave, lover (even if he wasn't sure he wanted to), and they both knew it. Jacob knew it whole heartedly, because of that place, because he'd come to a bluff he'd never been to before despite living so close and found Edward there. He knew it because he had been drawn there, drawn to Edward, drawn by the part of Edward that was now a part of himself and would not be denied. Jacob's body and mind acted of their own volition now. Surely before he never would have encouraged Edward to leave, he never would have _allowed_ Edward to leave. Before he wouldn't have actually wanted Edward to leave, as though Edward's safety and wellbeing were more important than his own, and they were.

There had to be some way, a way to turn back time or erase the imprint altogether, go back to hating Edward Cullen.

'_Good_,' Seth added, '_keep thinking like that_.'

Seth meant it, meant for Jacob to fight but it was for naught, Jacob was gone. Even that brief moment of revulsion had cost him, had gripped his insides and squeezed them until they were exploding inside of him. Jacob couldn't fight it, this imprint was the North Atlantic Current and Jacob was feebly struggling against it. The Titanic was sinking to the depths beneath his feet and Jacob's weak doggy paddle wasn't keeping him afloat it was only tiring him out. A vacuum of pressure pulled him down, demanding he sink into submission, and everyone demanded he stay away. In the back of his mind, far away, Jacob could hear the scorn, feel the derision, in the rest of the pack but he ignored them. They couldn't feel what he felt, not really, they could stop listening to him, stop feeling what he felt, phase back into human form and forget. All Jacob had now was this need for Edward, he couldn't go back, and there was nothing to go back to.

'_It's just an imprint_,' Jacob thought glumly. '_It's not as though I'm in love with Edward, not like he's in love with me. He can't stand me, not even now._'

The others reached him, taking up defensive positions around him, blocking all exits but the high cliff behind him.

'_Be reasonable, Jacob_,' Sam started. Jacob snorted with laughter; clear even in his wolf form. As if reason was an achievable goal after imprinting. '_We'll talk to the elders, see if there's a way to reverse …_ this_. We'll fix this. I just need you to chill, have a little patience_.'

Jacob shook his head sharply in defiance and as soon as he did it Sam was on his feet and in Jacob's face. Sam was angry; Jacob could practically see it rolling off of Sam in waves. Jacob thought, idly, of jumping off of the cliff, wondering if he could make the elegant descent that Edward had, but quickly discarded the thought. Thinking of it brought Edward's escape to the forefront of his mind and soon they were all watching with him as he told Edward to leave, as Edward escaped, tainting his memory of the event with their anger.

'_You will go home_,' Sam ordered using the voice, '_you will _not_ speak with any of the bloodsuckers. You will not leave the Reservation under any circumstances._'

Jacob felt the weight of Sam's command on him and he let _the voice_ drain away his resistance. This felt like the best solution to his seemingly overwhelming problems. It was better not to think, not to have to think, not to have to try and fight against what was happening. It was so much easier to just blindly obey Sam's orders and let all his confusions melt away. In a fog Jacob felt himself raise, the pads of his feet moving over the ground pushing him away then pushing him faster, moving him quickly through the forest and away from the pack. Jacob allowed his mind to blank out, to move on automatic, and barely registered the revulsion the others felt at his robotic transformation. Soon they phased into human form, so they could speak in private, so they could be unburdened by his thoughts and feelings, and Jacob was alone.

Once they were gone there was nothing inside of Jacob, just a hollow numbness in his head, the sound of his paws as they impacted the hard earth, and the now constant tug on his consciousness, the small urge tugging on his awareness. It tried to pull Jacob's thoughts down a dark road, a road that he didn't want to travel, a road to Edward. Luckily, in his controlled stupor, Jacob's random thoughts of Edward lulled into a dull throb of ache. It was unbearable, Jacob decided, to have no control over his own actions. If it wasn't Edward's grasp on his mind it was Sam. Jacob had no control over his thoughts, his body, or his emotions. He hated it, hated having nothing left of himself for himself, no place for him to hide. He had no free will, no free thought, no free space in his mind. There was nowhere for Jacob to hide himself.

Jacob made it back to the reservation and onto his porch without being seen. He phased quickly and ducked inside, going straight to his room, his father didn't even stir in his bed. Jacob threw himself across his bed, ignoring the way is scraped the floor, thudded against the wall, and groaned in protest to his harsh treatment. There was no place left for him, no sacred space that was all his own. He tried desperately not to remember what he'd been told about imprinting, trying not to remember that the object of an imprint had little choice but to accept. With such love and devotion aimed right at them how could they resist, it was difficult to believe that one day Edward might feel for Jacob what Jacob felt for him. It was terrifying and, deep inside, exciting.

There had to be a reason why he'd imprinted on Edward, some sick cosmic joke Jacob wasn't in on. There had to be some way to reverse it, to pull back the last shred of personal self Jacob had and keep it safely hidden. All of those times he had tried to imprint on Bella, not really knowing what he had been asking for, he thought of how foolish he'd been. He'd thought it would connect them and erase Edward from her life and her heart. He had wanted it so badly. Now things had changed so drastically. Jacob's thoughts pulled towards Edward violently and he wondered absentmindedly if Edward was okay. Had he made it home safely? Was his pack out there now, planning an attack on the Cullens? Did Edward need anything, need _him_?

_**Sleep**_. The voice in Jacob's head ordered him and Jacob did, falling into an uneasy sleep easily.

That night was the first night Jacob dreamed of Edward Cullen. It started with the smallest of fragments from his memory; glimpses of Edward's face, his eyes, his smile, or his skin glittering in the moonlight. Over the following weeks it elevated drastically. Each day, as Jacob's longing for Edward went painfully unfulfilled, Jacob would grow increasingly anxious pacing his small room. By night his mind filled with images of Edward, so much so that Jacob often longed for sleep only to quell his need for Edward in some minute way. Things Jacob had only seen Edward do in his peripheral became the center of his unconscious mind's attention; the grace of Edward's movements, his lean musculature, his full head of copper hair, his thin lips, high cheek bones, equine nose, the care he always took with Bella. This, alternately, would lead his mind down other paths.

What if Edward just wanted to keep him as a pet, a play toy for him and his family? Even if Jacob knew that that was all Edward would want of him Jacob would still go, his need to make Edward happy too strong now. What if Jacob had to play nurse mate for Edward and Bella for the rest of her life or, if Edward decided to turn her, for the rest of eternity? Could he? Could he bear it or would he allow himself to grow old and die rather than continue to watch them together? Could he allow himself to die if Edward never would?

On some nights, nights when Jacob would wake with a start and a choked sob, he dreamt of kissing Edward. He dreamt of setting fire to Edward's cool skin with his touch, his lips, his tongue. He dreamt of pressing his bare body against Edward's, wondering if the difference in temperature would even them out. He dreamt of Edward's rock hard body above him, those ice cold lips kissing his feverish shoulder, Edward's sickly sweet breath ghosting over Jacob's skin, and the words that frightened Jacob into violent alertness, Edward's somber; _I love you_.

It had been nearly a month and nothing about Jacob's imprinting had gotten easier, things were only getting worse. After one week Jacob had been forbidden to phase after he'd connected to Leah and learned that Bella had been calling to get a hold of him. Frantic was the term Leah had used. Bella called every day, frantically. Jacob's first thought had been of Edward, of course, which is where Sam's problem began and ended. Was Edward using Bella to try and reach him? Had Edward told Bella about the imprinting, that he was furious and disgusted with Jacob, and she was calling to demand he explain himself? All of the thoughts and emotions he had been successfully hiding behind a wall in his mind after imprinting had suddenly burst free and Jacob had inadvertently dumped them into Leah's mind then from her to the pack. Every humiliating, paranoid, desperate, needy, devoted, manic thought he'd been repressing about Edward Cullen and every emotion attached to it all poured into their collective consciousness. Sam had pulled rank, again, and forbade Jacob from phasing unless Sam himself told him to. Two and a half weeks later and Jacob was going out of his mind with boredom. Every day it seemed like Sam had some new and ridiculous rule or some new gimmick to "break the trick of the false imprint", as the counsel said. Nothing worked and every day not seeing Edward, not knowing if he was okay, not being near him, hurt Jacob more.

Jacob stopped, mid pace through his small room, and turned towards the door. Rule number thirty-four: _do not leave your room during the day_, put in place when Bella had shown up at Jacob's house and demanded to speak with him. The rules were unbearable, no one came in and no one was allowed out. Jacob was a caged animal in a zoo no one wanted to visit. Why wouldn't they let him go? He _had_ to go, to leave, to see Edward. No one had disallowed Paul the right to come over and sit with Mary until she went to bed, day after day. Jacob inched towards the door, slowly, fighting against the voice's control. He moved determinedly, unwilling to spend another minute in his room alone.

_**Come to me… please.**_

Jacob's body shook with the urge to leave, to obey the silky smooth voice in his head, to do whatever Edward required of him, even if it was just his ghost in Jacob's head. Jacob didn't know if that voice had always been Edward's, it had only started after he'd imprint so it might have been, or if the recent weeks of separation had made it become Edward's voice out of Jacob's sheer desperation to be near Edward. Always it pleaded with Jacob. The voice begged Jacob to leave the house, to leave the reservation, to come to him. Always the urges were accompanied by images of random places around Forks or near the reservation. Most recently it had been the Cullen's estate, for an entire week nothing but the large house and visions of Edward's concerned face entered Jacob's mind.

Jacob reached out and touched the doorknob, feeling the pull of Sam's edict halting him from doing any more. All of Jacob's muscles burned with desire, needing to turn the knob, _wanting_ to turn the handle so badly but having none of the ability. Jerkily his hand constricted on the door knob while fighting Sam's command. Sam was his friend, his Alpha, and on some level Jacob knew he was probably right. Jacob understood that if it had been any other member of the pack that had imprinted on a vampire Jacob would agree with him. Jacob would advocate the same thing. But this was different, this was Jacob's life, and Jacob could not continue to feel so incomplete, not when completion was only a few miles away. Jacob gripped the door knob tighter, feeling the metal begin to dent in his palm, then in one supreme burst of head clearing energy he turned the knob and swung the door open and off its hinges.

Suddenly the rope around Jacob's neck was gone, Jacob no longer felt compelled to obey any of the orders Sam had given him, and the absolute, undiluted _need_ to be near his imprint ripped through him. Vaguely he saw Billy, Mary, and Paul as he ran through the house, simultaneously phasing and escaping the house _through_ the front door. Jacob padded to the edge of the forest then ran into it with a speed he hadn't known he possessed. He headed straight towards the Forks border. Knowing where Jacob was going, and why, would the others honor the treaty? None of the original conditions had been broken but did it still apply anymore? Didn't Jacob's imprinting and defection change everything? Jacob tried to listen to the pack, to eavesdrop on their plans, but he heard nothing. Surely they had phased, they had to be chasing him, but the only thoughts in his head were his own. His steady breathing filled his ears, the pace of his run, the silent glee from his inner Edward repeating; '_He's coming, he's coming_' over and over.

'_Yes I am_,' Jacob thought with no small sense of euphoria.

He was so excited, so engrossed in listening to the happiness of his inner Edward's voice, that he didn't notice as one of the others caught up to him. He didn't have time to react until after the long, sharp, hard teeth clamped down on his shoulder bringing him to the ground and it was too late. They tumbled and rolled over each other, the other wolf keeping his jaw clamped firmly on Jacob's skin. Once they were on the ground, instead of letting go, the other wolf shook his head ferociously, ripping Jacob's flesh further. Pain rippled through Jacob, shooting from his shoulder through his entire body. He knew that he had to get up, had to get away before the others reached him, but he couldn't bring himself to move and the other wolf began to shake his head again.

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**A/N**: Sorry, I love putting Jacob's life in jeopardy and ending the chapter, don't I?


	3. After Every Hit We Take

**A/N**: Oh, hey! Here's something that'd probably be helpful to know ―and I might've mentioned before― I_love** angst**_… and drama. Oh the delicious drama! *rolls merrily in drama bunnies* So, sorry in advance for all of the inevitable tension that I will produce. XD

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**After Every Hit We Take**

Embry, Jacob realized, was the wolf with his teeth in his shoulder. Jacob could hear more of the pack moving through the woods, not far away, bearing down on him. Embry's eyes met his own, genuinely apologetic but with a hard edge of complete justification. Jacob could feel the soft vibration of the ground as the rest of the pack neared; his time was running out, slipping away. He whimpered in pain though he didn't yet feel any, enough to shake Embry's cool and cause Embry to release his grip. Enough for Jacob to thrust up from the ground and knock Embry backwards. He knew that in Embry's eyes Embry did what he had to do to save Jacob; he did what he had to do to protect the pack by any means necessary.

Jacob jumped to his feet and took off, heading towards the invisible safety of the Cullen's border. All he'd have to do is cross that line and _they_ wouldn't follow, they couldn't follow, he'd be free. He could hear Embry behind him, hear the others join him. Jacob knew he couldn't outrun them, the wound at his shoulder ripping open anew with each pump of his legs. Soon they overtook him, four of them, each grasping onto Jacob's hide with their sharp teeth. One at the still gaping wound on his shoulder, one each on his flanks, one tearing at the meat of his upper arm, all sinking their teeth deep into his body. They locked their legs, pulling at Jacob, trying to drag him down, to halt his escape. But Jacob had already escaped, he'd lost the ability to hear them in his head, to feel them; he'd broken away from the pack. They were gone and all he had left with the need to be with Edward, forever.

With a horrifying burst of strength he pulled himself free of their grasp, leaving chunks of himself behind. Jacob dug deep inside, pushing himself harder, pulling every reserve of strength he had in a desperate attempt to get free of them, to go where he belonged. Their scent came to him, he could smell them above his own blood, above the scent of the pack, the vampires were near. The pack slowed and Jacob pulled out the last burst of speed he possessed. He jumped through the trees, into the Cullen's clearing, where rock solid arms caught him gingerly. Edward set him gently on the ground a few feet from the tree line. Edward's body rigid either because of the presence of so much blood or at once again having to steal Jacob out of the air. Bella was there in an instant, her brown eyes full of tears, a horrified expression on her face as she took in Jacob's ravaged appearance.

Jacob heard the pack slowly advance on the tree line and turned his head, with a great deal of effort, to watch. Sam emerged flanked by Paul and Quil on one side, Embry on the other. Their muzzles and coats were slick with blood; Jacob could only imagine what fresh horror he looked like. Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper met them; Edward let out a low hiss of disapproval, and then barked a short, mirthless laugh.

"They're demanding we return Jacob," Edward laughed. "They're worried that _we'll_ hurt him."

Bella stroked the top of Jacob's head, cradling it in her lap, and big drops of tears plopped onto Jacob's muzzle. He didn't care; he was too tired to care. Too exhausted to move, his breath becoming harder and harder to sustain. '_At least I'll die where I belong_,' Jacob thought. A low growl issued from Edward and Embry, who'd inched over the invisible line, jumped back. Carlisle put a steadying hand on Edward's shoulder and stepped forward, taking a more active lead role. A wave of calm passed over Jacob, such a deep peacefulness that Jacob allowed himself a few moments to bask in it, feeling the closest he'd felt to normal in so long.

"Jacob is injured," Carlisle stated matter-of-factly, "why don't you let him remain with us―"

"He's unharmed. Return him," Edward said speaking for the pack. His lips curled up angrily as he was forced to speak their words.

"He looks badly injured," Carlisle said. "Why don't you allow us to take care of him, we- _I_ will not allow anything to harm him and, when he's better, we will allow him to return to you."

"You can't be trusted, Edward said. "You're the reason he's like this. You forced him here."

"I assure you―"

"Your assurances mean nothing."

The calm surrounding Jacob deepened until Jacob felt his brain begin to fog. Jacob could feel it enveloping him.

Carlisle sighed. "We shouldn't waste time arguing."

Edward hissed and said; "They don't trust us with him. They don't trust _me_."

"You have my word," Carlisle said. He pressed one pale hand to his chest, sincerity dripping from every syllable. How could anyone doubt him? "I will not allow any harm to come to Jacob."

The pack seemed to debate it; Jacob wished he could still hear their thoughts. Bella drew in a deep, shuddering breath, staring down at Jacob and her hand, and then held it out in front of her. "Look what you've done to him," Bella whispered, her tiny chocked voice resounding louder than any scream. She held out her tiny blood slicked hand and glared at the wolves accusingly. "You've _killed_ him."

"He's not dead," Edward responded gruffly.

With effort, and against his better judgment, Jacob forced himself to breathe deeper. He forced his chest to rise and fall visually for Bella's sake. Her fear distracted Edward, her pain hurt him. In order to give Edward what he needed Jacob had to appease Bella. Edward and Bella's lives were tied together and now Jacob's life was tied to theirs. The air gurgled unnaturally in his chest, the copper taste of blood filled his mouth, meaning somehow he'd broken a rib and it had most likely punctured a lung. Jacob thought it was odd that he wasn't healing already. How bad could his wounds be? He'd had worse, he'd caused worse, why was this different? What was it about these wounds that kept Jacob from healing? Could he really be that much worse off, much worse than he imagined?

Bella put her hand to Jacob's wound, sending burning, stinging pains coursing through his shoulder, and making his muscles spasm minutely in pain. It was just a match on a fire, though. The whole of his body ached, and burned, and seared with pain. Bella's tiny, inadvertent aggravation didn't affect the whole. It was a pain so deep he wasn't sure that he'd ever stop feeling it. Long after the wounds were healed Jacob was sure he would still feel the pain.

"Oh Jacob," Bella whimpered.

"You have my word," Carlisle repeated urgently, "he won't be harmed and we will return him. What's happened between Jacob and Edward is… regrettable. The added hostility between our peoples is a cause of great concern for us."

"Just toss the mongrel back to them," a shrill voice demanded. "Why are we even here?" A low growl rumbled through the pack.

"He's hurt," a second woman added. In a moment she was beside Bella, her soft features full of concern for Jacob. "He needs our help."

"Perhaps they should learn to help their own," the shrill one answered. "If they want to tear him to shreds why are we interfering?"

Bella gasped and shook with rage, Edward turned to glare at the shrill one, his teeth bared. "He's my friend, Rosalie," Bella seethed. "If you won't help then I'll take care of him myself."

Rosalie trilled with laughter. "You couldn't even drag him out of this clearing before he died. Besides, where would you take him, a vet?"

"I'll take him," Edward said, "I'd help her, and we'd take him anywhere we had to, to save him."

"You're not helping, Rosalie," a third woman's voice said melodically. The pitch was a little high, a little too grating, but underneath it was a steady melody.

Still it was nothing near the beautiful voice of the one with Bella. There was something wonderfully at ease with her, the way she swayed gently as she gazed at him, humming to herself or to him, he couldn't tell. She watched Jacob fretfully. Occasionally her hands would twitch, either to reach out to him, adjust him, and make him more comfortable, or a reaction to the blood. The way she watched him, hummed her simple tune, the careful way she kneeled beside Bella, something about this vampire was special. Despite himself Jacob felt himself being lulled by her soothing song as he sunk slowly into the cold darkness. The icy cold lapping rhythmically at his consciousness, trying to pull him under, and shouldn't he let it? Why was he struggling so hard? He knew what was in the darkness, he knew there was no coming back from it, and something kept him from letting himself fall into it. But that grip was tenuous, at best, and it couldn't hold him very much longer.

"Carlisle," Edward hissed urgently.

'_Always in my head_' Jacob thought amusedly. '_So worried about what my untimely passing will do to his precious Bella_.' Bella's big, salty tears began to seep through his fur, into his wounds, adding to the cacophony of pain already rolling over Jacob. The pain increased, building, coming to a crescendo, adding to the darkness coming to overtake him, gaining ground so quickly.

"Do we have an agreement?" Carlisle demanded.

Whatever the response Jacob didn't hear it. He was tired of the impossible fight to keep himself tied to this world. He let the icy dark that had been lapping at his consciousness completely envelope it. Give in, his whole body screamed, stop fighting it. But he couldn't listen, couldn't obey, because of two words: '_**Don't go**_**,**' in Edwards desperately pleading voice inside Jacob's head. Again, against Jacob's better judgment, Jacob fought to breathe. He fought to keep his chest rising and falling, to keep his heart beating, knowing that when or if he woke everything would be changed. His heart beat only for Edward.


	4. Every Feeling That I Get

**A/N**: I'm glad you all are enjoying my little story and your reviews make my day. Seriously. Thanks for Reading/Reviewing. And to show you how much I care… *cackles maniacally* enjoy.

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**Every Feeling That I Get**

_Twilight by Thriving Ivory_

_You know I feel it in my bones_

_And I wear it on my skin_

_But there ain't no use in right or wrong_

_A heart must go where it belongs_

When Jacob woke he was groggy for two seconds before panic hit him. He was in an unfamiliar place, in an unfamiliar room, on an unfamiliar bed, wearing unfamiliar clothes. He pulled the I.V. roughly from his arm and jumped up from the bed, immediately regretting it as he swayed unsteadily on his feet.

"Careful now," an unfamiliar voice mocked. "You've only eaten I.V. for the past week." Jacob focused on the speaker, his playful eyes dark with hunger. A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth, his dark hair was cropped close to his head and flattened against his skull, his neck was as big as his head.

A deep chuckle came from the doorway and Jacob turned towards the sound. Edward leaned casually against the doorframe watching Jacob amusedly. The sight of Edward sent Jacob's mind into a freefall. At once he remembered how he'd gotten there, the wounds he'd suffered. He remembered the clearing, the stand-off between wolf and vampire, his narrow escape. He lost the ability to breathe as the wind knocked out of him. Jacob's breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat painfully. Finally he was where he was supposed to be, he was at Edward's side, and nothing else mattered. The sight of Edward made him want to cry, wounds he hadn't known he had healed because he no longer had to live without Edward.

"I thought you were going hunt―" The other man started but his words cut off as Jacob crossed the room and wrapped his arms around Edward's neck.

Jacob pressed himself against Edward, pulling Edward tightly against his body, and sighed contentedly. After so long Jacob had begun to think his pain would never go away, that unending, burning, torturous longing. But here he was with Edward, all of Edward, not just the ghost of his voice in Jacob's head. Jacob pressed his cheek down atop Edward's hair, breathing in the painful acrid scent Edward exuded. It burned the inside of Jacob's nose but he didn't care. It was a minor discomfort compared to what he'd already been through for Edward, compared to the pain of being away from Edward. Edward patted Jacob's back lightly, reluctantly, his whole body rigidly tense in Jacob's arms. Still, Jacob didn't feel compelled to let go, he only wanted to hold Edward tighter.

"You'll have to bathe forever to get rid of that scent," a high voice shrilled behind Edward. "If you bathe in sewage at least you'll smell better."

Jacob let go of Edward and allowed him to take a step backward. Suddenly all of the Cullens were there, staring at him. Carlisle stepped forward, a gentile smile on his handsome face, and peered at Jacob for several moments without speaking. Edward wrapped an arm around the pleasant one's waist and urged her closer, muttering something too low and too fast for even Jacob to hear. She smiled, stunningly, then drew in a deep breath and began humming the appeasing tune she'd hummed in the clearing for Jacob. Carlisle examined Jacob quickly, poking his ribs carefully, monitoring his range of movement by moving Jacob's arms, the chill from his skin seeping through Jacob's thin tee shirt.

"Everything seems well," Carlisle said cheerfully. "Your bones healed nicely, cleanly, even the… cuts." Carlisle's eyes flicked up to Jacob's shoulder, his eyes clouding with worry and concern.

Jacob reached up to touch his shoulder, the place where he'd been attacked by his own kind, and felt the faint outline of a scar. He slipped his fingers under the collar, tracing the rough edges of his scar with his fingertips, tracing the teeth marks. Since he'd become a wolf he hadn't gotten one scar, hadn't inflicted one scar, his wounds healed too fast to leave a lasting mark. How had he―

"You lost a lot of blood," Edward answered. "I ―we―"

"It was… tenuous for a while," Carlisle took over. "You weren't healing properly and none of the transfusions I gave you helped."

"Lucky you've got me then, huh?" Seth said slipping into the room. He bound casually over to the bed and hopped up on it, smiling broadly at Jacob. "Turns out that wolf blood has all the essential vitamins and minerals needed for a long and healthy life. Like Flintstone vitamins."

"Why're you here?" Jacob asked darkly.

"He saved your life," Carlisle said, "he's very brave."

'_He's here to make sure I go back_,' Jacob thought.

"He left them," Edward said. "He saw what they did to you and he left."

Seth looked down at his hands in his lap. "I know why they did it, I know Sam just wanted to save you, save _us_, but he went too far." A moment of silence stretched for a beat before Seth jumped off the bed, smiling broadly at Jacob. "Leah's outside."

"What?" Jacob balked.

"She joined us a day after Seth," Carlisle said.

Jacob tried to clear his head, make their conversation make some sort of sense, but he couldn't. The harder he tried the foggier his head got. He was so tired, so worn out, all he could think of was crawling back into the massive bed behind him and sinking back into sleep.

"He needs to rest," Edward told them.

'_Always in my head_,' Jacob thought. '_I can never have anything that's just mine_.' Edward glowered at him as the others began to leave the room. He grabbed the pleasant one by the arm as she turned to leave and stared into her eyes. She smiled at him, beamed actually, and chuckled then took a seat on the bed as Jacob climbed in.

"You're gonna stay?" Jacob asked.

"If you don't mind," she said sweetly. Jacob shrugged. He didn't mind, she was nice, and pretty, and kind, and as she started humming Jacob could feel his eyelids begin to droop.

Edward didn't leave with the others, instead he watched Jacob from the doorway, as if afraid that Jacob's wolf instincts would get the better of him and he'd attack the pleasant woman. Jacob rolled his eyes and allowed them to sag closed as the nice one hummed.

"Go hunt, Edward," she said as she took a breath between chords. "The others won't wait for you forever. Don't worry; we will _all_ be here when you get back." Jacob rolled his eyes behind his closed lids, like he would hurt the _nice_ vampire.

"Esme―" Edward began.

"Go," Esme said firmly, "everything's fine. Esme began humming again, her sweet voice filling the large room. Jacob cracked his eye open to peer at her and she smiled at him, he smiled back unable to resist. She reminded him of his own mother, of the few memories he still had of her. Esme was caring and nurturing, she hummed to him, like his mother used to when he was a boy, and the tune she hummed was so close to his mothers. The love and compassion she seemed to pour into a room astounded him, even if she weren't a vampire. As she hummed to him Jacob allowed his memories to flood back to him. He remembered lying across his mother's lap as she hummed, her long, thin fingers stroking his hair, and a feeling of peace would envelope him.

Jacob's eyes snapped open when he felt cold fingertips brush hesitantly over his hairline. Edward's face loomed over him, a pained expression on his face. Again he ran his fingers over Jacob's hair, allowing his fingertips to slip into Jacob's soft hair, his expression guarded; fighting some urge he kept well hidden. Edward continued, tentatively brushing Jacob's hair with his fingers and Esme sighed.

"You're meant to be hunting," Esme sighed.

"He likes it when you stroke his hair," Edward said. He let Jacob's hair slip through his fingertips before he sprang up from the bed and out the door. '_I like it when _you_ stroke my hair_.' Jacob thought. Esme continued to hum to him, taking over where Edward had left off, running her fingers through Jacob's hair. Jacob wanted to stay awake, to get up and leave the Cullen's house, but before he could stop himself his eyes closed and succumbed to sleep.

When next he woke it was dark outside, coating the entire room in gray and black though it didn't impair his vision. He could see Bella, wrapped in a blanket, snuggled against Edward's chest on his lap. Edward's eyes met Jacob's as he woke and, as easy as though he were lifting a rag doll, Edward picked Bella up and set her on the chair without waking her. Edward watched her sleep for a moment, his eyes searching her slumbering face, before turning to face Jacob.

"She refused to leave," Edward explained. "She was angry that she wasn't here the first time you woke up and she wanted to be here when you did again." Jacob nodded; it was a very Bella-like thing to do. He wondered what lie she'd given Charlie that allowed her to spend the night at her boyfriend's house. "Slumber party with Alice, again, third one this month. He thinks it's just the girls in the house. He thinks Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper, and I are in Portland visiting friends." Edward answered easily. Jacob frowned and nodded. It struck him how easily Edward answered questions that hadn't technically been posed to him.

"Sorry," Edward added. "I know you don't like it when I'm in your head."

Jacob shrugged. "I don't mind so much." Jacob was surprised at the truth behind his answer. A week ago all he'd wanted was a small space for him to hide his private thoughts and now he was completely content to share everything he thought with Edward. Jacob looked up at Edward, staring into his warm golden eyes, and a wide smile broke across his face. "I made it," Jacob breathed. "I made it back to you, I―"

"You shouldn't have done that," Edward interrupted, grumbling sourly. "You could have died, they were so angry with you ―you don't _belong_ here. You should go home."

It stung, like a slap in the face, if you covered your hand in acid. It stung and spread and burned. It spread through his lungs, searing and scolding him, making his heart race unnaturally until it ached inside of him. Go home, he said. And where would Jacob go? His home was with Edward now; he wouldn't go back, even if he could. Being separated was torture. Jacob would sit at the edge of the property if Edward wouldn't allow him to stay, he'd follow Edward wherever he went, be there for him anytime he was needed. There was no way Edward could keep him away.

Edward growled and turned away from Jacob. He went to the window and stared out; there was no moon to illuminate his face that night. '_If he wants me to leave I will_,' Jacob decided '_I'll do anything he wants me to_.' Jacob watched Edward closely, waiting for a sign; a reaction to Jacob's thoughts, some movement to let Jacob know what to do but none came. Edward turned back to Bella; he stroked her hair gently and smiled to himself. It hurt Jacob. It was such a tiny, innocent gesture but it cut him to the bone and he wasn't entirely sure why. Imprinting didn't mean he was in _love_ with Edward, not like that, not romantically at least. He could be Edward's best friend, his confidant, like a brother to him. He didn't have to be jealous of Bella, he didn't have to be hurt by every touch they shared, every time their eyes met, every silent declaration of love and devotion. He didn't have to be crushed because Edward was hers, always, forever, and would never be his. He could be a friend so why wasn't he? Why did he feel this need for Edward?

"Bella gave you some of her blood," Edward said idly still watching Bella sleep. "Carlisle declined and declined but she was persistent. When we were running low he finally gave in. I think she just wanted it to be permanent, you and her, together forever."

"Blood cells die," Jacob mumbled. He tried to peel his eyes away from Edward's face, the light in his eyes as he watched Bella sleep was burning a hole in Jacob's retinas, like staring into the sun. Edward chuckled, a sound that wasn't altogether unpleasant in Jacob's opinion.

"True," Edward said, "but I think she was thinking a little more romantically. Still, her blood flows through your veins; a part of you is her. It… overwhelmed me the first time I smelt it. Like taking a drink of water only to find out it's rubbing alcohol."

'_That's how he thinks of me_,' Jacob thought dismally. '_Bella is a refreshing glass of water and I'm rubbing alcohol_.'

Edward sighed and turned to face Jacob, his face an impassive mask of stone. "You need to go back to La Push," Edward said. "We made a deal with your pack; you get well, we send you back. We intend to honor that deal."

"What if they don't let me come back?" Jacob asked, worry tinting his voice. What if they chained him up in La Push and never let him out, what if he was never allowed to see Edward again?

For a second something unreadable crossed Edward's face but before Jacob could even begin to decipher it, it was gone. "It's for the best," Edward said through clenched teeth. "You don't belong here."

The words still stung, still burned to his very core, but Jacob didn't argue with him. There was no way he'd allow the others to lock him up again, no way he would leave Edward so completely, but he could pretend for Edward's sake. Bella stirred and her eyes fluttered open. She looked around for Edward, saw Jacob sitting up, and jumped up from the chair. Edward kept her from falling as she couldn't get unwrapped from her blanket while trying to race across the room. Edward helped peel the blanket off of her and she flew into Jacob's waiting arms. Jacob held her close, breathed in the fresh scent of her hair, threading his fingers in its smooth texture, then pushed her away. Jacob held her at arm's length, not quite sure why he'd felt the sudden urge to break away from her when he was relishing in the tiny warmth of her body. Bella understood immediately and she turned to glare at Edward.

"We were just hugging," Bella chastised Edward. "You need to control yourself, Edward. He'll do what you want when you want it, even if you don't express it. Don't deny me my friend because you're jealous. He's not going to steal me away from you, he knows that would hurt you and he wouldn't hurt you." Bella smiled at him, stuck out her tongue, and turned back to Jacob. "I talked to Seth. He said that's the way it is with the others. It's like they anticipate what their, er, what the other person needs and does it."

"You're loving this," Jacob grumbled. Bella beamed and jumped up to sit on the bed beside him.

"I'm selfish, I know, but I'm glad you won't leave. I like having both of you around, I like that you'll be friends now. No more conflict."

'_No more conflict_,' Jacob thought glumly. '_Sure, sure, except for the nagging urge to be alone with Edward, to be the only one with Edward. To possess every inch of Edward and his heart, and never share him with anyone. Except for that our lives are perfect now_.'

Jacob smiled halfheartedly for her benefit and nodded. All she could see was that Jacob wouldn't be in _love_ with her. She could have him as a brother figure and have her romance with Edward. She didn't see that Jacob was changing, that the way Jacob felt had changed, changed so fast. She talked easily, filling the room with her voice, talking about school, work, her home life, anything to keep the silence from descending. She didn't notice, what seemed so obvious, how Jacob had changed already. She didn't notice how Jacob leaned away from her, unable to bring himself to sit upright because somewhere inside Edward he wanted Jacob to stay away from her. She didn't notice how he stole frequent glances at Edward, how he winced when Bella gestured Edward over. How it hurt to see how easily Edward wrapped himself around her, stared at her face, his fingers brushing over her skin.

She told Jacob about the tenuous truce with the rest of the pack, how she'd been playing moderator as an impartial third party. She moved from the Cullen's to the Quileute pack passing messages. She reduced her role to nothing more than a carrier pigeon but Jacob knew the truth, knew the danger in what she did, and wished she wouldn't put herself in such danger. She remarked at how great Seth was, and admitted that she still didn't know why Leah had come down. Occasionally she'd stop, take a deep breath, waiting for Jacob to pick up the conversation, before she'd plod on. It was more than Jacob had ever heard her speak to once, almost like she was afraid to let silence descend.

Finally, when she took a long enough breath, Edward stood and stole the conversation. "Perhaps Jacob would like to eat something."

"Oh," Bella said, "o'course." Bella jumped off the bed, took Edward's hand, and moved towards the door but Edward didn't follow her. Bella looked back at him questioningly.

"I need a minute to talk with Jacob," Edward said. Bella scowled at him. "Don't worry," Edward laughed, "I'll behave."

Bella thought it over quickly then nodded, pecked Edward on the cheek, and left the room. Edward stared after her for a long moment. Jacob wondered if he was debating the wisdom in sending Bella away. Edward turned to face Jacob, a sly smile on his face, and came to sit beside Jacob. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room changed and Jacob was sure it was all because of him. As soon as Edward sat down their proximity nearly drove him wild. The air was electric, the tension tantamount. Jacob's blood felt like lava in his veins, his muscles burning to move, to cross the small distance between himself and Edward, to hold Edward's body against his. He needed to be closer to Edward, so much closer. His muscles twitched with the desire, his heart raced, he could practically see the heat radiating from his body. Edward seemed made of stone, immovable, impassive, his cold hard exterior giving nothing away. If he felt a change in the room, the change in Jacob, he didn't show it. Only when Jacob's resolve began to crumble, and he began to lean towards Edward infinitesimally, did Edward respond. Edward jumped to his feet and clear across the room.

"This is why you can't stay," Edward hissed. "The things I hear in your head… I can't hear them day in and day out."

"I thought you weren't going to listen to my thoughts anymore," Jacob said.

"Be reasonable," Edward grumbled. "How do I _not_ hear you? I just try not to respond or react." Jacob nodded, feeling ashamed at his lack of ability to control himself. "You shouldn't be here," Edward said almost pleadingly. "I don't ―I don't _want_ you here. I want you to go back to La Push, back to your family."

Jacob tried not to think of the pain as it spread through his body, he saw Edward flinch away from his tortured thoughts. It was wrong, being apart was wrong, why didn't Edward feel that? The pain only got worse while Jacob was away. Jacob could stay, he could melt into the background, he could be an obedient pet, he could watch over Edward _and_ Bella. He could stay, he'd behave―

"This isn't about you," Edward interjected quietly. Jacob barely heard him, his mind so focused on his pain, his desire to stay.

'_I'll stay out of the way_,' Jacob pleaded. '_I'll play nice. I'll fetch your slippers, I'll sleep at your feet. Don't send me away, don't_―'

"Stop it," Edward growled.

'―_make me leave you. I can't live without you, not again, never again. Please_―'

Edward growled, low and guttural, and moved, so fast Jacob could barely register it even with his heightened senses, until he was in Jacob's face. His hand rested on Jacob's cheek lightly, his cold thumb caressing small circles on Jacob's cheek as he gazed down at Jacob. The gentle, caring expression on Edward's face made Jacob's breath catch in his throat. Slowly, far too slow compared to Edward's previous speed, Edward leaned down and pressed his lips lightly to Jacob's. Jacob's heart stalled then revved unnaturally fast until the sound of his frantic heartbeat was the only think he could hear as it thrummed in his ears. Edward moved his lips against Jacob's, leaning closer and pressing his body to Jacob's, threading his hands up into Jacob's hair. Jacob responded, catching Edward's lower lip between his own, and wrapping his arms around Edward's back. Gradually Edward broke their kiss, a feat Jacob was sure he couldn't have accomplished, but didn't let go of Jacob.

"This is not about you," Edward whispered. "You can't stay because I can't be trusted around you." Edward clenched his hands in Jacob's short hair. "I can't ―my family… Bella― I can't hurt them."

Edward stared into Jacob's eyes until a noise on the stairs caught his attention. In a flash Edward moved across the room and lounged casually in the chair. Jacob was not so quick to react and when Bella walked in he still wore a shocked expression as he gaped at Edward. Bella carried a large tray full of food; Jacob wondered how she'd made it up the stairs with it without tripping and spilling it. She threw an angry glare in Edward's direction, who smiled easily in faux innocence. Bella placed the tray on the bed beside Jacob and slid up on the other side of it.

"I didn't know what you wanted but I remembered that you like to eat," Bella said trying to explain the over flowing tray.

Jacob looked over the tray, finally able to tear his eyes from Edward. It didn't seem possible that she could have gotten that much food ready in such a short time. Fried chicken, steak, pizza, baked potatoes, things that needed far more time than she had to make.

"Esme has been cooking for days," Edward explained. "She is… _eager_ to make you feel at home here."

Jacob took in Edward's words, taking on new meaning in light of his new information. He reassessed Edward's every gesture, they all seemed different now. Now, more than before, Jacob wanted to be alone with Edward, to have him explain everything. To figure out what exactly was going on.

"Thank her for me," Jacob said hollowly, "but I should be getting back. I need to go home." Jacob felt a tight constriction in his heart as he spoke the words. He felt a deep longing to remain but he forced it away. Edward nodded his agreement, his jaw clenched tightly.

"Eat before you leave at least," Bella begged.

Absentmindedly Jacob picked up a piece of chicken from the plate and tore off a bite. He ate on autopilot, his thoughts far away. Somehow, as inexplicable as it seemed, Edward felt at least a tiny bit for Jacob like Jacob felt for him. This knowledge changed the filter of light he used to view the world and Jacob found himself thinking back, going over everything that had happened since he'd imprinted. Jacob went over Edward's every reaction in his mind from his new perspective, drawing new conclusions, watching as Edward nodded his approval in a minuscule way when Jacob got something right.

Edward was right; Jacob _had_ to leave.


	5. Every Time We Lie Awake

**A/N**: Tis a wee bit long… I guess I had a lot to say.

* * *

**Every Time We Lie Awake**

It felt odd to leave the Cullen's, it felt like leaving home to go someplace unfamiliar, though in reality the reverse was true. The Cullens, and Bella, walked Jacob to the door of their spacious house. Esme hugged him tightly, wished he'd reconsider or at least come back and visit often. Jacob lied to her that he'd try and get back as much as he could. The shrill one, Rosalie, and her strongman gone evil, Emmett, stood with them, showing familial solidarity but not an interest in Jacob's departure and no compulsion to be nice. Alice, the fragile looking sprite who always spoke in an odd lilting, came as close to Jacob as she could stand, since she never seemed to be comfortable around Jacob. Jasper stood at her side, ever vigilant. Carlisle shook Jacob's hand cordially, wished him well, and then pulled Esme away from fretting at Jacob's side. Jacob had remained in that house a day and a half longer than he'd wanted, Esme never left his side, and a pleasant companionship had formed between them. Bella glommed to Jacob as he left and Jacob had to resist the urge to push her away as hard as he could. Instead, Jacob delicately pulled her away from him, smiled down at her, then turned and disappeared into the forest.

Jacob ran on foot, not phasing, and was soon joined by Seth and Leah who jogged along on either side of him. Seth whimpered but Jacob ignored him. Soon they broke away and disappeared into the woods returning a few moments later in human form, dressed in their running clothes.

"Why don't you phase?" Leah asked. "If you're worried about the others hearing, don't be. We haven't been able to hear them since we joined you."

Jacob stopped running and turned to face them, they looked so much alike it was striking, the same long nose, same wide mouth, same frustrated expression. Jacob crossed his arms over his chest. "Why are you here? Why are you following me?"

Seth shrugged. "When you left, we stopped hearing you, and after I saw what they'd done… I couldn't stay anymore. I thought I could leave too but when I left I was drawn to you."

"We saw what they did to you and we wanted to leave," Leah added, "but we couldn't break off on our own; we're not Alpha material, apparently."

"But you are," Seth said cheerily, "you're our Alpha now. You brought us together."

Jacob wanted to scoff but Leah beat him to it. "Don't act all shocked," Leah grumbled. "Your grandfather was Ephraim Black. You're practically the _Godfather_ of werewolves. It was either follow you or follow _him_ and if you think that I was going to let you and your horrific choice in men get my brother ripped apart by those bloodsuckers you have got another thing coming!"

"My horrific choice in men?" Jacob repeated incredulously. Leah gave him a look that practically screamed 'yeah, what of it?' and stood her ground. "I guess we have something in common then," Jacob jibed. He turned back to his path and continued back towards La Push at a slower speed.

"Why won't you phase?" Leah pressed again. "They can't listen."

"I'm not worried about _them_ listening," Jacob admitted. "What I know, what I feel, I don't want to force that on you too."

"We're your pack," Seth added, "if you can't trust us―"

"It's not about trust, Seth," Leah said. "It's about respect. He knows how I feel about the leeches, about this whole imprinting nightmare, he's trying to spare our feelings" Jacob nodded, grateful she understood. "He's a prick."

Jacob stopped jogging so abruptly that they sped past him and had to turn around. "I'm a what now?" Jacob asked.

"Oh," Leah said with mock concern, "I'm so sorry. That was so rude of me; I said _you're a prick_." Leah's voice rose to shouting as she repeated her previous statement. "Like it or not, we are all you've got. You need to be straight with us, let us in on your freaky love triangle, and trust us enough to deal with it."

"First," Jacob said, "I am not your leader and this is not a pack. Second, Leah, I didn't even like you when we were in Sam's pack so why the hell would I start opening up to you now? Third, there is no 'love triangle thing'. And lastly, I can't handle having you two in my head, picking apart my memories, and I definitely don't want to know how you _feel_ about this ―thing ―with Edward."

"I think it's kinda cool," Seth piped up.

"Shut up, Seth!" Jacob and Leah barked in unison.

"Shutting up now," Seth said, "got it."

"Get _over_ yourself," Leah continued. "You want to talk about things _you_ didn't want to do? How about things _I_ didn't want to do? _I_ didn't want to watch you mooning over Bella. _I_ didn't want to feel your stupid saccharine feelings towards her. _I_ didn't want to be completely unable to hide how pissed I am that the love of my life is in love with my cousin, _I_ didn't want to _feel_ exactly how deeply he does love her. I didn't want to be the only female werewolf, I don't want to hunt vampires, and I don't want everyone knowing my innermost personal thoughts and feelings all the time!

"Please, tell me how _your_ problem is bigger than mine? At this point, I think the least you could do is show me a little respect. You know how I feel about vampires but I'm still here, with you, so stuff it and phase."

"You're only here because you don't want to be around Sam," Jacob accused.

"You're damned right," Leah said. "Now phase."

Jacob grumbled uselessly. He wanted to continue, to argue with her, but he knew she'd won, and damn her for making him feel like a jerk. They weren't his pack but they were all he had, he had to admit that. Besides, he could use a new perspective on his new perspective, maybe they would see something Jacob hadn't. Jacob sighed dejectedly and stripped off the thin white cotton shirt and tan khakis the Cullens had dressed him in. He heard a quick intake of breath from the other two as they saw the new scars but he ignored it. Jacob phased, Leah and Seth following suit.

The first thing that happened, rather than them digging through Jacob's memories, was them replaying theirs memories for him. From Leah Jacob saw a moment ago, when Jacob had disrobed, her reaction to the tight, angry white scars on Jacob's body. He knew how they made her feel; angry, protective, sad, and to see Jacob shrug it off so casually enraged her. She wanted nothing more than to race down to the reservation and give the hunting party a few scars of their own. Jacob appreciated her rage but tried to reason with her using his own understanding of the event.

'_Just because they were trying to do what they thought was right doesn't make them right_,' Leah growled.

'_I appreciate your concern_,' Jacob laughed.

'_Appreciate my teeth in their asses, how 'bout that_?' Leah grumbled.

Seth showed him what he'd missed while he was recuperating, paying extra focus to Edward as if to appease Jacob. Seth showed him how Edward had sat at Jacob's bedside non-stop that Carlisle would flutter around Jacob monitoring his condition nervously. Edward often called Esme to Jacob's side, telling her how much Jacob enjoyed her voice, her song, that Jacob thought her face was stunning and that her presence soothed him. Edward asked him to sit with Jacob for hours, and she would only happily oblige. He saw Bella come and go frequently, trying feebly to wrangle Edward from Jacob's bedside. He listened, through Seth's ears, as Bella and Edward spoke about the imprinting, about how Jacob thought differently now, Edward saying it was a 'bizarre complication'. An understatement if ever there was one. Jacob noted an oddness in the way Edward held Bella, a slightly off way he looked at her, held her, touched her, and Jacob wondered why he hadn't noticed it before. There was desperation in his actions, as though he were looking for something in her, searching for it, and never quite finding it.

Then came the hard part, where Jacob's memories were offered up to the group. They began at the beginning, starting at the moment Jacob had imprinted. They played through it, analyzing it, scrutinizing it, trying to decipher every move Edward made, every look, every gesture, every aspect. They moved on to the altercation at his house, when he'd found out about Paul. When he heard the voice, _they_ knew right away it was Edward, not a shadow of a doubt in their minds. They wondered if that was something Edward could do; place his thoughts inside of a person's head. The theory was confirmed for them by the fact that Jacob was drawn right to Edward. They watched his meeting with Edward, the confrontation with the pack, his weeks of captivity.

'_I'd have snapped too_,' Seth said. '_The way you felt, we should have realized what we were doing to you_.'

'_Sam should have known_,' Leah added angrily. Thoughts of how Sam would feel being forced to stay away from Emily flashed in her mind.

'_We fixed your dad's door, by the way_,' Seth said.

Leah added to Jacob's memory, showing her perspective from when Bella had shown up and demanded to see Jacob. Screaming at Sam that she knew about the imprint, that Edward had told her, and she didn't care. She screamed that Sam hated the Cullens, that she was worried for Jacob's safety. But Sam denied her and sent her on her way.

They switched back to Jacob's memories and Jacob cringed. He knew what was coming up, which memories were next, and a large part of him didn't want to share it. They watched as he ran through the woods, free from Sam's control, and as Embry came up on him. They watched his struggle, felt what he felt, rage bubbling inside of them. That any member of the pack would attack another member like that, no matter the reason. They observed Jacob's rescue, of sorts, saw the exchange through Jacob's new perspective. Saw how Edward had grabbed hold of him, set him gently on the ground. How, as Jacob's own thoughts became darker Edward's mood became more erratic. They highlighted the moment Edward said he would carry Jacob, the first time Jacob had heard it, it seemed like Edward would have done anything for Bella, but as he watched through Leah and Seth it seemed like Edward would do it for him. It was the way Edward said it, that he would carry Jacob, bleeding and broken, anywhere he needed to go to save Jacob, even at the risk of exposing them all.

They listened as Jacob drifted into the darkness, heard Edward's command to return, watched Jacob's awakening and reunion with Edward. They watched it all with minimum input, adding almost none of their own feelings, even when they witnessed Jacob and Edward's kiss. Even knowing that the feel of Edward's lips still burned against Jacob's lips, how it had sent fires of desire coursing through his body. Or how, when Edward told Jacob to leave, Jacob's pain had been a weight too heavy to bear. Nothing seemed to phase them.

'_Make up your mind_,' Leah complained. '_Either you want us to complain or you don't_.'

'_Some kind of reaction would be nice_,' Jacob said.

'_Fine_,' Leah started. She shook her main, pawed at the ground, and advanced on Jacob. '_A month ago you couldn't stand the guy, now you're kissing him? Now you're in love with him and you're going to move into the Cullens and take Bella's place at his side?_' Seth replayed the moment from Jacob's memory where Jacob agreed to leave Edward alone, forever. '_Yes, thank you Seth, but you know that pain, that longing, it isn't going to go away. How long before you go running back?_'

'_There is no going back_,' Jacob said sadly. '_Edward and I agree on this, it can't happen_.'

'_Why can't you two be friends?_' Seth asked. '_You _could_ just be friends; you don't have to… you know_.'

Jacob didn't have an answer. He didn't know why they couldn't be friends; they just seemed to hop from one extreme to the other in a matter of moments. They were either enemies or lovers, there was no in between. Maybe it was Jacob's imprisonment maybe that was the reason Jacob couldn't just be happy to be near Edward. It was a moot point, what was done was done. Jacob grabbed up his clothes in his mouth and sprinted off towards the reservation where an awkward reunion would undoubtedly await.

The tension, as soon as Jacob, Seth, and Leah phased, dressed and walked into town, was palpable. They were like the bad guys walking into town at high noon to duel and all eyes were on them. How many on the Rez knew the truth, how many knew whatever story Sam had concocted about them? It didn't take long for Sam, Quil, Embry, and Paul to meet them off the beaten path, halfway to Jacob's house.

"Did your bloodsucker boyfriend dump you?" Paul sneered.

"The Cullens promised you they'd send me home," Jacob said. "Here I am."

"You call this your home?" Sam balked. Leah growled deep in her chest, a furious, feral sound that made the hair on the back of Jacob's neck stand on end but Sam ignored her. "The way you blew outta here, like it was nothing, like _we_ were nothing." Jacob noted the way Sam pressed his large hand to his chest when he said "we", meaning "I". Meaning Jacob had treated him like he was nothing. Meaning he thought that Jacob only acted to hurt Sam, as if Sam were the be all and end all of Jacob's life.

"You were killing me," Jacob said. "Think about it, if you hadn't been allowed to see Emily how would you feel?"

"It wasn't one of us," Paul growled. "It was that disgusting leech. You left us, _betrayed_ us, for a bloodsucker."

"I didn't betray you," Jacob said sternly, "you betrayed me." Jacob touched his shoulder, where his tee shirt covered his scar.

"An eye for an eye," Paul smirked.

Before anyone could react Leah lunged at Paul. She phased easily, her clothes bursting into shreds as she did. She clawed at Paul, scratching, biting while he phased too, only slower. Paul tried to escape but she was quicker than him, knocking him back to the ground as soon as he managed to get free, swiping at him and dodging his swipes. He was only more powerful than her; it didn't count for much if he couldn't make contact.

"Leah!" Sam barked in disapproval. "Enough!"

Leah didn't even slow down, she caught Paul across the face with one large paw cutting open wide gashes, sending blood cascading into Paul's vision. "Leah," Jacob called softly. Abruptly Leah backed away from Paul and looked up at Jacob. Jacob nodded towards the woods and she sprinted into them without protest. He allowed her to go home, to escape into the woods, to get herself cleaned up and calm down. Paul phased back, swearing loudly, complaining that she'd caught him off guard and he wouldn't hurt a girl, which was why it might have looked like she'd gotten the better of him.

"I don't have time for this," Jacob said rolling his eyes. "I need to talk to my dad."

Jacob moved past Sam and made his way quickly to his house. The house was small inside; he'd forgotten how small it was, smaller compared to the Cullen's. Billy sat in his chair; he looked up as Jacob came in and grunted a greeting. Billy asked if Jacob wanted something to eat and, when Jacob said "sure", went to make it. That was all. No knock down, drag out fight. Billy didn't demand an explanation. Billy trusted that Jacob would make his own decisions and deal with the consequences. There was no need for Jacob to explain his actions, they were his own.

* * *

The days passed in silence, Jacob didn't phase, hardly left the house but to go to his garage, he kept himself in a self imposed prison now. Leah and Seth came over every day, mostly to watch Paul as he came over to spend time with Mary. Jacob and Paul fell into an uneasy peace, allowing them to ask questions of one another. Jacob asked why the pack hadn't just killed Edward if they were so worried about Jacob's imprint. Paul had laughed, a cold mirthless cackle, and told Jacob that if they'd done that then Jacob would have gone near crazy. He'd have turned on the pack, come after them with a vengeance, it would be like setting a feral Jacob loose on the world. Jacob understood, as much as it hurt to be away from Edward it helped just knowing he was still there.

Mary complained because Jacob barely slept, she worried about him in her own way but she could never understand, not really, so she complained. Jacob's pacing kept her awake at night; she wished he'd just get out of the house once in a while. Her nagging sparked Leah's own and soon Leah demanded to know exactly how much Jacob was sleeping. In truth it was not a wink but he lied that it was at least a few hours.

On the eighth night, the first night a deep chill swept the town sending everyone scrambling indoors to escape; Jacob decided to leave his prison. He stepped out onto the front porch, took a long, deep breath of the crisp cool air, and smiled. It felt good to fill his lungs with fresh air. Jacob leapt from the porch in one swoop and bound into the trees in a mad dash for freedom. He didn't phase, still felt no urge to do so, and moved without really knowing where he was going. Still, it didn't really surprise him when he came to a skidding halt at the bluff's edge. He stared down at the cliff face, wondering again if he could mimic the way Edward had gracefully descended.

"I'd rather you didn't try," Edward called from behind him. Jacob spun around towards the sound of Edward's voice. Edward leaned casually against one of the trees looking at Jacob. His golden eyes racked up Jacob's frame, appraising him, filled with an emotion Jacob couldn't discern. "You look terrible, are you getting enough sleep?" Edward asked casually.

Jacob gave one sharp bark of laughter and unbidden the lie came to his head, but what was the use of lying to a mind reader? Jacob shook his head 'no' slowly. '_I thought we weren't going to do this_,' Jacob thought idly.

"I needed to see you," Edward admitted. "I needed the chance to explain what ―"

Edward pushed himself away from the tree he leaned on, such a tiny motion but it grabbed Jacob's attention like a flare. The lithe way Edward's frame moved, liquid, graceful, the taunt muscles under Edward's ice cold skin just visible for a second as his shirt pulled up over his stomach. Jacob was swept in a wave of desire and Edward, always in his head, seemed caught in his wake. He stopped speaking midsentence at the abrupt turn in Jacob's thoughts. Jacob licked his lips dryly, blinked and suddenly Edward was an inch from his face. Edward's sweet scent burned Jacob's nostrils; his eyes swept Jacob's face, lingering on Jacob's full lips.

"Don't," Jacob warned himself, "I shouldn't ―"

"I can't stand it," Edward said abruptly. He gently cupped Jacob's face in his hands. "I can't listen to the things in your head and not be affected by them. I can't stand a foot away from you like nothing's happened. I can't live an hour away from you and not see you. I can't stand here and not kiss you."

Edward closed the fractional distance between them, pressing his lips to Jacob's, pressing his cold body against Jacob's. He wrapped his arms around Jacob's neck and Jacob stooped to wrap his arms around Edward's waist, holding them together, pressing them closer. It was perfection, kissing Edward, like taking a piece of heaven for himself. Like coming home again, he was wanted, needed, welcomed. Edward's fingertips brushed Jacob's ear, his fingers like icicles against Jacob's abounding warmth, they were truly fire and ice.

When Edward broke their kiss Jacob was near panting, he refused to let Edward go, though Edward had made no attempt to move away. Edward stared up at Jacob, Edward's carefully constructed mask finally gone. Edward's eyes shone at Jacob, brimming with emotion, eagerly devouring Jacob's face; Jacob's full pouting lips, his rich russet skin, his dark, wide eyes. Edward's eyes swept his face, memorizing for a long moment. Jacob allowed him, instead busying himself with his own examination of Edward. Jacob used his hands to explore Edward's body, he reached a hand between them to feel along Edward's chest, moving upward until he grazed the skin at Edward's neck, trailed his fingertips up Edward's pale face; so smooth, so cold. Jacob cupped Edward's cheek, rubbed Edward's lower lip with his thumb. Jacob's heart swelled and the beat picking up momentum.

"You shouldn't be here," Edward whispered.

"You came to see me," Jacob laughed.

"I shouldn't have come," Edward said. He pulled himself free of Jacob's grasp and took a step backwards. "It was foolish."

Edward's gaze flicked to the cliff's edge and Jacob could practically see the thought to jump over it and disappear cross his mind. Jacob acted on impulse, reaching out and grasping Edward by the upper arms, unwilling to let him leave. Edward couldn't leave, not until he'd explained, though Jacob wasn't sure there was a way to explain why Edward thought it was funny to torment him like this. Was he trying to pay Jacob back for imprinting on him? Torturing him with kisses, knowing how Jacob felt and how Edward would never feel for him. He'd imprinted and now Edward was tangled in his wake.

Edward chuckled. "That part's true enough." He brought his eyes back up to Jacob's. "I suppose none of this would have happened without you. I wouldn't love you so much if you didn't love me."

"I don't understand," Jacob admitted. His head was spinning with confusion at Edward's confession. Offhand remark or not, Edward had admitted to loving Jacob. To put a name to Jacob's emotions, a name with such profound connotations, frightened Jacob, excited him. Edward chuckled at Jacob's thoughts.

"You changed me," Edward said. "I've tried going over it in my head." Edward's hand trailed Jacob's jaw, following his eyes, leaving a line of cold fire on Jacob's skin. "It's hard to see things objectively now, but I try to sort it out. Maybe if I hadn't been so close to you, proximity wise, maybe if all my attention hadn't been focused on your mind, if I hadn't linked our minds, maybe then when you imprinted we _could_ have just been friends."

"I… _still_ don't understand," Jacob said. He leaned his head towards Edward's touch as the back of Edward's hand grazed his cheek.

"I was here," Edward said. He touched one slender finger to Jacob's temple. "I was in your head when it happened, when you changed, I felt it, I watched it through your eyes, and I changed with you."

Jacob took a minute to let the information sink in. "You imprinted on me?"

"I guess I did," Edward said with a laugh. "I couldn't help it."

That was why everything had changed, Jacob realized. Why Jacob's heart called for Edward, because Edward felt the same way.

"I do," Edward laughed. "You have no idea how hard this is. Every time Bella touched you all I could think about was getting _you_ away from _her_. I feel it, Jacob, in here," Edward grabbed one of Jacob's large hands and held it over his still heart. "You belong to me as much as I belong to you; I hate it when she touches you. When you're around, I just want to… but I restrain, for my families' sake. Your pack, my family, it wouldn't exactly be a happy little family."

Edward's phone buzzed and vibrated in his shirt pocket but Edward ignored in, conspicuously. It vibrated on end until Jacob finally glared down at the offending vibration pointedly then back up to Edward.

Edward sighed; "It's Alice, she's calling because she knows I'm with you and she's not happy about it."

"You told her you were coming to see me?" Jacob asked.

Edward chuckled grimly. "Alice doesn't need to be told, she just knows."

"She's the one who sees things," Jacob said. He remembered what Bella had told him, in a memory that seemed so distant, like a lifetime ago.

"It's more what she can't see," Edward said. He stepped away from Jacob, moved away and gracefully took a seat on the cliff's edge.

Jacob hesitated when his body urged him to join Edward; the sudden distance (even though it was only a few feet) afforded him some clarity. Hadn't he left the Cullens with the intention of _not_ doing exactly this? Hadn't he understood with frightening clarity exactly what would happen if he grew closer to Edward and allowed Edward to grow closer to him? The end would come. Two opposing worlds would converge and destroy them. It wasn't just the Quileute pack, after all, there had to be other werewolves out there, other vampires that would never allow them to be together. The ones that Edward had fled to seeking death when he'd thought Bella was dead. It had been readily apparent before, the moment Edward had told him that he couldn't hurt his family like that. If it were just them caught in this bizarre relationship forming between them then Edward would gladly risk the ire of whatever would come. Jacob knew this because it was what he would do, what Jacob had done by running from his pack. This was different; it wasn't just them that would get hurt. If the world came down on them it would sweep clean every single one of them, the Cullens, Jacob's new pack, possibly even every wolf or vampire either of them had ever run with. Things like this weren't supposed to happen; you weren't meant to fall for your enemy. It was so Romeo and Juliet that Jacob wanted to laugh, or cry.

"It's _The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet_ actually," Edward corrected, "and you're right, it may be more like that than I'd like to admit." Edward looked pointedly at the empty ground beside him and glanced over his shoulder at Jacob.

'_Point taken_,' Jacob thought. Edward chuckled as Jacob came to sit beside him, close enough so that their arms and thighs were flush against one another, their feet knocked together and swung in harmony. They fell into a companionable silence, the only sound being the ocean as it impacted the rocks below, the tide was coming in. The clarity his separation had brought slowly dissolved as he sat beside Edward and he couldn't seem to remember why he cared that people thought this was so wrong. How could this feeling ―the _love_ he felt for Edward ―how could anything so strong and pure ever be wrong? If anyone ever knew how wrong it felt to be without Edward they'd never ask it of Jacob. If they could only know how it felt to be together it would be all they'd want for Jacob, the shrill one, the strongman, the one who sees things ―she would _want_ to see them together.

"She can't see us together," Edward said. "That's kind of the problem. She doesn't' like being blinded."

"But Bella," Jacob's throat constricted around the word, her name, but he pushed forward. "I was told that she could see anything."

"Anything but you, apparently," Edward said with a wry smile. "When I get around you, she says, my whole future just blinks out, like I cease to exist. It drives her crazy."

Edward smiled at Jacob and, as if she were listening, his phone began buzzing and vibrating again. Edward sighed but didn't make a move to answer it or silence it.

"You should answer it," Jacob said, "it could be important."

"It's not," Edward said tightly.

"You don't know that," Jacob countered. "Someone could be hurt; Bella could be ―someone could be hurt. How could you know it's not important?"

"Because nothing is," Edward hissed. "There's _nothing_ more important to me than you, now. You're here, with me, and you're safe. There's nothing that means more to me than that."

'_You felt that way about Bella once_,' Jacob thought ruefully. Edward growled, a low rumbling that started deep in his chest, and before Jacob even registered it Edward was over by the tree line pacing in quick circles. Jacob regretted his errant thought as he watched Edward seethe silently, wished he could take it back. He hadn't meant anything by it, had completely forgotten that Edward read his mind, could hear every thought in Jacob's head. Jacob got up, moving towards Edward, trying to think of a decent apology.

"No," Edward said. He was angry; every timbre in his voice conveyed it. "You're right, you're… right. I _did_ feel that way for Bella once ―and I thought it was more than I'd ever feel for anyone. You're right not to trust me, I changed once, I could change again, what if I ―"

"That's not what I said," Jacob grumbled. He tried to grab hold of Edward, stop his frantic motion, but he just snatched at air. "That's not what I meant." He tried again to grasp Edward but was just a fraction to slow, again. Edward was too fast, too nimble; he easily avoided Jacob's arms. Edward looked furious, raging back and forth in the scarce light the stars afforded them. Jacob growled, taking one final swipe for Edward, and finally grasped him. Jacob pulled Edward's body flush against him, locking his arms around Edward's back, and glared down at Edward. "You can't just pull things out of my head and take them out of context. You can't be _angry_ at me ―"

"Angry at you?" Edward balked. He reached up and cradled Jacob's head in his cold hands. "Why would I be angry at you?"

Jacob shrugged and said: "About Bella ―" It hurt for Jacob to say her name, to remind Edward of her, of how much more he loved her than he could ever love Jacob. "I know how you feel about her."

"How I _felt_ about her," Edward corrected. He ducked his head closer to Jacob's to look into Jacob's eyes. "_Felt_," he said accentuating the simple word with as much emotion as he could make smolder in his eyes. "That's how I felt Jacob. I still love her, of course, but it's not the same anymore."

"Because of me," Jacob said morosely, "because I changed you. It's not right." Jacob pulled away from Edward. He needed to regain his perspective, regain some of the clarity he'd been afforded earlier; it was so hard to concentrate with Edward so close to him. Edward watched him intently, not moving after him, just watching his movements, following his thoughts. "This isn't right, you belong with Bella. You can, _we_ can stop this. You'll stop listening to my thoughts ―"

"You think I could stop?" Edward asked incredulously.

"―and I'll stop thinking about you."

"This isn't something I can just stop." Edward glided closer to him but Jacob backed away, this was too important, he needed to keep a clear head and it became so much harder to do when Edward was so close to him. "Jacob," Edward laughed uneasily, "don't do this."

He could see it coming, of course, he could see inside Jacob's head, see where his thoughts were going. Edward had probably seen it before Jacob had even been sure. It was still too late to turn back, Jacob was a speeding locomotive and his will was as strong as one, and even Edward couldn't stop a train. Jacob watched as emotions flitted across Edward's face; denial, disbelief, anger, rejection, before settling into his usual stone mask. It hurt Jacob to watch him slip back into an emotionless shell, more than he thought it would. Edward laughed with a maniacal edge to his voice.

"Don't ―just don't so this," Edward said pleadingly.

"It's not right," Jacob repeated. If it had been a different time the fact that he sounded like a broken record, skipping on a loop, would have made Jacob laugh. Any other moment he wouldn't have felt like he was cutting his heart out with a butter knife. "You belong to Bella. I remember what she was like when you left." The borrowed image Jacob had from Sam, the moment he'd found Bella broken in the woods, flashed into his mind and Edward flinched. "I remember her pain like it were my own. I can't do that to her again."

"But you can do that to me, now?" Edward demanded. His topaz eyes flashed angrily, and he took a hopping half step towards Jacob. The pain in his voice was palpable as he asked; "You'd do that to me?"

Jacob cursed himself inwardly, hating himself to his very core for his thought. It was cruel, endlessly wrong to even think, and he shouldn't say it knowing how it would hurt Edward but he voiced it anyway. "Bella won't live forever," Jacob said quietly. It was cruel, banking on Bella's mortality, asking Edward to put up with her for as long as her frail life permitted. "She's not like us. Can't you give her that much, just one human lifetime's worth of happiness? She's only happy with you. Doesn't she deserve at least that much?"

"Jacob," Edward whimpered, his voice quivering. He burst forward in surprising speed, speed even Jacob's supernatural eyes couldn't quite follow, and gripped Jacob's face like a steel vise, forcing Jacob's eyes to meet his own. "You don't understand; without you I can't ―Alice sees Bella become one of us, she changes, and she _will_ live forever."

"Then she'll be happy forever," Jacob said blankly.

"And you?" Edward asked. "Us?"

"It's my fault," Jacob whispered. "You only feel this way because I feel this way. I'll go away, I'll leave, and once your mind is no longer connected to mine you'll go back to the way you were."

"What's done is done, Jacob!" Edward yelled. "I can't change back!"

"You will," Jacob whispered, tears spilling down his face. "You'll see, I'll make it right again."

Jacob leaned forward, pressed his lips softly against Edward's quickly, and then ran for the tree line. He phased easily once he was out of sight, allowing his clothes to be torn asunder. He was careful not to think of where he was going, to make snap decisions, randomly turn and twist his path away from Edward, lest he try and follow Jacob. He needed to wait, wait until Edward couldn't hear him.

* * *

**A/N**: I know, I'm evil, come and get me. :P


	6. But I Haven't Missed You Yet

**A/N**: And if I were truly evil you would be reading this in November. Love yahs!

* * *

**But I Haven't Missed You Yet**

The days melted into one another. In his animal form Jacob could pretend that there was nothing in his life more important than hunting, feeding, surviving. He knew the truth though; it crept closer to his awareness day by day, threatening to destroy his carefully constructed lie. Still he told himself there was no Edward, there was no pain, there had never been a life before this. Before he'd existed in Oregon he hadn't existed, he told himself a million times trying to make himself believe it. He'd ripped out the past from his memory, put it in a box, dug a deep hole, put the box in the hole, covered it with cement, then covered that with enough rocks to form a mountain and planted a forest on top of the mountain. There was no Edward, no Bella, no life before the deep seclusion of the woods he lived in.

Jacob hadn't even been able to remember their names for a time, hadn't even known his own name, though it probably had more to do with his getting hit by a semi-truck than his feeble attempts to deny them. If he had been able to remember he would have known that all his precautions wouldn't work, hadn't worked. Somehow the memory of Edward always got out, stole his attention, and got him smeared on the side of the road by tractor trailers because he wasn't paying attention. The accident had thrown Jacob clear into the woods where he laid unconscious, for how long he didn't know. Then he laid in agony for three days completely unaware of what was going on. The amnesia had been a beautiful gift he hadn't known he'd received, though it proved to be heartbreakingly temporary. Soon images, feelings, and thoughts started to return to him. An image of Billy came to him along with the understanding that he was Jacob's father. That was the leak that started the dam to fall. From Billy sprang Jacob's school friends, from his school friends to the pack, the pack to Bella, and from Bella to the Cullens, from there Jacob tried desperately to sure up the holes lest anything more slip through.

It had been uncomfortable for him, being unable to remember a thing that had happened in his life, a little unusual as he couldn't remember that he turned into a wolf (very unusual the first time he'd done it on accident), but actually knowing who he was turned out to be unbearable. Once the fissures begun there was no stopping them and slowly the memory of Edward poured into his mind. Brief fragments, visual, auditory, even scents, pieces that Jacob couldn't seem to make fit together. Every separate piece of Edward, though Jacob had no idea it was Edward at the time. The first memory of Edward that came to him was Edward's scent, that sickly sweet, sticky sweet smell that clung in Jacob's nostrils and burned. It had confused Jacob, when the memory of a scent that actually caused him physical pain, would make him long for it so. But it did, he missed it, as much as it that smell choked him he missed it terribly.

Next he remembered the cold. When the air turned cold, and at night it _always_ got cold, Jacob would lie outside and wallow in it. He wanted to wrap himself inside the cold, hold it against him, bury himself in the cold. All the while, as he slept in the cold, Jacob would envision skin of the palest white. He longed for them, missed the shattered pieces that made up the puzzle in his mind. That was where he wanted his brain to stop remembering, when the deep, unlivable longing began to devour his heart from the inside, but he couldn't. It hadn't stopped and soon so much more of Edward returned to him, though he hadn't known it was Edward. Edward's warm butterscotch eyes, his cold hard lips, his golden tufts of hair, the memories of Edward's melodious voice. The voice that haunted Jacob's dreams now. It wasn't long before Jacob was able to stumble upon a name for the feelings he felt and the images he saw; Edward. The days bled together. It felt like he'd been gone for an eternity, he'd not counted. Days, months, years maybe? It was easier to deny himself access to the full memory, in his wolf form it was easier to deny his memories access into his mind in his wolf form. It was easier to lose himself in hunting, instinct, survival.

Jacob padded silently through the woods, allowing his primal nature to take over, surface, rule. He stalked a stray deer, allowing sating his hunger to become his primary objective. A familiar voice in his head, accompanied by an image in his mind, stopped Jacob dead in his tracks. A vision of Edward burst free from its prison, breaking through the haze of primal instincts, breaking through every barrier Jacob had erected around himself, and Jacob couldn't hide anymore.

'_Edward_' Jacob thought and the fog lifted from his mind.

All of the emotions he'd been only too happy to lose, the needing, the longing, the desperation, the memory of every kiss, every touch, every whisper of love, and the last conversation he'd had with Edward. The conversation where Jacob, desperate to make things right for Edward, had played the martyr card and ran away. He was an idiot, he could see that now. Edward had practically screamed at him, begged him to stay, told Jacob that Edward could no sooner break the imprint he had on Jacob than Jacob could break his own imprint on Edward. They were a matched pair now; one could not exist without the other. Realization came to Jacob in one moment, from the vision of Edward's tortured face in Jacob's mind, breaking Jacob's resolve to stay away with two choked words: '_Come back_.'

That was all it took for Jacob to abandon his hunt, abandon the carefully constructed lie he'd built around himself, and take off running towards Forks. He ran so fast it felt more like he was flying low, his paws barely connecting with the ground as he pushed himself forward. He was heading back, heading _home_, heading to Edward. How long had he been gone? How different would everything be? Had Edward done what Jacob had told him to, taken Jacob's stupid last words to heart, plunged himself headlong into maintaining Bella's happiness? Could Jacob live with that? Could he stand by and watch Edward pretend to love Bella the way he truly loved Jacob? Was living that lie fair to Bella? She was in love with a vampire and werewolf who were in love with one another, none of it seemed fair to Bella. It was callous.

* * *

Jacob only wanted was to see Edward at least that was what he told himself. He just needed to _see_ Edward and know that he was all right. When Jacob reached the Cullen's, saw their elegant house adorned with elaborate decorations; white twinkle lights, flowers cascading everywhere, everything draped in white satin, he was confused. They'd heard his approach ―of course they had, stealth hadn't been his top priority as he'd approached ―and the entire Cullen clan met him at the edge of a makeshift dance floor in their gazebo. Carlisle took a lead position, Jasper came closer to Jacob than usual and an odd serene sensation flooded Jacob but he tried to push it off. Esme wouldn't meet his eyes and the shrill one glared at him, a look of supreme triumph in her sharp eyes. A wave of panic began to overwhelm Jacob but a stronger wave of calm swept over him.

"Jacob," Carlisle started cordially, "I'm surprised to see _you_ here."

The smell of humans hung in the air, fresh, strong, they'd only just been. Why had they come in the first place? Most humans had a natural reaction to the Cullens, fear, why would they willingly put themselves into the lion's den, as it were? And why were all of the Cullens dressed so formally? Why were there tuxes and ornate dresses, and fancy hairstyles, and alluring make-up?

"You shouldn't have come at all, mongrel." The shrill one hissed. "You're too late anyway, they're gone."

Jacob cocked his head to one side, he had no idea what was going on. He needed to communicate with them, to that end he really only had a few choices; run into the woods, hide behind a tree, phase into human form and holler all of his questions to them while hiding. He could phase there, right in front of them, modesty be damned, and ask his questions while the polite among them kept strict eye contact and the less polite stared, laughed, and made snide comments. Or he could wait for Edward. Edward would be able to read his thoughts, and Jacob liked option three, he could wait as long as he needed. How long could it really take for Edward to return?

Esme stepped forward, the shrill one and the strong one tried to stop her but she easily brushed free of them, she came to kneel beside Jacob. Carlisle put a gentle hand on her shoulder while a wave of calm swept Jacob. It was so strong that Jacob began to lose feeling in his legs. Esme smiled at Jacob, a sad, bitter sweet smile, and scratched idly at Jacob's scruff. The peaceful feeling intensified taking all feeling from the lower half of Jacob's body, leaving him with a bizarre phantom limb tingling sensation.

"I'm so sorry Jacob," Esme said earnestly. "Edward is gone."

'_Gone_?!' Jacob thought. He was momentarily shaken form his prison of peace and he growled, merely trying to articulate his confusion (what did "gone" mean exactly?), which caused a new surge of tranquility to overwhelm him. The sensation hit him so hard that his body sagged and he had to lay down, rest his muzzle on his legs. He whimpered up at Esme.

"Jasper," she admonished.

"Finish telling him," Jasper said. His brows were creased in concentration, his eyes locked on Jacob. "Finish."

"Esme," Carlisle started, "perhaps ―"

"He deserves to know," Esme said. She never once took her eyes from Jacob. "Jacob, Edward's in Brazil."

'_Brazil_?' Jacob thought in relief. '_Is that all? I'll call him, he'll come back, he loves me like I love him, he'll come_ ―"

"He's with Bella," Esme continued, "they're on their honeymoon."

Jacob's shock allowed him to momentarily lift his head before he was overcome with serenity and his head dropped lethargically back onto his legs. His eyes drooped, his head fogged, sound became warped and hard to hear.

"Jasper," Esme hissed. She sounded odd, distorted, almost completely unlike her natural sweet self.

"A precaution," Jasper answered, "just until we take him back to _them_."

'_Don't_,' Jacob thought groggily, '_I'll leave, I won't harm you, just don't take me back there_.'

Jacob couldn't fight it though; the fog, the utter calmness. It didn't matter anyway; they were so far away, too far away to be talking about him anymore. He'd rest, he was so tired anyway, and he could leave in the morning. Oregon was like a second home to him now. He'd sleep now and be gone in the morning; there was no need to involve the pack. Somewhere far away Carlisle was picking him up, carrying him through the forest, but Jacob didn't care about things that were happening so far away and he let himself fall asleep.

* * *

When Jacob awoke next it was daylight and everything was perfectly clear, painfully clear. Edward was gone, Edward was with Bella, Edward was _married_ to Bella, and the worst part was that it was all Jacob's fault. Jacob and his stupid mouth, his stupid ideas, his stupid need to play the martyr and ruin the only potentially good thing he might have had going for himself. Now, when they came back, Jacob was sure that Bella would be a vampire. Hadn't Edward told him as much, tried to warn him? This was what Alice saw; no Jacob and Bella would join the legion of the undead. Bella would become Edward's immortal lover, more immortal than Jacob even since, if he could ever gain control, he would age and die.

Inspiration struck Jacob. If he gained control he would age and die, he could live out the rest of his mortal life and die in eighty years instead of hundreds or thousands. Edward had Bella, there was no way that Jacob could stick around and watch them for eternity, but if he stopped phasing he could age. He'd done it before, on the short term when he hadn't wanted to see Edward, so he knew he could do it. How long would it take before he'd begin to age? How long would he have to suffer? It wasn't like he could rely on a semi to give him amnesia every couple of months. Jacob even stopped momentarily to consider it but the accident had destroyed the semi and seriously hurt the driver so that was out. Plus, one wrong hit and he was dead. Amnesia and wounds he could handle, accidental suicide he could not. He couldn't leave Edward behind like _that_, this plan was better. He wasn't committing suicide; he was letting nature retake its course. He'd just return to the life he should have had if there'd never been an Edward Cullen in his life.

Month three of his plan saw it working seamlessly, he'd only been in animal form a little over half of the time so really top notch commitment on his part. Edward was still gone; Jacob's pack was so pissed off at him that they refused to speak to him in his human form and refused to be phased when he was. On top of that he couldn't stop making laps over to the Cullen's "just to check". Esme had taken to leaving him food, notes, and occasionally herself as companionship.

Three months. What the hell were they doing for three months? Why hadn't Edward come back? Hadn't they told him about Jacob, didn't he know Jacob had returned? Did Bella need that much time to adjust to being a vampire? How hard could it be? Jacob had been able to adjust to his new life fairly easily, and if it were going to be that difficult for her shouldn't Edward have kept her near the rest of his family so they could keep an eye on her?

As Jacob made his usual jog over the well worn path between La Push and the Cullen's he caught Edward's scent and skidded to a raucous halt. Edward was back, when had he gotten back? Why hadn't anyone told Jacob? And Bella was back too, Jacob could smell her, still one hundred percent human. Edward was back, Bella was still human, everything Jacob wanted was right in his reach and all Jacob could think was; '_Run!_' The word screamed in his head, his own desperately pleading voice demanding he flee. He'd done what he'd set out to do, he knew Edward was alive and well, and Bella was still human, so he should leave. Leave Edward and Bella alone, together, forever, like they should be. Leave before ―

"Don't you dare."

Edward's voice made the hair on Jacob's mane stand on end, injected ice water into his veins. Even filled with fury and aggravation Edward's voice was still the most beautiful thing Jacob had ever heard. Against his most urgent survival instincts Jacob turned to face Edward. If looks could kill Jacob was sure he'd have been seven kinds of dead already. Edward threw clothes at Jacob's feet, Edward's acidic sweet smell wafted over from them and Jacob inhaled deeply from it, ignoring the searing pain it brought with it.

"Get dressed," Edward seethed. "Bella's at the house, you owe her a hello at least. And so help me, if you take off and I have to track you down…" Edward let his sentence trail off, leaving the threat implied, and disappeared back into the woods towards the Cullen's estate. Jacob phased, couldn't keep the big, doofus grin form his face, dressed quickly, and jogged over to the house. Jacob contented himself with the thought that while Edward may be Bella's husband, Edward may belong to her by law, he was Jacob's now and forever. Jacob had a piece of Edward's heart.

"_Now_ he understands," Edward grumbled as Jacob walked past him into the house. He scowled at Jacob but his eyes gave him away, they glistened as he carefully examined Jacob's form. His face conveyed his anger but his eyes shone with a barely concealed desire, which suited Jacob just fine. "We'll see how you feel about that in a minute."

Jacob wanted to question him but Bella came walking into the room, the shrill one walking protectively behind her. Bella's face lit up as she caught sight of Jacob and she ran to him, throwing herself into his arms. The urge to shove her away flared in Jacob but he resisted it, holding her closer instead.

"Oh Jacob," Bella sighed, "I missed you so much."

Jacob laughed lightly as her voice broke over the last word. Soon he grew genuinely concerned as her quiet sniffles turned into loud, large sobs buried in Jacob's shirt. Jacob patted her back, looking worriedly from Edward's face to Esme's face, ignoring the shrill one entirely. Finally, Bella's sobs subsided into pitiful sounding sniffles and Edward seized the opportunity to grab hold of Bella and pull her to his side.

'_Maybe a very small part_,' Jacob thought, '_but still some part of Edward's heart is mine_.'

"Don't start," Edward grumbled at Jacob. Bella turned and buried her face in Edward's chest. "Why don't you sit down, love?" Edward asked her. Swallowing razorblades would have been easier than listening to Edward use an affectionate pet name with her. Jacob had to swallow the acidic bile that crept up into his throat. Bella was Edward's "love"; there was no denying that simple fact. "Whenever you're done feeling sorry for yourself, Jacob," Edward called over his shoulder, "perhaps you'd care to join us in the parlor."

Edward maneuvered Bella to the couch, so careful with her, more so than he'd been before. When Bella sat Jacob saw how her tee shirt hugged her stomach, noticed the minutely distended look to it, rounder, fuller, the tiniest bit more pronounced. Jacob moved to the couch and took a seat beside her, Edward on her opposite side, Esme and Rosalie across from them. Jacob couldn't take his eyes off of her, Bella examined her hands, picked at her nails, as tears continued to spill from her eyes and her chin trembled. Bella was alive, sure, but clearly _something_ was wrong. Was she sick? Did she have a tape worm? That would explain why her belly was rounding. Edward chuckled at Jacob's frantic thoughts, so Jacob knew he was on the wrong trail.

"Hey Bells," Jacob said in concern, "what's wrong?"

Bella looked up at him, her chin quivering so badly that her entire bottom lip shook with it, tears rolled down her face, and when she opened her mouth to speak a loud sob burst free. Bella covered her face with her hands and sobbed; "Oh Jacob, I was _so_ stupid! I wasn't thinking clearly, I don't know why I did it, I was just so confused." Jacob nodded dumbly and rested his hand on her knee. Preoccupied as he was when the urge to move his hand hit him he did so immediately, folding his hands together in his lap. "I've ruined everything," Bella continued. "What am I going to do?"

Jacob struggled to find the right words, words that wouldn't further upset her, words to soothe her, when he settled on; "Bella, what the hell are you yammering about?"

Bella uncovered her face and glared her red rimmed eyes at Jacob. Bella gestured to her tiny stomach and yelled; "This Jacob! Are you too dense to see it? Everyone else could sense it, what the hell's wrong with you?" Jacob glanced between Bella's face and the offending part of her anatomy a few times before Bella snapped. "I'm pregnant Jacob. Could you be more oblivious?"

Jacob blanched. Bella, his Bella, sweet, seventeen ―wait, Bella was seventeen? No, she was eighteen now ―eighteen year old Bella, little Bella was pregnant.

It hit Jacob like a freight train. The wedding, the extended honeymoon, Bella's hysterics, Edward's care and utter devotion to Bella, the fact that no one would look Jacob in the eyes. Everything fell into place and the full force of realization smacked Jacob in the face. It was Edward's baby. How, why, what, it didn't matter, all that mattered was one truth; no matter what fraction of a percentage Jacob had of Edward's heart, Bella, and her baby, would hold the most. Jacob had lost, again.

* * *

**A/N**: I could write for a soap opera, my story is getting that crazy.


	7. Only When I Stop To Think About It

**A/N**: I've noticed that I'm getting a little OOC with the characters, but seeing as I made Jacob and Edward fall in love I imagine a certain amount of OOC will be tolerated. I just hope to rein it in enough to keep going believably. Tell me if I fail horribly.

* * *

**Only When I Stop To Think About It**

"I am _not_ the father!" Edward exclaimed. He yelled so loud and so suddenly that everyone jumped, Rosalie jerked protectively towards Bella. Edward glared at Jacob. "What kind of a monster do you think I am?" Jacob shrugged. What could he say to that? It had made sense a second ago. "In what world would that make sense?" Edward countered.

'_Why else would you have married her_?' Jacob wondered. If Edward was going to keep reading his mind he ought to just think directly for him.

"I was the last person dating Bella before she got pregnant," Edward hissed too low for Bella's human ears to hear. "She's my friend and I want to make her happy."

Jacob glanced at Bella, her pale face red, her lower lip quivering, tears still spilling down her face, picking at her cuticles. "Bang up job there," Jacob said before he could stop himself.

"It's Mike's," Bella said.

"Who?" Jacob wondered.

"Mike Newton ―his family owns the sporting goods shop," Bella said. Jacob blanked at her and she sighed in frustration. "He's the one who invited me down to the beach when I first moved here… when you told me about vampires and werewolves ―"

"When you broke the treaty," Edward whispered.

"Right," Jacob said ignoring Edward's comment. "Mr. Normal." He could barely even remember the guy. He recalled something about the guy smiling a lot, following Bella around like a lovesick puppy, but his face was a complete blank slate.

Bella started crying again in earnest and said; "After Edward told me ―about you… about the imprint― I was so upset, I was distraught, I wasn't thinking clearly. I went out, I ran into Mike, _I wasn't thinking clearly_! Now I'm pregnant… I'm eighteen, married, and pregnant… _I'm my mother_!"

Bella dissolved into hysterics, throwing herself against Jacob, burying her face in his chest; she wrapped her arms tightly around one of Jacob's. Jacob's muscles twitched uncomfortably as he denied the urge to shove her away. Sooner or later Edward would have to get used to the fact that Jacob and Bella were friends, he couldn't keep them apart. Edward would just have to trust that Bella was madly in love with him and she'd never leave Edward for Jacob.

"For the last time," Edward growled, "you have got that _backwards_."

Bella glanced over her shoulder at Edward, who folded his arms petulantly over his chest and glared over Bella's head at Jacob. Bella turned back to Jacob and gasped, she reached out and rubbed furiously at a spot on Jacob's shirt. When Jacob looked down he saw that it was a wet spot from her crying.

"Oh Jacob," Bella sighed, "I cried on your shirt. It'll stain."

Jacob snorted. "Bella, it's tears, not grape juice, I think it'll be all right. Besides, it's not even mine, Edward gave it to me so I could come and see you."

Bella shook her head, creasing her brow. "No, this is one of the shirts Alice and I bought for you." She rubbed the fabric between her fingers experimentally, narrowing her eyes at it. "After Edward told us, and I calmed down, before I found out about this ―" Bella laid one hand carefully on her stomach. "After the shock wore off, Alice and I went shopping for you. We filled up your half of the closet."

"My half of what?" Jacob asked. "What exactly did Edward tell you?"

"I told her the truth," Edward said. Jacob gaped at him. "I know, honesty, what a shocker," Edward deadpanned.

'The truth' could mean so many different things, since there were so many different versions of it.

Whose truth had Edward told her? Had he given her Jacob's version? The version where Jacob's crazy wolf hormones went wild and now both he and Edward are playing for it? Had Edward told her how Jacob's hormones had betrayed him, forced him to fall in love with his sworn enemy, and forced his mortal enemy to fall in love with him? Or had he given her Edward's own shinier version of the truth? The one where Jacob and Edward fell in love, knew they couldn't be together, but were determined to work it out? Jacob thought on that for a moment. Didn't that scenario seem closer to the actual truth? Now that they were together again Jacob could look back on their time apart and cringe, unsure how he had survived it. Just thinking about it caused Jacob's chest to seize in pain. Perhaps Edward had given her a lie wrapped up in the truth. That seemed to be, to Jacob, what Edward had done given Bella's reaction to Jacob. What woman, who'd found out that both of the men she loves love each other, is completely fine with it?

"Bella," Edward said answering Jacob's unspoken question.

"What?" Bella asked. "What? You don't want me to tell him? You can tell me that you love him but you don't want _him_ to know?"

"No," Edward started, "that's not what ―"

"No?" Bella asked incredulously.

"Bella," Jacob said drawing her attention. "How can you be so cool with this?"

Bella shrugged her delicate shoulders. "I wasn't, not at first. At first I was furious, obviously, and a bit crazy, hence the predicament I'm in now."

"Right," Jacob said flatly as he looked down at her stomach, "hence."

"Then, I don't know, then it all became clear." Bella's eyes shone with an almost fanatical gleam as she spoke. "I _knew_ what I had to do. I knew that this was the way it was meant to be," Bella patted her tiny belly with one small hand. "I guess you two were meant to be together. It would have probably happened sooner if I hadn't been monopolizing all of your guys' time. Right?"

Jacob shrugged and looked down at his lap uncomfortably. What could he say to her? '_No, Bella, you're wrong. I don't care about Edward and he doesn't care about me_.' It wasn't true, he couldn't even make the lie sound convincing in his head. Besides, hadn't Jacob had the same types of thoughts himself? Hadn't Jacob come to a similar realization; that Bella's sole purpose in their lives had been to bring them together? Still, it hurt to hear Bella say it, to know that she knew what he felt. Jacob shook his head as if he could shake away his dark feelings. There was something else, something that _still_ didn't make sense.

"You got married?" Jacob asked. Bella's lip began to quiver again, her eyes filling with tears, and Jacob regretted the question.

"It was necessary," Edward said quickly, "and I don't regret it."

Edward pulled Bella's chin up gently, forcing her eyes to meet his own. When next he spoke it was for Jacob's benefit but his large, soulful eyes never left Bella's. "It's a complicated time, Bella needs our support, and I intend to give it to her."

Jacob understood what Edward hadn't said; Bella and Edward had been dating, Bella was pregnant, everyone assumed it was Edward's and, to spare her dignity, Edward had agreed and married her. Knowing that, knowing that Edward was just being his natural kind, selfless self didn't take the sting out of it. It was still a loss; Jacob had lost his claim to Edward. It was sad; Jacob had lost a game Bella hadn't even known she was playing. How pathetic did that make him? Edward wouldn't leave her, wouldn't be with Jacob while Bella needed him, Jacob would be alone. The lack of reaction from Edward was all the confirmation of this fact that Jacob needed. A wide, painful trench opened up in Jacob's heart and Jacob crawled inside.

"You'll be here too, right Jake?" Bella asked him. She turned from Edward to face Jacob, fixing her big soggy brown eyes on Jacob's face.

Jacob nodded at her. How could he not be here? He gave Bella his best approximation of a smile and Bella beamed at him. What kind of monster would he be to deny her any happiness? He couldn't deny her, not when he was the one who'd ruined her life. Bella and Edward, their names fit perfect together like honey and tea, would have had a happy ending together if it hadn't been for Jacob. If Jacob hadn't imprinted on Edward, if he hadn't-

"I've always liked _sugar_ in my tea, personally," Edward said casually. "Honey's just a little too sweet." He gazed over at Jacob meaningfully, watching as the secret meaning in his words sank in. Watching as Jacob deciphered a code meant only for him. Bella glanced between them, knowing something private had transpired but unable to discern what.

"Are you... making tea Jacob?" Bella asked. "I would love some tea, I take it with a little lemon, no sugar."

"And honey?" Edward asked innocently. He smiled a wide, pleasing smile at her, his eyes glancing only once towards Jacob.

"Too sweet," Bella agreed. She smiled back at Edward, he beamed at her and she mirrored it as best as her frail smile could.

With a sigh Jacob pushed himself off of the couch and went into the Cullen's surprisingly well-stocked kitchen to make Bella tea. Was this going to be his life now? Would he forever be speaking in riddles, codes, anything to keep from shoving it in Bella's face just how much Jacob was in love with Edward? To hide from her just how much Edward was in love with Jacob? There was no denying it now; Edward loved Jacob.

"Now he understands," Jacob heard Edward grumble from the other room just low enough so Bella couldn't hear.

Jacob shook his head; he understood, sure, but that didn't change anything. Edward loved him like he loved Edward but that didn't change the fact that Edward was married to Bella, that Bella was going to have a baby, that Jacob's pack had disowned him and still Jacob couldn't leave Edward's side. _'Never again'_. The world was aligned against them, of course it was. A vampire and a werewolf in love, they made horror romance tragedy types of movies out of stuff like that. Though Jacob doubted any of them were about two guys.

As Jacob moved around the kitchen making tea he felt the hair at the nape of his neck stand on end. Jacob froze, turned on instinct, sinking into an attack crouch that he pulled up short. Esme smiled laughingly at him, her smile radiated, her cold presence filling him with warmth until Jacob couldn't help but smile back at her. Esme glided to the island and sat gracefully on one of the stools. Her soft honey brown hair fell in light waves over her shoulder, catching the light from the light at the ceiling, glimmering in the artificial light. Her lips were thin, like Edwards, but wider, small teeth set in a wide smile, and she had a short nose. There was nothing predatory in her face, in her smile, in her pose; she was the exact opposite of Jacob's very definition of a vampire. Esme chuckled at him, a high, melodious sound that made Jacob think of wind chimes in a warm summer breeze.

"It's funny," she said, one slender finger drawing circles on the island while her eyes never left Jacob, "how everything has changed so completely yet not at all. Everyone struggles to keep up... or struggles to change it back." Jacob shifted uncomfortably on his feet. "Everyone but you and Edward."

"And you," Jacob said. He set the teapot on the stove, turning the burner on high, and then joined Esme, taking a seat across from her. She glanced around the spotless kitchen, raising one delicate eyebrow, and then returned her gaze to Jacob's face. Esme smiled at him, trying to articulate without words, but Jacob might have told her not to bother. Even the most obvious of things he seemed to need to have dropped on his head like an anvil. He started to say as much but stopped himself, not wanting her to take it the wrong way and leave. Jacob blamed Edward for this, blamed Edward that somehow, in Jacob's short time at the Cullen's he'd grown attached to Esme. She was like candy and rainbows, everything good in this world.

"It's interesting how you seem to know your way around our kitchen, though you've never been in here before," Esme said.

Jacob blinked, glanced towards the cupboards, and gawked. He had, he realized, he _did_. Jacob had known exactly where he was going from the moment he'd gotten up from the couch. He'd known that the tea pot would be in the cupboard beside the refrigerator, that the tea was in the tin beside the stove, that the ceramic serving kettle was waiting for him to retrieve it from the cupboard below the silverware drawer... he even knew where the silverware drawer was. He knew the Cullen's kitchen as if it were his own. Esme chuckled, drawing Jacob's attention back to her with an almost audible snap.

"It would seem that Edward and yourself are more connected than any of us thought," Esme said lightly. Jacob shrugged with an air of nonchalance but his cheeks were burning. Esme reached across the table and grasped Jacob's warm hand in her cold one. "I would be pleased if you would stay with us now."

Jacob wanted to at least pretend that he needed to think about it but he could feel his head moving up and down in involuntary ascension. Esme flashed him a brilliant smile, he smiled back dazedly, and she slipped from the room as the teapot began to whistle.

"I think the tea might be ready," Bella called loudly from the front room.

Jacob sighed and scowled in her direction. Maybe he was a bad influence on people; since he'd arrived surely the sarcasm level had increased significantly. Jacob didn't know whom he was making tea for, himself, Bella of course, but would Esme, Rosalie, or Edward want tea? Would Carlisle, Emmett, or Jasper join them? Would any of _them_ want tea? Should Jacob boil more water, grab more cups, more tea bags?

"Why would they want tea?" Edward asked playfully. His voice was whisper close in Jacob's ear, so close that Jacob thought it had to be his inner Edward, he would have sensed Edward's approach, but Jacob could feel the chill of Edward's body seeping through his clothes. The chill touched his skin, letting him know just how real Edward's voice was. Edward didn't even have to touch Jacob and his cold did. "I'm sorry," Edward said.

He began to move away but Jacob spun around quickly, stooping to wrap his arms around Edward's waist, and pulled Edward's body flush against his own. Jacob smirked at him. "I thought we decided that you weren't allowed to pull thoughts out of my head and view them out of context."

"And then you left," Edward reminded him. It cut through Jacob, like a hot knife through butter, and Jacob winced. He deserved it, Edward nodded his agreement, deserved that and so much more. "And even more than that," Edward agreed.

Jacob smiled, a delightfully mischievous glint in his eyes, and he leaned down, pressed his lips to Edward's neck. Edward's skin was chilled, almost old hat for Jacob now, but the bizarre lack of a pulse throbbing under his lips threw him for a moment. The sharp intake of unneeded breath from Edward made Jacob forget all about it and he smiled against Edward's skin. Jacob kissed higher up Edward's neck.

"I apologize," Jacob muttered into Edward's cool flesh.

"Which isn't the same as being _sorry_," Edward noted. Jacob enjoyed hearing the rich, husky tone that saturated Edward's voice.

Edward's hands crept slowly up Jacob's arms, over Jacob's shoulders, until he wound his fingers in Jacob's thick hair, leaving icy desire to soak into Jacob's skin from Edward's touch. Edward pulled Jacob's head back with a light tug of Jacob's hair and stared into Jacob's eyes. Jacob held his gaze, finding all of the passion and desire he felt mirrored in those golden eyes. They were one now, always, this was the way it was always meant to be. That they hadn't been able to see it before dumbfounded him. Let it be chemicals in the brain, synapses firing at random, it didn't matter to Jacob. Looking into Edward's eyes, holding Edward in his arms, it was like getting a glimpse of heaven before you die. Jacob leaned forward, pressed his lips to Edward's, they seemed to vibrate with desire beneath his own.

"How long does it take to find a serving kettle?" Bella asked loudly from the other room.

Jacob and Edward's lips broke apart in an instant and they stared at each other. "I can't stay here," Jacob said flatly.

"This sort of thing can't happen again," Edward said. His hands gently stroked Jacob's hair.

"But I can't leave you," Jacob finished.

"Good," Edward sighed, "because I don't think I can live without you now, never again."

'_Never again_,' Jacob agreed.

"I notice you say that often right before you leave," Edward mused. Edward pecked Jacob on the lips before moving away. Jacob had a hard time convincing his hands to let him go. Edward finished getting the tea ready and arranged the tray to serve it.

"I knew where it was," Jacob said.

"I know," Edward replied casually. Edward picked up the tray easily, as though the priceless china set in his hands was nothing more than a child's toy. He moved to stand before Jacob. "Esme wanted us to 'talk'," Edward said. He stopped to think over their "talk" before continuing. "Perhaps it would be prudent if we limit our private talks for the time being."

'_Perhaps_,' Jacob teased, earning him a sideways glare from Edward as he walked towards the front room.

Edward carried the tray out to the parlor and set it on the table before Bella, he poured out two cups and placed one in front of Bella, one in front of Jacob. Edward plopped two sugar cubes in Jacob's cup, stirred quickly, then pushed the cup towards Jacob and sat down. Bella squeezed a wedge of lemon into her cup and stirred it idly. "Caffeine free," Edward said.

The whole tea party scenario seemed so surreal it made Jacob want to laugh. Bella took a long drink of her cup, scooting back onto the sofa, sighing happily. No one spoke, just watched Bella, or watched Jacob. The silence made Jacob feel awkward but no one else seemed to mind. Rosalie's eyes never left Bella, Esme was content to just sit and smile, Edward did his best to stay out of Jacob's sight, Bella drank her tea and swung her legs merrily back and forth. Was this a glimpse of Jacob's new life? If this was what Jacob had to look forward to, lots of uncomfortably silent tea parties? Jacob tried to reconsider his decision to stay.

"You better _re_-reconsider," he heard Edward growl.

Edward` needn't have worried; this was Jacob's life now, for better of worse. Even if it were awful and uncomfortable it would still be perfect because Edward was there and they were together. Even if Edward was with Bella he was still Jacob's, Bella was just borrowing him. Funny how everything was put into focus by a semi impacting him at seventy miles an hour.

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**A/N**: And that was chapter seven. Tune in next week to see how I mess up their lives further. _~


	8. Every Room Mate Kept Awake

**A/N:** This took a long time to write out… not "write out" like I've been writing it this entire time but "write out" like I've been staring at it on paper and glaring angrily at my computer while being _way_ too lazy to type it. *is apologetic* Also! Oh ye of little faith, there are plenty of ways I could ruin Edward and Jacob's lives… for instance, they're both still alive *ducks under flying rotten fruit*

* * *

**Every Room Mate Kept Awake**

_And I do remember thinking_

_That your world would go on spinning_

_Without me now_

Snow fell; it blanketed the town in white that chilled to the bone. Time passed and Bella's stomach grew. She often sequestered Edward in her room ―in their room― for hours at a time. They'd go over baby names, color schemes for the nursery, or Bella's breathing courses until the early morning hours. The jealousy in Jacob thought Bella was doing it on purpose. That she was monopolizing Edward's time on purpose to keep Edward from Jacob. If it was her plan it had been wildly successful, Jacob hadn't even spoken to since he'd joined the Cullens, let alone been in a room with him… alone or otherwise. The only thing that made the time bearable was that Jacob knew Edward was near; always close by, sometimes even closer than Jacob expected. There were times when Jacob would lay on his bed to find Edward's scent lingering. It seemed that they weren't allowed to be near each other but Edward had no rules against being in Jacob's room while Jacob is out. Jacob could imagine Edward there, walking through Jacob's room, touching Jacob's belongings, holding Jacob's hair brush, caressing Jacob's clothing, lying on Jacob's bed.

On these nights, nights when Jacob would throw his weary body into bed, Jacob could most easily surround himself in Edward's scent and lose himself to the Edward in his fantasies. These nights Jacob would use Edward's lingering scent to make his fantasy all the more real. _His_ Edward would speak softly to him, murmuring sweet nothings. Jacob imagined he was curled up with Edward, inhaling his sweet scent, sometimes Jacob even imagined he could feel Jacob's cold hands stroking his hair. Tonight looked to be one of those nights. Jacob could feel weariness dragging him down as he looped the perimeter of the Cullen's estate. It had become Jacob's routine, a daily occurrence Jacob felt compelled to do, anything to keep him from the mind numbing boredom that was the Cullen's inner sanctum. All the Cullen's filled their time with was frivolous activities; dancing, singing, reading. There was nothing for Jacob to do there so he tried to fill as much of his time as he could with security. What hours he couldn't fill that way he passed spending time with Jasper or Emmett. Without something to occupy his mind Jacob often thought of Edward and how little he got to see of him. Was this really the life he'd agreed to?

As Jacob rounded the corner of the Cullen estate he slowed to a brisk jog, Esme was near, her pungent scent hung in the air. Esme glided into Jacob's path as he approached, her hair was radiant even in the sparse gloom of mid-evening, skin pale and luminescent, and Jacob slowed to a stop before her. It wasn't rare for Esme to join him, mostly she would pace as he ran, moving deftly beside him as a silent companion. Sometimes she brought Jacob food and she'd sit with him while he ate. Jacob's sorrow seemed to affect Esme as it did him. Today was different, today Esme looked… ill at ease. Esme offered clothing to Jacob then turned politely away from him. Jacob phased and slipped quickly into the clean clothes. When Jacob finished she turned and moved to sit on a nearby log, Jacob joined her. Esme looked… sad, Jacob decided after careful consideration.

"We're running low on supplies," Esme said evenly. She picked up a handful of snow and examined it as if curious; it didn't even melt in her palm. "I'd appreciate it if you would go into town and get some things for us."

Jacob lifted one eyebrow suspiciously; she had come all the way out there to ask him that? "You need me to go into town?"

"I could send Carlisle but it might seem odd, one man carrying all of the substantial supplies we need," Esme said casually. "We must think of the humans."

"Carlisle, Emmett and I will go to the store then," Jacob said, "no big."

Esme smiled deviously. "I'm afraid that Carlisle left on a business trip this morning, and Emmett and Rosalie have gone hunting."

"Alice?" Jacob asked.

"Esme," Edward called as he came around the corner of the house. Jacob's heart skipped unnaturally in his chest and Esme chuckled. Edward froze a few paces out and glared in their direction. "Esme, you shouldn't meddle." Esme pouted and whatever Edward gleaned from her thoughts made him scowl. Edward started; "Perhaps Bella―" but Esme cut him off with a sharp dismissive wave of her hand.

Esme growled low and rose to her feet regally. "_Jacob_ is going to the store for me, you can go with him… or perhaps Jasper, I suppose."

"Fine," Edward grumbled. "Be ready in two minutes, Jacob, I'll meet you by the car."

Edward turned and disappeared around the corner. Esme turned to Jacob with a wide smile gracing her delicate features. She gestured for Jacob to stand before her. Jacob did and Esme gave him an appraising look, she smoothed his shirt over his shoulder, straightened the collar, smoothed the front of his shirt, and picked miniscule specks of dirt or lint off of his shirt.

"There," Esme cooed, "you look dashing in baby blue."

As Jacob watched Esme's glowing expression grow understanding dawned on him. Jacob sighed, rolled his eyes, and grasped both of Esme's small, quick hands in one of his. Jacob sighed. "Esme, you shouldn't try and orchestrate these―"

"I want you to be happy," Esme interrupted. She pulled her hands out of Jacob's and her face turned suddenly stern, she tugged at Jacob's collar with more force than necessary. "I want you and Edward to be happy and you two are only happy when you're together but _you're never together_." Esme exhaled a steadying breath before continuing. "I see the way he lingers at your door when you're sleeping. I see the peaceful, faraway look he gets when he focuses in on your thoughts. He wants to be with you and you want to be with him."

"Bella―" Jacob started but the dark look that came over Esme's face made Jacob's teeth clack as he snapped his mouth shut.

Esme took a moment to compose her emotions. As she calmed she worked at Jacob's unruly hair, wiped a smudge of something off of Jacob's cheek. "You know that I think the world of Bella," Esme said once she had calmed, "I really do, but the way she keeps you two apart… it doesn't seem right to me." Esme glanced up at the house, up at Bella and Edward's bedroom window and scowled. "The day we found you, broken and bleeding, Edward led us to you." Esme caught Jacob's eye and held his gaze, she stroked Jacob's cheek with one long, pale, cold finger. "He knew you were coming to us, he was so excited, and, when you were in trouble, he ran to you.

"Edward has always been so much faster than the rest of us. He was gone before any of us really knew what was happening. We followed, I brought Bella… he'd forgotten her, how do you like that for foreshadowing?" Esme chuckled softly. "When we caught up to him he was standing at the border between our lands, debating whether or not to cross it and break the treaty. If you hadn't gotten free… Edward would have done anything to save you. If you hadn't gotten free…"

"But you made it," Esme said cheerfully, "and we're a family now." Esme held Jacob at arm's length, examining Jacob's face lovingly. "My beautiful boy."

Jacob smiled at her, his surrogate mother, and she gestured with a quick nod for him to go. Jacob rolled his eyes and heaved a relenting sigh before nodding and jogging around the house, into the garage, where Edward was leaning against his Volvo. Edward wore a scowl but when he saw Jacob his face lit up into a beaming smile… until Jasper stepped into the garage from the house. Jasper smiled, in a small way, at Edward before turning to face Jacob.

"Bella asked me to help with the groceries," Jasper explained. Jacob nodded and smiled, he was a little relieved that he wouldn't be alone with Edward. He didn't know if he could behave himself that well.

"Let's go," Edward growled. Edward slid easily into the front seat and slammed the door. Jasper flashed Jacob a sly smile and Edward jumped out of the car, faster than Jacob's eyes could register, to glare at Jasper.

"Are you going to stand around or are we going to the store?" Edward growled.

Edward glared from Jasper to Jacob then climbed into the car again, Jasper got into the passenger seat and Jacob was left to slip into the seat behind Jasper. Before Jacob could even close the door Edward cranked up the car and sped out of the garage. The roads were covered with ice as Edward sped into town. Jacob watched Edward's reflexes, so much more accurate and faster than mere humans, yet Jacob couldn't help thinking that, even with superhuman reflexes, sometimes a car just spun out and flipped.

'_I'm not completely indestructible,_' Jacob thought, '_if this car flips _I'll _be the one who's beat to hell._'

The car slowed, either because of Jacob's thoughts or because they'd reached the city limits. As soon as they reached Simon's Grocery and parked both Jasper and Edward were out of the car, Jacob glowered and mentally blamed his rigorous daily work out for his lag. Edward opened Jacob's door gruffly before Jasper could get his hand there, wretching the door open in such a way as to let Jacob know he wasn't being chivalrous, just silently demanding that Jacob get out of the car. Edward and Jasper's eyes locked, Edward glared at Jasper and Jasper, in an unprecedented move, smirked at Edward. Once Jacob got out of the car Edward slammed the door shut, rocking the car as he did. Jacob didn't know what was going on between them but, as they stared, they drew the attention of the people around them.

Jacob began walking towards the store, Jasper and Edward on either side of him. People continued to stare, a combination of the irresistible draw of the Cullens and the fact that they now traveled with the nearly seven foot Quileute boy who had "caused all that trouble up at the reservation". Edward and Jasper's continued staring match didn't help.

Once inside the store Edward stopped and turned to address Jasper, saying: "Why don't you go pick out some ground beef. Jacob always enjoys Esme's shepherd's pie."

"That is a good idea," Jasper said. His face still held the same bizarre smile, he turned to Jacob. "Why don't _we_, Jacob? You'll know which meat is the freshest, after all."

Edward placed a restrictive hand on Jacob's arm, though Jacob hadn't moved, and said: "I'm sure you can handle it on your own."

Jasper shrugged and, with only a cursory backwards glance, turned and wandered further into the market. Jacob watched him, debating whether or not he should follow, wondering how safe it was to send Jasper in alone.

"He'll be fine," Edward grumbled.

"Maybe I _should_ go with him," Jacob said staring after Jasper.

"Why are you so concerned about Jasper?" Edward demanded.

"It's not really Jasper so much as the innocent civilians I'm worried about," Jacob said.

Edward muttered something too low for Jacob to hear and the anger he saw when he looked into Edward's eyes, the piercing fire radiating from his eyes, gave Jacob pause. He'd missed something. Why was Edward so angry with him? Why was he so angry with Jasper? Sure, they weren't as close as Edward and Emmett but they had always been friends… seemed like friends. What had happened to change things so drastically? Was it Jacob? Was his presence a source of contention for the Cullens? Did they argue behind his back, while he slept, when he visited his father?

"What's up with you and Jasper?" Jacob asked.

"Nothing," Edward answered quickly. "Just forget about Jasper."

Edward grabbed a cart and stalked into the grocery and Jacob followed idly behind him. Something had happened, was happening, and the one thing Jacob knew was that it was most likely his fault. Although, Jacob didn't think that the new side of Jasper was such a bad thing. Jacob enjoyed seeing a comically devious side to Jasper. The way Jasper had smirked at Edward, the way he smiled at Jacob, something was different with Jasper but it didn't seem like a bad thing. Jacob randomly picked an item off of the shelf and tossed it into the cart, his mind still stuck on Jasper. Edward stopped so abruptly that Jacob barely kept from running into him. Visions of when the Brady kids bumped into one another on the stairs filled Jacob's head and the only thing that kept him from laughing was the irritated look on Edward's face. Edward reached into the cart and pulled out a lone tin of sardines.

"What is this?" Edward hissed coldly.

"Sardines," Jacob answered.

"Why would we need sardines?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Jacob said, "why would we―"

"Why did you throw them in the cart?" Edward bellowed. "You don't even like sardines!"

Jacob looked around apologetically at the other people in the isle before answering sheepishly. "Maybe Bella―"

"Bella has _never_ liked sardines," Edward growled. He slammed the sardine can back on the shelf. "If you're just going to stand around daydreaming about Jasper at least don't toss things into the cart."

Edward glared at Jacob for a moment longer before abruptly turning and stalking away. Jacob slowly, bewilderedly, trailed behind him. A few moments later Jasper caught up to them, he flashed a smile at Jacob, a particularly dashing smile Jacob noted, and held up the meat for Jacob's approval. Jacob examined it with mock scrutiny, playing along with Jasper's game, while Edward began picking out yogurt for Bella and tossing containers into the cart. Jacob smiled his approval at Jasper and Edward growled disapprovingly.

"Give it a rest, Jazz," Edward called over his shoulder. Jacob, who'd allowed his attention to slip from Edward, turned to see that Edward had nearly filled the cart with yogurt. "Bella has been… really craving yogurt lately," Edward said by way of explanation. Jacob nodded skeptically but didn't push the issue.

They moved further into the market and suddenly Edward stopped again. Without looking back he quietly said: "Do it, _Jazz_, and you will have to reattach that hand."

Jacob turned to stare questioningly at Jasper but Jasper just chuckled, he shrugged for Jacob's benefit and flashed him that dashing smile. Edward seethed but began walking again. The rest of the trip passed in relative ease, if not comfort. Edward continued to be angry for no reason Jacob could discern while Jasper laughed and joked playfully with Jacob. It was like they'd switched personalities all of a sudden, Jasper claimed all of Jacob's attention while Edward sulked and glowered silently. The check out girl flinched away from Edward's grim face while one of Jasper's handsome smiles set her heart racing and color flooding her cheeks.

When they finally reached the Cullen's house Jacob was sure he'd never been so happy to see Emmett and Rosalie in his life. They stood like stone pillars in the garage beside a fretful looking Esme. When Jacob got out of the car Esme hurried up to him. Jacob expected a hug but she narrowed her eyes suspiciously, examined his face carefully, turned his head this way and that experimentally. Her worried, nervous expression troubled him.

"Don't worry," Edward seethed, "we didn't harm your precious child."

"He's not as indestructible as the rest of you," Esme said. She placed one cool hand over Jacob's heart. "I worry for him."

"I'm fine," Jacob said softly. He wasn't sure when or how he'd become so attached to Esme, his surrogate mother, but her presence comforted him.

"Yes," Jasper agreed, "he is."

Edward growled at Jasper, another secret argument Jacob couldn't understand, and Esme sighed wearily silencing them both.

"Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett would carry the groceries inside?" Esme asked. They did and once the others had their arms loaded with groceries and disappeared into the house Esme turned her attention to Edward. "I thought I saw Seth around the house, I think you and Jacob should go talk to him."

"Good idea," Edward agreed brightly. Esme's eyebrows shot up in surprise and she smiled at him. Edward's eyes flicked towards the door leading into the house with lightning quick speed. Esme nodded, turned back to Jacob, and hugged him tight. "Be safe," she whispered.

Esme released Jacob and glided into the house, shutting the door behind her. '_It was only Seth, he wouldn't harm anyone_,' Jacob thought. Jacob followed Edward out onto the grounds, followed him as he led Jacob away from the reservation. Edward moved at such a speed that it didn't take long before they were in the wilds high up a nearby mountain. Edward stopped suddenly, froze in his tracks, and Jacob let his wolf senses perk but he couldn't sense anything out of the ordinary. Jacob was just about to question Edward when Edward attacked him.

Edward pressed his lips to Jacob's fervently, a kiss born more out of desperation than desire. Edward's lips crushed Jacob's as Edward pinned Jacob against an outcropping of rock. Edward's cold hands moved up Jacob's torso, pulling up his shirt, rippling over Jacob's muscles. A part of Jacob, the one percent of his brain not reduced to mush at Edward's touch, despised the kiss. Despised himself for it. Edward pulled away from him and fixed Jacob with such a sorrow filled look that it made Jacob ache with pain.

"I'm sorry," Edward said morosely. "I didn't mean to― I just lost control for a minute. We should get back."

"I didn't mean ―Damn it! You can't just assume that you know what's going on in my head because you heard one thought."

"You don't want to kiss me," Edward said. "You despised it. What more is there to know?"

Jacob pushed away from the rocks, grasped Edward's face in his hands and stooped to look into Edward's eyes. "There's nothing that I want more." Edward scoffed at him but Jacob ignored the gesture. "I just don't like that we had to run miles from home for you to feel comfortable kissing me. I don't like sneaking around."

"Bella―" Edward started. Jacob let his hands fall to his sides and turned away from Edward.

Bella, Bella. It always came back to Bella. Bella would always be in Edward's life and she would _always_ come before Jacob. She was the sun in Edward's life and Jacob was the moon trying to eclipse her. A fitting analogy. Once Bella gave birth she and Edward would have to leave the house. They would have to get clear of any foreseeable danger, which meant that Jacob couldn't go with them. Alice couldn't see a future where Jacob was involved. Jacob would be left behind to stew, to rot. There had to be something he could do to occupy his time, maybe he could learn to play chess. Jasper could―

"Would you just stop?!" Edward bellowed. "Forget about Jasper. Why are you always thinking about Jasper? For a week now he's all you've been thinking about."

"What is with you two?" Jacob countered. "It's like you can't stand to be near him all of the sudden. What'd he do to you?"

"Why do you care?" Edward asked. Edward moved to stand in front of Jacob, forcing Jacob to look at him. "Why do you like him so much? What is it about Jasper that is _so_ interesting? Lately that's all I hear from you, 'I wonder what _Jasper_'s doing'. 'I wonder if _Jasper_ wants to hang out'. 'I wonder if _Jasper_ will teach me to play chess'."

Jacob gaped at Edward, his ability to speak restrained by his shock. "Are you― you're jealous?" Edward answered by pouting and Jacob scoffed loudly. "Do you realize how crazy that is? I can't even think about ―"

"It's not crazy," Edward said angrily. "You're _always_ thinking about Jasper and he's… curious about you."

"I'm only thinking about Jasper so I don't think about ―wait, what? Jasper's curious about me?"

"Like you haven't noticed," Edward grumbled. "The way he keeps smiling at you, the way he is always hanging around you. And Alice is no help; 'Jasper _should_ experiment'." Edward mimicked Alice's voice perfectly as he spoke. "'Jasper loves me unconditionally and besides, he might be able to keep Jacob occupied while―'"

Edward stopped speaking abruptly but Jacob already knew where the sentence ended. Jacob had already stumbled upon something similar. Alice hoped that Jasper's infatuation with Jacob would be enough to keep Jacob occupied while Bella and Edward ran off to raise the baby. Jacob couldn't go but, apparently, the Cullens wanted to keep Jacob close by for Edward when he came back, if Edward came back. If Edward still wanted Jacob once Bella and her child were gone the Cullens wanted to make Jacob easy to find. Assuming that Edward didn't just turn Bella and they weren't living out eternity together in a little cottage while Jacob waited for him like an obedient dog and―

Edwards hand brushed Jacob's cheek, distracting Jacob from his dark thoughts. Edward kissed each of Jacob's cheek softly then he kissed Jacob's lips slowly.

"There is nothing, and no one, that could keep me from coming back to you," Edward promised. "I just―"

"Need to be with Bella right now," Jacob finished for him. "I know."

"She may have me," Edward said, "but you have my heart, Jacob Black, now and forever."

'_Promises, promises_,' Jacob thought ruefully.

"Why won't you ever believe me?" Edward asked. Before Jacob could stop himself he thought back on every look, every gesture, every touch that had occurred between Edward and Bella, both before the imprinting and after. He watched as Edward flinched. "I'm sorry," Edward choked out.

"You don't need to apologize," Jacob said. "I don't _want_ you to apologize. I know that my place is at your side… no matter what." Jacob smiled and pulled Edward to him, he stared into Edward's eyes for a long minute before he let go and stepped out of Edward's grasp. "You can go where you need to go, do what you need to do, I'll be here. My heart beats only for you."

Jacob stared at Edward, watching as his words sank in, as his 'goodbye' took hold, and then Jacob sprinted past Edward and back down the mountain. Seth's sighting had been a ruse; Esme had been so desperate to make them both happy she had lied. Edward, in his jealousy, had gone along. It was an unfounded jealousy, Jacob wasn't even capable of seeing anyone else, couldn't think of Jasper or anyone else like that. Esme had offered Edward a way to be alone with Jacob and Edward had taken it. But Bella had to be worried, wondering what Seth could have wanted. It was time for Edward to return to his wife's side.

It took more time for Jacob to get back to the Cullen's than it took to get away. This trip Jacob kept listening for Edward's following footsteps that never came. When Jacob reached the clearing of the Cullen's estate Edward was suddenly at his side, he caught Jacob's arm and spun him around. Edward caught Jacob's mouth in a slow, torturous, lingering kiss before moving past Jacob towards the garage. Jacob lingered for a moment, his lips still tingling with the electricity of Edward's kiss, then he ran for the reservation. Jacob pulled out all the stops, loping as fast as his human form would allow.

'_Just a little clarity_,' Jacob told himself. '_I just need a little space to get a better perspective. I'll be right back_.'

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**A/N**: So sorry! I was writing and I just had an epiphany; wouldn't Jacob and Jasper look nice together. Don't worry though; I'll try and beat that thought away during this story. ^_^ *Love*


	9. Only When I Stop To Think About You

**Only When I Stop To Think About You, I Know**

There was an edge of electric current on the Reservation and Jacob couldn't believe that he'd never noticed it before. It was like the whole damned place was sitting at the base of an active volcano that no one acknowledged. It was as though the sky had gone dark, the ground rumbled, and large pieces of ash fell to the ground from the sky. Jacob felt like he was walking through the streets of Pompeii. As Jacob approached his house he saw that Paul stood on the steps of the porch waiting for him. Jacob readied himself for an altercation but as he reached the stairs Paul pulled him into a tight hug, restricting his arms around Jacob until he couldn't breathe. Jacob was so stunned for a moment that he couldn't think to do anything but stand there and allow Paul to crush him. When Jacob finally could move all did was pat Paul's back, not quite sure why he was being greeted so fondly.

"Man," Paul choked out, "you _really_ reek of blood su― vampire." Jacob's shock increased when Paul chuckled and said: "But it's still good to have you home."

"Erm, thanks." Jacob mumbled.

Paul finally released him, holding Jacob's shoulder with one hand and appraised him. "I bet you're hungry. What do those… what do _vampires_ know about food? I bet Mary could whip you up something real quick if you like or… why don't I make you something. At least that way you'll know it's fit for human consumption." Paul laughed at his own joke, huge guffaws that bubbled up from his chest. Jacob could have been struck by lightning at that moment; he had the look of a person who had been anyway. This was a completely different Paul than the one Jacob had seen last. How could Paul have changed so much in just a couple of months? Had Mary changed him that much in such a little amount of time?

Paul smiled, clapped Jacob on the arm briefly, and then led the way into the house. A part of Jacob expected an ambush once he got inside, the same part was a little disappointed when there wasn't. In fact there was no one else in the house, no one home even though it was nearing seven o'clock. Paul moved easily through the house, like he owned it. He pulled out pots and pans in the kitchen, looking at Jacob and smiling like they were old friends. As Paul began to make steak, eggs, and hash browns Jacob wondered idly if Paul might try and poison him but quickly discounted it; poison was sneaky and underhanded and Paul was a lunge at you and rip your throat out type of enemy.

"So," Paul said casually, "how's… Edward?"

Jacob blinked. '_Edward? When did those two get on a first name basis_?' Jacob shrugged in answer and Paul frowned at him. Impossibly, to Jacob, Paul seemed saddened by his answer, as if he felt sorry for Jacob, sorry that Edward wasn't with him. '_Maybe I shouldn't have avoided the pack for so long. I have no idea what the hell is going on_.'

"He's still married to Bella, right?" Paul asked. He posed it as a question but there was no denying the thinly veiled resentment is that simple declarative statement.

Why did Paul even care? Why would Edward's unavailability to Jacob make Paul angry? Shouldn't Paul be expressing more vengeance, more vehemence, more righteous indignation, a little 'I told you so'? Shouldn't he be jumping for joy? The pack suspected all along that Jacob would be hurt, that Edward didn't give a damn about Jacob, that Edward was now and would always be Bella's faithful servant. So why did Paul seem so upset about it? Shouldn't Paul be rubbing it in Jacob's face, showing Jacob his 'I Told You So' dance? Why would Paul look so crestfallen? Why was he messing with Jacob's head?

"What's going on?" Jacob asked suspiciously.

Paul gaped at him innocently for a moment before flashing Jacob a small smile. "I'm making dinner… (sigh)… fine, it's just that I feel for you, man. I feel your pain, I know how much it sucks to want to be with someone and not be able to be."

Jacob narrowed his eyes, allowed his senses to amplify, and took in the subtler traces of information from his surroundings. Mary's scent was faint, too faint; she hadn't been there in nearly a week. "Why'd Mary leave?" Jacob asked.

Paul shrugged, returning his attention to cooking he kept his gaze downcast as he spoke. "She said that she had _things_ to think about and she needed some time alone to do it."

'_Things_,' Jacob thought ruefully. '_Things like Paul being a werewolf_.' Jacob could see the truth in Paul's weary face. He could see that Paul had finally told Mary the truth and she hadn't taken it well. Mary, more so than Jacob's other sisters, had laughed off the old stories, the old legends, and to have her disbelief thrown back in her face… Jacob could imagine she hadn't taken it well. She probably cared deeply for Paul, if the few times he had seen Mary and Paul together was any indication. It might take a while before she could swallow her pride but Jacob had no doubt that she would come back. Paul loved her, Paul was devoted to her, she _would_ come back. Who could love her better than him, _more_ than him? Paul's eyes watched Jacob and Jacob rolled his eyes as if to say to Paul, 'women' and the tension dissipated.

"Mary will be so pleased to see you," Paul said as he went back to cooking. "She wouldn't say it, but she missed you something awful. It's good to have you home little brother."

Paul's smile was wide, open, caring. He meant it, every word of it, and Jacob couldn't help but smile with him. Jacob chuckled to himself, as much as he enjoyed the Cullen's, as welcome as they had made him feel, this was home and he was glad to be back.

Paul, true to his word, turned out to be an excellent cook. The steak was cooked to a perfect medium rare, the eggs gloriously over easy, hash browns perfectly crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Jacob couldn't think of anything else but his meal until it was gone. After dinner Paul cleared the plates and Jacob repressed a chuckle as he marveled at how domesticated Paul had become. Jacob wondered where everyone else was.

"Where's dad?" Jacob asked.

"Sue's," Paul answered. "Sue is at Chief Swan's so Bill has the run of her house."

"Sue's at Charlie's?" Jacob asked. "Why?"

Paul sighed, set the plates down with a loud clatter, and fixed Jacob with a dark look. "Sue's there to look after Charlie and Charlie needs looking after because of Bella. She refuses to see Charlie, refuses to go see him and refuses to let him come to her. Charlie's worried that Bella's sick and the Cullens are trying to keep him away. So Charlie's upset and Sue's trying to soothe his mind. She's giving him the 'don't worry, I've had babies before and _I'm_ fine' schpeel but so far Charlie's not buying it."

Jacob nodded, everyone was different but child birth, from what little he knew, was sometimes a long and difficult process. Charlie would just want to know that Bella was okay, see one of her ultrasound pictures, why wouldn't she just talk to him? It was so unlike Bella to avoid her father, but then again a lot of people were acting out of character these days. Jacob stifled a yawn and Paul's eyebrows knit together in concern.

"Don't they let you sleep over there?" Paul asked jokingly. "You know… your room is still _your _room, a little cleaner… Mary thought it was atrocious and went at it a few days after you left… This is your home too, you know."

"I know where my home is," Jacob snorted. He felt a tiny twinge of longing in his heart but he shrugged it off easily. Jacob yawned again, his mouth stretching unnaturally wide as he did. "I guess I'm more tired than I thought." Jacob rose from his seat, paused, and caught Paul's gaze. "Thanks man, for… everything."

Paul laughed and clapped Jacob on the shoulder briskly. "That's what family is for."

Jacob smiled at him and, when Paul went back to tidying up, slipped away and down the hall into his room. The room was his alone, there was no astringent sweet vampire scents lingering. Nothing pungent and burning his nostrils, only a lingering of their scent on his clothes. Only the scent in his hair, on his skin, was left to remind him. Now that he was gaining distance from them he was finally able to notice the extent of the vampire smell on him, how much of them had seeped into him… like a non-smoker surrounded by cigarette smoke, the stench followed him. This stench however, Jacob admitted, wasn't so bad. It was Esme, Jasper, Edward…

Jacob turned and stripped out of his clothes on his way into the bathroom. After he took a long, hot shower he crawled into his bed and no sooner had his head hit the pillow than he was asleep. When he woke in the morning he was struck with an odd, disconcerting sensation. Paul, Embry, and Quil's scents accosted him and put him on edge, made him wary. Their mingling scents woke him up; he leapt up out of bed ready for a fight, and was suddenly disoriented by his surroundings. The room that had once been his home now seemed unfamiliar. When had his friends become potential enemies? It wasn't just them, Jacob realized, not just the wolves scent alone that had sent him into a frenzy. Esme's scent mixed in with the pack's and all Jacob could think of was protecting her. Esme's acidic floral fragrance filled the small house. Jacob threw on clothes from his closet, the fit and feel of them foreign to him now, and rushed out into the front room.

Esme stood close to the door, not out of fear but out of respect, trying to keep as much of her scent from permeating the house as she could. Esme's face lit up when she saw Jacob and she shot across the room, pulling him into a bone crushing hug and inhaling deeply the scent of Jacob's hair.

"I'm sorry," Jacob muttered. He wrapped his arms around her thin waist. "I should have told you I was going out."

"If you think that you can get rid of me that easily you have got another thing coming Mister," Esme chuckled. She held Jacob at arm's length and her eyes searched his face lovingly. "I brought you some of your things… and your favorite pillow."

Embry chuckled and Jacob glared at him. "Thank you," Jacob told Esme.

'Some of your things' turned out to be a massive understatement. It seemed like Esme had packed up everything in Jacob's closet and brought it over, though she assured him that there was still plenty more. "You know how Alice shops," Esme said dismissively when Jacob had brought it up. Alice loved to buy clothing for Jacob, she was allowed to go wild since Jacob frequently got his clothes irrevocably dirty or shredded them when phasing. Alice seemed to enjoy buying Jacob more clothes than necessary to counteract it. Esme supervised as Paul, Embry, and Jacob carried in box after box of Jacob's clothing.

When they were done the others had the courtesy to at least pretend to be watching the game on TV as Esme grasped Jacob's hand in hers and they said their goodbyes. "Your friends were kind enough to allow me passage today," Esme said. She flashed her irresistible smile at the others and they flushed while pretending not to be paying attention. "But I can't impose on them every day. I expect you will come up to see me every once and a while."

Jacob wanted to argue with her, he'd be right back, he was only visiting, she was _always_ welcome in La Push, but he knew there was no truth in those words. He wanted to go back to the Cullen's, desired it with every fiber in his being, but he knew he needed to be on the Reservation now. Even though he was in La Push he didn't feel any further away from the Cullens or Edward. In fact, Jacob felt as close to Edward in La Push as he had felt when Edward had just been down the hall. Jacob knew he wasn't 'just visiting', he had known it the moment he'd stepped into his room in La Push and felt his heart swell at being home. He knew Esme wouldn't be permitted to encroach on La Push. He knew that Esme wouldn't be welcome again, one vamp was the same as the next to the pack and no vamp would be allowed to roam the Reservation… no matter the reason.

Esme watched Jacob's face carefully, scrutinizing, like a mother trying to memorize and absorb every plane, every contour of their child's face before they went off to college. Esme rose up on her tip-toes and gently bent Jacob forward so she could place a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Call me if you need _anything_," Esme whispered tightly. She smiled at Jacob one final time before she turned and, with a small nod to the others, slipped quickly outside.

Quil gaped after her, his big brown eyes moist, and said; "Dude, you totally broke her heart."

Embry nodded in agreement and added: "And I thought Seth's mom was a worrier." The others laughed and just like that Jacob realized that he had dual citizenship. In their eyes Jacob was at once a member of the pack and a member of the Cullen's family. Esme was Jacob's worrying mother and none of them, none of the ones gathered there at least, seemed bothered by it.

"Where's my dad?" Jacob asked.

"Chief Swan's," Paul answered. Jacob pulled an incredulous face and Paul shrugged. "The game's on. Leah and Seth will be here in a few so if you want any breakfast before they eat it all, now's the time."

Quil and Embry howled with laughter, an inside joke Jacob didn't understand, and Jacob wondered just how much of their pack would be coming over. Jacob declined the offer of food and soon, as promised, Leah and Seth showed up. Leah favored Jacob with a slow smile and Embry announce that the 'pack' was all there. If that was the pack it was severely diminished. Where was Sam? Was his absence the cause of the palpable strain on the Reservation? Had something happened to Sam and the others? If so, then why were Paul and this 'pack' so calm? Why were they so damned calm when half of the pack was missing?

Jacob watched as they laughed and carried on as if nothing was wrong. Finally he stood in front of the TV and demanded to know where Sam was, where the _others_ were, what happened to them. Everyone gathered looked to Paul, as though, in Sam's absence, Paul were the leader. Paul rose, clapped Jacob on the arm, and gestured towards the front door.

"Let's go for a run," Paul said. The others nodded eagerly in agreement. "That should help clear things up."

Paul smiled, his smile was beginning to make Jacob think Paul had been body snatched, and walked outside. Jacob followed, the others following him, and they slipped into the woods. They phased as soon as they could but Jacob hung back a moment; it was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't want to phase, he didn't want Seth and Leah to know that he wasn't connected to them anymore; he didn't want them to know that he was cut off, he didn't want to hear the empty hollow inside his head while they all stood around him. He was a lone wolf now, painfully alone. With a resigned sigh Jacob stripped out of his clothes and phased. Like a tidal wave their thoughts swept him; their memories, their feelings, their lives since Jacob had left them. Every moment since Jacob had joined the Cullens poured into his mind until he was afraid that it might explode.

They showed him that one by one they had left Sam; they had walked away from _his_ pack. They'd have a disagreement over Sam's treatment of Jacob, over Sam's plans to bring Jacob home, Sam's plans to 'deal' with the Cullens, and they would break away from him. One by one they'd leave Sam's pack and like following a beacon in the night they'd be drawn towards Jacob, but Edward would stop them. Edward would intersect them before they could make it to the Cullen estate, he would tell them that Jacob needed some time, he'd give them Jacob's running schedule so they wouldn't phase when Jacob was in wolf form, he kept them away on purpose. Edward knew that Jacob had a pack, that Jacob had five friends, Leah, Seth, Quil, Embry, and Paul. Jacob had friends that Edward was counting on to keep Jacob occupied while he and Bella were away. Edward expected that Jacob could lean on them when he and Bella left to parts unknown; and that was the real reason Esme had come to see Jacob. That was why she had given him the 'you're still my beautiful boy' speech, because this was where Edward wanted him to be. This was where they all wanted him to be. Jacob would be somewhere safe, he would be somewhere Jasper wasn't, somewhere far enough removed that he wouldn't interfere in Alice's visions.

It surprised Jacob that the others understood it all, had understood before he did, and even accepted in some small way. Even though most of them still didn't trust Edward or the rest of the Cullens, they were on Jacob's side and if Jacob trusted the vampires that was enough for them. Jacob watched as they ciphered through his memories from his time abroad, time spent wandering, his accident with the truck, the precious few moments he'd had with Edward since his return. They watched it all with a surprising lack of derision or revulsion. Occasionally, instead, some would offer up similar situations from their own lives. Showing Jacob difficulties they had with their own significant others, exposing their innermost thoughts and feelings for Jacob as if to say "I know what you're going through." It touched Jacob.

'_Don't get all sappy on us,_' Embry laughed.

'_And Sam_?' Jacob wondered.

'_Sam hasn't exactly declared war on us but he's not exactly pleased by our coupé,_' Leah said.

'_That is why everything's so FUBAR,_' Paul added. '_The whole Rez can feel it._'

Paul, Jacob could see now, really and truly thought of Jacob as his brother. Mary was Jacob's sister and Mary meant more than anything in the world to him, some of that just bleed over to Jacob. He wasn't devoted to Jacob, he didn't long for Jacob, he just felt a comfortable camaraderie.

Paul's memory momentarily flickered back to his attack on Jacob in the woods; even though it was only for the briefest second Jacob could taste the memory of his own blood in Paul's mouth. He felt Paul's grief over his actions, felt all of their grief over it, and the utter regret they felt at blindly following Sam's orders. It was, collectively, the worst memory they shared. Seth and Leah had shared Jacob's half of the encounter with them and Jacob's recovery. Jacob could feel their desire for forgiveness but he had none to offer them, he'd never held a grudge against them. He'd never been angry at them and, as far as he was concerned, there was nothing to forgive. They followed Jacob's thinking but somehow Jacob's understanding made them feel worse, made their betrayal worse, but it also bound them closer. The desire they felt for each other to never let any of them get hurt, to never betray any member of their family again, it made their bond a ferocious one.

'_God help anyone who takes a swipe at one of us,_' Quill joked.

'_We're a pack now,_' Paul said seriously, '_a _real _pack, because of you Jacob._'

They were Jacob's pack. Jacob, who had never wanted to lead or be in authority, who felt uneasy accepting to be Sam's second, was now their leader. It figured, what Jacob wanted and what he got had never been similar. He was their Alpha and he would take care of them.

'_And if you want us to move over to the Cullen's mansion that'd be cool too,_' Seth added.

'_Don't give him any ideas,_' Leah said playfully.

They were all keyed up; none of them could hold still and kept pacing back and forth. The excitement bleed from one to the next, on and on like a contagion in a sealed room. Jacob decided to split them up and do some laps; a run would do them good. Jacob extended their borders, pushing them further into the woods, deeper into the Cullen's territory. He taught them to identify each of the Cullen's unique scents, encouraged recognize them to pick up on them too. They turned the exercise into a game, when they found one of the Cullen's scents they would pull out a picture of that person from Jacob's memory. Leah made it more fun when, upon finding Rosalie's scent, she pulled up a random snippet of Rosalie pulling a face. Jacob remembered that argument, argument number 784, where she had gotten frustrated with Jacob's point of view and had rolled her eyes so far back in her head Jacob had thought they'd detached. After that it became a contest to see who could find the silliest moment of one of the Cullens.

When they finished running the sun was setting over the horizon and they retreated back to Jacob's house. Billy was waiting for them, Mary sat beside him. Embry, Quil, Leah, and Seth bid an uncomfortable farewell and Jacob wished he could do the same. Mary seemed to barely register Jacob's return though Paul made a big show of presenting Jacob to her as if Jacob were her missing glass slipper. Mary offered to cook dinner; Paul laughed and said the honor would be his. As wholly awkward reunions go theirs went fairly easily. Billy, who Jacob had worried might have finally reached his breaking point with him, only said one thing about Edward.

"There's a reason that the two of you were brought together," Billy said. "If you care for him, he cares for you, and you're happy then I can't wish for anything more for my child… for any of my children." Jacob smiled at him, fighting the urge to get misty-eyed. "So you let me know when you're finally happy and I'll stop wishing for more for you." Billy added. Paul howled with laughter at that and clapped Jacob amenably on the back.

After dinner Jacob helped Paul clean up until Mary came in and gently took over his job. Jacob retreated to the comfort and seclusion of his room just as the "I'm sorry" "no, I'm sorry" conversation started. Jacob threw himself onto his bed and sigh contentedly. He was further away from Edward than he had been in a long time but he felt closer than he ever had. He had distance, perspective, family, home. It didn't hurt as much to be away from Edward, not nearly as much as it had. He didn't long for Edward as much, his mind and body wasn't constantly being pulled away. Maybe coming home had been just what he needed; maybe he just needed to be a part of a pack, _his_ pack.

A new thought struck Jacob and he sat bolt upright on his bed. Was he slipping out of the imprint? The council had said that "you may be able to shake free of the imprint" but they had been unable to say how. Whatever had happened, however the first person to break free of an imprint had done it, the council Elders had it struck from the records. Was that what was happening to Jacob? Jacob thought of losing Edward, of losing his connection to Edward, and a bizarre dull ache tugged at his heart. Nothing near the soul searing pain that that thought would have once caused. Jacob smiled, with only minimal effort. This was a good thing, if he could get free then Edward would be able to be free too and everything could go back to normal. Edward could be with Bella, Jacob's heart throbbed even duller still, and they could be together, and happy, forever. Maybe this was all that was meant to happen. Maybe Jacob was just supposed to unite his pack, stronger, fiercer, and Edward had just been a means to an end.

* * *

**A/N**: I swear to you this _is_ a slash story and I really do feel all of your pain regarding their pain but I can't stop being evil… _EEVIL_! (an epic two 'e' level of evil)


	10. Only When You Stop To Think About Me

**Only When You Stop To Think About Me, You Know**

Edward paced his room silently, his eyes drawn every few seconds to the large floor to ceiling window, while Bella slept fitfully. Edward knew that he could slip down to La Push and back in no time, he was faster than the rest of his family, faster than the pack he was sure. Besides, the pack would let him through, they had to. Esme had been there earlier, her memories of leaving Jacob broke Edward's heart as much as it had hers. The fierce motherly bond she felt for Jacob, which was partially Edward's fault, still surprised him sometimes. Esme wanted to protect Jacob so badly, even above the rest of their family at times. If the pack had let Esme go to Jacob, if Esme could see Jacob, then Edward could too. Why couldn't he? Bella? Bella was asleep, she didn't need to know, and Edward could be back before she even woke up. He didn't even need to talk to Jacob; he just needed to _see_ Jacob.

Edward could hear Jasper's thoughts downstairs, wondering when Jacob might be back, and a low hiss issued from his lips. It was silly to let his jealousy get the better of him as it had, he'd only made the situation worse. Still, it was hard to live the way he had been. Jasper's familiarity with Jacob had turned into an peculiar desire to understand what it was about Jacob that made Edward so interested in him. Jasper would watch Jacob's lips when he spoke, pay keen attention to the way Jacob's clothing pulled against his muscles, the smooth dark russet of his skin. It had been Jasper's most recent imaginings that caught Edward's ire, Jasper wondered if, since Jacob ran without clothing as a wolf, that beautiful golden bronze color had spread to the whole of Jacob's body. Alice was no help since she encouraged Jasper to 'play' like it was a game. As close as she and Jasper were she probably shared some, most likely all, of Jasper's curiosity. Jacob's thoughts as of late had done little to ease Edward's mind. Jacob rarely thought of Edward anymore, instead he planned ways to busy himself, strongman competitions with Emmett, anything to do with Jasper, _anything_. It drove Edward crazy.

As Edward paced Jacob's voice continued to fade in his mind and it aggravated him. It was Jacob's diminishing presence in Edward's mind that made Edward pace like a caged animal. Jacob voice shouldn't be vanishing; even now Edward could sparsely hear Jacob's thoughts. Jacob wasn't like Bella, he was Jacob, he was _special_, he was Edward's Jacob. At night Edward would watch Jacob sleep, listening to his thoughts and envisioning his dreams, during the day he would listen to Jacob's every thought. The only reason that Jacob's voice would fade would be if he was harmed, dying.

That was why Edward had gone to Esme, told her what was happening, he'd relied on her super mom instincts to kick in but they hadn't. She'd only called Jacob's house and spoken to Paul who had assured her that Jacob was fine, and she believed him. Edward had witnessed Paul's transformation, seen and heard Paul when he'd come to join Jacob; he knew that Paul was almost a completely different person. Edward knew that if Jacob were in any sort of trouble that Paul wouldn't hesitate to call. He could hear the devotion in Paul's thoughts even from their distance. Paul was devoted to the pack, to his Alpha, to Jacob… his brother. But, if Jacob was unharmed then why was his voice fading, why was Edward losing him? Edward had never lost Jacob's voice before, not any of the times that Jacob had run away, even if all that had remained was the smallest glimmer, so why now was Jacob being blocked off?

It was infuriating Edward to only be able to hear Jacob's thoughts sporadically. In one hundred and eight years Edward had never had a person's voice fade from his mind unless they were also fading from this world. The idea that Jacob might be in trouble killed Edward, the idea that Edward couldn't go and see Jacob and knowing that it was Edward's own fault was heartbreaking. He could have controlled himself, he shouldn't have snapped at Jacob, he should have dragged Jacob back into the house and declared his love for Jacob, hand-in-hand, in front of Bella and everyone. But Bella, sweet Bella, she needed him and he couldn't abandon her. He couldn't desert her when she was three months pregnant. Edward glanced over at Bella asleep in her grand bed, her swollen stomach forcing her to sleep on her side, her hair matted to her head. He hadn't been there for her at all, not really, she had to have noticed. He was always with Jacob no matter where they were physically. If she noticed she hadn't let on, she was all too happy to prattle on about the baby, EJ; Edward Junior.

Tomorrow was another doctor's appointment, Edward went with her to every appointment, and they had a new appointment every two weeks, soon every week. Bella and the baby took up so much of Edward's time that there hadn't been any left for Jacob, and every scheme Esme concocted to get them together had failed. All but the grocery store, which had turned into a disaster, and the trip to locate "Seth" which had failed in large part due to Edward's stubborn refusal to accept Jacob. Bella needed him, Bella _always_ needed him. Edward loved her so much but he couldn't help feeling trapped by her. Unable to love who he wanted or to be where he needed to be, Edward could feel his resentment towards her building.

Edward glanced once more at the window then slipped silently into the hallway and down to Jacob's room. Jacob's strong musk hung heavy in the air. Edward could remember a time when Jacob's scent would have been akin to rotting milk, now it was seductive, powerful, heady; Jacob. Edward inhaled deeply then moved to the bed and laid down on it. For weeks the only way Edward and Jacob could be together was in memory. Edward would come into Jacob's room while Jacob was out, lie on the bed, and breathe in Jacob's scent that lingered on the pillows. Edward would imagine Jacob there with him while letting his hands gently caress the empty bedspread, wishing that Jacob were actually there. Edward would remain as long as he could bear, this fragile fantasy both a comfort and a curse, an echo of what seemed would never be. Then he'd rise; walk around Jacob's room, touching Jacob's things lovingly, giving extra attention to those things that held Jacob's scent the strongest. Tonight his ritual seemed more a torment than a salvation.

Every breath he took reminded him that Jacob was gone, again. The image of Jacob that Edward had created in his imagination seemed to fade with Jacob's voice. Jacob's bed became as cold and as empty as a tomb, the room that housed it a hollow hole, even Jacob's scent seemed duller. If Edward were capable of crying he would have been sobbing with grief. He curled into a ball on the bed spread, wrapping his arms around his shins. Each breath he drew was like inhaling shards of glass until finally he stopped breathing. It did nothing to ease the ache in his chest, the dark inky void that spread to envelope him and engulfed him with a dark hollow pain. It ripped at him, this pain, threatening to tear him asunder. Edward felt as though he were imploding in slow motion, his chest cavity slowly squeezing in on itself, pulling together, locking up, until it'd burst and he'd be pulled into himself.

Jacob was gone, and this time felt different than the others, this time Jacob had really left him. Jacob was closing himself off to Edward in ways that didn't seem possible. Edward had thought their connection was magical, mystical, a product of the old world, it was the first time Edward believed in magic.

Edward vaulted himself into an upright position, his eyes as wide as saucers. Hadn't Sam had been looking for an old world "remedy", had he found it? Was this Sam's doing? Had Sam finally found a way to break them apart, even found a way to shelter Jacob from Edward's ability? What would be the point? Even if he succeeded in making Jacob break the imprint Edward still felt the same as he did before. Edward still felt the same towards Jacob, still _needed_ Jacob, still loved Jacob, he still desired Jacob. Edward rose from the bed quickly, he needed to see Jacob. He needed to go to Jacob, see him, pull Jacob into his arms and kiss Jacob's warm face. Edward just needed to see Jacob with his own eyes and know that Jacob was okay, and then he could leave… Or he might wait outside Jacob's window until morning, just to be sure. Maybe he'd stay until the afternoon, just in case. And―

"Don't do it," Alice called from the doorway. Edward had barely gotten to the balcony doors. Alice glided across the room, leaned on the out facing wall, and tsked at Edward while shaking her head petulantly. "You'll leave and you won't be back by the time Bella wakes up. You'll miss the doctor's appointment, you'll―"

"I know, Alice." Edward growled. He didn't need her to summarize it for him; he could see the vision she'd had for himself. Alice shrugged her thin shoulders and crossed her arms over her chest. Edward sighed in frustration. "I just need to see him, Alice." Edward said softly. "I need to know that he's alright. I can hardly hear him anymore."

"Maybe it's for the best," Alice said. She might as well have punched her hand through Edward's chest at least that would have hurt less. "Maybe it's better that the two of you… separate."

"There is no separation!" Edward thundered. "He's still here," Edward tapped his chest, over his heart, roughly. "He's still here," Edward touched his temple. "I can't hear him but he's still everything to me, he's still my world."

'_Bella_―'

"Forget about Bella!" Edward yelled. "Not everything is about Bella!"

"It is now," Rosalie barked from the doorway. "She is going to give birth to a beautiful, precious, baby boy and you have promised to be there for her. You married her. This baby and Bella come first; you can deal with the mutt later."

"Rosalie," Alice sighed, "you never help. Every time you speak Edward's future becomes harder to see. You push him towards Jacob."

"He's a fool," Rosalie hissed.

"You would give up Emmett," Edward asked, "to be with someone else? You could forsake Emmett? You could live your life without him?"

'_It's only for a short while,_' Rosalie thought. '_One human life span_―'

"Even for a moment," Edward countered, "could you forsake Emmett and swear your life to someone else for even a moment?"

'_No_,' was the resounding answer from both Rosalie and Alice's minds.

Edward nodded then turned to jump from the window but he froze once he had the window open. The night breezes swept his face, the starless sky waited above his head, and Edward was poised in the doorway unable to move. Bella, Bella, always Bella. She deserved more from him. Edward remembered how he had felt for her once upon a time. Emotions that had once been the deepest he'd ever felt were now shallow compared to the depths he felt for Jacob. He couldn't leave her, not even with Alice's silent urgings for him to go, to leave and go to Jacob. Edward couldn't risk causing her more pain. The shattered look on her face when he's told her he was in love with Jacob, the memory of that moment, still haunted him. _For Bella_ he would stay, _for Bella_ he would shatter into a million pieces, _for Bella_ he would be consumed with his unquenchable longing for Jacob. _For Bella_, Edward would forsake the man he loved.

"Guess it's just not meant to be," Rosalie said as she slipped from the room.

Jacob's whisper of thoughts dulled in Edward's mind, faded until it finally stopped, leaving behind a loud echoing void. A thousand psychic swords pierced Edward's body and he slumped to the ground. Alice wrapped her arms around him, stroked his hair, and rocked him slowly back and forth. Suddenly Jacob's room seemed cold and empty, uninviting and Edward wanted nothing more than to leave but his body wouldn't allow him to. He sagged limply in Alice's arms, feeling a thousand tiny cuts slice again and again on his heart. What was there without Jacob? What was he now without Jacob?

'_Hollow._'

After several moments strength returned to Edward and he rose, pulling free from Alice's grasp, and turned away from her. He wasn't a child; he didn't need her to coddle him. He would get through this and besides, Jacob would live longer than Bella, it was as simple as that. That was all he needed to know, that was all he _could_ think about. It was all just a question of mathematics, it was easier to deal with that way. If he took the emotion away from it, if it was just logistical, it didn't seem so bad. Without the crushing emotion factoring in it was easier to deal with. Bella would live, roughly, eighty more years. Given a proper diet, baring all unforeseen accidents, and that she didn't get sick with a virus or some hereto unknown faulty genetic trait. Jacob, however, would live much longer, even if he suffered a horrific accident, and Jacob's genetics were flawless… compared to most humans. As long as Jacob continued to become a wolf, Jacob wouldn't age. Jacob would remain perfectly frozen in time, as if fate wanted him to wait for Edward, to be with Edward, forever. Eventually Edward would have to leave Bella; he'd have to fake a tragic accident to avoid the suspicions of their neighbors since Edward would never age. When he did he could return to Jacob and they could finally be together.

"You move," Alice said. Her voice took on an ethereal quality, one Edward knew only too well, the one she used when speaking through a vision. Alice stood and addressed Edward's back. "When you and Bella have been in one place too long you move and start over somewhere new."

Edward could see the words of truth in her mind; he used them to see her vision as if it were his own. As soon as their neighbors began to grow suspicious of Edward, still as young as the first time they'd met him, Bella would have them move. Bella would tell people they were married, then her younger brother, then her son, anything to keep Edward at her side. She'd tell her son the truth, that Edward was immortal, that he would never age, and that moving was the only way to keep them together... the only way to keep "Papa" with them.

In Alice's mind Edward could see Bella's child, beautiful, happy, healthy, vivacious, but he could feel no attachment to it. The child was everything a person could hope for in a child but Edward didn't love him, not like a father would. As beautiful as the child was, he was still a flesh and blood reminder of the chain around Edward's neck. He was a walking talking reminder of the reason Edward wasn't with Jacob, the reason he couldn't have Jacob, the cause of Edward's imprisonment. Edward had no doubt of the affection he would feel for the child, that of a cherished uncle, but never would the boy be "his".

'_You'll get over this,_' Alice urged him silently; '_you're strong enough._'

Alice touched Edward's back lightly before quietly leaving the room. She meant well, Edward needed to remind himself of that, but at that moment all he wanted to do was rip her limb from limb. She thought he'd get over it, as if there would come a time when he wouldn't ache, when his heart wasn't constantly being wretched from his chest. He was strong enough to get through this, to overcome this debilitating hollow in his soul, and somehow that made his sacrifice worthwhile? '_She means well_,' Edward reminded himself.

Edward moved to Jacob's ―to the empty spare room's― bed and sat gingerly on the edge. He ran the back of his fingers lightly over the bedspread, trying to imagine the feel of Jacob's soft skin and the heat radiating off of it but the hallucination was gone. Jacob was gone. A part of Edward, a large part if Edward were admitting it, was gone with him… completely. No remnants remained; Edward had no beautiful tormenting visions of Jacob to keep his hopes alive. Jacob's thoughts were silent, Jacob's presence could no longer be felt, the house that had always seemed the most like _home_, was suddenly cold and foreboding. Edward felt every bit as cold as his temperature. Why hadn't he gone after Jacob? Why couldn't he leave Bella? Why couldn't he make a clean break from Bella instead of lingering, instead of letting the wound fester, never allowing either of them to heal properly?

'_Jacob_,' Edward thought. Edward didn't siphon the emotion from his inner voice; he allowed the millions of emotions that he could never communicate saturate that one word. He filled it with all of the tears that would never fall and it cut with an unending pain that he could never express. A hundred years of immortality hadn't prepared him for a pain like this. Edward wasn't prepared for a pain more agonizing than the fire that had taken the last of his mortal life. It was a pain so harsh that he almost believed that his body was trying to kill him; he almost believed that all of the romanticized stories people told. Where a lover died and the loved one left behind withered and died without them. It had always seemed a wistful, hopelessly romantic sentiment before, to believe that someone else would stop living if you did. Edward had just thought that it was the fantasist desires of humans, to believe that they could love each other forever, 'til death. It seemed to him now that that might be another of the legends that was based on truth. It seemed like Edward's broken heart might actually be murdering him in the most painful, slow way possible.

Edward could hear the others downstairs, hear their idle chatter; he could hear every word they said and every thought. He could hear the silent battles within them, deliberating the loss of their wolf brethren. Esme, of course, missed Jacob terribly, more so than she let on. She missed counting the fast beats of his heart, the steady plodding of his feet as he lapped the house, she even missed his scent. Carlisle felt for Esme, he enjoyed Jacob's presence too but it was Esme's pain that truly concerned him. Carlisle wanted to make her feel better. Edward would have told him not to bother; Esme loved Jacob with as much intensity as Edward did, albeit in a completely different way. Edward hadn't been paying close enough attention to her lately; he hadn't noticed Jacob and Esme's relationship. He hadn't noticed Esme and Jacob's growing level of symbiosis; she might as well be Jacob's flesh and blood mother for as much as she loved him. Carlisle would only waste his time trying to appease her, Jacob was her son, and you couldn't replace him with a new puppy.

Emmett, who Edward hadn't been aware had bonded with Jacob at all, was busy thinking up ways to make Jacob come back, a new tactic for him. The plans ranged from stealing Jacob from his bed at night, to abducting him on a run, to tricking Jacob by saying that Esme had been injured. The underlying key to his plan being that Jacob wouldn't be able to leave again once he saw Edward's pain. His plan also involved a contingency of chaining Edward and Jacob together so as to keep Jacob from ever leaving again. Edward wondered when things had changed so much. Emmett _missed_ Jacob, the last Edward had listened to Emmett he was still sickened by the idea that Edward might actually love Jacob. Edward was sure all of these changes stemmed from Jacob, Jacob could be downright irresistible when he wanted to be. Edward knew that Jacob and Emmett would have been fast friends in a different life. Rosalie didn't think much on Jacob, rarely did anything but Bella's child cross her mind these days, but that night her thoughts swirled with Edward's need for Jacob. She seemed to think that Edward was exaggerating, that whatever Edward imagined he felt for Jacob was only Edward projecting Jacob's thoughts. Rosalie believed that without Jacob's mind around to reinforce the feelings Edward felt, and once the baby was born, Edward would be able to forget Jacob. She thought that the child would occupy Edward's entire consciousness and leave nothing to pine after Jacob.

Jasper, Edward growled low in the back of his throat even thinking on it, thought only of bringing Jacob home, thinking the word 'home' often while thinking of their house in Forks. When had Forks become their 'home', and when had Jacob become such an integral part of the Cullen family? Jasper spoke little but his thoughts were always so potent, on account of his special ability Edward had no doubt. Jasper's thoughts were always accompanied by raw, rough, baser emotions and they always floored Edward. The strong, animalistic feelings he felt towards Jacob were no different, they could be summed up in one word: "Mine." It made Edward's lips curl back in a silent snarl and he wanted to scream; 'Jacob's _mine_!' It was all Jasper thought, over and over; '_Bring my Jacob home_'. It was his litany, hidden underneath all of his other thoughts, always in his head. It was always behind and underneath anything else he was thinking, underneath any schemes to bring Jacob back, under idle thoughts on the weather, behind his thoughts on Edward's well being. '_Bring my Jacob home_.' He made it seem so simple.

It was Alice's thoughts that cut Edward the deepest, slicing him on top of wounds that would truly never heal. Silently she urged Edward with an insistent, desperate litany; '_Go to him. Go to him. Go to him_.' Her urgings mixed with Edward's urgings until it became nearly impossible to remain stationary. Alice's mantra mixed with his own until he couldn't distinguish between them, until he couldn't tell her voice from his own. He listened, both of their voices rolling through his head, burning already seared flesh, until Edward wanted to scream, clawing and scraping at his own skin. '_Go_,' Alice urged, '_I'll stay with Bella when she wakes._'

In an instant Edward leapt from the window, as soon as his feet touched the ground he was moving through the outlying forest. Edward could hear Alice's mind constructing easy lies to placate the family, to soothe Bella, but he couldn't pay attention to her. He utilized his full grace of speed to race towards the reservation, at the border he paused. He waited for the pack to come and confront him, to tell him exactly what the consequences would be if he decided to cross their border, but no one came. Finally Edward crossed, feeling a small twinge of guilt, fearing the rest of the pack would be after Jacob for the frequent unannounced visits from vampires, but his need was too great to let a small twinge impede him.

Edward slipped easily to the heart of the reservation, up to Jacob's house, and in through Jacob's window. Jacob didn't stir as Edward came in, didn't wake when Edward sat on the edge of his bed, didn't even notice when Edward couldn't keep from tracing Jacob's jaw with one slender finger. Edward leaned over and gently pressed his lips against Jacob's, immediately regretting it as he was overwhelmed by his desire. Edward had to jump across the room to stop, pressing his body against the far wall to keep from touching Jacob. Edward wanted more of Jacob, he always wanted more, that was the problem. It wasn't enough to just be near Jacob, Edward wanted to claim Jacob. He wanted to capture Jacob's mouth with his own, press his body flush with Jacob's until they were one, touch every inch of Jacob's russet skin until Edward's scent permeated every inch of Jacob, until it exuded from Jacob's pores. Edward wanted to take in every piece and part of Jacob until there was no separation between the two of them, until they were one. Even across the room Edward could feel himself being drawn to Jacob, pulled in by Jacob's innocent sleeping form, the slowed thrumming of Jacob's heart, the subtle heat radiating off of Jacob's body.

Edward moved without thinking over to Jacob's bed and pulled Jacob into his arms. Edward held Jacob against him, pressing them together cheek to cheek, inhaling Jacob's scent. Jacob woke sluggishly and uttered a muffled exclamation of surprise. Edward brushed his cheek against Jacob's then, slowly giving in to the temptation, he began to kiss Jacob's cheek softly. Edward thread his fingers in Jacob's hair, kissed a path up to Jacob's ear, his temple, then placed a soft kiss on Jacob's forehead allowing his lips to linger there. Jacob shivered and Edward allowed himself a small smile, until Jacob pushed him forcefully away.

Edward allowed him to, moving back from Jacob but not any further away. Jacob wrapped his arms around himself, shivering, as he crawled across the bed, hopped off, and shut the window. Edward watched him carefully; worry winning out over his need to consume Jacob's closeness. Jacob came back to the bed and knelt on the edge looking every bit the seventeen year old boy he actually was. His pajamas, pajamas that Alice had expertly picked out specifically for him, hung loose on his frame. Jacob's big brown eyes looked up at Edward through a lock of his dark black hair. Edward straightened to his full height and towered over Jacob.

Edward lunged across the bed, easily knocking Jacob to the ground, and pinned Jacob beneath him. Jacob stared up at Edward, his dark eyes wide with surprise. '_He should have been able to easily dodge me_,' Edward thought. Unless Jacob had intended for them to end up like that, and once Edward thought about it, it really didn't seem like such a bad way to have ended up. Edward gazed down at Jacob, Jacob's big eyes blank as he stared up at Edward. Edward reached between them, grasped the hem of Jacob's night shirt, and slipped his hand underneath it. Jacob's skin was tepid under Edward's hand, a decidedly cooler temperature. Edward slid his hand up Jacob's torso; his hand moved against Jacob's taunt skin, feeling the bones underneath, his skin no longer covered the hard sinew of muscle. Jacob's body had changed.

Jacob shivered and said; "You're freezing." Even Jacob's voice had a youthful edge to it.

"Jacob," Edward tested, "do you… do you remember who I am?"

Jacob chortled. "You crawled through my window, you kissed me, jumped me, and now you're groping me. If I didn't know who you were I'd have called for help a long time ago, _Edward_." Jacob sighed and pushed himself up on his elbows before continuing. "Why are you here?"

"I needed to see you."

"Why?"

"I missed you; I needed to be near you."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Jacob gaped at him, stunned into silence. It wasn't the first time Edward had said it, though it was probably the first time he had said it so matter-of-factly.

"You what?" Jacob asked.

Edward's brows creased as he said: "I love you, Jacob Black." Edward caressed Jacob's face, "Always."

Jacob seemed to think it over for several moments, Edward cursed angrily in his head at the lack of Jacob's thoughts. What had ever convinced him that not being able to hear Bella's thoughts was appealing? It was aggravating. Edward watched Jacob process the information, watched the nearly indecipherable emotions flit across Jacob's face. Edward leaned down slowly to kiss Jacob but Jacob turned away and Edward pressed his lips to Jacob's cheek instead. Edward tried futilely to kiss Jacob's lips again but Jacob pushed Edward away and crept out from underneath him. Jacob stood beside his window, a foot away from Edward, and opened the window refusing to meet Edward's eyes.

"That's… er, nice and all but I think you should probably leave," Jacob said.

"You _think_," Edward said. Edward let a mischievous smile play on his lips, "But you don't _want_ me to go."

Jacob blinked, bewilderment clear on his face, and nodded slowly. "Y-y-y-yes, I do _want_ you to leave."

Edward's smile died on his lips as Jacob's thoughts returned to thunder in his head. Edward was accosted by a chorus of '_Why is he here_?' and '_What does he want? Why didn't anyone stop him? Why won't he leave?_' All of it adding to the great cacophony of Jacob's thoughts that burned Edward's mind. Edward might have been able to withstand the onslaught of discontent from Jacob if it weren't for how Jacob perceived his visit. Edward could feel the emotion behind Jacob's every thought; feel Jacob's utter indifference towards his presence, towards his touch, his kiss. It was too much for Edward, he could handle losing Jacob when he knew that Jacob wasn't far. He could handle it when he knew that he and Jacob would always feel the same way for each other, if he knew that in some way Jacob would always be his. To lose Jacob, for Jacob to stand in front of him and feel nothing towards him, something inside Edward snapped.

Edward growled, snatched Jacob up and swung Jacob onto his back then swooped out of the window with him. Edward raced back towards the Cullen estate, hoping he could get far enough from La Push before Jacob's cries for assistance alerted the rest of his pack, or any other pack. Edward could feel bad about abducting Jacob later, once Jacob was better. Something was definitely wrong with Jacob, his appearance, his voice, his body, his temperature. It was like he was changing back into a boy, like he was turning away from Edward. Edward couldn't stand it, could hardly keep from screaming… or retching. His head clamored with Jacob's thoughts, Jacob's demands to be released, and his revulsion to Edward's cold hard skin. Listening to Jacob's thoughts, knowing how Jacob felt about him now, it made Edward's earlier pain seem like a pin prick in comparison. It sent shockwaves of pain so deep through Edward's heart he began to slow down in an attempt to appease the pain.

When Edward reached the Cullen estate he leapt easily up into Jacob's old room and deposited Jacob onto his bed. It was almost comical how much smaller Jacob seemed, more like a child of fourteen than the seventeen year old he was or the fully grown man he'd seemed to be. Jacob scrambled away from Edward, not attempting to leave the room just trying to gain a safe distance from Edward. Edward heard the curious thoughts of his family downstairs, heard them wondering what frightened mortal Edward had forced back to their house, wondering what nefarious plans Edward might have for the frightened mortal. As one they raced up to Jacob's room and the only thing that kept them from bursting into Jacob's room was a small gasp from Alice.

"Jacob," Alice hissed, "it's Jacob."

Esme threw open the door, bound inside, but froze midway. Edward knew what they all were thinking, even without his ability he would have known: This _boy_ was not Jacob.

* * *

A/N: Ha ha! All that's missing is the Dun dun dun-dun-dun dun music.


	11. I Hate

**I Hate**

* * *

Jacob paced with growing agitation and swiped at the low hanging canopy over Alice's bed. Three days of captivity in the Cullen house and he'd only been successful in making it to Alice's room. He'd only made it two doors away from his room before Emmett caught him and locked him in Alice's room. It had been a pathetic attempt at escape anyway. Alice saw every move he planned and Edward was always listening to his thoughts. Paul was always at the Cullen's estate now too, working with the Cullens, he had been since the Cullens had determined that there "was definitely a problem" with Jacob. Since then Paul hadn't left once, he conspired with the Cullens, helping them to hold Jacob prisoner. It was beyond infuriating. What was the big deal? So he wasn't in _love_ with Edward anymore, so he wasn't obsessed with Edward anymore, how was that a bad thing?

Sure, he couldn't phase, he was completely cut off from the pack, he looked like a scrawny pubescent teenager, he wasn't as strong, as fast, and he wasn't as able to smell or hear as well as could. So he was more awkward, less graceful, he didn't heal as fast, and his body temperature was a steady ninety-eight point six. That was all manageable. He was becoming the person he's been before, _again_, and he couldn't understand why _everyone_ thought it was such a bad thing. Even Rosalie, she continued to glare at Jacob daily but it was more like she was angry at him for _not_ being a werewolf. Jacob had thought that she, of all people, would be happy he was no longer connected to any of them. Rosalie's anger defied logic. Esme refused to come and see him, the only sadness Jacob felt over the whole situation was that it hurt her. Whenever she came by Esme just stood in the doorway and stared at Jacob, looking like she was on the verge of tears. Carlisle was fascinated by Jacob and came by regularly to examine Jacob. Emmett was Emmett; if he didn't need to kill it or play with it then it wasn't interesting. Alice loved Jacob's condition at first, she loved being able to see Jacob in her visions. The first day he'd been there she came into his room, sat at the edge of the bed and told Jacob everything he would do that day… every last boring detail. If there was anything more boring than being held prisoner in a room it was being dictated your boring life before you had to live it.

Jasper saw Jacob once, he gave Jacob his now signature unique smirk which sent Jacob's heartbeat racing. Jacob had been so delighted to see Jasper that he'd rushed over to him and hugged Jasper as tightly as he could. As soon as he had he knew it was the wrong thing to do. Jasper's entire body went rigid and he stopped breathing, but he did slowly wrap his arms around Jacob's back until they rested on Jacob's shoulder blades. Edward yanked Jacob away, out of Jasper's grasp, with surprising force. Jacob was rewarded with a dark purple bruise on his upper arm and the understanding that he was no longer super human. Edward had growled angrily at Jasper until Jasper took a diminutive step backwards, then Edward turned his glare on Alice.

Alice had just shrugged and said: "I can't see what Jacob's going to do if he doesn't make a conscious decision. I can't predict snap decisions; they're too impulsive, too quick."

Jacob had asked to have Jasper stay but _everyone_ agreed that that was a bad idea; apparently Jacob's new basic human smell made him a tasty human delight. Jasper hadn't been allowed back to see Jacob since, much to Jacob's chagrin. Jasper made him feel happy, serene, pleased, content, and Jacob wanted those feelings to stay.

Jacob sat on the edge of Alice's bed, a ridiculously frivolous purchase considering she never slept, and glared glumly at the far wall. How long would they keep him locked up? How long would Paul help them? How long would they deny the truth? Jacob did _not_ love Edward, regardless of what Edward imagined. The idea that Jacob had once loved Edward seemed silly now. More than silly, it made Jacob angry. He'd put his pack in danger, he'd split the pack up, they were in shambles all because Jacob couldn't control his hormones, his stupid wolf hormones. Lucky for all of them then that he wasn't a wolf anymore. He was just Jake again; Jacob Black, high school sophomore.

Jacob looked up as the door to the room opened, then stood as Bella came in and closed the door behind her. Jacob hadn't seen Bella since he'd changed, Bella looked different suddenly, almost more attractive. It was just one more thing that Jacob had noticed once he'd stopped being a wolf; some things were clearer. As a wolf Jacob's entire world had been Edward, now he could see all of the things he hadn't known he was missing. Bella's swollen stomach seemed less foreboding now, still terrifying, she was only eighteen after all, but it seemed less of a looming threat to Jacob. Bella gaped at Jacob, appraising him, and then smiled broadly. Bella waddled as she walked over to Jacob, teetering over to sit beside him on the bed. Jacob wanted to grasp Bella by the arm and help her onto the bed but he knew that she'd consider it an insult so he just waited patiently as she struggled to climb up onto the bed. Once she was seated Bella placed one small swollen hand on her stomach and sighed.

"It's getting harder to do things," Bella said. "I can't bend over, my whole belly hurts when I do, I can't run, I can't sit for too long, I can't stand for too long, I keep eating all of the time… I'm getting so big I feel like Santa Claus. The guy behind the counter at Burger King nearly bugged out when I told him I was only six months, he was sure I was at least eight. And yesterday I cried for nearly sixty minutes because the guy on the cellular commercial had to leave his daughter when he went away on business."

"Right," Jacob said sluggishly.

"Yeah," Bella said. "So, how have _you_ been?"

"Human," Jacob said proudly. He thumped a hand against his chest making a deep hollow thud. "I'm fine."

"Terrific," Bella said vacantly. "So you're fine and this is why I haven't seen my husband in three days?"

Jacob shrugged. "I don't get it either, why's everyone so uptight? I'm ready to celebrate."

Bella frowned and leaned closer to Jacob. Bella said: "Edward is my husband, you know that right? We're having a baby."

"Yeah," Jacob said incredulous, "I got that. Why does everyone keep asking me stupid questions like that? I remember, I just don't care." She pressed both of her hands to her stomach to emphasize her point.

A slow smile spread across Bella's face and she slid off the bed. She took Jacob's hand, pulled him off the bed and towards the door. "Let's go downstairs. The sooner they accept that you're fine the sooner I can get my life back."

Bella pulled Jacob out the door and downstairs. Apparently, as long as Jacob wasn't trying to escape he was free to roam. The others were grouped in the kitchen; Edward, Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Paul, Leah, Seth, Quil and Embry. Jacob hadn't even been aware that the pack had come back over. The addition of Jacob and Bella made the kitchen seem almost claustrophobic. As Jacob and Bella walked in Edward came to their side, to Jacob's side actually, there was no use sugar coating it. Edward barely registered Bella's presence. Edward took Jacob gingerly by the arm and ushered Jacob to sit beside him; he grasped Jacob's hand and intertwined their fingers. It made Jacob extremely uncomfortable but Edward didn't seem to mind Jacob's discomfort or anyone else's. Bella was forced to find her own chair and slide it up on the other side of Edward; she placed her tiny hand on Edward's knee.

"Are you hungry?" Esme asked Jacob. "I could make you some lunch."

"No thank you," Jacob answered quietly. An uncomfortable silence descended, opened up, stretched out before them, threatened to envelope the room, and Jacob cleared his throat loudly. "What were we talking about?" Jacob asked. He tried to keep his tone casual as he tugged uselessly at the hand in Edward's but Edward held firm, his eyes never left Jacob's face, his gaze burned Jacob's cheek.

"You," Rosalie stated coldly.

"Ah," Jacob said. He tried to ignore Edward as he used his free hand to stroke Jacob's captive arm affectionately. "And what did _we_ decide?"

"You're dying," Rosalie said angrily.

"Sorry," Jacob muttered. He fought the urge to shiver as Edward pressed closer to his side. "But isn't every human dying?"

Rosalie hissed at him, her eyes narrowing to slits, and said: "Before you weren't aging at all, now you're aging too fast."

"Oh," Jacob said. "What?"

"Rosalie," Esme scolded. Esme moved to Jacob's side and touched Jacob's cheek faintly with her fingertips. "You don't need to hear this dear."

"No," Jacob said tightly. He shivered as Edward inhaled deeply at his neck and blew out the cold air against Jacob's exposed flesh. "I need to know these things. I'm aging too quickly… and dying? How long?"

"A few months," Carlisle stated. "There's no way to be sure but, at your rate of decay―"

"What rate of… _decay_, really?" Jacob scoffed. Edward moved from touching Jacob's arm to stroking Jacob's cheek with the back of his hand and Jacob flinched away from Edward. "Man, would you cut that shit out?"

Edward let his hand fall away from Jacob's face but still clung to Jacob's hand. This, Jacob decided, he could deal with… if only for his last few remaining months of life.

"He hasn't seen a mirror yet," Alice said. "We thought it was for the best…"

Alice let her voice trail off as she handed Jacob a small pocket mirror. Jacob held it up and examined his face in it. He was no longer a boy of seventeen, nor the man he'd appeared when he was a wolf, he looked older. Crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, his once smooth skin now wrinkling like leather under the hot sun, and, if it wasn't his imagination, his nose had gotten bigger. He was aging; he had to be nearing thirty. How the hell did the vamps figure he had two months when he'd aged twenty years in three days? Someone should recheck their math, and then check it again.

"The rapid aging is slowing," Edward told him, "its just―"

"It's just not slowing fast enough to save your life," Rosalie finished. "You'll be in your nineties when it finally stops."

'_Yay, senility_.' Jacob thought. '_I look like an old man_.'

"You look perfect," Edward cooed. His lips ghosted over Jacob's ear, his breath whispered across Jacob's cheek.

Jacob had had enough of enough and stood forcing Edward to release him, he glared down at Edward. "Knock. It. _Off_. You're creeping me right out and I can't stand it. Why can't you just accept that there's nothing between us?" Jacob gestured between himself and Edward. It enraged him to have Edward paw at him, to have Edward fawn over him, all the while Edward's _wife_ sat desperate at his side.

Edward was out of his chair and in Jacob's face before Jacob could even register movement. '_A big one in the "_It Sucks Not Being A Wolf_" category,_' Jacob thought. Edward cradled Jacob's head in his hands, his eyes searching Jacob's for something that wasn't there.

"You're the only thing that matters to me," Edward choked out. "You're my _everything_."

It almost made Jacob feel sorry for him, almost made Jacob wish he could love Edward. Almost. One quick glance over Edward's shoulder at Bella's crestfallen face was enough to snap Jacob out of it. Edward had made his decisions, he had married Bella, he had bound their lives together and he couldn't complain about it now. Jacob wretched his face from Edward's grasp and backed away. Jasper's arm wrapped around Jacob's waist and he pulled Jacob up to his side. Edward froze in place, gaping at them, and it occurred to Jacob that Edward should have been furious. Jacob had hardly seen a time lately that Jasper was near and Edward hadn't been furious. Now Edward just stood there with a strange placid look on his face.

Alice sighed. "I'll take Edward for a walk."

"I'll go with you," Bella said jumping up out of her seat.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea right now," Alice said as she ushered Edward towards the front room. "Behave Jasper," Alice called over her shoulder.

Bella threw Jacob a stern glare, crossed her arms over her chest, and stomped out of the room.

"Holy awkward moments, Batman," Seth said after a beat.

"Please," Carlisle said addressing Paul, "let us know if you find out anything more. We'll keep Jacob here and keep looking for a way to halt the aging."

Paul nodded, threw a tiny glance at Jacob, the gestured minutely for the pack to leave. They followed his directions, none of them made eye contact with Jacob as they left. Jacob watched them go, wondering what they could hope to "find out", when he felt Jasper's thumb moving in slow circles on his hip. Not an altogether unpleasant feeling, Jacob noted, aside from the fact that Jacob was sure that Jasper was completely capable and willing to kill him.

Rosalie walked casually around the island, a scowl firmly in place on her face, and once she reached where Jacob stood in Jasper's grasp she shoved Jasper. It wasn't hard enough to hurt him but it was forceful enough to send Jasper skidding backwards into the wall. Rosalie glared at Jacob, her hard yellow eyes and boring into him.

"Why do you have to make everything so difficult?" Rosalie hissed. "Things were perfect before you came along."

"And now I _want_ to leave so―"

"Leave?" Rosalie shrilled. "Leave before we can fix you?" Her steely gaze shifted from Jacob to just over his shoulder at Jasper. "Save it, I'm not going to hurt him." Her eyes refocused on Jacob's and she moved in closer to him. "You can't remember it now, but you love him."

Jacob rolled his eyes. "I don't―"

"Quiet," Rosalie snapped holding up a hand to silence him. "You loved him and you were _both_ happy. So I don't care what it takes, one way or another you will come home, _little brother_."

Rosalie glared at Jacob for a moment longer then turned and left the room with Emmett only a few paces behind her. Jacob felt drained. '_Probably because of my old age_,' he mused. He could feel Jasper at his side, just behind his right shoulder, Esme's frown of disapproval a confirmation. There was something about Jasper, something irresistible, something Jacob couldn't quite put his finger on. It wasn't Jasper himself, though Jasper was just as breathtakingly beautiful as any of the vampires, it was more something Jasper represented. Something Jacob had lost. The more Jacob tried to think of it, to grasp it and make it whole, the more elusive it became.

"Let me make you something to eat," Esme said, "You look so thin."

Jacob relented, consenting, and Esme moved quickly around the kitchen preparing food. Carlisle left for work, leaving only Esme, Jacob, and Jasper in the bright kitchen. Jasper sat at Jacob's side, his eyes never leaving Jacob's face much in the same way Edward's hadn't, and Esme frowned at Jasper often. She made too much food, far more than Jacob could eat, and then sulked miserably when Jacob announced that he was full. Jasper watched Jacob eat, and then followed him into the front room when Esme began clearing up. It was odd how natural it felt to have Jasper near him, to have Jasper following him, to have Jasper so close to him. Jacob's skin tingled as Jasper's hand brushed his neck.

A thunderous crash across the room caught Jacob's attention and he turned to see Jasper, standing in the midst of a broken curio cabinet, facing off with Edward. Jacob had to do a quick double take to make sure Jasper wasn't still standing beside him. Edward moved backwards towards Jacob until the cold skin of Edward's arm touched Jacob's arm. Edward grabbed a fistful of Jacob's shirt like a vice and continued to glare at Jasper. Jasper growled at Edward, matching the thinly veiled menace in Edward's stance with his own. Alice appeared in the room standing between Jasper and Edward, Jacob's human eyes struggled to keep up with their fluid, lightning quick movements as they seemed to appear then reappear in another place. Esme joined Alice in the middle of the room attempting to calm them with her presence.

"Stay away from him," Edward growled at Jasper.

"He only wanted to help," Alice interceded. "He couldn't have known what it'd do to Jacob."

"You tried to kill him," Edward accused Jasper.

"It wasn't like that," Alice said. She placed herself closer to Jasper, making it impossible to hit him without also hitting her. "He only wanted to help."

"By biting him?" Edward scoffed. His eyes narrowed and fixed on Jasper. "Of course, I forgot, 'mine'."

Jasper glared back at Edward and whatever his thoughts, they made Edward snarl ferociously. Esme moved closer to the middle of the argument, looking completely out of place in the middle of the commotion with her long honey brown waves of hair clipped ornately behind her head, her soft cream colored silk dress rustling delicately with every movement. The perception of her danger set off warnings in Jacob's mind and his brain began working in high gear to protect her. He had to find a peaceful solution. He needed to keep Esme safe.

With only Esme's safety in mind Jacob clutched at Edward's shirt, struggling to catch Edward's attention and draw it away from Jasper. Jacob tugged at Edward's shirt collar, bent himself around Edward, trying to maneuver himself to stand in front of Edward while Edward tried to keep him contained behind him with one hand grasped on Jacob's shirt. Jacob wrapped as far as his short lead would allow, clutching Edward's shoulders Jacob pressed himself to Edward, pressed his lips to Edward's ear, felt Edward's entire body tense as he began speaking mindlessly. Jacob spouted words as they occurred to him, whispering words into Edward's ear, without meaning or feeling, his only concern for Esme.

"Please," Jacob pleaded, "stop. It's nothing, let's sit down, let's talk, let's go upstairs. We can… we can lay on the bed together, you can hold me ―we'll hold each other. Let's just, let's stop this."

Edward seemed to think it over, and then nodded sharply. He pulled Jacob to his side, wrapping his arm around Jacob's waist and holding them together. "I'm sorry Jasper," Edward said. He trailed one cool finger over Jacob's hand which was still clutching Edward's shoulder. "I lost my temper, it won't happen again."

"I only wanted to help," Jasper said softly. "I wouldn't have tried to do it myself."

"The venom would kill him," Alice whispered.

Understanding hit Jacob like a ton of bricks; Jasper wanted to turn him. That was the reason for Edward's hostility, for their concern. Edward had been listening to Jasper's thoughts and when he'd heard Jasper's conclusion he'd obviously flown off the handle. It was such an Edward thing to do.

"Jacob is going to stay with me from now on," Edward said, "at my side. _I do not care about that_, Jacob will stay with me, and I with him," Jacob rolled his eyes; leave it to Edward to talk like a pretentious ass.

"And Bella?" Alice asked.

"She's free to come and go as she pleases, as always, but I stay with Jacob." Edward flexed his restrictive arm around Jacob's waist then scooped up Jacob easily and looped out of the room.

Edward took him upstairs and into Jacob's bedroom, closing the door behind them, all without breaking even the slightest bit of connection between them.

"The way it should have been from the beginning," Edward breathed against Jacob's cheek.

Edward's gaze traveled over Jacob's face, his eyes glistened as he eyed Jacob eagerly, like a child lusting after a new toy on Christmas day. Uncomfortable was nowhere near the correct term for the way Jacob felt with Edward watching him. Their proximity, Edward's hands roaming his back, Edward's eyes boring into him, Edward's breath on Jacob's face, a bed not a foot behind Jacob. No, 'uncomfortable' wasn't nearly severe enough a word for it. Saying this made him uncomfortable was like saying that having your finger nails ripped, out one by one, was 'uncomfortable'. Like saying that being devoured alive by fire ants would be 'uncomfortable'. Like saying―

Edward sighed, his shoulders drooped, and his eyes closed. "Can't you just let me enjoy the moment? Do you have to keep reminding me that you don't―"

Edward stopped mid sentence and let go of Jacob. Edward moved and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, looking more defeated than Jacob cared to see, and looked at the ground. Jacob debated with himself for several seconds before he decided and moved over to the bed. Jacob crawled around Edward and lay on the bed facing the far wall near Edward's back. Jacob tugged at Edward's shirt until Edward turned and looked over his shoulder at Jacob.

"You don't have to," Edward sighed, "I know how you feel about me."

Jacob sighed, he wasn't exactly slap happy about asking Edward to wrap his frigid body around him, and he liked the idea that he'd have to beg Edward to do it even less. But the idea of Edward moping around day after day was more than he could take. If Edward were truly going to be everywhere Jacob was from then until Jacob died, (two months) then Jacob would just rather he was a bearable level of mopey. Edward chuckled at Jacob's thoughts then turned, lay on the bed, and pulled Jacob tight against him. Again, uncomfortable wouldn't be the word that Jacob would use to describe what he felt. Aside from the cold, which Edward solved by wrapping Jacob in a blanket, being wrapped in Edward's arms wasn't so bad. It was a little… odd, but not unbearable.

That turned out to be a blessing as Edward, true to his word, kept Jacob at his side at all times. Jacob had to tag along to Bella's doctor appointment, a _rescheduled_ doctor's appointment, Bella reminded him over and over, rescheduled because of him. Edward never let Jacob out of his sight, rarely let go of Jacob's hand. It was sweet, in a bizarre kind of way, and endearingly affectionate. On occasion, when Edward would wrap himself around Jacob as Jacob lay in bed, Edward would kiss Jacob. It always began innocently but it would grow in intensity and passion until Edward's cold hands found their way under Jacob's shirt, Edward's lips crushed Jacob's, Edward's body urgent against Jacob. Jacob would push Edward away and Edward would let him. Jacob would allow Edward to kiss him if Edward needed to but he wouldn't let it go any further. Jacob wasn't going to let Edward have his way just because Jacob felt sorry for him.

The rest of the Cullens seemed oblivious to Jacob; not even his rapid aging seemed to shake them. In a week Jacob had aged from thirty to thirty-five, a _tremendous_ slow in aging but it was still _rapid aging_. Carlisle still poked and prodded Jacob every morning and every evening. Esme cooked far too much food for Jacob, breakfast, lunch and dinner, but it didn't seem to matter too much since the pack would show up just after she'd cooked and wolf it all down. The Cullens didn't even seem to mind the five wolves in their midst, practically living in their house, even Rosalie's mood had softened towards them. Like a diamond that softened into a metal, she wasn't soft but she wasn't as hard.

It was one of those mornings when Jacob, shadowed by Edward, was at the kitchen table that Paul came tearing into the house and Edward's grip tightened on Jacob's hand. Edward was up, out of his seat, vanished from the kitchen, before Jacob even knew he was moving. When Edward came back he was followed by Carlisle. Edward returned to Jacob's side and Carlisle moved to Esme, she grasped one of his hands in both of hers. Paul glanced at the ground, shuffled his feet uncomfortably, and waited. In the next quick moments the others appeared around the room until it was suddenly filled with people, vampires and werewolves, and once the entire clan was there Paul decided to speak.

Paul cleared his throat before he began. "We've been going over Quileute legends; it's difficult since the elders refuse to help us. They took Sam's side." A hiss erupted from the room, from the wolves and the vampires. Esme tutted at them and Paul continued: "I, uh, I had to mention that Jacob's imprint had, uh, reversed before the elders would agree to speak with me. They're actually tripping over themselves to talk to me now, even Sam. There's this ritual, sure fire way to break an imprint, old world magic, but no one would even consider it because it would kill Jacob.

"Well, no one on the reservation would ever use it; everyone cares for Jacob too much. So finding out who did it is going to be a big problem… why, do we need to find them, you ask? Because the ritual begins and ends with blood. Somehow, someone slipped Jacob their blood, it has to be 'ingested', and the only way to cure Jacob is for him to 'ingest' more. So we need to find whoever did this to Jacob and I was thinking…"

Jacob tuned out the rest of Paul's speech; Jacob had heard all that he needed to. Someone was doing this to him, someone had done this on purpose, and there was no way to stop them. The idea of trying to figure it out was like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. There were too many people to consider, too many suspects, there was no way to find out exactly who'd done it in the time they had. Even if they could find them, what would happen then? Would he revert to what he was? Would he be a wolf again? Would he be a middle aged teenager? Would he be young again? Would he imprint again? Jacob turned to look at Edward, Edward… his constant companion. If they could fix him would he be in love with Edward again? Could Jacob stand it? Could he lose the person that he'd become? He supposed that that wouldn't matter much considering he'd already had to become a new person to become who he was now. He'd become a new person on more than one occasion already. Still―

Edward stood, pulling Jacob easily out of his thoughts and out of his chair. Edward walked out of the kitchen and Jacob followed in a daze. They went into the foyer, where Edward's piano sat just a foot away, and stopped. Edward grasped Jacob in his arms and Jacob allowed himself to be embraced, to be cocooned in Edward's arms, and Edward held Jacob there. Edward kissed Jacob's temple, then Jacob's cheek, his chin, and finally Jacob's lips. Edward pressed his lips to Jacob's with a building need. Jacob felt his heart flutter, like the death throes of a butterfly his heart beat in an irregular pattern. For a moment Jacob remembered, with heart wrenching clarity exactly how he'd felt for Edward. Remembered every feeling, every look, every heartache and every swell, all the joy, every time they touched. For one split second Jacob remembered himself and the wolf he used to be.

Jacob whimpered, pressed himself closer to Edward, brought his hands up and wrapped them in Edward's hair. Jacob deepened their kiss, nipping at Edward's lips with his own. Edward lifted Jacob off the ground and pressed him up against the near wall, pinned Jacob with his body. It was just a glimmer of memory, the tiniest snippet of Jacob's former life, and while it was powerful, filled with the most powerful emotions that Jacob had ever experienced, it was still only a memory. Edward broke their kiss, no doubt reading Jacob's thoughts, and the ragged panting of Jacob's breath filled the empty space.

"I don't care," Edward said. "I don't care how you come back once we cure you. I don't care if you never love me again, I just want you to have the chance to love and live. I want you to live."

Edward touched Jacob's face, his eyes memorizing every contour, and again Jacob felt pangs of his old life, stronger, longer. '_Maybe they're not death throes_,' Jacob thought, '_maybe it's just the beginning again, just a little slower_.' Jacob watched Edward's face light up as he read Jacob's mind, Jacob wasn't unpleased by Edward's reaction and he allowed Edward to kiss him again.

* * *

**A/N**: Yeah… and that's that I guess. What, give me a break, I am a sick girl. *coughcough*


	12. You Hate Everything About Me

**You Hate Everything About Me**

* * *

_I recall a long farewell and a time to chose_

_So we part like rivers baby, yeah like rivers do_

_But I still talk about you though and wonder_

_How your life will unfold_

_Twilight – Thriving Ivory_

Bella watched from the stairs as Edward pinned Jacob against the foyer wall, kissing him with a passion that she wished Edward still felt for her. It was a passion that she had tried to steal, to no avail. She kicked herself for believing in old Quileute legends, stupid old world remedies. It hadn't been easy to find, the secret way to break an imprint, and there had been no mention of the side effects that had come up. She had had no idea that Jacob would die and, after learning his fate, no desire to help him. She had no desire to go back to the way it had been, watching Jacob and Edward together. She would do anything not to go back to that, _anything_, no matter the cost.

But that 'remedy' hadn't turned out right anyway, Bella blamed Edward for that. When Jacob had imprinted on him they had been linked, Edward had been psychically connected to Jacob, or so he told Bella. But when the reverse had happened, Jacob's thoughts were suspiciously absent from Edward's mind. Bella suspected that Edward might have done it on purpose, consciously or not, his mind cocooned itself from losing Jacob. As if it were trying to cocoon itself from losing "the most important, most significant" source of emotions he'd "ever felt in his life", as he told Bella. She hated them.

She hated that even after all of her scheming she had failed to break their bond. It was obvious now, as she watched Edward kiss Jacob. Watching Edward kiss Jacob was nothing compared to watching Jacob kiss him back, and he was. She knew that she was just being cruel now, now that she knew that she would never win Edward's heart, watching her friend die in slow motion in the ultimately unachievable attempt to get her boyfriend back. The thought brought her up short; _she was killing Jacob_. She had known this simple fact for so long and only now, watching Edward and Jacob, knowing that Jacob's death served no purpose but her revenge, did she feel even the slightest sensation of guilt.

'_I've become a monster_,' Bella thought.

She continued to watch Edward and Jacob and, as Edward snaked a hand under Jacob's shirt and Bella snapped into action. She made a loud, theatrical production out of waddling down the stairs. She mightn't have bothered, Edward didn't even notice, barely paid her any attention, not even as she labored down the stairs. Bella pushed her stomach out, placed a hand on the small of her back, huffed and puffed, until she became a caricature of a pregnant woman. Edward didn't notice, didn't even pause from kissing Jacob's neck, it was Jacob who noticed. Jacob turned towards her commotion, his lower lip sucked into Edward's mouth. He pushed at Edward, though Bella knew from experience that that was like trying to move a brick wall. Bella put her free hand to her stomach, pretending not to see them, and Jacob's eyes followed the movement. Edward tried to entice him back into the kiss, kissing Jacob's cheek and nipping playfully at Jacob's ear. Bella panted loudly, not actually feeling strained but knowing that Edward's sensitive hearing would be able to hear her, and he'd be able to see her through Jacob's mind.

Finally, Edward relented and came to her side, probably prompted more by something in Jacob's mind than anything Bella did. Edward helped Bella down the last few steps, taking her hand from her belly to lead her, and Jacob met them at the foot of the stairs. Jacob grasped Edward's free hand, a gesture that wasn't missed by either Bella or Edward. Internally Bella glowered at the ineffectuality of Quileute legends, she'd wanted to break their connection but she seemed to have only stifled it temporarily. What was it that Jacob had told her once when she'd asked for more information about imprinting? What had he said when she'd asked if the person imprinted on had any choice in the matter? Jacob had responded that it was hard to deny that level of adoration. For Jacob it must have been even more difficult with Edward's many charms, now that their roles were reversed. She'd been foolish, this wasn't a traditional imprinting, the _two_ of them had imprinted, and Bella had only dealt with one of them. She'd been sure that, with Jacob no longer interested in Edward, Edward would come back to her… that they could pick up where they'd left off.

Edward let go of Bella's hand and Rosalie was at her side in an instant, Rosalie's cold hand clutched Bella's. At first, Rosalie's devotion had seemed like a godsend. Rosalie was so loud, so opinionated, and Rosalie's ideas had mirrored her own. Rosalie had been the most vocal in the push for Edward to marry Bella, to make them a family, to raise the baby as their own. Now though, Rosalie's constant attention annoyed Bella. Perhaps if Rosalie weren't always around Edward would be around more often. Maybe if Rosalie weren't always there, coddling Bella, taking care of Bella, maybe then Edward would have to do it. Rosalie stole Edward's place at Bella's side, _allowing_ Edward to go to Jacob, _allowing_ Edward to lure Jacob back into the horror of their relationship. Rosalie's constant meddling had allowed Edward to slip off into Jacob's room when Jacob was out, had allowed Edward the luxury of staring out at the forest when Jacob ran, allowed Edward to all but outright ignore Bella's every word while clinging to every thought Jacob possessed. Rosalie took care of Bella so that Edward didn't have to. Even as Rosalie took Bella's hand and carefully guided Bella towards the sofa Bella resented her.

"Are you okay?" Rosalie asked. Bella pulled to a stop and Rosalie turned to look at her. "What is it?"

"I was just on my way out," Bella lied. "I was going to drive into town―"

Rosalie scoffed loudly. "Bella, you can't drive."

"I can," Bella demanded angrily. She took a deep calming breath and tried again. "Really, I can. Lots of pregnant women drive." Bella hated the discussion, being treated like she had advocated doing crack and not a quick drive, she hated being dictated what she could and could not do.

Rosalie turned her hard glare on Edward, but Edward's focus was on Jacob. Edward's eyes were fixed on his and Jacob's hands, still entwined, as he let the fingertips of free hand play on the back of Jacob's. "Edward!" Rosalie hissed, hardly even earning her a glance. "Edward, say something."

'_Yes Edward_,' Bella pleaded silently, '_say something. Please, just look at me like you used to… just once_.'

"It's just a car ride, Rosalie," Edward said distractedly. "Let her go, she's not a prisoner."

Bella smiled, though she felt like racing across the room and clawing Jacob to pieces, then moved smoothly from the room. Once outside, Bella raced to the car, ignoring the pain it caused her. She got in and drove quickly away from their house trying not to let on that she was fleeing. It was stupid to think that she could break them up with some berries, twigs, and a little blood. She should have known when it all first started. She should have been able to tell how bonded they were when Edward had demanded Bella call La Push day after day, asking after Jacob, just after the incident with the motorcycles. She should have seen it in how frantic Edward had been to know if Jacob was all right, how he'd begged Bella to drive to La Push and demand to see Jacob. It was so obvious now. Bella should have known the day that Edward had jumped up from his piano, said something Bella couldn't hear or understand, a Cheshire cat smile oozing across his angel's face.

"He's coming," Edward had said louder. She should have known by the giddy, euphoric expression that lit his eyes, the way he'd moved around the room in building excitement. She should have known by the way he'd frozen in place, suddenly aware of the danger Jacob faced, how he's leapt from the room demanding that the others follow. She should have known because he'd left Bella behind and Esme had had to bring her along. She should have known there was no way to separate Jacob and Edward; they were an unending circle, even after her feeble attempts to break it. She should have known ―she should have seen it. The love that she and Edward shared hadn't been anything near as deep as the connection between Edward and Jacob, though it had felt like it at the time to Bella.

Bella drove, not really knowing where she was going but not really surprised when she pulled into the parking lot of the Newton's sporting goods store. She always seemed to gravitate towards Mike when things got rough. Mike was her clam center at the eye of the storm. What would she say to him now?

'_Hey Mike, turns out that the guy I'm in love with is actually in love with this __**other**__ guy that I love. Oh, and I'm pregnant with your baby_.'

"I could be a character on _Days of Our Lives_ right now," Bella muttered to herself.

How did this happen? How did _Mike_ become her warm cozy center? Why did her life have to change? She'd liked it the way it was, Edward was her immortal lover, impossibly perfect, and Jacob her best friend, eternally faithful. This new world was wrong. _Her_ vampire family was welcoming the wolves into their home, living with them, desperate to save one of them, _loving_ one. _She_ was supposed to be the one to bind them together; their love of _her_ would unite them!

They loved Jacob; Bella knew that, she could accept that. Each and every vampire in that house loved him in their own way. '_Damn Jacob for being so easy to love_,' Bella thought. Even Rosalie cared for him, even if it was just the part of Edward that Jacob possessed that she cared for. Alice loved him, Esme _adored_ him, Carlisle, Emmett, Jasper… Jasper. Bella had hoped that Jasper would be able to steal this new Jacob away, deep down she almost hoped he'd kill Jacob… on accident. Jasper was still new to the Cullen's 'vegetarian' lifestyle, prone to give in to his primal urges, and Edward would forgive Jasper because they were brothers. Mostly, though, she just hoped that Jasper would be able to steal Jacob's affection, especially while Jacob felt nothing for Edward. But all of Jasper's attempts at Jacob only served to force Edward closer to Jacob.

Edward and Jacob. They were back at the house, probably making love on the piano, while Bella sat in her beat up pickup, idling in the Newton's empty parking lot. While Bella moped, thinking about the mess that fate had made of her life, Edward and Jacob were falling in love… _again_. Bella shook with anger, vibrating in her seat, shaking the steering wheel in front of her in a fit of rage. Bella stopped, just short of screaming, blew out a weary sigh, and rested her head on the steering wheel. Two sharp taps on her driver's side window that made Bella jump up startled.

Mike stared in at her, his big blue eyes the color of the cold crisp sky, looking every bit as uncomfortable as Bella felt embarrassed. Bella fought with the window handle for a quick moment before giving up completely and opening the door. As soon as Bella hopped out of the cab she regretted it. All six months' worth of pregnancy became painfully obvious with one look at her rotund stomach. Bella had forgotten that no one knew, no one knew _for sure,_ though they all suspected it after Bella's hasty wedding. All of Bella's doctor's appointments were in Seattle, she never talked to anyone outside of the Cullen coven, she had sequestered herself. Now, as Mike's wide disbelieving eyes took in Bella's current condition, she felt suddenly exposed. He'd be able to do the math, just like Bella had, he could count back to six months ago when they'd come together, and he could figure it out. Bella had been married for a little over four months and she was six months pregnant, it was close enough to fool everyone except for the actual father. Even if he didn't know exactly how far along Bella was Mike could guess at how close Bella's pregnancy was to their one time.

"Whoa," Mike breathed. "Bella, you're…"

"I know," Bella said. She felt guilty, guilty that she had lied to him… to everyone. A lie of omission, for the most part, but it was still a lie. She was carrying Mike's child and she'd been lying to herself, and anyone who'd listen, about it. Confronted with the truth Bella felt almost shameful. She shouldn't have come to the Newton's, she shouldn't have left Edward's side, she should have forced Jacob to the side and claimed her place with Edward. She could have faked an injury, demanded that Edward stay by her side, demanded that Jacob at least leave the room while she was in it, Rosalie would have made sure that happened. Of all the places that she could have gone Bella never should have gone to Mike's.

Mike's eyes were glued to Bella's stomach, probably doing his own mental calculations. '_If Bella and I had sex a month and a half before she got married what are the chances that this baby is mine_?' or something along those lines. '_Chances are pretty good, Mike, pretty damned good_.' Bella thought ruefully.

"You and Edward…?" Mike asked letting the question hang between them.

Bella knew what he wanted; he wanted her to say yes. He wanted her to tell him how she and Edward were having a baby and she'd never been happier. He just wanted her to affirm that it was Edward's baby, that it was Edward's mess, that he could go back to his life unscathed, that he could go on to his future, his life, but Bella couldn't. Looking at him, looking into his eyes, she couldn't keep herself from feeling drawn to him, feeling the same way she had been drawn into his arms before. Mike's blue eyes burned into hers, his thin lips were drawn into a tight grimace, a sickly pallor colored his skin, his sandy blond hair stuck up wildly. Bella couldn't lie to him, couldn't deny him the truth any longer. He could hate her and walk away if he wanted but at least he'd know the truth.

Slowly Bella shook her head no, feeling as if she were moving in molasses. "No Mike, not _Edward_ and I."

Mike blinked, his eyes moving from Bella's face to her protruding stomach and back again very fast. Tears began to pour down Bella's face, she couldn't stop them, and she sobbed loudly. Mike snapped from his daze, tripping his way forward he pulled Bella into his arms. He placed soft kisses on the top of her head and whispered that it would all be okay. He promised that everything would work out. Bella wanted to laugh, scoff at his naiveté, say something mean along the lines of '_it's okay for you because you can walk away_' but she couldn't do anything but sob. Mike held her until her tears slowed then led her inside the store. The sign in the window read 'Closed' and an additional sign had been added reading 'Go Seahawks!'

Bella sat down inside the store, sniffling every so often, and Mike disappeared into the back. He returned with a glass of water and offered it to Bella. She accepted it, took a tiny sip to be polite, and tried to melt into the floor. '_I shouldn't have come here_,' Bella berated herself. '_What the hell was I thinking_?'

"Does… er, um, does _Edward_ know?" Mike asked. Bella knew his fear, knew it even though she had never been able to feel it, all humans were afraid of vampires, almost instinctually. It was Bella's faulty wiring that made her immune to that fear.

"Yes," Bella squeaked. "I told him before ―before we got married." The ring on Bella's finger suddenly felt like a fifty pound weight and she flexed her finger reflexively. "He agreed to marry me to… preserve my honor."

"That's, er, nice, I suppose." Mike muttered. He took a deep breath, examined his hands, then looked up at Bella. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Bella shrugged. What could she say? '_I didn't want you to know because I love Edward and I was desperate to get him back? I didn't want you ―I only want Edward_?' Was that something she could ever say? It was bad enough she had thought it, that she'd acted on it, saying it out loud would make her treachery too real.

'_What's happened to me_,' Bella wondered.

"Were you _ever_ going to tell me?" Mike asked.

"What would I tell you Mike?" Bella asked through angry tears. "'I'm pregnant, what are _you_ going to do about it'? Or maybe something like; 'Hey, you should leave school and we can move into some crappy apartment. We'll both get jobs at fast food joints and we'll barely scrape by.' How could I do that?"

Mike crossed his arms over his chest and glared at the wall behind Bella. "Why'd you come here then? If you and Edward are married and happy and going to raise _our_ baby, why'd you come and tell me now? Why would you tell me that I'll have a child I'll never know?"

"I didn't come here to tell you," Bella admitted. "Edward and I… when we got married we both knew that it was an arrangement. I don't know why I came here. I don't know why I told you. I guess I just― I just wanted you to know."

"Well thanks for that," Mike sneered. Bella's lip quivered as she tried to keep from crying again. "I guess it'll be a great comfort for me knowing that you and Edward are raising my child in your _arrangement_."

The tears flowed from Bella's eyes and a small whimper escaped her throat. Since getting pregnant she'd had even less control over her emotions than usual, she'd cry at the drop of a dime, be angry for almost no reason, then fine as though nothing had happened only a moment later. She could never control it, not even when she knew it was happening. Mike's expression softened and he came to stand before Bella. He rubbed her arms lightly and, sighing, tried to shush her.

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I married Edward after I got pregnant with your baby, knowing that Edward loved… knowing how he really felt."

"Bella," Mike sighed, "Edward loves you, everyone knows that."

"You'd think so," Bella muttered. "Thanks Mike. I should go; I can't expect you to feel sorry for me, it's not right."

Bella moved towards the door but Mike put a hand on her arm to stop her. "Bella, he does love you, doesn't he? I just… I mean… I don't know if―"

"He does," Bella said. She left quickly, leaving off the rest of the sentence; 'in his own way.' It was cruel to expect Mike to comfort her after everything she'd done to him. She didn't deserve to be comforted, least of all from him.

Bella drove back to the Cullen's. When she got in it was business as usual, they were gathered in the front room going over strategy. They had only one goal; find whoever had done this to Jacob and make them pay. Bella ought to be frightened that they would find out it was her, and for the first couple of weeks she had been, but it soon became clear that they didn't even suspect her so they would likely _never_ figure it out. Bella took a seat beside Edward and Jacob, her eyes fixated on their linked hands. Jacob rubbed his thumb in circles against the back of Edward's hand and, as Bella watched them, she could almost let it happen. She could almost make the decision to let Jacob die just to appease her anger… Almost.

He was still _her_ Jacob too and she couldn't watch him die, she couldn't watch Edward suffer knowing that he would suffer for an eternity. Bella didn't listen to the meeting, it didn't matter if she did, everything was exactly the same; no new leads, no clues, no way to save Jacob. It would be funny if it weren't so sad.

Another week went by at the Cullen's, Bella slipped off to see Mike once every day. She talked with him about the baby, about everything that had happened at every doctor's visit. He told her about school, about their friends, about her father, who he'd made a priority to go and check up on once a day. Bella appreciated him, appreciated his efforts, and the more time she spent with him the harder it became to leave him and go back to the Cullens. Back to watching the two men she loved, love each other. It became harder to go back to a life she couldn't stand, but couldn't see a way out of. After every visit, as she was leaving, Mike would stop Bella and ask her the same question; Are you happy? Bella would always muster a feeble smile and nod but as she left on that last day she couldn't bring herself to do more than tear up as she attempted to smile. Bella had run to her truck and drove away before Mike could come out.

She sat in the living room with Edward and a forty year old Jacob, debating the merits of Jacob's life. It was disturbing how easily she could debate the life or death of her friend, disturbing that she had been deliberating for months. She had almost been ready to let him die, she'd been angry enough, he'd stolen her heart, her boyfriend, her place in the Cullen's lives, he'd replaced her. She'd been more than angry enough to let him die, but logic had won out over sentiment; Bella wasn't a murderer and she couldn't kill Jacob knowing that Jacob's death would kill Edward. The fact that it had taken this long to come to that decision terrified her. What did it say about her that she could be so callous about someone she had once loved?

Begrudged, she searched for the 'cure' to the Quileute ritual in her spare time. Between doctor's appointments, trips to see Mike, and appeasing Rosalie's concern, Bella slipped off to search for the answer. Although, in all of the time it had taken to find the ritual in the first place, Jacob would likely be seventy by the time she got around to it. Once she decided his fate the weeks seemed to tick by even quicker, taking what was left of her innocence with it. If she didn't act soon Jacob would die, it was this month or never.

The others went around business as usual, doctor's appointment, strategy meeting, Jacob's rapid demise. Bella watched them, they were no closer to saving Jacob than they had been at the very beginning, and every day she watched the hope and light extinguish from Edward's eyes as Jacob diminished. Watching Edward lose Jacob, just when he thought he might be winning Jacob back, broke Bella's heart. Edward had only just convinced Jacob that they loved each other, that they belonged together, and Jacob was finally starting to respond to him, but still they couldn't save Jacob's life. Bella hated it, hated them in a lot of ways, hated their love and their happiness, but she hated watching them suffer when she knew that she could stop it.

Bella sat on the edge of the sofa across from Jacob and Edward, Edward held Jacob wrapped in his arms. Bella scoffed inwardly at how ridiculous it looked for a seventeen year old boy to be cradling a man in his late forties but said nothing. Edward spoke in a hushed whisper to Jacob, whispering into Jacob's ear, his lips brushing Jacob's skin as he did. It took all of Bella's willpower not to lunge across the coffee table at them. It took all of her strength not to scream at them; 'You're killing me!' Not to tear Jacob limb from limb. She would save Jacob, and she had nowhere else left to go but the Cullen's, so she had to get used to seeing Jacob and Edward together. The Cullen estate, though it didn't feel like it, was home.

Edward's head shot up suddenly and a playful smile tugged at his mouth as he fixed his mischievous eyes fixed on Bella. "Son of a bitch," Edward breathed. "I don't believe it."

"What?" Jacob asked. His rich, booming baritone still shocked Bella senses.

"Mike's here," Edward said. His vision focused like a laser on Bella making her cheeks flush with heat. Edward favored her with an adoring smile that made Bella's heart thrum enthusiastically in her chest. "You told him."

Bella's face fell. Edward was excited that Bella had told Mike the truth about the baby, not about her. "I thought that he should know," Bella lied.

"Mike who?" Jacob wondered.

"Fantastic," Edward laughed. He kissed the top of Jacob's head softly then shot up off of the couch and held a hand out to Bella. "Come with me, Bella."

Bella relented slowly, allowing Edward to pull her up and out onto the front porch just in time to see Mike's SUV come down the long driveway. Alice and Jasper followed them, Alice probably knew what was going to happen already, and Rosalie and Emmett trailed behind. Each of them was perfect, statuesque, foreboding, terrifyingly perfect to the eyes of any human; Bella could only imagine what Mike must be feeling. What had possessed him to come to the Cullen's? Why would he risk a walk into the spider's web, as it were? Mike turned off his truck, got out, and approached the porch cautiously. Bella wanted to go to him, he looked so small, so impossibly mortal standing before the Cullens.

'_What could he be thinking?!_' Bella wondered.

Edward chuckled; apparently something in Mike's mind struck him as funny.

"Edward," Mike said congenially.

"Mike," Edward responded equally as affably. "What can I do for you?"

Mike cleared his throat nervously. "I wanted to talk to you… about Bella."

Emmett barked with laughter, folded his thick arms over his substantial chest, and leaned against one of the tall white pillars lining the stairs. Bella's eyes trained on Mike, never leaving him, as though she could give him strength with only a look. How must he be feeling, Emmett seemed so imposing.

"What about her?" Edward asked feigning nonchalance well.

"I love her," Mike answered easily as though he had practiced and rehearsed exactly this scenario. "I love her and she's having _my_ baby. I can't just sit by and do nothing while someone else raises my child, takes on _my_ responsibilities."

Edward turned his impassive eyes on Bella, a wry smile gracing his angelic features. "He loves you, Bella. What do you think about that?"

"I think I might love him too," Bella whispered.

Edward's full attention focused on Bella, her heart thundered in her chest, he hadn't expected that response. Did she truly love Mike, _truly_? She didn't know if she did. She knew that she cared deeply for him, but that it was nothing like the love she felt for Edward or Jacob. All Bella really knew was that Mike was offering her a way out of a life she couldn't stand, out of the mess she'd made for herself. God help her but she'd use him for a way out. Mike loved her like Edward couldn't anymore, and Bella did feel _something_ for Mike. Bella could leave with him now and, if need be, she knew she could live on her own, she could survive, her mother had. Bella just needed to fix her life a little, and she could start with her son's father.

"I mean," Bella amended, "I care for him. I'd like ―I'd like my son to know his father." Bella placed both hands on her round stomach, her eyes never leaving Mike's pleased face. His smile beamed as she said 'son'.

"Bella," Edward started solemnly.

Bella turned and fixed her eyes on him. "Don't, please don't. You have Jacob now… I can't be here, be around you two. The two of you are… it's killing me." Edward blinked back a hurt expression and Bella turned back to face Mike. "Would you take me to my father's please, I think I need to talk to him."

Mike nodded and Bella moved to the stairs, Edward caught her lightly by the wrist. "Bella."

"I can't stay here," Bella pleaded. "The things I think, the things I've done… it's a blessing that you can't hear my thoughts."

"Bella," Edward laughed uneasily, "come on, you can't be―"

"I _want_ Jacob to die," Bella hissed low enough so that Mike couldn't hear her. "I hate him for taking you from me. I hate _you_ for loving him the way that you should love _me_. I hate the person I'm becoming."

"I'm sorry," Edward said dumbfounded. Bella might as well have slapped him, his expression claimed she had.

"Don't be sorry," Bella said, "just let me go." Edward looked down at his hand, surprised that he still had a grip on her, and finally let her go. "Thank you. I'll come back for my things when I can."

Bella lumbered down the stairs as quickly as she could and into Mike's arms. Mike ushered her around the truck and helped her in. As soon as they began to drive away Bella felt a weight lift off of her chest. She was free, free to start over, to try and forget Edward and Jacob. She was free to heal and, hopefully, move on. Her son moved inside her, twisting and making her stomach roll. Instinctively she reached out and grabbed Mike's hand. Bella placed Mike's palm on her stomach and watched as his face lit up, watched as a look of awe, of love and admiration washed over him. This was what she'd been missing, what Edward had never been able to give her. This was her family now, for better or worse.

* * *

**A/N: **Sorry this took me a ridiculously long time… I don't exactly care for Bella, but I knew that if she were going to leave it would need to be done through her point of view.


	13. You Hate

**A/N**: Let me just start by reminding you all that you love me, you really do... and if you strike me down now I shall become more powerful than you can imagine…

* * *

**You Hate**

"She's gone!" Edward yelled. "Would you just give it a rest, Rosalie?!"

Jacob tried to become invisible, to blend into the wall behind him. It wasn't the first time since Bella had left that Edward and Rosalie started a shouting match, it most certainly wouldn't be the last. Rosalie had been looking forward to the birth of Bella's baby and she'd been having a hard time dealing with the losing them. Jacob tried to make his mind go blank so as not to draw Edward's attention. If Edward looked at Jacob once he'd already started arguing somehow, seeing Jacob's weathered face sent him into overdrive. Edward would furiously berate her for "wasting time worrying about Bella while Jacob was slipping away". Edward would curse Rosalie for taking time away when it flew by so quickly. Almost a week after Bella had gone and Jacob was already going on sixty… or more, and Bella still refused to speak with anyone.

"You could have _tried_ to stop her," Rosalie screamed.

"Bella _wanted_ to go," Emmett interjected.

Jacob shook his head sadly. Emmett, the poor fool, still hadn't learned to shut up even after he'd been with Rosalie for decades. Occasionally, Emmett would butt into the conversation and both Rosalie and Edward would yell at him until Rosalie finally decided to stick up for him again. It was common, it was a pattern, and it was getting old.

'_Like me_,' Jacob mused.

As soon as Jacob had the thought it he wished he hadn't. Edward's eyes fixed on him, Jacob's gray hair, his leathered face, and the deep wrinkles in his skin. Jacob waited for the inevitable change in Edward's demeanor, waited for Edward to fly into his low growling rage, but it never came. Instead, Edward just sighed. His eyes betrayed the truth of his age, showcasing the reality of how long Edward had been trapped at seventeen, exhibiting a wealth of emotions that a boy shouldn't have. Edward took a seat on the couch beside Jacob, took Jacob's hand in his own, and slowly met Rosalie's eyes. Silently they spoke volumes with their eyes, even Rosalie had to see how soon Jacob would die, how little life he had left.

Edward sighed wearily. "I just need a little _understanding_, Rosalie."

'_He just wants to be with me until I die_' Jacob translated.

"Yes," Edward agreed. He turned to face Jacob and stared deep into his eyes. "I want to spend every moment that I have with you."

"You mean every moment that _I_ have," Jacob teased.

Edward smiled at him, though it did nothing to alleviate the sorrow behind Edward's eyes, and nodded his accent. "Yes, every moment that _we_ have, together."

Jacob rolled his eyes at the unbelievably sentimental pronouncement but he could feel a soft heat creeping up his cheeks. It was a silly, sappy thing to say but it still sent little flutters racing in Jacob's heart all the same. Silently the room emptied, leaving Edward and Jacob sitting alone on the couch, hand in hand. Edward's free hand caressed Jacob's worn leathery face; faintly the urge to flinch away flickered in Jacob's mind. Jacob wondered idly if that would ever go away though he doubted it would, before he died anyhow. It was still weird to be so close to Edward, to have Edward touching him, following him around daily, kissing him… on the lips even. It was bizarre to be living out the end of his days with vampires and not once visiting his dad.

"You want to visit your dad?" Edward asked.

"Not really," Jacob admitted. The idea of his dad seeing him as he was, aged as old as― _older_ than he was, was already more than Jacob could stand.

The back of Edward's hand grazed Jacob's cheek and trailed to Jacob's ear where Edward proceeded to rub and pluck playfully at Jacob's earlobe with his fingers. It irked Jacob uncontrollably; the prolonged intimate contact always seemed to awaken the part of Jacob that desperately wanted to get away from Edward. The tiny flicker inside of Jacob reemerged with a vengeance, growing until all that Jacob could think of was getting away from Edward. It was peculiar to have two conflicting emotions warring inside of him, to desire Edward's touch and still be repulsed by it. Edward's fingers trailed down Jacob's throat and wrapped around the back of Jacob's neck, his fingers playing in the hair at the nape of Jacob's neck. Edward leaned closer, his lips brushing across Jacob's cheek, his fingers dipping below Jacob's collar. Before Jacob could fully form the thought he was up, off of the couch, and moving away from Edward.

He nothing except that he had to get away from Edward. Edward with his cold, probing hands, his all encompassing stare, his icy breath on Jacob's cheek, Jacob had to get away. Edward, for his part, didn't move an inch. He had the good graces to at least appear apologetic, sorry that he'd been trying to rush, again. Edward took several moments to compose himself, his jaw clenching and unclenching, his nostrils flaring with every unnecessary deep inhalation of breath. A part of Jacob just wished he could give Edward exactly what he wanted, wished he could love Edward the way he _knew_ he once had. He wished he could show Edward the love he was constantly looking for in Jacob at least once before he died. Jacob _wanted_ to make Edward happy, and that fact terrified him.

"I'm sorry," Edward said finally. "I should have stopped… I know how you feel when I get… like that."

"S'okay," Jacob said. He told himself to sit back down but not a muscle in his body obeyed. "I'm actually getting kind of hungry. Do you think there's any of that pot roast left that Esme made last night?"

Edward chuckled as he rose gracefully from the couch. "If there isn't I'm sure that, for you, Esme would make more."

Jacob took Edward's hand, without being prompted, and allowed himself to be carried along as Edward walked to the kitchen. '_How could being touched by Edward be repulsive one minute and then perfectly acceptable the next_?' Jacob wondered. Edward, undoubtedly taking advantage of hearing Jacob's thoughts, quickly pulled Jacob to him, Edward held Jacob against him with one strong arm around Jacob's back, leaned in and kissed Jacob chastely on the lips. '_I must look like a monster_,' Jacob thought, '_like a hideous beast… a sixty year old man kissing a seventeen year old boy_.'

"You're perfect," Edward breathed against Jacob's lips, "always."

* * *

Eighty-four, Carlisle's best approximation of Jacob's age. Jacob's joints ached, it was sometimes a challenge to get out of bed in the morning without assistance, and no matter the volume he set the TV at it never seemed loud enough. Still, he wasn't interested in cardigans, antique road show, or the Food Network so he had that going for him but it sucked being the oldest _looking_ seventeen year old in the world. At least he was getting to see just how good his genetics were. A few more days, a week and a half tops, and he would be over ninety. '_Every week I ought have a birthday celebration, with cake_,' Jacob thought.

"Well it's good that you've thought of that now then," Edward teased, "now that―"

Edward's face fell as all the levity he'd accrued the past couple of hours and he visibly disheartened. Jacob chuckled easily, Edward was going to have to get used to the idea of living without him. He pat Edward's knee affectionately, he tried to push himself up off the couch but his knee popped loudly and locked up on him. Edward helped him stand effortlessly, as if he were arranging flowers and not assisting a grown man. Jacob mused that he probably should have been doing exercises, that way his body wouldn't have gone to pot so quickly. It was a bit disgraceful to be constantly needing Edward's assistance at every turn like he was an incapable child. Esme glided into the room, a warm smile on her face and a heaping tray of waffles in her arms. She set the tray on the coffee table, her eyes on Jacob as she did. Esme, like Edward, seemed determined to keep sight of Jacob at all times; trying to absorb every moment that Jacob had left. Jacob shrugged away from Edward's grasp and shuffled towards the bathroom. The pack was due to arrive soon and the house would turn into the United Nations, they'd discuss how they were going to help Jacob, when they couldn't really, because he was dying too quickly and they still had no leads. Esme touched Jacob's arm as he passed and Edward allowed Jacob to sequester himself in the spacious bathroom for a few precious moments of solitude. Jacob hated the meetings, day after day, seeing the horrified faces of his friends, his family, every time they saw how much he had aged. He hated sitting around listening to them vow to save him, to never stop hunting for the culprit, when everyone knew that it was pointless. The hourglass of Jacob's life had nearly run out, there was no time left.

The house began to fill with noise, even Jacob's troubled ears could hear it, and he knew the pack had arrived. He knew they were all tucking in to Esme's waffles and whatever else she'd brought out once Jacob had left the room. Esme was a wonder in the kitchen. Jacob washed his hands, keeping his head bowed to avoid the image in the mirror that so contrasted the image he still saw in his mind, and left the room. Leah stood just outside the door, her face registered no shock at his appearance, she never did. She stood with her arms crossed, almost glaring at Jacob. Leah hadn't said more than two words to Jacob in the past months, hadn't even seemed to notice the changes he went through. Why would she track him down now? Whatever her reasons Edward didn't seem to think it warranted his presence. Jacob smiled at her and Leah scowled back.

"You always seem to get yourself into the worst possible trouble, Jacob Black." Leah said.

Leah continued to scowl at him until Jacob finally muttered a quick: "Sorry," in response.

"You don't get it," Leah hissed. "I can feel you slipping away, we all can. Your hold on us as our pack leader is dwindling."

"I can't even phase," Jacob said in exasperation.

"Just because you can't phase doesn't mean that you're not our Alpha," Leah scoffed. "Whether we like it or not."

"Why'd you come then?" Jacob asked. "If you hate me then why would you follow me here after Seth?"

"I followed Seth," Leah said. "He's my little brother, I'm supposed to take care of him, but he's so foolish he followed you. So I followed him." Jacob sighed and Leah rolled her eyes at him. "You don't get it, Jacob. If you're gone ―_when_ you're gone― it's going to ruin _everything_. I'll have to go back to Sam, we're not meant to rule ourselves, we _need_ an Alpha."

"I'm sorry my death is going to inconvenience _you_," Jacob grumbled.

"And your bloodsuckers?" Leah asked. "Es… Esme loves you like a son, this will destroy her, and Edward―"

"You act like I could possibly stop this," Jacob yelled. "It's not like I _want_ to die."

"Then don't," Leah said. Her voice broke and her eyes welled with tears as she looked pleadingly at Jacob. "Don't die."

Jacob felt worse, which hadn't seemed possible. He remembered the last time he had phased. He could remember the fierce loyalty they felt towards one another, their unity, their familial bond, all that had formed between them. They were all outcasts and they needed each other, losing him had to be almost more than they could bear. Knowing that it was happening, watching it in a sick form of fast acting slow motion, and not having the ability to stop it had to be a torture that not even Leah's calm demeanor could cover. Leah searched his eyes, tears spilling down her cheeks, and launched herself forward at him. She threw her arms around Jacob's shoulders, buried her face in his neck, and sniffed back sobs. Jacob, unsure of what to do, pat her back softly hoping she would stop. It was Leah, Leah was tough as nails and twice as sharp, she did not cry. Leah did not get sentimental and weepy, she was a rock, she'd been transformed into solid stone when she lost Sam. She had been so consumed with her loss that she could feel nothing else, Jacob had no idea how to deal with a broken, crying, stone.

"I can't lose you Jacob," Leah whispered. "None of us can. I'd rather you lived forever with Edward than die."

Leah hugged Jacob tighter, squeezing until he felt all of the air was out of his lungs, and then she let go and stepped a small distance away. She brushed the tears from her eyes, smiled tightly at Jacob, and disappeared around the corner. Edward appeared in the hall once she'd gone and Jacob leaned heavily against the wall. Edward was perfect, as always, and Jacob was rotting away. Edward was still the youthful, glowing seventeen year old he'd seemed to be when they'd first met and Jacob was nearing ninety now. If it had been unusual to see them together when Jacob had only looked ten years older than Edward it had to be obscene by this point.

"I don't care," Edward said. He moved to stand before Jacob and placed his hand lightly on Jacob's shoulder. "I don't care how it looks to everyone else, I love you."

'_That's sweet_,' Jacob mocked. Edward scowled at him then kissed Jacob's hand softly and led him into the living room.

* * *

"How're you feeling today, Jacob?" Jasper asked. Jasper made it sound like an easy, casual question, but as he perched on the edge of Jacob's bed, listening to Jacob's labored breathing, he couldn't keep the fear from his sharp eyes.

"Like…" Jacob wheezed loudly between each croaked word, struggling to catch his breath, "a ninety year old man."

Jasper smiled devastatingly. "The aging has stopped."

"Goody," Jacob wheezed lightheartedly. "Now I can live out my remaining days without worry."

Jasper smiled wider at Jacob's levity. Jasper was still just as handsome, and his smile lit his face beautifully. Edward paced by the door silently, unwilling to leave Jacob's side for even a moment. It was all just a question of how much longer Jacob could hang on. He was old, _old_ now, Carlisle worried about viruses and the rasping, wet sounds of Jacob's labored breathing. The pack had brought Jacob's father to see him days ago, though Jacob was sure that it was Edward's idea more than their own. Though Jacob's father had been told Jacob's condition, and then told, and probably told again, his eyes had nearly bugged out when he finally saw Jacob. It was like a Warner Brother's cartoon, the only thing that kept it from being funny was the sheer terror in his eyes. Jacob was dying, his only son was dying, and there was nothing left to do but say goodbye. There was no one coming to swoop in at the last second and save Jacob's life. Even if they could find a cure he was almost one hundred years old, what would they be saving?

Billy had talked about Bella, a lot. He told Jacob how Bella was doing, that she was fine, better even once she'd had her baby. She'd had a boy, of course, and named him Charlie after her father, Charlie Michael Swan. Who knew she'd be so modern? Bella and Mike decided to just be friends, made an arrangement regarding their child and custody and Jacob was happy for her, he really was. He was glad that she was able to move on, move forward.

Jasper touched Jacob's arm lightly, Jacob's bones were tactile beneath his fragile skin, drawing Jacob's attention away from his memories. It was easier to get lost there now and Jacob could easily be drawn into his own head for hours, he thought that might be why Edward had insisted that Jasper come up to see him. "You always liked Jasper," Edward had said. Jacob hadn't; actually, he'd spent most of the time he'd known Jasper hating him. It had been the months that Jacob had spent at the Cullen's waiting for Bella to have her baby that Jacob had come to care for Jasper. But it seemed that Edward would do anything to keep Jacob coherent.

"Are you hungry?" Jasper asked.

Jacob chuckled; he didn't have the strength to eat anymore. "Sure, do you think one of Esme's steaks will fit in my I.V.?"

Jasper frowned and looked at the I.V. as if considering. "We might have to puree it."

Jacob laughed, then hacked and gasped for air. Edward pulled Jacob up into a sitting position, rubbed Jacob's back soothingly, suddenly beside Jacob on the bed. It took a moment for the fit to pass, it always took a moment, and when it had subsided Edward leaned Jacob back against his pillows. Jasper squeezed Jacob's arm lightly then took his leave. Jacob gaped up at Edward, silently snickering at how ridiculous the idea had been, as if Edward imagined that Jasper's mere presence would save Jacob. Jacob rolled his milky eyes at Edward while Edward caressed Jacob's cheek with the backs of his fingers. Edward brought up one of Jacob's large hands and kissed it softly. It would be hard for Edward when Jacob was gone, Jacob knew that. He could see it in the fanatical devotion Edward showed him, the fact that Edward couldn't leave his side; he wondered if the others would be able to keep Edward safe afterwards.

"I'll be okay," Edward said tightly, "don't worry about me."

"I've heard stories," Jacob said. Stories of other imprinted wolves, stories where the object of their imprint died… they never ended well. Only a few of them could go on after that, the rest languished and died. Jacob may not be in _love_ with Edward but he did care deeply for him, he didn't want Edward to die.

"Edward," Alice called from the doorway. Her voice surprised Jacob, she rarely came to see him, probably because she could see his future with her gifts and she didn't want to have to watch it happening. "I hope you don't mind―"

"Bella would like to see you," Edward said to Jacob. Edward's face hurt Jacob's eyes, the emotion there, the pain; he had the look of hopelessness about him, like a man in the middle of a mental break down. "Do you feel up to it?" Edward asked him.

Jacob nodded, now or never, and Edward nodded with him. Edward leaned over and pressed his lips to Jacob's forehead. After a brief heartbreaking moment Edward rose and moved past Alice out into the hallway. Edward motioned and Bella came into sight, standing radiantly before Edward, the picture of what Jacob remembered in his mind. She stared up at Edward, a wide smile on her face, before she turned and looked over at Jacob. Edward slipped away silently behind Bella, disappearing down the hall, and Alice followed him. Bella continued to smile at Jacob, unconcerned about the sudden departure of their friends, and stepped further into the room. Her slim figure had returned, Jacob noticed, though he had never thought she'd put on much weight. Her appearance was a bit frazzled underneath the put together outward show. Bella took a seat on the edge of Jacob's bed, set a purse that was bigger than her backpack down on the ground, and examined Jacob's face.

"You don't look so well, Jacob." Bella said casually. "Maybe you should get some more sun."

"Sure, sure," Jacob said with a roll of his eyes. "I'll just ask one of the Cullens to carry me out to the backyard."

"It'd be a snap for them," Bella mused. She looked Jacob over appraisingly and tsked in disapproval. "You're as thin as a rail, don't they feed you?"

"To what?" Jacob joked.

"Ha ha," Bella deadpanned. "Lucky for you then, I've brought chicken noodle soup… minus the chicken and the noodle."

"So, chicken broth then?"

"Essentially," Bella said, "but it's full of essential nutrients for the growing boy."

"I think I'm pretty well sorted on the growing, Bells." Jacob chuckled. "But thanks anyway."

Bella scowled. "Jacob Black, it took me two months to decide whether or not to come up here and see you but I swallowed my pride. The least you could do is choke down some of the soup that I made _especially_ for you."

Jacob relented, nodded his accent, and Bella reached into her bag to pull out a thermos and a bendy straw. Bella opened the thermos, inserted the straw, and offered it to Jacob who reluctantly took a few quick sips. The broth had a metallic tang to it and it burned his insides in a way that had nothing to do with the temperature. After a few more sips Jacob couldn't bring himself to take any more and he turned away. His insides felt like they were on fire, his lungs burned, and Jacob wondered if Bella might try to poison him. What would be the point now? All Bella would have to do is wait a couple of days and Jacob would be dead… unless thought she was helping him. Unless she thought that killing him was the compassionate thing to do, better than letting him suffer and die, an Angel of Mercy. Still, why would she? Hadn't she wanted Jacob to die? Didn't that desire imply that she'd rather it was in some horrific way and not peacefully?

Bella shook the thermos in annoyance. "You're not going to hurt my feelings, are you?"

Jacob swallowed dryly, he didn't want any more but he really didn't want to upset her when this might be the last he spoke to her. Jacob turned back and took another sip, all he had to do was finish the cup, just get done with that and she'd be satisfied. The liquid burned like acid, boiling in his stomach and melting the flesh in his throat. He drank as quickly as he could.

"I had to wait," Bella said. "When Sam came to me―"

"Sam?" Jacob asked.

"Drink Jacob," Bella commanded quietly. Jacob obeyed, only because he was suddenly _so_ thirsty. "Sam knew, I don't know how but he did, he does." Bella paused, her eyes fixed on Jacob as the straw slurped loudly when the thermos emptied. Bella put the thermos back in her bag and folded her hands in her lap. "I knew, from the moment that Edward told me he loved you, that as long as you were alive he would always be yours. I just didn't know he'd be yours even after you died as well."

Jacob's mind was foggy, the pain radiated out from his stomach, from his throat, it seized his muscles making them contract violently. "Did you poison me, Bella?" Jacob asked.

"Yes," Bella answered easily.

"I'm going to die then?" Jacob asked.

"You were already dying," Bella pointed out. "It's just going to happen sooner now."

"Why?" Jacob asked. Bella chuckled. '_Why hasn't Edward come to help me? Why isn't Esme here?_' Jacob wondered.

"I love you, Jacob." Bella said. She leaned in closer to him until there was only a breath of space between them. "Did you know that? I was _in love_ with you. The way that you and Edward betrayed me… I'm not sure I can ever forgive that."

"We didn't mean to―" Jacob's jaw locked up against the pain, cutting short the rest of his sentence.

"I know," Bella cooed. She brushed the hair from Jacob's forehead tenderly. "I know, but that only makes your betrayal worse."

"What's going on?" Rosalie asked from the doorway. She appeared at Jacob's bedside in an instant, peering down at him. "What's wrong?"

Bella shrugged and stood up. "He just started this," Bella lied. She slung her bag over her shoulder and began towards the door but in a flash Rosalie had Bella pinned against the wall, a hand to her throat.

"What did you do to him?" Rosalie accused. "Sam and his pack just happen to show up moments after you do, effectively drawing all attention to them, and I come up to find Jacob in agony… _What did you do_?!"

"Nothing," Bella lied. "I was just sitting here and―"

Rosalie yanked Bella away from the wall and slammed her back into it with surprising force. "Don't lie to me. I know, I know what hurt and betrayal can do to a woman's heart. I know… tell the truth."

Bella continued to stare innocently at Rosalie. Rosalie spun, dragging Bella along with her, and slammed Bella against the other wall.

"Rosalie," Bella gasped, "please, think of my son."

"What have you done to my _family_?" Rosalie demanded.

Bella's eyes narrowed, all of the doe eyed innocence drained from her face, and a hard expression clouded her delicate features. "Your family? Jacob's 'your family' now and I'm not?"

"Not anymore," Rosalie hissed.

"I _killed_ him," Bella seethed. She forced herself forward, closer to Rosalie's face, antagonizing Rosalie. "I've poisoned him… _twice_."

A low feral hiss issued from the doorway beside them, the Cullen coven poured around Edward into the room followed by Jacob's pack, they gathered around Jacob's bed. Edward remained stationary in the doorway, a predatory edge to his seemingly casual pose, his lips curled back into a silent snarl. Rosalie let go of Bella, stumbling backward in shock and fear, away from Edward, away from the target of his fury. Bella looked to Jasper but his attention was on Jacob, seizing in his bed, Jasper had one had pressed firmly to Jacob's chest, his brow furrowed in concentration. Jasper didn't even try to ease the tension in the room, either because he didn't want to or because he was focusing so intently in a fruitless attempt to ease Jacob's suffering. The pain ripped through Jacob's body, burning him, searing his skin. It spread from the inside out until it collapsed back in again. The others glared at Bella, waiting, anticipating what Edward might do.

Carlisle tried to examine Jacob; he touched Jacob's skin, counted Jacob's heartbeats, sniffed Jacob's lips. "What did you give him, Bella?" Carlisle asked.

Bella's eyes never left Edward's, her breath came in fearful ragged pants. "It doesn't matter, he's dead anyway."

"Why would you do this?" Esme asked pleadingly. "Jacob is your friend."

"I know," Bella whispered.

"Get. Out." Edward said flatly. "And don't ever come back."

"You're going to let her go?" Emmett asked. "After―"

"I'm going to let her go," Edward said gravely.

Bella gaped at him, too stunned to move, tears welling up in her eyes. "Edward, I―"

"_Get out_!" Edward yelled.

The tone was so harsh, the volume so loud, that it made everyone jump. Bella snapped into action, she swooped and grabbed her bag before running down the stairs and out of the house. Edward was on the bed beside Jacob before the front door even closed. Edward grabbed Jacob's hand and stared up into Carlisle's eyes pleadingly.

"I don't know what she gave him," Carlisle admitted. "I can't help him."

Edward closed his eyes, pulled Jacob closer to him, leaned Jacob against him, cradled Jacob's jerking, seizing body in his arms, and let out a feral frenzied roar. Edward tightened his arms around Jacob, trying to calm the horrifying motions Jacob's body made with his own strength, pressed his cheek to Jacob's forehead. It felt like electricity shooting through Jacob, causing his muscles to tense, slack, and tense, over and over again. It hurt and shocked, burned until his whole body felt like a live wire, until the only thing keeping him from pitching violently off the bed were Edward's vice like arms wrapped around him. Tears sprang to Jacob's eyes, rolled down his cheeks, wet Edward's light shirt, the pain too terrible. Esme gripped Jacob's free hand in both of hers, fell to her knees, her body wracked with silent, painful dry sobs.

"We were leaving," Edward whispered to Jacob. "It was all set, it wasn't supposed to be like this." Jacob jerked violently in Edward's arms and Esme gasped with the deafening sound of one of Jacob's ribs cracking under the force of Edward's strong arms. "I was going to take you away and, if you were to die, you'd die peacefully, you'd be with me."

Jacob's breath rattled in his chest and, rising from the floor, Esme placed a hand on Edward's shoulder. "Edward," she pleaded, "Edward, you're hurting him, let him go."

"It's… … … okay," Jacob whispered breathlessly. "It's okay. It's okay. It's okay…"

Jacob's words trailed off as his labored breathing faltered and stopped, his heartbeat came to a deafening halt, leaving the room seemingly devoid of sound. Esme chocked back a loud sob and Carlisle pulled her into an embrace. Edward cradled Jacob against him, rocking slowly, his hand playing in Jacob's soft gray hair.

"Edward," Rosalie said quietly, "why don't you―"

"I'm going to kill him," Edward said quietly.

"What?" Rosalie asked.

"I may not be able to harm Bella, I still feel too protective of her, but I can hurt him. I can hurt Sam for helping Bella get to Jacob, for distracting us so that Bella could poison… I'm going to make him pay."

"My son," Carlisle began but Edward cut him off with a sharp glare.

"I'll help you," Jasper offered.

"And me," Alice added.

"I'm in," Paul said.

"No," Edward hissed before anyone else could offer. "I'm going to do this _alone_."

"Sam will have his pack," Leah said. "We can distract them at least." Edward opened his mouth to respond but Leah held up a hand and stopped him. "I _am_ going, you can try and stop me but you probably can't. I've seen you run, I'm at least as fast as you. I… _we all_ loved Jacob."

Edward seemed to think it over for a moment, staring down at Jacob's face, before he nodded grimly. "No one dies but Sam."

"Agreed," Paul said.

"Please," Carlisle pleaded, "try to keep reason―"

"There is no reason," Edward growled. He met Carlisle's eyes, he knew that the madness he felt inside could easily be seen but he didn't care.

Edward rose slowly, laying Jacob's limp body gently back on the bed. He kissed Jacob's head softly then moved deftly away from the bed and leapt from the window, leading the others to do the same. Only Esme and Carlisle remained behind. Esme pulled away from Carlisle, moved to the bed, and sat gingerly on the edge staring down at Jacob.

"He was my beautiful boy," Esme whispered. She stroked Jacob's hair softly. "How could I let this happen to my beautiful boy?"

* * *

**A/N**: M'kay… you should reconsider that sharp, pointy implement of doom in your hands… I'll remind you that _you need me_. If I were to meet with some tragic, unforeseen end then this would be the very sad ending to this story… *evil smile* Y_ou. Need. Me_. Mwahahahahahahaha haha haha ha! *hugs*


	14. Why Do You Love Me

**A/N**: Wow… have I mentioned lately that I heart the drama? Because I think that, at this point, I shouldn't have to tell anyone (like it's some big secret) but… some of the reviews I have gotten… I mean… WOW! Let me just reiterate for those of you just joining us… or too busy to read the _other _author's notes: **I heart DRAMA**. **Me gusta DRAMA… mucho! Muy mucho! A whole helluva lot!** (I'd do more languages but those are the only two I know) Not so much in my _real life _but in written form, yes. And moving on…

* * *

14/16

**Why Do You Love Me**

Edward raced through the forest with Leah, true to her word, easily keeping pace with him. The others lagged not far behind them each with one common mindset; this was war. Jacob was gone and Edward wanted nothing more that to make Sam pay for it. Edward and Leah reached the Forks, La Push border and blew past it without a moment's hesitation. Edward could hear the _other_ wolves, hear their thoughts as they each caught the scent of vampire. Each registered surprise, phased, began rallying, planning their defense. Edward took note of their alarm as he and Leah raced past them, they could easily be dealt with by the rest of the Cullens and Jacob's pack. Edward listened to their thoughts, listened for any hint that they suspected what was coming, but they didn't seem to. They were all too surprised that the treaty had been broken. Edward allowed Leah to stay with him, Sam was bound to be with his second in command, Leah would easily deal with him.

Edward could hear Sam's pack warning him of their arrival, asking each other what they should be doing, when Leah and Edward came upon Sam and his lieutenant. Edward didn't even to listen to Sam's thoughts as he lunged, teeth bared, at Sam. Edward pinned wolf-Sam to the ground, Sam's lieutenant moved to intercept Edward but Leah knocked him off trajectory, sending him skidding into the bushes. All Edward had to do was bite Sam, just a nick, and the venom would kill him, hopefully as painfully as the poison had for Jacob. With any luck, Sam would die writhing in agony while everyone he knew and loved watched on helplessly, hopelessly.

Sam kicked off Edward and raced out of sight into the woods. Edward heard Sam instruct his pack not to harm the others, to stop fighting all together, and elude them until he returned. Edward looped after Sam, vowing that if Sam returned it would only be to die. Sam had the advantage here, he knew these woods, he didn't need to _think_ about where he was going. He didn't need to think about going left or right and Edward had to slow down a pace to compensate. Edward could still smell Sam, still use Sam's link to the pack to see _exactly_ what he saw, his mind unwillingly broadcasting his exact location to Edward. As Edward watched the scenery fly past Sam's vision he would pick out a land mark and make sure he passed it too. He'd count the seconds between when Sam passed the land mark to when he did and knew that he was gaining on Sam. Soon he would overtake him and make him pay.

'_We need to talk_,' Sam thought. '_Whatever Bella told you, it wasn't true. I was the one who found out that _she _had cursed Jacob_.'

As he spoke Edward could see Sam's memory of the event, he saw Sam holding his own pack meetings to save Jacob. He saw their willingness to look at suspects Edward never would; Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Bella. He saw them searching for clues, ruling out Alice, Emmett, and Rosalie, saw them closing in on Bella. He saw the evidence, the proof of it, in Sam's mind; Bella had tried to kill Jacob. He saw Sam go over to Bella's, tell her that he knew, demand that she make it right… Sam had given her a cure that he'd gotten from one of the Elder women in their sister tribe. Sam had figured it out long before they had, Sam had truly tried to help Jacob.

Edward slowed momentarily, allowing Sam's lead to widen. Bella's betrayal, so fresh in Edward's mind, still fresh in his heart, caused him actual physical pain. Bella's words as she left the Cullen's came back to Edward, like a slap in the face; "_I want Jacob to die. I hate him for taking you from me._" Her words before Edward had sent her away for good, that she had poisoned Jacob _twice_. Bella had been the one to change Jacob, the one who'd broken their imprint, the one who'd caused Jacob to rapidly age. She had done it no matter the cost, and Jacob had paid in blood. It made more sense than Edward wanted to admit; Bella was immune to his ability and with Jacob's involvement it made Alice's visions imperfect. Bella was the only person who could have done it and eluded them so thoroughly; it seemed idiotic now, that he hadn't figured it out.

Bella had been such a lovely creature, so pure, so innocent. How had she become such a monster, and without Edward even noticing? How could she watch Jacob suffer? How could she let Jacob die? How could she watch Edward suffer at Jacob's side?

"It doesn't matter!" Edward yelled. "You're the one that distracted us, you _let_ Bella get in to poison him. You allowed her to _torture_ him like that! _You let her kill him_!"

Edward put on a burst of speed, moving too fast to keep up with Sam's mind, breezing past places where Sam had turned and being forced to backtrack to follow him. Vengeance clouded his mind, became all that he could see, all that he could feel. He wouldn't allow Sam to sidetrack him with memories of Bella, eventually she would get her turn.

'_Jacob's dead_?' Sam asked.

Edward saw him stop, saw the forest around him stop moving as he came to a skidding halt. Edward caught up to him quickly; he lunged at the now human Sam and knocked him to the ground. Edward had Sam pinned beneath him, his mind howled for vengeance.

"Jacob's dead?" Sam asked again. He looked at Edward despondently; disbelief and shock clear on his face. Edward snarled at him. "How?" Sam asked.

"Don't pretend!" Edward growled. "Don't pretend that you and Bella didn't plan this."

"Bella?" Sam repeated. His mind raced as he thought of her, fast, too fast for Edward's distracted mind to keep up.

"You distracted us so that Bella could come in and poison Jacob," Edward accused.

"No," Sam said. His mind echoed with the statement until the cacophony rang in the hollow of Edward's mind. "She said she would save him. She promised ―she was going to reverse it. We were giving her a chance to do the right thing. Jacob is… Jacob _was_ one of us, no matter what, I would never…"

Sam's thoughts turned to Bella, dark and malicious, he would harm Bella. Sam _could_ harm Bella; he could make her pay when Edward couldn't. A part of Edward wanted him to, wanted to let Sam up and unleash him and his pack on Bella, wanted to let Sam exact Edward's revenge on her. But he couldn't, she was Bella, she needed protecting and Edward did that. Edward always put her first, above himself, even above Jacob in the end… it hurt to think of Jacob. It hurt to think of all the time that Edward had had with Jacob that he'd squandered thinking on Bella. To think of all the time that he'd spent pretending that Bella was more important, time that he could have used to… that he could have spent with Jacob. It hurt to imagine Jacob, every moment they'd spent together tangled in his mind, Jacob's last moments still brightest in Edward's mind. Edward moved away from Sam but remained in a low attack crouch.

"Bella is not to be harmed," Edward forced himself to say. He heard Sam arguing in his head for a long moment before he finally agreed. Bella, as awful as she seemed, was still human. In their world of monsters they couldn't kill humans, no matter what. Sam nodded, stood to his full towering height, then turned and disappeared into the woods.

Edward slowly stood, scrubbed his face with his hands, and looked around at the empty sullen woods. Even green and full of life it seemed bleak to Edward, lonely. '_Please, come back Jacob. Don't leave me_.' It was all he could remember, the longer he existed without Jacob the less of Jacob he could remember clearly, the only thing he had left was Jacob's last few torturous minutes of life. All he could see in his mind were Jacob's death throes.

'_Breathe_.'

Jacob's voice rang in Edward's head, the simple word like a razorblade to his wounded heart. Jacob's voice was beautiful, a ghostly memory of Edward's loss sent to torture him. Edward vaguely heard Esme's thoughts, heard others calling for him, looking for him, but he shut them out and focused on Jacob. Even a fragment of his tortured mind was better than the nothing that existed without Jacob.

'_I love Edward_,' Jacob's voice said.

Edward crumpled to the slick, moss covered ground. Having Jacob's voice in his head was more painful than the hollow loss he felt. Having Jacob saying what Edward most wanted him to say, opening wounds that would never heal. Edward rose, he needed to get away, he needed to leave Forks and every painful memory behind. Edward fled through the woods, out towards the ocean and didn't pause when he hit the water. Running atop the water he made a plan; he'd go to Africa, or Australia. He would cocoon himself in his memories of Jacob; even as painful as it was he cherished it. He would live out eternity far from the world, away from Bella and her betrayal, away from the awkward comfort his family would surely try to provide. Vaguely, he heard Leah's mind screaming to him but he ignored it in favor of the ghostly remnant of Jacob's voice. Edward listened, enraptured, to every detail of thought. Everything, even the most simple, silly phrase hurt him but he held tight. When Jacob's voice suddenly stopped Edward turned back, headed to the coast, he would go to Florida. He wanted to stay away from Forks, he wanted to go as far away as he could get, but apparently he needed to be close to Jacob's memory… or his body… so he could hear Jacob's voice in his mind. Hearing Jacob's voice was like holding a hot ember in his hands, but Edward couldn't let go. It was Edward's last connection to Jacob.

* * *

'_Please, come back Jacob. Don't leave me._'

The words ripped through Jacob's mind like a tidal wave. Edward's voice resounded in Jacob, filling Jacob with need. Edward's voice awoke the missing part of Jacob, the part that he had only been able to remember but never feel. He could _feel_ Edward, feel his need of Edward, and he was whole again. Awoke the Alpha wolf inside of Jacob, not a child trying to adjust to the love and devotion Edward showed him but the man who felt the exact same things. A man who was so in love with Edward that it made his head spin… or it could be the lack of oxygen making his head spin.

'_Breathe_,' Jacob told himself.

He opened his mouth and slowly drew in a deep, ragged breath. He felt his lungs flex again, blood to start flowing, his heart started to beat a strong, even tempo. Jacob opened his eyes; Esme stared down at him, her face full of shock. Jacob furrowed his brow; the skin on his face stretched and popped, crumbled and broke like dry leaves. Esme reached out to him, her acidic sweet smell burning his nostrils, and peeled a small portion of skin away. She held it up against the bright light coming in from the window.

"Jacob?" Esme breathed in astonishment.

"Esme," Jacob said. He smiled hearing the rich healthy tone to his voice, and the skin around his mouth molted and flaked as he did. Esme stumbled backwards, a hand to her mouth.

"Carlisle," Esme said. She rushed forward again, brushed Jacob's face softly with her hands. A smile spread, like warm honey, across her face and Jacob knew that he'd never seen a woman so beautiful before.

In moments Carlisle was at Jacob's side, Jacob watched each of Carlisle's movements knowing that, were he still human, they would have been too quick to see. Carlisle picked at the flaking skin on Jacob's arm and made his 'interesting' face that always threatened to make Jacob laugh. Jacob sat up, feeling the skin on his back stretching and expanding, he could feel the loose skin rub between his nightshirt and his back.

"Interesting," Carlisle said.

Jacob belted out a quick, booming laugh and Esme jumped. It felt good to laugh, Jacob's deep, thunderous baritone felt right in his throat. Jacob tossed aside the covers and jumped easily out of the bed that, only minutes ago, had felt like a prison to him. He stretched lazily, the dead skin on his body popping and snapping as he did. He pulled Esme into a firm hug and squeezed her tightly against him until her arms tightened around his back and he felt like he was going to suffocate. When Esme let go she grasped Jacob's face between her cool hands and smiled at him.

"He's strong," Esme said, "as strong as he was before." She turned and fixed her eyes on Carlisle's perplexed expression. "What's happened?"

"I'm not sure," Carlisle admitted. "He seems to be sloughing off the dead skin," Carlisle picked off a patch of skin on Jacob's arm and examined it, "like a snake."

"I'm not a snake," Jacob said.

"No," Carlisle agreed. Jacob snickered at the precise tone Carlisle took, as if Jacob might actually think he was a snake. "I need some time to figure this out." Carlisle clapped Jacob on the back, a wide smile on his face, and walked away leaving Jacob and Esme alone.

Esme beamed brilliantly at Jacob, grasped him by his upper arms, and said; "This is wonderful! Edward will be so pleased, he's just―" The smile slipped from Esme's face and she turned towards the window. "Edward."

"What?" Jacob asked.

Esme turned back to face Jacob, an air of forced casualness about her movements, and laughed girlishly. "It's just that Edward has stepped out for a moment. Don't worry, I'll go get him."

Before Jacob could protest Esme swooped gracefully out the window and disappeared into the surrounding woods. Jacob wanted to follow her, to see where she was going, but instead turned and looped downstairs to find Carlisle. He was in his study, transformed into a lab during Jacob's long illness, working at one of the long metal tables that lined the walls.

"Esme's gone to find Edward," Jacob said casually. Carlisle's entire body tensed almost imperceptibly and he glanced over his shoulder cautiously at Jacob. "She said that Edward had 'stepped out' for a minute."

"He has," Carlisle agreed. Carlisle paused again, this time turning to face Jacob. "Jacob," Carlisle asked inquisitively, "you do _care_ about Edward, don't you?"

Jacob couldn't keep the laughter from bubbling up in his chest and bursting free, it was such a silly question. "I love Edward," Jacob said easily.

Carlisle smiled at him, a slow beautiful smile like sunrise, and laid one cool hand to the back of Jacob's neck affectionately. Without warning Carlisle spun Jacob to face the door and gave him a light push in that direction. "You should take a shower and change… you look dreadful."

To emphasis his point Carlisle ruffled Jacob's hair and chuckled when white flakes fell around him. Jacob rolled his eyes but relented, he sulked off upstairs and took the quickest shower in the history of his life, only taking enough time to clean off the flaking skin and wash his hair. When he stepped out of the shower his own reflection in the mirror startled him. Once again he was covered in solid muscle, his skin was pristine, dark caramel, his hair as black as night, his sharp eyes were once again clear. Jacob leaned over the sink, his face close to the glass, and moved his mouth. He made faces at himself, watching as the face in the mirror mimicked him. It was difficult to believe that his entire transformation had only taken six months, six long and impossibly short months for his body to degrade and deteriorate. Now, looking into the mirror at the body he had once known to be his own, it seemed foreign to him. It seemed like he'd cheated somehow, gone back in time and gotten a do-over. He was young; he would _be_ young, potentially, forever. He and Edward had an eternity together. An eternity that Bella had wanted for herself, an eternity she had almost been willing to kill for… that she _had_ killed for.

Jacob could hear other voices downstairs, easy to distinguish with his heightened hearing, and he could smell each of their unique scents. Esme, Embry, Paul, Rosalie, Emmett, Leah, Seth, Alice, Jasper, Quil, Carlisle, all downstairs and talking rapidly. Jacob followed their voices to the stairs, he stopped halfway down to watch them, it seemed like forever since he had truly been able to see them. Forever since he had been able to use his heightened senses to catch every remarkable aspect to them. It was all too easy to miss before, the last time he'd been able to see them through wolves' eyes, just how fantastic they all were. How precious and beautiful, unique and majestic, how much he would miss them if they were gone. It felt cheesy in his head but poignant in his heart; he'd miss them, he _had_ missed them. The boy that Edward had brought back to them, the old man who had died among them, neither of them had truly been Jacob. Neither of them truly felt as he did, cared as he cared, neither of them. Just watching his family, the Cullens _and_ the pack, made Jacob's heart swell. The only thing missing was Edward's presence.

Leah caught sight of Jacob first, her eyes drew up to him, her mouth fell open, her breath hitched and she grasped Emmett's arm for strength. Jacob grinned at her, chucked at the sight of it. Four months ago, imprint or no, Leah wouldn't even come within a foot of the porch, now she clung to Emmett like a pillar. Leah's attention drew the other's and soon they all gaped up at him. Jacob smiled at them and descended the stairs slowly. He couldn't keep visions of himself as the Queen, waving regally at them, out of his head and barely contained the laughter that wanted to burst forth.

"This is what I've been trying to explain," Carlisle said. "Jacob is _not_ dead."

"How?" Embry asked.

Before anyone could respond Leah vaulted into Jacob's arms, pressed herself tightly against him, and turned her face into his neck so she could inhale his scent. Jacob wrapped his arms around her back slowly, he'd forgotten this, forgotten how things _should_ smell. He'd forgotten the overwhelming burn of vampire scent, how seductively musky Leah's scent could be in comparison. He'd forgotten how, when the two scents mixed, vampire and werewolf, they blended into an aromatic perfection of smell, a symphony of the senses.

"I can't believe it," Leah breathed against Jacob's neck. The hair on the back of Jacob's neck stood on end, everyone of his senses seemed hyper extended, as if his time without them had made them even stronger. Jacob pat Leah's back affectionately until she was ready to let go and step away.

"How is this possible?" Paul asked.

"I couldn't say," Carlisle said.

"Bella," Jacob interjected. He could see the level of animosity rise in the room when he said her name but he ignored it. Bella had to have done it, she'd said that she'd poisoned him and Jacob had died. If she had truly hated him enough to kill him then he doubted that he would be alive again. "She did this."

"Yes," Leah said, "Bella killed you."

"But I'm alive," Jacob said simply. "Where's Edward? We should go talk to her." Suddenly the floor was the most interesting thing in the room, no one looked at Jacob; no one met his probing eyes. "He's… okay, isn't he? He's not… hurt? … Where's Edward?"

Leah sighed loudly and stepped forward. "He left. We thought that you were dead ―we _watched_ you die― and he left."

"He left?" Jacob asked in disbelief. "He just… _left_?"

"You were dead," Leah countered, "it's not like he would have just left you."

Jacob smirked at her, defending Edward's actions, he couldn't stop himself. When had things changed so drastically? Leah was defending Edward, the pack was mixing it up with vampires like it was nothing, and Rosalie couldn't stop smiling at him. It was like the change in Jacob and Edward, whatever it was that had put them together, that link was contagious. They were all infected and it was still spreading, getting stronger, deeper. It wasn't half bad, Jacob decided, having his two families merge. Still, there was a piece missing, a big gaping hole that Jacob could feel in his soul. He needed to find Edward, he needed to talk to Bella, he had work to do.

"I'm going to find him," Jacob said. "I'm going to bring Edward home."

"I can help," Alice chimed in. "I'll look for him."

Jacob grinned at her, already making his way up the stairs. "Let me know if he disappears."

Jacob raced upstairs and into his room, he rummaged through the drawers, pulled out clothes and stuffed them into a bag already laid out on his bed. The bag was big enough to hold two changes of only the most basic clothes, small enough to be tied around Jacob's ankle. Alice was amazing like that, she was a shopping maniac but she had an uncanny sense for it. When Jacob had gone through his transformation Alice had been there the entire time, keeping his wardrobe fresh so he never felt awkward in clothes that were too large for him. They were all, each of them, kind and loving in their own ways, even if they rarely showed it.

"Florida," Alice said from the doorway. "That's the last place Edward decided to go." Alice glided into the room and hefted the small bag from Jacob's bed. "You're going to talk to Bella." She hadn't posed it as a question but Jacob nodded his agreement anyway. "We used to be friends, her and I." Alice sighed wistfully as her vision seemed to fix elsewhere. "I thought we'd be sisters, once. Tell her that she's the one who changed that. Tell her that she could have been a part of our family too, if she hadn't tried to cuckold Edward. Tell her that I know that she did it on purpose."

"Did what?" Jacob asked. Alice fixed her dark, angry eyes on the wall behind Jacob for a long moment before looking up at him.

"I saw the decision Bella made to sleep with Mike," Alice said. "She did it on purpose, to force Edward to stay with her."

Jacob scoffed and then laughed. "Bella wouldn't do that." Alice shrugged her thin shoulders. "Bella's not like that," Jacob added unsurely.

"She's done worse lately," Alice reminded him.

Alice handed the bag to Jacob and pecked him sweetly on the cheek before he jumped from the bedroom window and raced into the woods. A fair enough distance away Jacob stripped and stuffed his clothes into the bag then tied it around his ankle and phased. It felt odd to be a wolf again, like putting on a pair of ill fitting pants. But it had been his skin before, he had no doubt that he would get used to it again. Jacob bound through the forest, quickly becoming accustomed to his new body ―his old body― again. It wasn't long before he was at Bella's house.

Jacob phased back and dressed then stood concealed in the woods staring at her front door, too afraid to knock. He could hear Bella inside at the kitchen sink. He could hear the baby too; hear both of their hearts beating strongly. It was at once the most beautiful and the most heartbreaking sound he'd ever heard. He could imagine her in there, the way she had been, full of love and life, and the idea of who he would actually find inside terrified him. Steeling his courage, Jacob moved so that he could at least peer in the window at her. Bella stood at the sink washing dishes, her once illustrious hair now dull and hastily thrown into a ponytail. Her always pale skin was flush with the exertions of the day, her heartbeat still strummed with labor in her chest.

She was a pale remnant of the girl Jacob had known, a pitiable copy of Bella. Her eyes had lost the luster Jacob remembered, her face didn't seem as jubilant. Jacob had always heard that motherhood made a woman glow but it seemed to have the reverse effect on Bella. It seemed like her son was stealing the life from her. Bella finished the dishes and rested against the sink for a moment, allowing the hurt and frustration she felt to pass over her face before she forced it away and walked into the front room and out of Jacob's sight.

Jacob walked quickly around the house and rung the doorbell, before he lost his nerve. Inside he heard Bella hiss and in no time she had the door wide open and she glared out. Her scowl gave way to shock as she registered Jacob's presence, then darkened and scowled again. Jacob had surprised her, with his heightened senses returned he could see her as she was, and she didn't appreciate his sudden intrusion.

"Jacob," Bella whispered, "up and around so soon? Come to rub my face in your joy?"

"Bella," Jacob said. "How's things?"

Bella put on an air of cheerfulness and closed the door most of the way behind her so that she could talk at a reasonable tone. "I'm a single, divorced, teenage mother who lives with her father, can barely make it to night school, and doesn't have a job. I'm _peachy_."

"So, it's all going to plan then?" Jacob said mirroring her faux cheerfulness. Bella narrowed her eyes at him, anger clear in her expression. "Alice tells me that you _planned_ to get pregnant." Bella's face blanched, confirming what Jacob had wished wasn't true.

"She knew?" Bella asked. "That's why she stopped speaking to me… I just thought she was worried about you."

"Bella, why would you―"

"Why?" Bella hissed. "It was the only way I could keep _my boyfriend_. He thought he was 'in love' with you, he would barely even _speak_ to me."

"And things are _so_ much better now?!" Jacob yelled. The baby startled and began to wail.

Bella glanced over her shoulder into the house, sighed in resignation, and then fixed Jacob with a vicious glare. "You ruin everything Jacob Black. I wish I'd never saved your life. I wish I'd just let you die!"

"Then why didn't you?" Jacob yelled back.

Bella scoffed at him then turned and went inside to console her crying child, leaving the door open for Jacob. Jacob followed her in, shut the door behind him quietly. Bella leaned over and shushed the small child softly, rubbing his belly, until finally she relented and picked the child up. Once he was laid over her shoulder the child's cries became tiny sniffles. He peered over Bella's shoulder at Jacob, his eyes a warm, golden hazel; the perfect combination of Bella's rich brown eyes and the shock of Mike's blue. He gawked at Jacob, his round face so adorably cute that Jacob couldn't help but smile back at him and make a silly face. When Bella whirled around, fixing her dark eyes on Jacob, his smile immediately vanished.

"Like I could have let you die, Jacob." Bella said. "Sam made it _very_ clear that if you died then I would, baby or no baby."

"Sam wouldn't―"

"Spare me," Bella scoffed. "I am not going to stoke your ego by detailing to you how much _everyone_ loves you." Bella put a blanket over the baby's back and began patting him lightly. "Maybe Sam wouldn't have killed me but there are plenty of others who aren't so forgiving, betrayal and all of that."

"I thought we were friends, Bella." Jacob said. "I thought that we'd get through this. You were angry, I know, but I thought… I thought we were the same person."

"Funny," Bella said mirthlessly, "I thought we were in love. I thought that _Edward_ and I were in love, I thought that we'd be together forever." Bella began to sway gently side to side and bounce on the balls of her feet in rhythm to her patting. "I had it all figured out, I'd have a baby and Edward… Edward was so gentlemanly; he'd have to stay with me. He'd stay as long as I needed him and I could use that time to win him back.

"But it became clear that he'd never turn to me if you were still around. It took months to get my hands on that ritual, and to be able to slip it to you without Edward noticing -- All of that work and Edward 'disconnected' from you when the connection broke." Bella sighed loudly. "When the imprint broke, it broke for you alone, Edward couldn't hear a thought in your head. All of that planning… useless. He just wouldn't let go, he held you two together, brought you back to him."

Jacob blinked at her, too surprised for words. Where had this Bella come from? Where had sweet, innocent Bella gone? Did Bella really hate Jacob enough to let him die? Would she have, even knowing that Jacob's death wouldn't bring Edward back to her, been able to let Jacob die? She had thought that her baby would reunite her and Edward, bind them together, now she was alone and taking care of a child.

"If you're here to gloat Jacob, don't bother. I've had enough of it to last me two lifetimes. I get it, you and Edward are in love, and _happy_, and you'll be together and happy forever."

Jacob smiled at Bella, it wasn't cold, or mean, or heartless, though she might have deserved it, but a genuine smile. "Bella, I want for you all of the happiness I want for myself, I truly do, and I hope you find it. I'm sorry things didn't end better for us."

Bella glared at Jacob but he could see her lower lip beginning to quiver. Somewhere inside of her there was the old Bella, the same klutzy, adorable Bella that he remembered. Jacob could hold onto that, he knew that regardless of whatever threats Sam may or may not have made Bella wouldn't have let him die. He was sure that Bella would be okay one day. It hurt too much to think of the cold woman he saw before him as Bella, he would hold onto one thought; the real Bella is in there somewhere and one day she'd be set free.

"Just… get out, Jacob," Bella said barely above a whisper. She turned away from him as angry tears began to spill down her cheeks. Her back to Jacob once again and Bella's son gaped at Jacob innocently, his wide hazel eyes hurt Jacob's resolve to leave. In another life this could have been his child… in another life this could have been Edward's. Edward and Bella could have ended up together and lived out eternity as one. It could have all been so different.

Jacob wretched his eyes from the small child and slipped quietly out the door. In the forest he could still hear Bella as she began to cry. He could hear her sob; hear the fabric rustle as she buried her face in the baby's blanket in a fruitless attempt to quite herself. Jacob wished things could have worked out differently for Bella, to spare her feelings, but he was in love with Edward and he didn't wish that Bella could have him back. Jacob's thoughts of Edward gave way to a glorious epiphany; Jacob was alive, alive and in love, and Edward was out there somewhere. The man he loved was out there, in pain, waiting for him. Everything that Jacob wanted was in his grasp, the world was finally aligning in his favor and he only needed to take it. He only needed to find Edward, bring him home, and their lives could unfold together.

Jacob raced through the woods towards the outlying street. Alice had told him that Edward was heading for Florida, that Edward had gone to Florida, Jacob would go too. Anywhere Edward went Jacob would follow. As Jacob came upon the street he saw Jasper waiting for him, leaning casually against one of the Cullen's shiny cars. A new Dodge Challenger SRT8, definitely not Alice's car, she was an exotic foreign car driver. Jasper smirked at Jacob as he approached; eying the racing stripes accenting the gleaming muscle car, Jacob patted the trunk approvingly.

"Alice thought I might meet you here," Jasper said. Jasper tossed a cell phone into Jacob's hands then a set of keys. "Alice sends her love and luck. She says; 'Bring _our_ family home'."

Jacob chuckled and examined the keys in his hands. Alice was always looking out for everyone else. "I appreciate it," Jacob said tightly. He glanced up at Jasper through his eye lashes, feeling Jasper's inquisitive eyes on him, Jasper looked him over appraisingly. It made Jacob want to laugh, hadn't Jasper seen enough of him in the last few months? What could he find so fascinating?

Jasper leaned forward quickly, using vampire speed he closed the small distance between them instantaneously, and pressed his lips to Jacob's. Jasper's lips pressed in a hard line against Jacob's he held his breath. The kiss lingered and a low growl emanated deep in Jacob's mind, not his own and clearly not pleased with the kiss. Jacob smiled, chuckled to himself at the unmistakable menace in Edward's growl, and extricated himself from Jasper's embrace. Jasper gazed up at Jacob, stared into his wide eyes for a long moment, and then shrugged. Jacob laughed loudly, his jubilant voice echoing into the surrounding forest.

"I just wanted to understand," Jasper said.

"And?" Jacob asked smirking.

Jasper grinned back at him and stepped away, opening the door as he went. "Good luck with Edward," Jasper said.

Jacob frowned at him. 'Good luck with Edward'? What did that mean? He looked at Jasper, from his cold pale skin that was so much like Edward's, to his rich golden topaz eyes so much like Edwards, to his thick lips that were not at all like Edward's. Jacob could hear his inner Edward grumbling as he admired Jasper and Jacob chuckled. Jacob shrugged his shoulders and moved to get into the car but Jasper caught him up short again. Jasper shut the car door, pinned Jacob's body against the car with his own, and pressed his lips once more to Jacob's. Jacob caught Jasper's face in one of his large warm hands and cupped his cheek gently. Jacob allowed the kiss to go on until Jasper's arms snaked around Jacob's waist, until his fingers worked their way under the fabric of Jacob's shirt and his cold fingers pressed into Jacob's skin. Jacob pushed Jasper away easily, companionably, and smiled broadly at him.

"'Good luck with Edward', huh?" Jacob asked.

Jasper shrugged and Jacob, with one final glance at Jasper, jumped into the car and sped away.

'_Sorry Jasper, but my heart beats only for Edward._'

When Jacob flew past the large green sign welcoming Jacob to Sarasota the sun was just setting on his third day of driving aimlessly. Three days since Jacob's death and resurrection, three days since Edward had left. It felt like longer to Jacob, each moment passing in slow motion until a minute without Edward became an eternity. Jacob wasn't even sure that Edward was still in Florida, or in which part, all he knew was that Alice saw him go to Florida three days ago. When Jacob had gotten to Florida, crossed the border from Georgia, Alice had called and said only that he should head to Sarasota.

Finally in Sarasota Jacob decided to stop and pulled off the highway at the first motel sign he saw. Jacob pulled into the parking lot at a Best Western and pulled out the money clip that had been left in the glove compartment for him. Silently thanking Alice for being thoughtful as well as clairvoyant, Jacob walked inside, up to the front desk, and playfully rang the small bell on the counter to catch the girl behind the counter's attention. Her dark eyes raked up Jacob's large frame, traveling up and up to Jacob's face. With a coy smile she brushed her dark hair off of her face, batted her eyes at him, and bit her lower lip softly.

"Checking in?" she asked. Her voice rang with a Spanish accent.

"Yes please," Jacob said smoothly.

"Just you?" She asked.

"For now," Jacob said. He'd meant that soon he'd have Edward but by the way she blushed he was sure she imagined he hinted at something else. She gave him a room with two queen beds, for him and 'whoever', and Jacob paid her.

"Room 415," she said with a smile, "on the second floor, near the exit."

Jacob borrowed a page from the Cullen's handbook and flashed a suave, dazzling smile before he accepted the card she offered and slipped away upstairs.

'_415_' he reminded himself, '_upstairs_.'

'_Found you_,' Edward's voice rang loudly in Jacob's head and just as instantly his cell phone began buzzing.

Jacob dug into his pocket until he found the phone Jasper had given him. By the time he pulled it out the vibration stopped. Jacob rolled his eyes and sighed in frustration, but before he could put the phone away it began to vibrate again. When Jacob flipped open the phone Alice was speaking before Jacob could even get it to his ear.

"He's coming to you," Alice said. Her high pitched voice so fast it was nearly a squeak. "He wasn't making any decisions and then he was just gone. Wherever you are, stop."

Jacob smiled easily and said: "Done."

He snapped the phone shut and finished the walk to his room with a bounce in his step. Edward was coming to him. Edward would find him and they would be together, they could start forever. Jacob reached his room and opened the door, after only one false start fumbling with the electronic key card. Before Jacob switched on the lights he was pushed into the room with surprising force. Even with his strength returned whoever it was still had had enough power to make him stumble. Jacob righted himself and sank into a defensive crouch, preparing to phase, but the sweet scent that filled the room behind him made him pause.

Edward stepped into the room, silhouetted in the darkness by the light coming from the hallway, and shut the door loudly behind him.

"Who are you?" Edward demanded.

Jacob laughed in surprise but couldn't keep the nervous, almost frantic edge out of his voice when he spoke. "I'm Jacob."

"Liar!" Edward roared.

He lunged at Jacob, pinning Jacob against the wall. Edward growled in Jacob's face, his eyes the dark beetle black of hunger… or madness. Jacob's heart broke for Edward, what he had to have gone through. Jacob had felt time dragging on as he'd drove to look for Edward, and he was only looking for him, Edward had thought he was truly all alone. Edward had thought that Jacob was dead, Jacob could only imagine the torment those three endless days must have held for Edward.

"Stop," Edward hissed. He exerted more pressure on his arm over Jacob's collar bone. "Jacob's dead. Who are you? Why are you in my head?"

Jacob smiled weakly at him, tears stinging in his eyes. Was he too late? Had he taken too long? Had he lost Edward?

"Edward," Jacob breathed, "it's me; it's Jacob."

Edward pulled Jacob up and slammed him roughly against the wall again, making it shake feebly as he did. "My Jacob is dead," Edward growled.

'_No,_' Jacob thought, '_I'm not dead_.'

"Liar!" Edward raged. He tossed Jacob easily across the room, Jacob landed on the bed and rolled off, sinking once again into a crouched position. "I'll kill you!" Edward yelled.

Edward lunged across the room, teeth bared, and connected with Jacob, hard.

* * *

**A/N**: And scene... seriously, you all talk a good game about how you hate me but I know that you really do love me... :P :D *hugs*


	15. By Every Sigh And Scream We Make

**A/N**: Thank you all so much… the love is so much better than the death threats let me just say. *hugs* Also, here's your PG-13 rating; you deserve it for sticking with me.

* * *

15/16

**By Every Sigh and Scream We Make**

Jacob braced for the impact, Edward may be the faster but Jacob was definitely stronger. Jacob counteracted Edward's movements, forced Edward backwards, flipped him over, pinned Edward beneath him on the bed. Edward's wild frantic eyes burned fiercely up at Jacob. Edward was prepared to fight, prepared to kill, prepared to die. He hissed at Jacob like a feral car, bucked wildly and fought to get free of Jacob's grasp but Jacob held tight. Jacob used Edward's ability to his advantage, thinking the same thought over and over again, making it his mantra until Edward's resolve began to crack. The ferocity began to leave Edward's eyes and soon he stopped fighting Jacob.

'_It's me, it's Jacob. It's me, it's Jacob. It's me, it's Jacob._' Jacob thought the words over and over again.

Edward's eyes seared with pain and confusion, he stared at Jacob like he hadn't seen him in millennia. Edward's eyes swept Jacob's face, every plane, every contour, looking for a truth in the details of Jacob's features. Jacob smiled down at him, brought one large hand up and touched Edward's face. Edward batted Jacob's hand away childishly and scooted out from underneath him until he was pressed against the wall, his wild eyes fixed on Jacob.

"Don't touch me," Edward said.

Jacob stood and moved closer to Edward. "It's okay," Jacob said softly. "It's me, you know me, and you know I'm real." Jacob reached out for Edward but he ducked away, moving to hover in front of the window.

"Why are you doing this?" Edward asked miserably. "Why are you torturing me?"

Jacob shook his head, it was silly, and he ought to only be laughing. Trying to convince Edward that he was real, that he wasn't dead, that all of the suffering they had gone through was over. Who would he be if he wasn't really Jacob? Who did Edward know that could make him believe something that wasn't real? Jacob moved towards Edward, he was drawn to Edward, he couldn't stop himself. Jacob needed Edward, needed Edward like he needed oxygen, and Edward needed him too. There was no denying it; no way could either of them live apart, not after everything they'd been through to finally be together. Jacob inched closer and Edward leapt to his left and around Jacob, reversing their positions, making it so that, after clearing the bed, Edward could flee the room if need be.

Jacob reached out to Edward still, moving steadily closer. His hand ghosted over Edward's cheek sending tiny sparks of electric thrill shooting up Jacob's arm. Jacob pressed his palm to Edward's face; Edward clenched his eyes shut as he leaned softly into Jacob's touch.

"Please," Jacob whispered, "please, I need you." Jacob needed Edward to be okay, to be able to pull it together, to be able to get through this. Jacob wasn't sure how he'd survive if Edward couldn't come back to him, if Edward couldn't accept that Jacob was really alive.

"I need you," Jacob said again. "I love you, you're my life now."

Edward pressed his face against Jacob's palm softly, moved his head, brushed Jacob's palm against his cheek, his lips, kissed the heel of Jacob's hand.

"Jacob," Edward sighed, "I miss you."

"I'm right here," Jacob responded.

Edward chuckled mirthlessly. He grasped Jacob's free hand, placed it over his still heart, and held it there firmly. "You're always here."

Jacob lunged at Edward, knocking him backwards onto the bed, and pinned Edward beneath him again. This wasn't a game, he wasn't an illusion, and Edward needed to understand that. Jacob kissed Edward's lips quickly, almost chastely, as if the flutter he could feel inside himself could be read and felt by Edward. As if the feeling of exhilaration that even such a small gesture created inside of him would prove to Edward that he was who he claimed to be. Jacob just needed to prove it to Edward, prove his reality, and everything would be alright. Edward caught hold of Jacob's face, his cold hands grasping Jacob's warm cheeks, and pulled Jacob down for another kiss. He pressed his lips to Jacob's with agonizing slowness, his eyes never wavering from Jacob's, building with a tantalizing, rolling momentum as Jacob's lips moved against Edward's and Edward responded in kind. Slowly their kiss grew into something deeper until only Jacob's desperate need to breathe forced them apart.

Edward smiled up at him puckishly, his dark eyes alight with a mischief that Jacob could feel mirrored in his own. Edward didn't believe him, not now, not yet, but he would. Jacob was sure that Edward _would_ believe in him but for tonight this would be enough. Tonight it would be enough to feel Edward, to hold Edward in his arms and kiss Edward's lips. Tonight it would be enough to posses Edward in body only; Jacob had all of eternity to regain the rest of Edward. Jacob kissed Edward again, let his hands stray up and under Edward's shirt, up his toned chest. Edward ripped Jacob's shirt off, forgoing all formalities, and set his cool hands to roam Jacob's firm skin. Tonight this would be enough, he could have more tomorrow.

* * *

Jacob awoke in the morning to the stinging of sunlight and the tickling, keening sensation of being watched. His eye lids fluttered open, the bright sun piercing, and took a moment to gain his bearings in the unfamiliar surroundings. The brightness and disorientation took a moment to get used to before it all became clear. The small wooden table stand beside the bed, the drawer missing, demolished if the wood chips and saw dust were any indication. The blue, flowery curtains were pulled open wide, letting in the harsh Florida sunlight. On the small round table in the corner, the only spot where the sun didn't reach, Edward sat perched, almost huddled in the corner against the wall.

Jacob let a slow smile spread across his face, memories of the night before playing in his mind.

"You're not a ghost," Edward said, "not a memory, what are you? Who are you?"

Jacob sighed; it was back to that again.

"Yes," Edward yelled, "back to _this_ again!"

Jacob rolled his eyes and ignored Edward's outburst. Edward knew who he was, knew it even if he couldn't accept it yet, and Jacob wasn't going to keep playing this game. Jacob scrubbed his face with his hands, stretched to his full length, yawned, then threw off the covers and stood up. He saw Edward's eyes, quick though they were, take in his naked form. Modesty and shame not being a concern for Jacob, he smirked, struck a pose, and then stretched to flex his muscles. He smiled broadly at Edward's beguiled expression then winked at him before walking into the bathroom for a long hot shower.

Jacob waited as long as he could, languishing lazily in the shower, drawing out the act of washing his hair, soaping his body, toweling off, before he opened the bathroom door. Half afraid that Edward would be gone; Jacob was pleased to see Edward sitting on the bed when he came out. Jacob smirked, amused that Edward had managed to get new clothes in the midst of a pristine sunny day. The idea to tear the new clothes off caught Jacob and he advanced on Edward but Edward stopped him by tossing Jacob's satchel of clothes roughly at Jacob's chest and he caught it easily.

"You have Jasper's car," Edward remarked. Guiltily the thought of Jasper kissing him popped into Jacob's mind. He pushed it away quickly but when he looked at Edward he could see the fury in his eyes. "Get dressed." Edward commanded before swiftly exiting the room.

Jacob grumbled to himself angrily but obeyed, dressing as slowly as he could until Edward came back in. Edward tossed a bag of beef jerky at Jacob and stood against the door, watching as Jacob wolfed down the tasty nibblets.

"So you've convinced everyone else that _you_ are Jacob," Edward said.

"I _am_ Jacob," Jacob said around a mouthful of beef jerky.

"You kissed Jasper," Edward accused.

"He kissed me."

"You didn't stop him."

"You left me."

"You _died_."

"I came back to life," Jacob said simply.

Edward scoffed loudly. "You came back to life? Right."

"Bella-"

Edward pushed away from the door and grasped Jacob's chin in his hands, forcing Jacob's eyes to meet his own, seeming to cross the four feet between them in an instant. Edward's topaz eyes held Jacob's rapt attention; his cold, firm hand touching Jacob's warm skin sent shock waves of passion through Jacob's body. Only Edward's stern look kept Jacob from following through.

"Don't say that name," Edward growled.

"She brought me back," Jacob said. He took Edward's hand from his chin and placed it over his pounding heart. "She killed me and set me free."

"Grab your clothes," Edward snapped. "We're going home."

* * *

The drive home took much less time with Edward driving than it had for Jacob's drive up. Edward sensed the speed traps before they reached them, allowing them to slow only when they had to and speed the rest of the time. Edward didn't speak to him, flinched away from Jacob's touch, his eyes never left the road, though Jacob found himself caught by Edward's beauty often. Jacob compared his vision of Edward now to the Edward he'd seen when he was a mortal. Edward had been beautiful, of course, but he was so much more now. He was so much more _to_ Jacob now. Even at the end, when Jacob had begun to love Edward again, that feeling hadn't been anywhere near the way Jacob felt for him at that moment.

On impulse Jacob reached out and caressed Edward's cheek with the back of his fingers. Edward allowed the touch for a moment, even brushing against it briefly before pulling away. He jerked the steering wheel to the left and Jacob was pressed against his door.

"Don't," Edward warned.

Jacob grinned. It was fun, playing with Edward's boundaries, seeing how far he could press his luck before Edward pressed back.

"Don't even try," Edward grumbled.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Jacob lied. He smiled broadly when Edward turned and gave Jacob a dour look.

Jacob didn't have to _touch_ Edward, he had the grace of werewolf memory, almost a form of telepathy combined with Edward's ability, he could broadcast thoughts and images right into Edward's head. Jacob focused on last night, the feel of Edward's body beneath his hands. He thought of the pleasure of Edward's skin against his lips, Edward's muscled form moving against his own. He thought of the two of them together, naked, grinding, tasting, touching, kissing, _loving_. He recalled how he felt, his exhilaration, his elation, the feeling of oneness, wholeness, completion. He thought of their first time together, Jacob's first time ever, thought of the pain, the pleasure, the ecstasy. He remembered seeing every inch of Edward for the first time, how Edward was so beautiful that Jacob had forgotten to breathe.

"Stop it," Edward croaked out.

"I can't help it," Jacob said honestly. "I love you."

Edward swallowed loudly, the bobbing of his Adam's apple doing more for Jacob's desire than he cared to admit, and his eyes flashed of desperation. When Jacob reached out to him again Edward flinched immediately but after a quick pause, when Jacob continued, Edward allowed him to. Edward loved him and he loved Edward, he needed Edward, he'd do _anything_ for Edward, but he couldn't leave him.

"Never again," Jacob muttered.

"You always say that," Edward said. He allowed Jacob to touch his face lightly, to trail his fingertips along Edward's jaw line, down Edward's neck, dip into the collar of Edward's tee-shirt. Edward's scent filled the car's interior. Lilac, too much lilac, but that was the fragrance Edward exuded, and it was strong. The scent was pure sex; pure Edward, pure lust and Jacob needed it. Jacob needed it all around him, all over him, until it became him too, inside and out.

Jacob caressed Edward's smooth skin, tracing his way around Edward's neck under his collar, all the while inching ever closer to Edward. Like an asteroid caught in a planet's gravity Jacob was pulled in closer to Edward. There was nothing else like it, like Edward, like the pull he felt for him, the _need_, the desire. Jacob leaned closer to Edward and pressed his soft, full lips to Edward's neck, pleased when Edward didn't pull away from him. The scent of lilac over powered Jacob, the intoxicating smell drove him, pulled at his groin, until he throbbed and ached with the need of it. He kissed Edward's neck again, trying to get closer to him but being denied by the limitations of the car.

"Stop," Jacob breathed.

"I'm not doing anything," Edward said.

"_Stop the car_," Jacob said. His voice deep with need.

"No," Edward said curtly.

Jacob reached over with his free hand, grabbed Edward's upper thigh and stroked tantalizingly. "Stop the car," Jacob repeated.

Edward's breath became shallow, quick, but still he refused to stop. Jacob's movements became more urgent, he stroked Edward through his pants and leaned as close as he could, breathing heavily on Edward's neck. Edward swerved suddenly, pulling off the road into a nearly unseen back road, put the car in park, and climbed into Jacob's lap reclining the seat as he did. Suddenly Edward's lips were against Jacob's, Edward kissed him fervently, his legs straddling Jacob, his aching need as present as Jacob's own. Jacob held Edward to him, grasped Edward and pulled him closer.

"You're not Jacob," Edward mumbled as Jacob nipped at his bottom lip.

"I am," Jacob countered. He wasn't trying to argue or win a fight, just stating the truth. "I am Jacob, but it kind of disturbs me that you don't believe me and you're kissing me."

"My Jacob died," Edward said against Jacob's lips.

"I did die," Jacob admitted, "but I came back, and I'm a werewolf again, we'll be together forever."

Edward chuckled as he kissed Jacob's Adam's apple. "Jacob's a shape shifter, not a werewolf."

Jacob pulled away and stared up at Edward. "Uh, no. The whole Quileute pack is _werewolves_."

Edward sighed, his hands caressing Jacob's broad, toned chest. "Werewolves only change during the full moon and they're obnoxiously feral, both in and out of the wolf form. Just because the Quileute chose to become wolves when they changed-"

"Okay, enough," Jacob said. "Enough, you win, just kiss me."

Edward smiled at him. "If you keep this up we'll never make it home."

Jacob kissed Edward quickly and smiled. "It's a suitable alternative."

Edward smiled broadly at him and kissed Jacob again.

When Jacob and Edward finally reached Forks it was nightfall, every second they'd accrued driving faster was lost tenfold whenever they touched. They pulled over frequently to satisfy their mutual desires. Jacob didn't want to admit it but he was tired. Awake for days at a time, and all the physical exertion, Jacob was near wiped out. Edward, preternaturally, was still one hundred percent. Jacob could feel his eye lids begin to droop as they pulled into the familiar driveway. Jacob's eyes snapped open and he sat straight up, already on edge, adrenaline racing through him.

"What are we doing here?" Jacob asked.

Edward stared out the window at the darkened house before them grimly. "I want to hear her say it. I want her... I want _Bella_ to tell me that she 'saved' you."

Jacob saw the unrest in Edward's eyes. He still didn't fully believe Jacob, he might really hurt Bella. Everyone back at the Cullen's sure wanted to. Couldn't Edward see how unsafe this was?

"Be that as it may," Edward glowered, "I still need to hear the truth from her."

"How about the truth from me?" Jacob said. "_I love you_."

"And I love you," Edward said. Though he wasn't looking, Jacob's face lit up. "But I have to do this." Edward was out of the car before Jacob could say another word.

* * *

**A/N**: I am moving, currently, so it might be a bit before I can post the last part but I hope it won't take long. *love*


	16. You Love Me

**A/N**: 09/24/2009 I am so happy to present this (read: I am so very happy to be done with this!) and without any further hullabaloo I give you: THE CHAPTER THAT IS THE LAST! *love* 1/08/2010 And since I wrote that I have moved, lost the last chapter, tore my apartment apart looking for it, lost my mind, and had to start the last chapter COMPLETELY OVER. And now this is just the first half of the last part. I know, I hate me too.

I haven't proofed this... I will do that thereafter... but I thought you all deserved to at least read it since it's taking me an eternity.

* * *

16/17

You Love Me

_Show me what it looks like;  
outside your window at twilight.  
Is it me that you see dancing on a line,  
singing; I could be yours if you would be mine?_

Jacob raced through the woods, his pace frantic, hoping that he wasn't too late. They were coming today; he'd known that they were, why had he wandered so far away? If they got there before he could get back, if they got to Edward before he could take his place at Edward's side, if he missed Edward… he needed to see Edward's face, his beautiful eyes, needed to touch Edward's chilled skin once more before… Jacob pushed those thoughts away. He'd make it on time; he _had_ to make it in time. Jacob pushed himself harder, faster, until he could feel his muscles straining. How far had he gone? Why had he left Edward's side, on today of all days? After everything they had been through, everything that could and had gone wrong, if Jacob missed this chance to be at Edward's side, to tell Edward how deeply he truly loved him, Jacob would always regret it.

Jacob tried to dodge the branches and twigs that intersected his path, tried to keep them from cutting him and his clothing, the last thing he wanted was to look like a mugging victim. Still, a sharp branch cut deep into Jacob's upper arm, another ripped across his chest, and he could feel his hot blood begin to seep down. Jacob wanted to look good at Edward's side; he wanted to make Edward proud. He was becoming too sentimental, which was the reason for his departure in the first place. Jacob had taken the striking emerald rock, now resting in his pocket, into town to have it set and carved. _To Edward, all my love, all my life, Jacob._ They had found the rock together, walking idly arm in arm one day, enjoying each other's company, and the glittering stone had caught Jacob's eye. Jacob remembered the moment exactly; he'd plucked up the stone and offered it to Edward, saying something sappy to Edward about it being almost as beautiful as him. Edward had smiled, affectionately, and they had embraced but their affection quickly grew into a clinging need to be together. Afterwards, Jacob had kept the rock and took it into town to have it engraved and placed on a chain. If he couldn't make it back to Edward on time he might never get the chance to tell him how important he.

'_So much for that_,' Jacob thought.

At the time Jacob had just wanted something for Edward, a symbol of how much Jacob loved him, before _they_ came, before Jacob and Edward were gone. Given the timing, it felt like a ridiculously foolish decision now. Why would he leave right when they needed to be together most? Jacob could feel the urgency all around him, in the wind at his back urging him faster, the ground sloping at his feet, and the trees that gave way to the path that lead to the spatial Victorian house that Jacob and Edward had been hiding out in. They'd hidden from the world for as long as they could but the time had finally come to be found.

He wanted to phase, he could go so much faster as the wolf, but he couldn't waste time to stop and change out of his clothes and he couldn't just phase and shred them. He needed his clothes, even bloodied and cut up, wearing any clothes was better than showing up without them. Besides, he couldn't shift on the isle, there were feral wolves here and they would be able to sense him. He just needed to get to Edward, to touch him, to hold him, and everything else that would come could come. He needed to get to Edward before _they_ did, before it was all over, before their time together was over. He'd miss it; miss waking up with Edward in his arms, no sound but the ocean around them. He'd miss their breakfasts together, peaceful, loving, full of life and laughter. He'd miss their love making, miss being loud and vigorous, gentle and passionate, playful and innovative. Jacob would miss being alone with Edward.

Jacob burst through the tree line onto the spacious, sprawling lawn of the picturesque home that had been purchased just for Jacob and Edward. Jacob raced up the porch steps and into the darkening house as the final rays of sparse sunlight fell over the horizon. Boxes littered the entrance, white drop cloths covered the furniture, and the curtains were pulled tightly closed. Dusk permeated the front hall, spreading a gloom through the once vibrant estate. Their memories were all that would remain in the house. Edward stood amongst the ghostly furniture in the foyer. His striking frame frozen, head bowed as if in contemplation, his hand resting on the back of a white covered chair, his back to Jacob. Jacob approached silently, wrapped his arms around Edward's waist, rested his chin on Edward's shoulder, and swayed them slowly back and forth.

"I loved this house," Edward said somberly.

"So did I," Jacob agreed. Jacob kissed Edward's shoulder softly. "It's almost time."

Edward sighed. "I know."

Edward reached into the chair and pulled out a crisp, clean shirt for Jacob. Jacob chuckled as he took the shirt and carefully slipped it on. Edward's ever bright eyes remained scanning the room, no doubt seeing the remnants of their last two months together. They'd been happy there, alone, together, and they'd made it a home.

Jacob finished dressing and pulled Edward into his arms again. He needed to smell Edward's skin, the way his lilac scent mixed intoxicatingly in the boggy air, needed to feel the cool marble of his skin, and he wanted more. Jacob wanted to taste Edward's skin, to touch his body one last time, to memorize every inch of him again and again, but he knew there wasn't enough time. All the time in the world and it was never enough. There would never be enough time to be with Edward. Jacob kissed Edward's neck lightly, pressed his lips delicately to Edward's pale skin, and Edward leaned into his kiss. They needed more, more time, more closeness, just _more_.

"I love you," Jacob whispered against Edward's skin, "always."

Jacob drew the necklace out of his pocket, the bright green stone glittering even in the sparse light, and held it up in front of Edward. Flat, smooth, and polished, mounted on a thin silver chain of white gold, it looked like a medallion. Edward's eyes lit on the token and he gasped audibly. Edward's hand went to the stone and he touched it lovingly.

"Always," Jacob whispered again, his lips to Edward's ear.

Edward's delicate fingers wrapped around the necklace and he slipped it from Jacob's grasp then spun around in Jacob's arms and wrapped his own around Jacob's neck. He kissed Jacob's lips, pressed them together firmly, and thread his fingers into Jacob's thick hair.

"Thank you," Edward whispered between kisses, "thank you, thank you. I love it."

Swept away in emotion, Jacob deepened their kiss, his tongue sliding into Edward's mouth and he maneuvered the closer to the sofa. Jacob braced Edward against the back of the sofa and pressed the full length of his body to Edward's. He always needed more, it wasn't enough to be near Edward, he needed to touch him, not enough to touch him, he needed to taste Edward, he needed to caress Edward and take him in until they became one skin. He needed Edward like air, like water, like life. They were one now.

"And always," Edward answered.

Jacob wanted more but there wasn't time for more. Jacob kissed Edward, letting the kiss linger, wanting so much more, knowing that there wasn't time enough.

"There's never enough," Edward agreed with a sigh.

Edward kissed Jacob again, quickly, chastely, and turned back to face the ghostly room. It was a beautiful house and they had been happy there, truly happy. Every room in the house held a trove of cherished, blissful memories. Memories of shared love and whispered desires, Jacob would miss this place terribly.

"We _were_ happy here," Edward agreed. "I really loved this house."

"As long as we're together," Jacob said wrapping his arms around Edward's waist, "my life is with you. My home is wherever you are."

Edward chuckled and leaned against Jacob. They stayed like that, watching their memories dance across the walls, until they heard the crunch of the gravel driveway, the unmistakable sound of a car on the approach. In Jacob's mind he could see the final sands as they slipped out of their hourglass; their time had finally run out. Jacob squeezed Edward against him, as close as he could, breathed deeply the scent of Edward's hair, touched Edward's skin, kissed it, then kissed Edward's thin lips.

Edward slipped on the necklace Jacob had given him; it radiated against Edward's pale skin, and turned to face Jacob again. His hands on the side of Jacob's face, Edward's fierce topaz eyes searched Jacob's face, raked over every inch of him, before he moved away with preternatural speed towards the door. After a short pause Edward opened it wide, startling the young man standing on the other side. He shifted nervously, cleared his throat, his eyes transfixed on Edward's lean form, and stammered a muttered greeting. Jacob leaned casually against the back of the couch and watched in amusement; Edward had a flair for the dramatic sometimes.

"I'm from Kieran… er, I'm Kieran, I'm from Second Nature car service," he stuttered. "Mr. Cullen?"

"Cullen-_Black_," Jacob interjected. It meant a lot to Jacob to have their names united, he liked hearing it, liked the symbolism it evoked. Jacob and Edward were one, combined in every way, even by name. The man's eyes moved to Jacob and he halted, audibly, before continuing.

"I'll be taking you… two… to the airport today."

Jacob smiled, the man's thick Irish brogue ticking Jacob's ears, and Edward shot him a displeased look. Jacob adored the accent, having never before been outside of the continental US. Jacob had been so enamored with it since the moment they'd arrived on the emerald isle that Edward had even taken to wooing him by donning the accent. Jacob appreciated it, and loved watching Edward's lips move as that beautiful accent burst free from his throat. The man's eyes moved from Edward back to Jacob and Jacob could only imagine what he might be thinking. He could imagine the man, seeing Jacob's long, muscular form, standing in the darkened room, wearing dark Dockers and a simple v-necked shirt. Jacob thought the man might feel fear but Edward's eyes as he turned back to face the man, the anger there, made him think again. What could this man be thinking to make Edward's mood darken further?

"Our bags are over here," Edward said. He gestured towards the stairs where their luggage had been stacked neatly. "And we do have a flight to catch so…" The man continued to gawk at Jacob, ignoring Edward's words. "Our flight leaves at six," Edward said louder, "so if we could get going…"

"Yes sir," the man said absentmindedly.

Jacob chuckled and folded his arms over his chest. The man's eyes never left Jacob as they raked up Jacob's frame. Edward moved across the room gracefully and pulled Jacob into his arms and held him lovingly. The man remained a moment more but Jacob's focus was completely of Edward and soon the man began his work. Edward kissed Jacob, silently laying claim, while the man struggled to get the first bag out the door. Jacob frowned; Edward still felt the need to remind himself, and Jacob, that Jacob was his. Edward still carried the scars of his emotional pain, of Jacob's regression, Jacob's death, Jasper's fascination with Jacob. Edward could never truly be at peace, every look Jacob received was like an opposition, every admirer a new combatant. Jacob had it easier, he knew, knew without a shadow of a doubt, that Edward would love him forever. Jacob knew that Edward would never leave him, never turn from him, his heart and soul would forever belong to Jacob. Edward was constantly tormented by their past. Haunted by every time Jacob had fled from him, every time they'd had to deny their love, every miss-step, every heartache. Edward feared that someone would take away their happiness again, every day he feared it. Jacob kissed Edward's forehead sweetly, he loved Edward and there would never be another moment of his life without that.

"Nothing is certain," Edward said.

"This is; I love you," Jacob said.

Edward smiled then slowly frowned as the man came walking back into the room and stood in the doorway. Edward turned towards him, his arms still wrapped around Jacob, and smiled in mock cordiality.

"Mr. Cullen…"

"Cullen _Black_," Edward corrected, emphasizing Jacob's last name. "It's our honeymoon."

The man smiled curtly and nodded. "Congratulations. I'm not sure that I can fit all of the luggage in the trunk so-"

"Let me help you with that," Edward said. "I'm sure that I can get it all to fit."

Edward led the man into the hall and, no doubt making the man feel foolish, easily hefted a largest of their cases and walked casually out the door. Jacob loved the combination of their names, loved being called Cullen-Black. Every time they got married it switched, their first wedding was a Cullen Black affair, second was Black Cullen, and now for their third, it was back to Cullen Black. Jacob loved when their names were joined, they only ever had four or five years to use their combined name, only four or five years of married bliss in one place before they had to move and start over. In any normal town they had ten years together, ten years living first separately and then together, before anyone really began to grow suspicious. Since the Denali coven had been asking them to come and stay with them the Cullen's had finally relented and made the move to Alaska. Now their family was enjoying a few decades in the Alaskan wilderness with the Denali. Every one of Jacob and Edward's weddings had been beautiful, every one of them felt just like the first time to Jacob, just as poignant, just as magical, just as special. Every time Jacob saw Edward, dapper in his dark tux, Esme at his side, it caught Jacob's heart in a vice, stole the breath from his lungs. Every time, every ceremony, Jacob could hardly believe it but he fell in love with Edward more every time. Their weddings reminded Jacob of the first time he had truly seen Edward, when Jacob had imprinted on him, every time he saw Edward it was like the first time… like he imprinted again and again. Edward was and would always be the center of Jacob's world. Thinking of their wedding made Jacob think of the quote Carlisle gave at every reception; being in love means falling in love over and over again, always with the same person. It was like that for Jacob, he constantly fell in love with Edward, every day.

Edward came back into the house, the driver only a few paces behind him, and grabbed another suitcase. Jacob watched him intently, Edward had an innate grace, a flow, a magnificent form and elegance to him and it oozed with everything he did. Even the most menial tasked looked like a nimble dance when Edward did it. As Edward exited Jacob's thoughts were drawn back to the house, to _their_ home, an anniversary present from Esme and Carlisle. It was Jacob and Edward's very own sprawling estate on the island of Ireland, their _own_ home. They couldn't come back to it for five more years, at least, but Jacob loved it. He loved every nook and cranny, every drafty floorboard and every stiff backed chair. It was their home, only for the two of them, and if it weren't for the werewolves it would be their home year round. The wolves seemed to be able to sense them, the shape-shifter and the vampire, and a few of them would linger at the edge of the forest. The one time that Jacob had phased they had been driven to frenzy, attacking ferociously until Edward fought them back enough for Jacob to slip back into human form. But they hibernated three months out of the year and, in that time, Jacob and Edward could live on the Emerald Isle without (much) worry. But, already the wolves began to stir and Edward feared for Jacob's safety, so they would leave.

As if summoned by Jacob's thoughts, Edward came walking back into the room and he embraced Jacob as the driver carried the last of the bags out to the car.

"I love this house too," Edward agreed quietly, "but it's time to go home. If one of those _things_ hurt you…" Jacob smile and caressed the side of Edward's face lovingly. "Come on," Edward said. "Miraculously, I was able to fit all of our luggage in the trunk. Now _we_ can sit in the back together and you don't have to sit in front by _Kieron_."

"Ah," Jacob said, "wouldn't that have been cozy."

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get you a 'Mrs. Cullen Black' sandwich board to wear."

"Or, you could just pee on my leg," Jacob teased.

"I might," Edward said.

Jacob sighed and stooped to wrap his arms around Edward's waist, slowly he maneuvered Edward towards the from door, inching Edward backwards. "You're the only person in the whole wide world that I am interested in. It's you and me, forever, you're never gonna get rid of me."

"Sure, sure," Edward said playfully.

Jacob leaned down to Edward and kissed him softly before they exited the house, his keen senses aware of the rumbling, growling in slowly filling the surrounding woods. Edward was right, of course, Ireland was the birthplace of werewolves, neither of them could ever truly be safe there. Jacob took Edward's hand and led him out to the waiting car. The driver waited for them, his eyes on the darkened tree line, even he could sense the menace in the woods. Many people from the nearby village were surprised that Jacob and Edward had bought the house since they had all heard of the feral wolves that ran rampant in the woods. Jacob could tell that he was anxious to leave. As they pulled away Jacob couldn't help but watch the house shrink in the distance and wonder if the wolves would tear it apart looking for some trace of them. Wonder if they would get a call in a couple of months from the caretaker letting them know about the "freak occurrence" of animal destruction. Edward whispered in Jacob's ear that if that happened they would just rebuild, he'd just be grateful that it wasn't Jacob. Jacob could almost understand the Volturi's hatred of werewolves. When the Volturi had come to "speak" with the Cullens, demand they disband, it had only been the sheer numbers of the Quileute and pack and their loyalty to Jacob that had created an uneasy truce. The Volturi would allow them to coelese, shape-shifters and vampires, if they agreed never to challenge Volturi authority. It was a ridiculous request, Carlisle had no desire for power. They'd wanted confirmation that Bella had been turned but, once she'd moved away no one could find her. Bella and her baby were safe, where ever they were. No one wanted to try and find her, only to keep the Volturi from finding her as well.

When Jacob's father had died there was nothing keeping him in Forks, the Cullens were already past their believable age limit, and they left to find a new town. By then, Mary was expecting her first child and they stayed behind to try and keep their kids from making the change. Jacob said goodbye to Sam, to the Quileute tribe, and left for parts unknown. As soon as they got back, Jacob knew that he would have to make the rounds, visiting their shape-shifter family, bring them gifts from Ireland, trinkets of love from Esme, greetings from grandparents they would, hopefully, never meet. Quil had moved back to La Push to be closer to Claire and her family, her husband even thought of Quil as a trusted uncle, Claire wanted him near and Quil wanted to be near her. Everyone who left them made Esme sad, their houses were always a shrine to missing family; full of pictures, pictures of the Quileute tribe, the pack, their children, pictures of _family_.

Esme relished hearing every detail of Mary and Paul's life, she called them often and she and Mary talked for hours, they were a family, now and always. When Jacob thought back on it all, every seemingly insurmountable obstacle that had been between he and Edward, they has all fallen in line. None of them turned out to be half as dangerous as Jacob expected they would be, it seemed laughable that they ever should have worried him at all. Even Bella, in her own way, had been of no real concern. She hadn't even been home when Edward arrived to confront her all those years ago. Charlie had answered the door, told them that Bella moved away suddenly, that he was moving too, and that Bella had asked that he not tell anyone where they were going. In an instant Bella was gone, her presence in their lives was gone, and Jacob felt a selfish feeling of relief over that. No more Bella meant that he wouldn't have to fight her for Edward's attention. Edward could deny it all he wanted to but Bella was always a factor in his mind. Edward pinched Jacob's leg lightly, his way of letting Jacob know that he was listening and he disagreed. If they had been alone they would have begun yet another round in the 'Bella-Jasper' argument. They'd both complain, Jacob about Bella, Edward about Jasper, until their heated words ignited the passion inside of them and they began kissing. Neither of their hearts were ever truly in the argument, Jacob didn't love Jasper the way he loved Edward and Edward only loved Jacob.

Their plane ride was torture, eleven hours trapped on a plane to Seattle, then change planes and it's another three hour flight to Anchorage. Eleven hours with a man who couldn't be exposed to sunlight and a gaggle of gawkers who couldn't stop staring at the two of them even if they tried. As Esme was fond of saying; together they were irresistible. Emmett liked to pinch Jacob's cheeks and tease him that people could sense that Jacob was just an over grown puppy and that was why they couldn't stop staring. All of the playful teasing in the world didn't make the nearly constant attention any easier to ignore. Jacob could feel their eyes on him, snooping women, enamored girls, curious onlookers. Their eyes followed him, as he covered Edward while Edward pretended to sleep when the tint of daylight began to touch the sky. They watched as Jacob walked up the isle to the bathroom, as he declined _yet another_ offer of a drink from the flight attendant. Always their eyes were on Jacob, on Edward, on _them_, until Jacob wanted to scream. He wasn't a sideshow freak, and certainly nothing to stare at, and yet they always did. Every so often Edward would discretely touch Jacob's shoulder, or his leg, just to let Jacob know that they were in it together. When they finally finished the long, long trip and landed on the Denali's remote airstrip on the outskirts of Anchorage Jacob was sure that he'd never been so happy to see land before.

"You get like that every time we fly," Edward grumbled.

They stepped off the small chartered plane to see Esme, Leah, and Carlisle waiting for them. Leah looked annoyed, like she always did, because their connection didn't stretch across the ocean. She didn't like being disconnected from Jacob for so long. After Jacob and Edward's first honeymoon in Egypt Leah had demanded that Jacob run home with her so they could synch up again. She worried too much. Esme looked radiant, as always, and pulled Jacob into a tight hug once he was close enough. Jacob chuckled and kissed the top of her head sweetly.

"Mother missed you," Edward teased. Jacob stuck his tongue out at him playfully.

"Esme," Carlisle said, "don't crush the boy." He pulled Esme away gently and shook Jacob's hand in greeting.

The short walk to their car was full of conversation, the ride to the home they shared with the Denali coven was more so. Conversations and voices over lapped, creating a clamor of constant sound. They wanted to hear all about the time Jacob and Edward had spent in Ireland, while Jacob and Edward wanted to hear about the time they had missed. They pulled up in front of Jacob and Edward's home, still a fair distance from town and far enough from the rest of the family to feel separate but not enough to make them feel alone. It wasn't their first home together but it was their first in this town. They were far enough away from town that they might be able to stay longer than most. It'd be nice to live in the same house with Edward for more than just a couple of years. Jacob would prefer to just find one place and settle down there forever but a part of him knew that wasn't possible.

"I wish we could," Edward said wistfully. He touched Jacob's shoulder companionably, and kissed his cheek softly as Jacob got out of the car.

They waved goodbye to the others, promising to join them at the main house as soon as they were settled, and entered their house. It had been Jacob's house previously, only to keep what few neighbors they had from going into shock, and Edward would come to visit. Edward could pass as a teenager but Jacob never could. People needed to witness Edward, count the years they'd known him, before they could accept Jacob as a suitable partner for him. Jacob seemed to be a man in his mid-twenties while Edward looked to be all of seventeen. It wasn't like they weren't together anyway, they were just careful. Jacob walked further into the house; pictures from all three of their weddings decorated the room. Someone had brought over Edward's thing while they were gone, his favorite objects, gifts, and arranged them around the house. Even when Jacob had moved in he'd left space for the day Edward's things would be there. Whole walls had stood empty waiting for Edward, his armoire occupied a large space, the one Jasper had crafted by hand for their first wedding present, his books, his CDs. Any house that either of them lived in was only complete when they were together.

It would be their last night together for a while; Jacob would have to make his rounds as soon as he could. Jacob would spend the next few months visiting family, going to visit the people the vampires couldn't. He'd travel like a pack mule, bringing gifts and newer pictures and returning with the same for the Cullens. He would be uncle Jacob, see if Paul had begun aging, see Sam, Sam's children, Quil, Claire, he would visit them all. He would stay with as many of them as he could, it would take months to accomplish, making the rounds always did. He would miss Edward, he'd call every night and fall asleep listening to Edward speaking or playing the piano. It would be painful to be so far away for so long but both of his families expected it of him and he wanted to see them too. He just wished Edward would be at his side when he did.

"Are you going to be down here all night moping or are you going to come upstairs?" Edward asked. Jacob smiled at him and followed Edward upstairs.

"I drew a picture, Uncle Jacob!"

Jacob took the proffered piece of construction paper from the small girl and smiled while examining it. "This is a beautiful butterfly, Katie," Jacob cooed.

Jacob sat in Mary and Paul's kitchen, their daughter Katie came into the room with her picture, and Leah who'd joined him in La Push a week ago. She had never really gotten along with Mary or Paul but she enjoyed visiting the 'old town'. Mary's older son Billy stood at the sink half eavesdropping, half getting a drink of water, as the grown-ups talked.

"Do you think grandma Esme will like it?" Katie asked earnestly.

"I'm sure she will love it," Jacob said assuredly.

"She'll probably have it professionally framed," Paul joked.

"When can I _see_ grandma Esme? Katie asked.

"You never get to meet her," Billy chimed in. Jacob glowered at his nephew Billy, because he was eighteen he was sure he knew everything there was to know and liked to lay it out for his five year old sister. "Grandma Esme isn't real. She's just some lady mom and dad paid to take some pictures and call us every once in a while. They do it because all of their parents died before we were born."

"Billy," Mary hissed.

"Look at the pictures Katie, she never ages," Billy continued, "it's because they're fake. She never ages because she's not real."

"I'm going to tell her you said that," Jacob laughed.

"Oh no," Billy mocked, "photoshop will be so angry with me."

"Is Grandma Esme real?" Katie asked turning her wide, chocolate brown eyes imploringly on Jacob.

"She is very much real," Jacob answered, more to Billy than Katie. Jacob pulled Katie up onto his lap and locked his arms around her. "She loves you very much."

"Then why doesn't she want to see me?" Katie asked.

"Well," Jacob started unsurely, "Esme wants to keep you safe and-"

Billy snorted with laughter, his water spilling on the floor as he did. "Right! Because if she comes here we'll be magically transformed into _werewolves_."

"What?" Leah grumbled. "What did he just say?"

Jacob looked to Paul and Mary in surprise. Mary glared at Billy, her stern mother's glare making him freeze in his tracks.

"Grandma Esme will turn us into wur-wuls?" Katie asked in shock.

"No sweetie," Paul said. "Grandma Esme doesn't want to turn you into a wolf. Go play in the playroom for, okay?"

Katie nodded and slid off of Jacob's lap to disappear into the front room. Paul turned to face Billy, still pinned to the spot by Mary's glare. Leah too stared at Billy, her face turning a darker color as she grew angrier.

"William Thomas!" Mary hissed angrily. "What did you just say?"

"What does it even matter?" Billy asked. He tried to sound like he wasn't scared but Jacob could practically see the fear radiating off of him and he still hadn't been able to move. "I overheard dad talking with Uncle Sam about werewolves and stupid Quileute legends. Whatever, it's all just silly stories."

"Silly stories?" Leah yelled making Billy jump. "You think they're just stories they made up to frighten you?"

"Leah," Mary said, "please calm down."

"This isn't just some story someone made up! This is my life!" Leah continued. "You think my life is a story you can use to torment your sister?"

"Leah," Paul said, trying to shush her.

"No," Leah said, "he thinks that he knows everything… take a look at your Uncle Jacob." Jacob shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Billy's eyes flicked in his direction. "Does your Uncle Jacob look different to you? Does he look different from the last time he visited? What has it been… three years?"

"Hey," Jacob interjected, "I try to make it back as much as I can." Both Mary and Paul looked at Jacob and shook their heads to say that they didn't think ill of Jacob and they knew he tried.

"How old do you think he is?" Leah continued undeterred. "Twenty-five? Twenty-six? … He's forty-one! Has he ever changed, ever? Does he look any different in _any_ of the pictures you have here, pictures that span thirty years?"

Billy scoffed. "What are you trying to say? Uncle Jacob is immortal? That he and 'Grandma Esme' are going to live forever?" Billy laughed at the ridiculousness of it but the laugh tapered off when no one joined in. He looked to his mother and father for support but they didn't offer any help.

"Leah," Mary said with barely controlled rage, "we were going to tell _our_ son when _we_ were ready. You had no right."

"He's eighteen," Leah grumbled, "you were going to get around to it when?"

"It wasn't your place to decide when and where we told him," Paul interjected.

"Get off it," Leah barked. "You were never going to tell him, Jacob would be your dark family secret."

"Very funny," Billy laughed mirthlessly, "I'm not buying it. Uncle Jacob is _not_ immortal."

Jacob sighed. "And Edward, and Alice, and Jasper, and Carlisle, and-"

"You're not seriously trying to make me believe this gibberish," Billy laughed.

"You are _way_ out of line!" Mary yelled at Leah suddenly. "How dare you come into _my_ house and dictate how I should be raising _my_ children!"

Before anyone could react Leah burst out of her clothes and into her wolf form. Paul reached out and grabbed hold of Mary's arm protectively but over the years his reflexes had grown slower. Jacob was out of his chair and stood in between Leah and the rest of family. Billy scrambled over to his parents, his eyes wide and frightened, fixed on Leah's giant form. Leah growled angrily around Jacob but didn't try to move around him to attack.

"IN MY HOUSE!" Paul raged. "LEAH! YOU PHASED IN MY HOUSE!"

"Paul," Jacob said turning to face him, "you're not helping." Paul relented, though his eyes simmered with rage, and Jacob turned back to Leah. "Leah, you need to go outside."

Leah turned and left the house as Jacob opened the back door for her. In moments Leah disappeared into the surrounding woods. Jacob sighed, now he would have to deal with the fallout from this, he desperately wished Edward could be there with him.

"You know I would have told them," Mary said suddenly.

Jacob turned to face her confused. "What?"

"We were going to tell them about you," Mary said, "we just wanted to tell them both together. I want you to be a part of this family forever, Jacob. I want you to always be welcome in this family."

Jacob moved across the room and placed one large hand on Mary's shoulder. "I know that May," Jacob said.

"What. The HELL. Was that?" Billy yelled.

"Exactly what she told you," Paul said shortly.

Mary sniffled a little as she tried to keep from crying and stood up abruptly pulling Billy up as she went. "Come on, outside, and Jacob can show you. I'll go get Katie."

"What?" Jacob asked in alarm. "May, you can't be serious."

"Mary," Paul said.

"We agreed that we would tell them together," Mary said. "Billy knows, it's only fair that Katie knows."

"Katie is five," Paul tried to reason.

"This is insane!" Billy yelled.

"I'll go get Katie," Mary continued, "you three, go outside."

"I don't know about this," Jacob said.

Mary ignored them, pushing Paul towards the back door, and went into the front room to retrieve Katie. Paul sighed and grabbed Billy by the arm, Jacob wanted to argue but he knew there was no point in it. Once Mary made up her mind there was no changing it. The three of them had just gotten outside when Mary came out with Katie. Paul lifted Katie up into his arms and they all stood, facing Jacob as if he were a magician about to perform a magic trick… in a small way he kind of was. Paul whispered to Katie, telling her the basics of what was going to happen, telling her that Jacob was going to do a trick. Paul said that Jacob would always be around and this was going to let her know why, he told her that Jacob would even be there when Katie was all grown up. Jacob sighed, debating the wisdom in this; did a five year old need to know that monsters were real? How would she react when her uncle exploded and turned into a giant wolf? She would scream, she'd be terrified, she might hate Jacob. Jacob didn't want her to be afraid of him. Jacob looked at Mary imploringly but she just gestured for him to get on with it.

Jacob sighed, resigned, and tugged off his light jacket. He tossed it casually to the ground, knowing how angry it would make Alice he was pleased, once again, that she couldn't see him with her talent. Jacob smiled at Katie, hoping to reassure her, and pulled off his shirt. He tossed it over to his jacket and grumbled angrily to himself as he began to undo his pants. Paul sucked in his stomach and straightened his posture as Jacob did, in thirty years he had finally begun to age and the first thing that had happened was he found out that you couldn't eat whatever you wanted and have six pack abs. Jacob pulled off his pants, feeling ridiculous standing in front of his sister's family wearing only his white boxer briefs, and tossed them over to the rest of his clothing.

"What the hell is going on?" Billy asked. "We're watching Uncle Jacob get naked? That's not weird." Mary glared at him.

"Katie, honey," Jacob said nervously, "don't be afraid."

Jacob took a deep breath and phased, bursting quickly from one form to another hoping it would help Katie a little. Billy jumped back, seeing Leah do it once didn't seem to be proof enough for him, seeing Jacob do it too seemed to freak him out more. Katie gasped and Jacob braced himself for the inevitable screech and crying that would follow. What he got was a high pitched squeal of delight and a round of applause. Katie clapped her hands wildly, laughing and smiling at Jacob.

"_Puppy_!" Katie squealed and squirmed in Paul's arms. "Daddy, can I pet the puppy?'

"That's not a puppy, honey," Paul said, "that's Uncle Jacob."

"Mommy!" Katie yelled, "Can I pet Uncle Jacob?"

Mary shrugged, her expression half between awe and resignation, and Paul set Katie on the ground. Katie ran towards Jacob but Billy snatched her up by the arm and restrained her. Katie cried in protest but Billy ignored her, his face a mask of horror as he stared at Jacob.

"Don't touch it," Billy yelled. "What the hell is going on?"

"Billy," Mary hissed, "that is your uncle."

"_That_ is _not _my uncle," Billy said. "How could you let Katie go near it? What if it bit her?"

"Jacob wouldn't hurt Katie," Mary said.

"This is insane," Billy said angrily. "This is… this isn't real. This didn't just happen."

Mary laughed at him. "You don't believe what's right in front of your eyes?"

"Momma," Katie called, "Uncle Jacob's big like a horse. Can I ride him?"

Katie wriggled free of Billy's startled grasp and ran over to Jacob. She threw her arms around his legs and nuzzled her little face into the thick fur of his mane. Jacob smiled and licked her face happily. Katie giggled giddily and pet Jacob's fur with one hand. Billy looked from his parents to Jacob and Katie, a look of abject horror on his face, then threw up his hands in defeat and walked away muttering that he couldn't handle this. Jacob tried to shake it off, to play with Katie as she giggled, and laughed, and ran around him but it weighed on him. Billy had reacted just as Jacob had always been afraid of. The sheer look of revulsion on Billy's face cut through Jacob like a knife. After a few moments of play Paul scooped Katie up and brought her into the house so that Jacob could phase back and put on his clothes.

Once Jacob was dressed he went back inside. Katie squealed and ran to him; Jacob scooped her up and held her in his arms as she began to talk animatedly.

"Uncle Jacob," Katie yelled, "you were a puppy! You were a puppy and we played in the yard and your fur was soft and Eliza down the block has a little doggie but you were a _big_ doggie."

"I know," Jacob said laughingly.

"Katie," Paul said softly, "would you go into the playroom, please?"

"Draw Uncle Jacob a picture," Mary added.

Katie nodded vigorously. "I'm going to draw you when you were a puppy!"

Jacob told her he couldn't wait, set her on the ground, and smiled as she ran off to draw for him. A week later Billy still had yet to come home, he was staying at his friend's house, and Jacob had started to think that he was going to leave without seeing him again. He hated to think that this was how he would leave their relationship. Leah had run home, she'd called Jacob the day after her outburst asking that he apologize to Mary for her. Jacob walked into the kitchen to find Paul and Mary sitting at the table, Mary quickly wiped a tear away and sniffled, trying to pretend that she wasn't crying. Jacob went to the sink and poured himself a glass of water, out of the corner of his eye he caught the tender way that Paul held her hand, the caring look in his eyes, the loving way he embraced her. In an instant Jacob missed Edward desperately; it had been three months since he had seen him, having to suffice with phone calls and messages. Jacob missed the little things about Edward, the way Edward touched Jacob's skin, the way Edward knew Jacob's thoughts and tried to comfort him without making him feel smothered. He missed Edward's face, his smell, his touch, his presence, Jacob missed _Edward_. When Jacob turned around he saw Mary watching him sympathetically. She smiled painfully and a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped the tear away and tried to regain her composure.

"I'm sorry Jacob," Mary said. "I didn't think that Billy would react like this. I just thought… I don't know what I thought."

Jacob shrugged, finished his water and set the cup in the sink, then said: "It's okay. I acted the same way when I first found out."

"At least Katie is taking it well," Paul offered.

"Right," Mary laughed ruefully, "maybe we should have told Billy when he was five too. I wanted him to accept you. I wanted to be sure that you would be a part of our family even after we were gone."

Mary's voice broke and she turned away from Jacob. Paul looked over at Jacob and gestured for him to give them some privacy. Silently, Jacob slipped out the back door, touching Mary's shoulder lightly as he went. Outside, Jacob tried to calm himself down, on the verge of tears, he hated to see his sister in pain. After deep breathing didn't work, Jacob pulled out his phone and pressed speed dial one, Edward answered on the first ring.

"Jacob?" Edward asked a note of panic in his voice. "Are you okay? Is something wrong?"

"Everything's fine," Jacob assured him, "I just… I really needed to hear your voice."

Edward sighed, content with this explanation. Jacob missed Edward, even just being on the phone with him, without speaking, helped him, calmed him. He wanted to be back with Edward, he wanted to be in their house, curled up together, enjoying each other's company. Maybe it was time to go home; maybe he'd spent enough time with the family. He had enough trinkets and photos to last Esme a few years, at least. Hadn't he reached the end of his welcome at his sister's? She could calm Billy down better on her own anyway; it'd probably go better without him there.

"I wish I knew what you were thinking," Edward said.

Jacob smirked, "I'm thinking that I miss you, and I think it's time I came home."

Jacob could practically hear Edward smile through the phone. He could feel himself being pulled to Edward, that old familiar tug of desire, a sensation that Edward tried to stifle while Jacob was visiting. Edward released his hold on the intense emotion, calling Jacob back to him, demanding that he return to his side. It was palpable, tangible, poignant, and Jacob's heart beat faster at the thought of being with Edward again.

"Are you sure?" Edward asked.

"I love you," Jacob answered with a laugh. "I love you and I'll be home in a few days."

"I'll get your suit ready," Edward said.

Before Jacob could even argue Edward had disconnected the call. Jacob didn't even mind, the idea of being back with Edward was appealing enough that he didn't care that he'd have to put on his dress suit and have a fancy meal at the main house. With a smile Jacob pushed his phone back into his pocket. He could be packed and on the road before sundown, he could be back to Edward in a couple of days. When he got home they would have dinner at the Denali's, which was just an excuse for Esme to cook and so that Jacob could present to her all of the tokens he'd received from their extended family. Jacob would give her the gifts everyone had gotten for Esme, he'd tell her everything that had happened, every detail of his trip, his time with the family. Once that was finished Jacob and Edward could go home together, they could just _be_ together. Being apart felt so hard, worse every time they separated. All Jacob had to do now was go inside and explain his departure in a way that didn't make it seem like he was leaving because of Billy's reaction.

Jacob went back inside his sister's house, Paul and Mary now stood near the sink, Mary's face was buried in the crook of Paul's neck. They held each other, looking as if someone had died, and when Jacob came in Mary looked over at Jacob and sighed miserably.

"I am _so_ sorry Jacob," Mary said. Jacob held up his hand to stop her, he knew that she wouldn't have wanted Billy to react the way he had; she had no reason to apologize. "I really am, but you are _not_ taking my son."

Jacob blanked, completely confused, and said; "What? Taking your what now?"

Paul sighed and stepped forward, letting go of Mary, to take the lead in the conversation. "Billy wants to go with you. He wants to go to Alaska and meet '_the vampires_'."

"What?" Jacob asked incredulous. "Why?"

"Because he's _stubborn_," Mary said raising her voice and looking up at the ceiling. "_He's stubborn and he doesn't know how dangerous it is and he's foolish enough to think he can handle it!_"

"He's not coming with me," Jacob said.

"I am," Billy said from the doorway. "If you won't take me then I'll just go by myself. I have the postcards from Grandma Esme, I know where to go."

"You are _not_ going!" Mary raged. "Do you know what will happen to you if you go near them?"

"What _could_ happen," Billy said. "You said that it wasn't a certainty. I could be completely fine."

"Mary," Paul said, "don't worry. Esme would never put him in danger like that. They would be a hundred miles away before he even got out of the driveway."

"This is ridiculous," Billy yelled.

"Don't you raise your voice to me," Mary warned.

"They're family," Billy continued quieter. "I should be able to meet our family."

"Through marriage!" Mary hissed. "Esme is Jacob's _husband's_ mother… and she's not even Edward's _real_ mother."

"Mary," Paul tsked.

"I'm sorry Jacob, I love Esme, but I do not want her to meet my son."

Jacob nodded at her, he understood where she was coming from, Mary couldn't risk her only son becoming like the rest of her family. She couldn't bear the thought of yet another person she loved living forever, watching everyone they knew grow old and die, watching the world turn endlessly around them. She couldn't have her only son's life become like Leah's. Leah who, for decades, had wanted nothing more than to fall in love, get married, have children. Leah surrounded herself with vampires, refusing to leave Jacob's side, and she would never change. Jacob felt for her, Mary pitied her; Mary would never let her son's life become the shell she imagined Leah's to be. In truth, Mary liked to believe that Leah was miserable and alone so Jacob never quite told her the whole truth. Jacob left out how Leah, who was older that Mary, still looked like a woman much younger than Mary. He didn't remind her that Leah actually _enjoyed_ the freedom of her life, enjoyed being able to stay out late at night, travel at whim, live as she pleased. Leah had grown to love her life, even though she longed for some of the staples of a 'normal' life. Leah was happy, but when Jacob even broached the subject Mary would interject that "no one is happy being a spinster". Leah was _no_ spinster, but Jacob kept quiet.

"You can't make my decisions for me," Billy complained.

"Watch me," Mary seethed.

"Billy," Paul said trying to sound reasonable, "we told you those stories as a warning. We love Jacob, wouldn't we go see him if we could? Wouldn't we want to go to _all_ of his weddings if we could?"

"You said that I might not even turn," Billy said petulantly. "I just want to go. I… I grew up listening to stories about a grandmother I never got to meet. I want to see her, I want to _hug_ her, I want to thank her for singing me to sleep at night when I'd had a bad dream."

"Over the phone," Mary reminded him. "She sang to you over the phone because she knew that you would be in danger if-"

"I don't care," Billy said. "I want to _meet_ her."

"Mary," Paul sighed. Mary turned and fixed her eyes like lasers on Paul. It was in his tone, the defeat, he was giving in and he wanted her to give in too. "Mayflower, we can't keep him from making mistakes."

"Yes we can," Mary scoffed. She turned to Billy and said: "You're not going. Problem solved."

Mary turned her back to them, busying herself with washing the glass Jacob had left behind, until finally her shoulders sagged. She was fighting a losing battle, she knew it, and the only thing left to do was let Billy go. While he packed, Jacob tried to reason with Billy, reminding him that there would be vampires there, that vampires would thirst for his blood, even the Cullens. He tried to scare Billy into staying, Leah would be there, her temper wouldn't be improved by his shenanigans, she'd only be angrier, and he'd never even met Rosalie. Jacob tried to appeal to his emotions, asking if this is something Billy thought that Esme would want, would she really want to endanger her grandson. In the end, nothing Jacob could say would deter Billy and soon he had his bags packed in the already full truck. They sat in the driveway, Mary and Paul standing at the front door watching them, and Jacob could not bring himself to take his foot off of the brake. Jacob sat behind the driver's seat, watching his sobbing sister, waiting for Billy to come to his senses.

How could Billy break Mary's heart like that? How could he be so calm, so callous? All Jacob wanted to do was shove Billy out of the truck and drive away. Even if Jacob had to push Billy _through_ the door, maybe that would be enough to knock some sense into him. As Jacob sat there, truly considering pushing Billy out, entertaining the idea of forcing his nephew out of his truck and peeling away, Billy turned towards him. Billy fixed his coffee colored eyes on Jacob, wide and incredulous, and sighed in annoyed impatience.

"Well," Billy said impatiently, "what are you waiting for?"

"Don't tempt me," Jacob warned. "Push you right outta my damned truck," Jacob muttered. "Wave goodbye to your mother," Jacob snapped. "The woman who carried you, birthed you, raised you, clothed you, fed you, and cares for you. The woman whose heart you're breaking-"

"I've made my decision," Billy said haughtily.

Jacob thought back to what Paul had told him just moments ago; '_If he turns he'll be under your command. He doesn't understand that. When that happens I want you to order him to come home. He'll have to obey you, you're the Alpha._"

Paul had been so sure of it that Mary had conceded. As Jacob slowly released the brake he wished she hadn't, he wished she would tear away from Paul and rush towards the car. Jacob would have been riding with anyone else, even Leah; Jacob would have preferred to listen to Leah's constant bickering, bitching, nagging, side seat driving than Billy. No one at the Cullen's even knew he was bringing Billy, no one but Edward and he had promised to keep it to himself… really, Edward had said that that was something he wanted no part in telling Esme. Jacob wanted the experience to be hard, he hoped that seeing the way the other's feared for his safety would send Billy back home, Esme's distress would affect Jacob that way, but Jacob would do anything for Esme. Jacob knew he was grasping at straws but it was all he had.

The drive back seemed to take forever, neither of the two speaking and Jacob kept the radio low, it was torture for Jacob and he could only hope that it was for Billy as well. Jacob only wanted Billy to see the light and go home, and to that end Jacob drove the speed limit and under at all times, took back roads instead of the interstate, giving Billy ample time to change his mind. Soon though, they had entered Alaska and even quicker they were encroaching on the home that Jacob shared with Edward. As Jacob pulled up to the house he realized that Edward would be the first vampire that Billy met, although Jacob got the sense that Billy still didn't believe. Jacob knew that once he saw Edward, once Edward's grace and beauty burst free from the house, that Billy would be too shocked to continue on. Jacob could feel his heartbeat pick up as he climbed out of the cab, knowing that Edward was so close. As Jacob rounded the corner Edward appeared in the doorway in an instant. Their eyes met and Jacob was content to just watch him for a moment.

Jacob had expected Billy to react in some overt way, to gasp or his eyes to go buggy, Jacob expected shock and awe. Billy only hitched his breath in anticipation and stepped out of the truck. Edward descended the stairs with deliberate slowness, his lithe form graceful. Doing away with all appearances, Jacob raced to Edward and reached him in the space of a heart's beat. Jacob swept Edward up into his arms. Jacob inhaled deeply, welcoming the pungent scent of Edward's skin, he wrapped his long arms around Edward until he completely enveloped him. Edward wrapped his arms around Jacob's neck, pressing them as close as either of them could. Edward kissed Jacob's neck, his lips chilled in the brisk night air, and Jacob smiled.

"I missed you," Edward whispered.

Jacob pulled back to look into Edward's eyes then leaned down to capture Edward's mouth with his own. He had missed Edward too, of course. Jacob had missed Edward so desperately that sometimes it woke him in the middle of the night. Jacob would be caught by the idea to go home during his excursion and he'd be half packed before sense returned to him. Jacob kissed Edward, lost himself in the kiss, putting his heart and soul into the simple act of kissing Edward, and Edward returned the kiss. Without thinking of it Jacob easily scooped Edward off of the ground and took a small step towards the door with him. Edward chuckled beneath Jacob's mouth.

"What?" Jacob asked breathlessly.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Edward asked gesturing towards Billy.

"Ah," Jacob said glimpsing quickly at his nephew, "shit.:" Jacob pecked Edward's lips quickly then set him back down and turned to face Billy, an arm still around Edward's waist.

"He looks afraid," Edward whispered.

"_Is he_?" Jacob asked.

"No," Edward said after a thoughtful moment. "He's more shocked than anything else."

Billy moved closer to them, his wide eyes never leaving Edward's face, and Jacob wondered if he shouldn't have started the introductions with a different vampire. There was no need to get him attached to Edward, what if Billy became infatuated with Edward? The last thing Jacob wanted was to have another person vying for Edward's attention. Billy stepped up unto the curb, his eyes shifted towards Jacob then quickly back again making Jacob think of a cat clock. Jacob wondered what Billy was thinking.

"He didn't think I was real," Edward answered for him. Edward's voice made Billy jump, not in fear but in shock, as if he had never before heard anyone speak. "Even after he saw Leah change, and you change, and everything that Paul and Mary told him about us, he still didn't believe. He was sure that we were… 'totally lying'."

Jacob smiled congenially, squeezed Edward in a one armed hug, and kissed his neck. Things were going swimmingly, with any luck, Billy would be on his way home before morning. Billy would know that they loved him, they _all_ loved him, and the reason they didn't come near him was because they wanted him to have an average human life. Jacob planted a quick kiss on the top of Edward's head and began unloading his belongings from the truck. Jacob took his things inside and when he came back out Billy was still standing in one place as if transfixed, staring at Edward. Jacob wondered if Billy had any idea how creepy it was to just stand there and stare like that.

"Shake your head, your eyes are stuck," Jacob teased. Billy blinked quickly and averted his eyes sheepishly.

"You should drive him over," Edward said. "I'll run ahead."

"I could walk with you," Billy offered. Jacob looked skeptically at Billy, incredulity clear on his face, and Billy muttered: "If it's close enough to run to…"

Jacob laughed. "It's close enough for _us_ to run there, you couldn't keep up."

Billy seemed put out by this, as if Jacob were making things up just to make him feel bad, and Billy frowned at him. Billy, at least, had the good sense to keep his complaining to himself. Jacob kissed Edward softly on the lips then let him walk into the distance. Jacob knew that as soon as Edward was sure that no one could see him he would make a dash for the main house and beat Jacob and Billy by several minutes. Jacob and Billy got into the truck and headed towards the main house. There would be more vampires there than Billy counted on, more than Jacob felt completely comfortable with. Billy expected to see the Cullens but he had no idea that he was about to meet the Denali coven as well. The drive to the main house only took twenty minutes, a five minute run, and when Jacob rounded the last corner onto the long drive leading up to the house he had to slam on the brakes.

The entire Cullen coven appeared in the road in front of them, like a thick mist, blocking their path. They stood out in the snow, even dressed as they were in light clothing, radiant in the mixture of moonlight and headlights. For the second time that night Billy's breathing hitched, though Jacob imagined he was actually afraid this time. Edward wasn't with the others in the road and Jacob got out of the truck, hoping nothing had happened to him. Billy followed him, cautiously, and stayed half hidden behind Jacob as they approached. Esme met Jacob halfway, her lovely face fixed with a disapproving glare.

"Jacob Black," Esme hissed.

"_Cullen_ Black," Edward corrected appearing at her side.

"How could you?" Esme continued. "How could you bring this boy here?"

"Hello," Billy said sheepishly. He stepped out from behind Jacob and extended his hand to Esme apprehensively. "My name's Billy, er… William-Billy."

"I know who you are," Esme said in exasperation. "I have pictures of you from the day you were born. And you shouldn't be here."

"I wanted to meet you," Billy said.

"I saw him coming," Alice said. She smiled and waved her fingers in greeting when Billy looked her way. "You love Alaska, we'll go to the mall, get some new clothes. You can-"

"Alice," Carlisle said softly and Alice fell silent immediately.

"One big happy family," Emmett mocked, "as long as you never visit."

Billy smiled as he looked at each of them, his eyes sweeping from face to forbidden face. These were the people he was never meant to meet. Jacob and Mary had put so much emphasis on the Cullens, their extended family that Billy had _needed_ to meet them. How could he believe that family is everything when he could never meet half of them? 'Love these people, they're family, but you can never see them.' It was a silly idea, a huge flaw in their family dynamics, and Billy had exposed it for all to see.

"Don't I even get to come inside?" Billy asked innocently.

"The Denali-" Jacob started.

"This house belongs to some other people from _our_ side of the family," Edward said. "My father's family."

"There are more vampires in the house," Emmett translated.

"I'd love to meet them," Billy said cheerily.

Esme sighed. "I'm calling Mary, she deserves to know that you arrived safely at least." Esme turned and went back into the house quicker than Billy's human eyes could register.

Alice was at Billy's side instantly, playing up the vampire's differences for the newbie, and she took his arm giggling girlishly. "We'll have so much fun. You _love_ Wilson's Square."

"I don't know," Billy stuttered. He allowed Alice to lead him towards the house. "I've never, uh, never been there before."

"Trust me," Alice laughed.

As Alice led Billy away, Jasper in tow, Rosalie stepped in front of Jacob, blocking his path. Her cold yellow eyes glared at Jacob, her arms crossed tightly over her chest. Jacob could only imagine what was going through her mind to make her so angry. Edward knew, however, and he came to Jacob's side. Edward took Jacob's hand and squeezed it supportively.

"You brought _him_ here?" Rosalie asked angrily. "After what he did?"

"He was a jerk, sure, but Leah is the one who flew off the handle," Jacob said. "He's just a kid and Leah could have really hurt him."

"He _instigated_ it," Rosalie hissed. "Now we just have to welcome him into our home?"

Jacob sighed. He knew this would happen, of course Rosalie would stick up for Leah. The two of them had bonded one weekend when they went hunting and ever since then it had been like this. Whenever Jacob came down on Leah, Rosalie was right there to get on him about it and vice versa. Jacob hated it. Rosalie and Leah together was like adding napalm to a nuclear weapon, it was just unnecessary. As if the one by itself wasn't bad enough.

"He's family," Jacob said.

"He's _your_ family," Rosalie shot back.

"And Leah's," Jacob added. "He's _our_ family, and we forgive family."

"Well don't expect me to be nice to him," Rosalie seethed.

"I wouldn't _dream_ of it," Jacob dead panned.

Rosalie glared at him but didn't argue further and, after a moment, turned and went back to the house leaving only Edward and Jacob on the road. Jacob turned to Edward and quickly embraced him. If it were feasible, Jacob would have pulled Edward into the car and driven home with him, leaving the others to sort things out on their own. It was hard to be so close to Edward and not feel like he could truly be with him the way he wanted to be. Jacob knew that they would have to deal with the 'Billy' situation before they could be alone together again. Jacob held Edward against him, pressed him as close as he could, as if they could be merged into one being. Jacob held him as if no one would come looking for them if they took too long, as if they were alone in the world. It seemed like all they could ever have was a string of small moments, poignant, perfect moments strung together until the end of time. And it was enough; Jacob could subsist on a thousand little moments was enough as long as it was with Edward. He could endure anything; he _would_ endure a million hardships, for just one moment with Edward.

Beyond the soft hum of the truck Jacob could hear movement in the woods. It was the stumbling, sluggish, noisy type of movement that could only come from a human. On the wind a familiar scent tickled Jacob's senses. It was close, the noise, the smell, closer than it should have been given the level of heightened senses that existed on the property. The scent was familiar, tangible, so close to Jacob's recognition and yet so far away. It made Jacob's brain itch with wonder. Jacob released Edward and slowly turned towards the source of the noise, scanning the woods around them. Edward slowly turned too, seeming more interested with Jacob's reaction than in the potential enemy. Jacob moved towards the sounds as it crept closer, humans rarely came near the vampire's property, as if they could sense that they should stay away. This one had to be lost, moving towards the sparse light of the trucks' headlights, but this one seemed unconcerned. Jacob wondered what kind of human didn't feel a natural aversion to vampires. How had they come so far out into the woods? Why would they risk so much?

"Stay here," Jacob hissed.

"It's just one human," Edward said.

"Please, Edward, just stay near the truck."

Humans were becoming so clever, so cunning in their ability to make weapons that could inadvertently injure or kill vampires. There was more danger for Edward than Jacob. It was almost ironic; Edward could reattach limbs, his head even, and it was still safer for Jacob to go out into the unknown. Jacob kissed Edward's forehead then quickly slipped into the dark woods. Jacob moved with practiced silence, not even Garrett's keen hearing could pick up his movements. It didn't take Jacob long to locate the human, making so much noise, and the smell that radiated became a beacon. Jacob came upon him in a clearing, the moonlight glistened off of his auburn hair, and illuminated his pale skin. If Jacob hadn't been able to smell the humanity oozing off of the man he would have sworn he was a vampire. There was something so eerily beautiful about him, as if Jacob had been waiting for him. Jacob was drawn closer, mesmerized. This was it, this man was the reason he existed, Jacob was supposed to meet this man.

In an instant Jacob's entire world became clear, every hardship, every misstep, every path in his life had all been leading here. In an instant Jacob knew; he was meant for this man.

**A/N**: That was a chore! A chore to rewrite, a chore to transcribe, a chore to revise, and a chore to post… the next part is the last or I am outsourcing the labor.


	17. Unwillingly Mine

"Show me what it looks like;  
Come on grow old with me and surely you will see."  
- Thriving Ivory

* * *

Jacob watched the man move, mesmerized by the way the sparse light radiated off of his pale skin, the way it created a halo around his dark hair. Jacob could sense Edward moving in the woods but moved forward ahead of Edward. Jacob made sure to snap a few dry branches under his feet to draw the man's attention. The man looked surprised, frightened, and then relieved when he saw Jacob. Finally, he sighed. Jacob could feel Edward's presence behind him, hovering in the darkness just out of the man's ability to sense him. Jacob placed himself between Edward and the strange man. The man took a step towards Jacob, completely unaware of the danger, even meeting a strange man in the woods at night. Jacob smiled mischievously.

"Thank goodness," the man said, "I thought I was going to be lost forever."

"What are you doing here?" Jacob asked. The question came out gruffer than he originally intended and he smiled pleasantly trying to take some of the sting out. "This is pretty far from the main road."

"I was hiking," the man said, "and I got lost."

"Your GPS?" Jacob asked. "Cell, pack, locator chip? Was everything eaten by a bear?"

The man chuckled, took a step towards Jacob, and said: "I've never been a fan of the locator chip, and I wanted a weekend away _without_ technology." The man laughed again, a wide, pleasant smile gracing his delicate face. "Do you think you could... maybe... help me?"

Jacob smiled. "I think we might be able to help you. My car is just a little ways back; I could give you a lift."

"Great," the man said. He approached Jacob and held out his hand in greeting. "I'm CJ, by the way."

"It's nice to meet you," Jacob said. He moved to grasp CJ's hand but Edward's will took hold of Jacob like a vice grip and wouldn't allow him to reach out. Jacob had never had Edward consciously use his will against him, actually demand that Jacob not interact with something or someone, it felt like having someone root around in his brain. He could feel Edward actively working against him trying to keep Jacob from shaking CJ's hand. Jacob had to focus all of his energy to even complete the greeting. "I'm Jacob." Jacob grasped CJ's hand firmly then quickly released it.

"It's lucky you came along," CJ said.

Jacob smiled, though he doubted that it had had anything to do with luck, and nodded in the direction he had come for CJ to follow. Edward was already gone, had left the darkened woods as soon as Jacob had taken CJ's hand. He left Jacob to accompany CJ alone, in the dark, back to the car. Jacob had so many questions for him, but he knew that CJ wouldn't understand the questions and Jacob would only scare him. CJ wouldn't understand anything about imprinting, wouldn't know how to handle someone as devoted to him as Jacob and Edward had been for the last thirty years.

The walk back to the truck seemed longer with CJ walking silently at his side. Jacob felt like he was carrying his own axe to the headsman as he walked beside CJ. As Jacob came up to the car and unlocked it he could feel Edward's worried emotions inside of himself as if they were his own. Jacob could feel the confusion welling up in Edward, even from their distance they were still as connected as if they were right beside one another. Jacob would miss that, he would miss Edward, but he knew that this was what was supposed to happen. Jacob knew that he had always been meant to find CJ, and no amount of wishing was going to change that.

Jacob drove CJ back to his car; CJ was able to give him direct instructions on how to get there, even though he claimed to have been lost in the woods. Jacob just assumed that, once on the road, CJ could more easily navigate his way back. At the car, CJ thanked Jacob, smiled kindly, and offered to buy him dinner for his trouble.

"I'll be in town for a few more days," CJ said sheepishly. "I'd really like to see you again."

Jacob smiled, CJ was just too easy to get along with to be angry at, he was too sweet and kind to hate. "Sure," Jacob agreed, "I'd like that."

Jacob gave a quick wave, waited until CJ was safely in his car and pulled away before he began to drive back towards the spacious Denali estate. Before he could get any closer to their house, however, his phone began to vibrate and Jacob slid it open, Alice's frantic voice greeted him before he could say hello.

"Why is Edward leaving?" Alice asked angrily. "He's at your house, right now, packing his bags and getting ready to leave... _why is he doing that? What happened_?"

Jacob's heart sank, he couldn't tell her, he didn't want to admit it himself, how could he tell Alice that Edward and his life together had ended? Jacob muttered a response; let her know that he was on his way home, and that he would speak with Edward. He didn't say that he would fix it; he knew that he couldn't, but he knew that all he could do was go to Edward and plead. Jacob hung up the phone and drove home slowly, playing out in his head what he would say to Edward, trying to come up with something to say. He tried to come up with the right words to let Edward know that it was okay, that everything would be okay. To let him know that just because their lives would change, the way Jacob felt about him never would. It was a lie, everything would change, the way Jacob and the way Edward felt was changing, and nothing would ever be the same. Jacob felt anger rise up in him and he had to pull off to the side of the road so he could calm down, breathe deeply, clench and unclench his hands on the steering wheel. Why did he have to meet that man, why had he run off into the woods, why hadn't he just gone back to the house with Edward? But that opportunity had passed and he had to move on.

Jacob pulled up in front of the house and got out. Once he there, looking at the house, their house, he couldn't bear the thought of losing it. He couldn't go through with it, couldn't walk into the house and promise that everything would be okay when he knew it wouldn't. He couldn't stand that he wouldn't have Edward, he wouldn't wake up to find Edward snuggled against him, revealing in their closeness. Jacob leapt up the stairs two by two and raced into the house. Edward stood in the foyer, a few suit cases at his feet, and Jacob's breath hitched in his throat. Edward was stoic, his eyes ice cold, it was a look that Jacob hadn't seen Edward use in quite some time. Edward watched Jacob closely as he came in.

"You're back," Edward said. "Where's _CJ_?"

Jacob shrugged and slipped off his coat. He tossed it casually into the front room then said shortly, "You're the mind reader, you tell me."

"I couldn't read his mind," Edward seethed, "only yours."

Edward adjusted the strap on one of his bags. Jacob's eyes took in the scene but his mind was slow to believe it. Edward was leaving, Edward had packed, and Alice had already seen him leave. Edward scoffed loudly, forcing Jacob's eyes to meet his own.

"Stop," Edward said, "just stop. Just stop pretending that you didn't know this was coming. Don't act like you didn't expect this from the moment you laid eyes on _him_."

Edward stooped to grab one of the bags and Jacob rushed forward to stop him. Jacob grabbed the handle, pulled it out of Edward's grasp, and pulled Edward to him roughly with one arm around his waist. Jacob pressed Edward to him and held him there with bone crunching force. All of Jacob's careful planning was forgotten, all of his "clean break" preparations, all his desire to let Edward know that they could still be friends, all of it was gone from his mind in an instant. All Jacob could think of was how he would lose Edward, how he was about to lose the one person he had ever truly loved, and how he couldn't let him go without a fight.

"How can you fight this, Jacob?" Edward asked against him.

"Don't do this," Jacob pleaded. "Don't just throw this away, don't throw _us_ away."

"What _us_?" Edward shot back. Edward pulled himself free of Jacob's grasp and folded his arms tightly against his chest. "There is no '_us'_ anymore Jacob."

"Don't... Edward please... please don't do this," Jacob pleaded. "Don't just walk out on me-"

"What do you want me to do?" Edward hissed. "You want me to just sit here and watch you mope while CJ is down the road waiting for-"

"Forget it," Jacob yelled angrily, "just forget it. You can go, I release you from your obligation to me, I hope you're very happy."

Edward glared at Jacob, his topaz eyes like daggers on Jacob's skin. "You hope that _I'm_ happy?" Edward seethed. "How _dare_ you?"

"You're the one leaving _me_," Jacob yelled. He knew his voice was rising to the level that the neighbors would be able to hear him, but he didn't care. Edward was leaving him, leaving their house and their future and their life, all because of _CJ_.

"I'm leaving for you, you and CJ," Edward said in exasperation. Edward blew out a long sigh, looking more defeated than Jacob ever wanted to see him, even when they'd been enemies. In an instant Edward crossed the distance between them and took Jacob's face in his cool hands. Edward's sharp eyes looked into Jacob's for a long moment and slowly he brought their lips together in a soft, slow kiss. Jacob clenched his eyes shut, relishing in the feel of Edward's lips against his own, wishing that this wouldn't be the last time they would be together. He hoped without hope that they could get through this, or that he could make Edward understand. He would give up without Edward. He couldn't live without him again or ever.

As the kiss came to a slow end, Jacob rested his forehead against Edward's, his eyes still closed tightly. "Please don't do this," Jacob pleaded again. "I love you so much... I don't want to lose you."

"It's going to be okay," Edward soothed. His voice choked up and Jacob opened his eyes to look into Edward's. Edward nodded and smiled ruefully, he looked so accepting that it made Jacob's heart wretch. "You don't have to worry," Edward continued, "I'll be okay."

Jacob laughed mirthlessly. "That's really sweet of you," Jacob said flatly, "but I'm not really worried about you being okay. How am I supposed to go on?"

Edward looked at him quizzically, pulling back so he could look at Jacob fully. "Happy and in love?"

"I'm _in love_ with you," Jacob said. "I _love_ you, I imprinted on you, how am I supposed to go on knowing that you are somewhere else. How am I supposed to go on knowing that you're _in love_ with someone else, that you're _happy_ with someone else?"

"What?" Edward asked.

"CJ," Jacob said.

"Right," Edward agreed, "you and CJ."

"No, _you_ and CJ," Jacob countered.

"What?" Edward hissed then shook his head in confusion. "But in the woods, when you saw him, you 'knew you were meant for him'."

"I was meant to _find_ him," Jacob said rolling his eyes. "I wasn't meant to be _with_ him... I thought that was you, I thought that was why you're leaving-"

"I thought you changed your mind... or your imprint... when I heard what you were thinking-

"And this is why I keep telling you not to take things out of my head," Jacob sighed.

"Fine," Edward sighed. "But what the hell is going on right now? Are you in love with that guy?"

"No," Jacob balked. "Are you?"

"No," Edward answered quickly. "So... there's no problem?"

Jacob pushed Edward, making him stumble backwards a few paces. "You jackass," Jacob growled.

"How am I a jackass?"

"You drive me crazy," Jacob said. He gestured to the luggage around them. "I thought I was losing you."

"That's what I thought about you," Edward said with a chuckle.

"This isn't funny," Jacob said but already levity was creeping back into voice. "I was worried."

Jacob reached out for Edward unsurely and Edward rushed to him. Jacob embraced Edward, clasping his long arms around him, and Edward nuzzled himself closer. Jacob breathed in the scent at Edward's neck. Jacob couldn't stand it, couldn't stand how close he had come to losing Edward over a misunderstanding. He couldn't let this sort of thing happen again, he couldn't live without Edward. There was no light in his life without Edward at his side; Jacob wouldn't have been able to go on living, knowing that Edward was out there and that he couldn't be with him. Jacob swept Edward up, into his arms and carried him into the front room. Jacob laid Edward on the couch and lowered himself gently down on top of him. Jacob kissed Edward's soft, thin lips, then up along Edward's striking jaw, then he pressed soft kisses to Edward's ear. Jacob kept the kisses chaste, teasing Edward until he pulled Jacob's face to his and kissed him passionately. Jacob smiled against Edward's prying lips. He loved Edward, loved Edward more than he loved anyone, including himself. Jacob could never want anyone as much as he wanted Edward, forever, it seemed silly that either of them should question it.

"I love you Jacob," Edward whispered"

"Of course you do," Jacob chuckled, "why wouldn't you?"

* * *

Jacob awoke the next morning to the sound of the doorbell. He sat up on the couch, naked as a jay bird, with his clothes in tatters around the room. Jacob rubbed his bleary eyes. Edward wasn't around; if he had been he would have already answered the door, probably before the bell even rang. Jacob pulled a throw off of the couch, wrapped it around his waist, went to the door and pulled it open. CJ was just turning to start down the stairs when Jacob opened the door. CJ's cheeks flushed a deep crimson as he looked at Jacob and he averted his eyes to the sidewalk.

"Sorry," CJ said sheepishly, "I thought... it's just... I didn't mean to disturb you."

"And you didn't," Jacob said, "what can I do for you?" CJ cleared his throat, shuffled his feet, and continued to look anywhere but at Jacob. "How about you come in and I'll go get dressed."

CJ nodded his agreement and Jacob lead him inside, steered him towards the foyer, away from the shredded clothing strewn living room, and then jogged upstairs to dress quickly. As quickly as he moved Jacob still didn't beat Edward's arrival. He could hear the surprise in Edward's voice when he came in and ran into CJ. Jacob dressed as quickly as he could and raced down the stairs into the foyer. Edward turned his golden eyes on Jacob, silently demanding an explanation. Jacob went to his side and kissed his lips gently.

"You're home," Jacob said.

"I went out to get you bagels," Edward said raising a brown paper bag to eye level. "I know how much you like bagels in the morning."

"CJ," Jacob said with a smirk, "have you met my husband, Edward? Edward, this is the nice man I ran into last night, CJ."

"It's nice to meet you," CJ said and extended a hand to Edward.

"And you brought him _here_ last night?" Edward asked raising one eyebrow skeptically.

"Oh," CJ said, "no. I just asked around in town and I was told you lived here so..."

Jacob smiled but wondered what, exactly, CJ had asked people to make them tell him where they lived. Worse than that was that everyone in town seemed to know exactly where they lived and were willing to give out that information to any random stranger who asked. Edward squeezed Jacob around the waist. CJ lowered his extended hand slowly and shoved it into his pocket.

"They didn't say that you were _married_ though," CJ continued.

"We just got back from our honeymoon," Edward said, "last night, actually. We're supposed visit my parents now—"

"I was just hoping that Jacob would be able to help me," CJ said focusing his gaze on Jacob. "I think I lost my mother's necklace in the woods last night. I was hoping that you could help me find my way back there."

Edward's hand dug into Jacob's side, Jacob could all but feel the animosity coming off of Edward in waves. Edward didn't like CJ, didn't trust him, and he didn't like that CJ wanted to take Jacob out into the forest, alone, on what he was sure would turn out to be a wild goose chase. Jacob patted Edward's shoulder affectionately all the while smiling at CJ. What could this boy have to gain by leading Jacob out into the woods for no reason? Even if he were up to no good, he was no match for Jacob. Edward turned and glared at Jacob. Jacob smirked, his eyes never leaving CJ's face.

"Sure sure," Jacob said easily. "I remember where you were."

"Why don't I come with you," Edward said.

"Why don't you," Jacob said. He turned, with a wide smile on face, towards Edward and locked eyes with him. "You should, it is _such_ a beautiful day outside. The birds are chirping, the sky is blue, the sun is shining, not a cloud in sky."

Edward glared at Jacob and clenched his jaw. "I just remembered that I _have_ to see my parents today." Jacob chuckled at the obviously false sentiment in Edward's tone but Edward's face was serious. "Be careful," Edward told him somberly.

Jacob turned, took Edward's face gently in his hands, and held Edward's gaze. Jacob leaned down slowly, never breaking eye contact, and pressed his lips softly to Edward's. Jacob sighed, broke the kiss, and smiled warmly at Edward. "I love you," Jacob told him. "I'll meet you at Esme's in an hour."

Edward nodded stiffly; his eyes flickered in CJ's direction momentarily. Jacob knew that Edward wanted to go with them, wanted to be there, wanted to be with Jacob more than anything in the world, and Jacob loved him even more for that. Jacob's eyes stayed fixed on Edward and he thought, fleetingly, of telling CJ that he was busy. He thought of telling CJ that he needed to be with Edward, and pushing him out of the house so he could be alone with Edward. But something inside of Jacob wouldn't let him. Somehow, Jacob knew that he needed to be with CJ. Jacob needed to go to the woods with CJ; there was something that drew them both... even if CJ might not feel it.

"I'll just... I'll wait for you outside," CJ said meekly. He squeezed past Edward and Jacob and slipped out of the door into the relative safety of the street.

Edward sighed at Jacob. "How am I supposed to not take _that _out of context?" Edward asked. "You _need_ to be with him?"

"I need to take him out to the woods, er, we need to be alone. I mean, I need to be alone with him in the woods..."

"I can't imagine why that would raise any red flags for me," Edward said.

"It's not like that," Jacob said. Edward moved his hands and tried to pull away but Jacob wrapped his arms around Edward's waist and pulled him until they were flush against one another. "I can't really explain it yet... I just know that I need to be with him in those woods, like I needed to find him there last night, it's just important."

Edward sighed. "This is weird."

"_This_ is weird?" Jacob balked. "_This_ isn't even out of the ordinary compared to our most normal day."

Edward laughed and Jacob kissed him again, brushed his nose against Edward's softly.

"I really want you to be careful," Edward said seriously. "I can't hear his thoughts; I don't know what he's thinking, what he's planning, and I don't trust him."

"Yes dear," Jacob said lightly. "I'll be on my guard."

Edward touched Jacob's shirt lightly, his fingers tracing the soft fabric, and he smiled as he examined it. "Is this the shirt that I bought you in France?"

Jacob smiled and leaned down to press one final lingering kiss on Edward's lips before he slipped out of the door. CJ leaned against Jacob's truck, waiting for him, and smiled as Jacob emerged. Jacob smoothed his shirt, a gift from Edward. Edward didn't buy clothes often, but he said he'd been walking and he thought Jacob would like it. Now, whenever Jacob wore it, he mostly spent the day thinking of Edward. He'd think of how much Edward loved him and how much he loved Edward right back. It was a simple gesture, but it meant more to Jacob than all the flashy presents in the world. CJ gestured for Jacob to open the doors and Jacob did so with the push of a button, CJ jumped in. The ride back to the forest didn't take long; they arrived before the awkward silence truly set in. Jacob jumped out of the car and lead CJ back to the spot they'd first met. Jacob stopped and turned to face CJ.

"Here we are," Jacob said.

Jacob clapped his hands in front of himself, looked around the forest, and smiled uncomfortably at CJ. Suddenly he felt exposed, he felt like now that they were alone he'd be expected to do something but he didn't know what. Jacob watched as CJ poked around in the trees. Jacob took him the way he could smell that CJ had come. After almost ten minutes CJ's face brightened and he reached into the bushes to retrieve a small silver locket on a broken chain. CJ slipped the necklace into his pocket and turned to face Jacob with a large smile on his face. Jacob had heard Leah approaching long before she actually arrived and hoped that she was fully dressed, and definitely not in wolf form, when she arrived, but didn't like he should warn either of them about it. When she came through the clearing, Jacob was happy to see, she was dressed, though not wearing shoes, and looking particularly lovely. Jacob smiled at her over CJ's shoulder and CJ turned to see what he was looking at. Leah froze in place, her entire body rigid, as her eyes locked on CJ.

* * *

"CJ _Swan_?" Edward repeated in amazement. "As in Charlie?"

"Charlie Junior," CJ agreed with a nod, "CJ... why?"

Emmett barked with laughter, tossing his head back, while Rosalie folded her arms tightly over her chest. She glared at CJ angrily, still distrustful of this new stranger... even after months. Jacob stared at him, completely flabbergasted, speechless, frozen arm in arm with Edward.

"He's _Bella's_ son!" Emmett roared with laughter.

"How do you know my mother's name?" CJ asked.

"Don't freak out," Leah said to Jacob and Edward.

"You knew?" Edward asked.

"No," Leah said quickly, "this is news to me too. I just want you to be calm."

Leah moved herself closer to CJ, partially covering him with her body. Jacob would have laughed if he weren't freaking out. It amused him when Leah protected CJ, when she protected the man she imprinted on. Although, he was having trouble finding humor in their situation.

"Why did we not know this before now?" Jacob asked.

Jacob looked over to Esme, whose hand was still hovering over the invitation she was just about to begin to transcribe for Leah and CJ's upcoming wedding, she shrugged at him. How had they never asked a question as basic as CJ's last name? Why hadn't they pushed harder to meet CJ's family? How could they have been so utterly unprepared for this situation? A blob of ink dripped from Esme's quill to the paper but Leah, with quick reflexes, swooped over and caught it in the palm of her hand.

"Come on," Leah said. She wiped the wet ink on a napkin and moved back to stand beside CJ. "This isn't such a big deal."

"It's kind of a huge deal," Emmett said. "He's Bella's son."

"And it's been a long time," Leah said.

"How do you know my mother?" CJ asked.

"I can't believe you're still falling for his innocent act," Rosalie said angrily. Jacob rolled his eyes as he and Edward sunk to the couch in unison. It was the start of another one of Rosalie's over protective rants regarding CJ, 'the dangerous stranger who had appeared in their lives out of the blue'. Jacob had, originally, been happy when Leah and Rosalie became friends but that time had long past. Rosalie's overbearing big sister routine was getting old and only Leah still seemed touched by her concern. "He's Bella's son? Bella! She tried to _kill_ Jacob!"

CJ's head whipped to Jacob so fast that Jacob thought it should have snapped off. He looked at Jacob and Jacob could finally place those pale hazel eyes of his. They were the same hazel eyes he had seen when CJ was a baby in Bella's arms. It was as if he had blinked and that baby became a man. He'd been so engrossed with his life with Edward that he didn't completely realize time continued to pass. Edward put a hand on Jacob's knee, he did something like that anytime the subject of Jacob's death came up, as if he was just making sure that Jacob was still there. Jacob touched his hand and grasped it firmly in his own.

"My mother tried to kill you?" CJ asked. "I thought you were, you know, immortal... kinda... like Leelee."

Jacob chuckled. CJ didn't quite know _everything_ about their odd little family but he knew enough. He knew that Leah was different from the rest of the Cullens... and that Jacob was too... he just didn't know that he was surrounded by all manner of the supernatural. Jacob wasn't even sure if Leah had told CJ that she was a werewolf exactly.

"Shapeshifter," Edward countered quietly and Jacob gave him a quick glare.

"Bella was more devious than we gave her credit for," Rosalie said icily, "and we won't make _that_ mistake again."

"Rosalie," Leah sighed, "I'm sure he wouldn't—"

"But you don't know!" Rosalie yelled. "You don't _know_, not even Edward knows because he can't read him."

"What does that mean?" CJ asked.

"Rosalie," Edward said warningly.

"Read me?" CJ continued. "What does _that_ mean?"

Leah took his hand and held it close to her heart and Jacob could see the understanding in CJ, some things he just wasn't meant to know, yet. CJ shrugged, as if letting the question roll off of his shoulders. He brought Leah's hand up and kissed it gently. He knew that some things he wasn't meant to know, not because Leah didn't trust him or love him, but because they weren't her secrets to tell. CJ knew that, with only a touch Leah had been able to convey that to him, Jacob was reminded of his relationship with Edward. It was a deeper connection than anyone thought possible, the feelings ran straight into their core until it was who you were and not just how you felt. Jacob squeezed Edward's hand softly and Edward returned it in kind.

Leah turned to Rosalie impassionedly. "Please," Leah pleaded, "please, Rose, just be happy for me."

Rosalie's stern face softened and she tsked then said; "I'm just worried. I don't want anyone to hurt you."

Leah went to Rosalie and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you," Leah whispered, "thank you for that." Leah let go of Rosalie and Rosalie sighed.

"Are we actually going to talk to Bella?" Rosalie asked. "Are we going to let her into our _home_ after what she did?"

"Are you sure that we're talking about the same Bella Swan?" CJ asked. "I don't think that my mother could do something like that."

Jacob shook his head as the memories started coming back. The time he'd spent with Bella, he had thought he was in love with her, but he didn't want to remember. Those memories were tainted after all she had done. Jacob wanted to forgive her and love her unconditionally, as a family should, but Jacob found that his heart had become cold towards Bella. He couldn't think of her and not think of how she deliberately hurt him, how she deliberately hurt Edward. Bella had been a friend once, like family. For a time, there had been a vacancy in their lives without her, but it filled with the misdeeds she'd done. Time to time, Jacob imagined what his life would have been like if he had ended up with Bella. He thought about what their children would look like, would they have her eyes. Would they have his hair, her pale skin, his grace? Jacob tried to do this thinking when Edward was hunting; he knew that it hurt him to know that Jacob thought of a life without him in it.

CJ called his mother, called their Bella, and told her that he'd met someone, that he was in love, and they were getting married. Bella had been wary, worried that her son was making a huge mistake, and told him that both she and Mike would be on the first flight to Alaska. Jacob waited with CJ at the small airfield near Anchorage. Jacob had agreed to come with CJ to prepare Bella and Mike for the shock of a lifetime. She probably never expected to see any of them again, as much as they never expected to see her. Edward had been against it, completely, and had even, at one point, demanded that they pack up and move and leave Leah to deal with Bella. It was a heated moment, directly following the idea that Jacob should meet Bella, and Edward's passions had been running a little high. Still, it had made the most sense to send Jacob; at least it had at the time. Now though, he was wondering what had been said to make him think that. The plane touched down, the ramp brought out, and soon two lone passengers came ambling down the ramp. Jacob felt his stomach tighten into knots, Bella wore a large, ostentatious hat that obscured her face but he could smell her from where she stood, unmistakable Bella.

When she reached the bottom of the ramp she looked up, saw her son, and they ran towards one another and embraced. Jacob waited anxiously near the car, and felt an overwhelming surge of dread as Bella's head lifted and her brown eyes found him. Jacob's heart hammered in his chest, Bella's eyes narrowed to slits. Slowly, Bella pulled CJ so he was safely tucked behind her, though CJ didn't seem to notice. CJ moved on, hugged his father fondly, while Bella continued to glare. Jacob was mesmerized by her, by how she had aged... by the fact that she _had_ aged. It wasn't as though she had become ugly, she was still quite breathtaking, but there were crow's feet at the corners of her eyes. Her face had gained subtle creases, her stern mouth had begun to pucker, and her once warm brown eyes were now cold. Jacob felt the freeze of those eyes upon him and he couldn't look away.

"What are you doing here?" Bella whispered so only he could hear.

Jacob gathered his reserve, straightened to his full, towering height, and walked casually over to them. Bella looked like she wanted to grab her son and run away, get back on the plane and get as far from Jacob as she could. She knew that if Jacob were there then Edward wouldn't be far. If it weren't for Leah, Jacob might have let her, even helped her. Jacob came to a halt a few meters away from them, just far enough to imply their safety, and smiled congenially at them.

"Bella," Jacob said by way of greeting.

Mike glanced over at Jacob, didn't recognize him, and asked CJ how he was doing and why he hadn't gone back to school yet.

"Jacob," Bella said coldly, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm with CJ," Jacob said easily.

Bella's face blanched, and then flushed crimson, her lips hardened into a thin line, and she lunged at Jacob. Jacob easily caught her by the wrists and held her at bay. Bella shrieked, causing a small scene, and both Mike and CJ came to pull her away from Jacob. Bella's hat had been flung to the ground, her graying brown hair had started to slip out of the intricate curls she had pinned it up into, and she fumed at Jacob.

"Not my son!" Bella yelled at him. "_Not my son_! Edward and- not my son!

It took Jacob a moment to work out what Bella meant. When he finally understood he couldn't do anything but sigh. "No Bella," Jacob stated. "Not your son, there will never be anyone but Edward for me. That's not why I'm here."

"Then why _are_ you here?" Bella asked venomously.

"I'm here for CJ… CJ and Leah," Jacob said. Jacob waited, watching Bella's face, waiting for her to work out what he was telling her. Bella wasn't a stupid woman, she had never been, and Jacob knew he wouldn't need to say anymore for her to figure it out. In seconds, she had worked it out and realization darkened her features.

"Leah is-" CJ began but Bella cut him off with a sharp wave of her thin hand.

"Leah _imprinted_ on my son?" Bella asked. "That... _dried up, shriveled, _shrew_ imprinted on _my son?"

"Mother," CJ said warningly.

Bella spun quickly and grasped CJ's chin between her bony fingers. "Just because she has... because she has these _feelings _for you, it doesn't mean you have to have them too. We can get on this plane; we'll never see them ever again."

"Mom," CJ sighed. "I _love_ her, and not just because she loves me. I love her. I have loved her since the moment I saw her."

Bella sighed, a disgusted sound issuing from her pursed lips. She let her hand fall away from CJ's face. She glared at Jacob over one shoulder. Mike just stared at Jacob, his face a mixture of recognition and disbelief. He pointed at Jacob, his arm moving in slow motion, and then looked over at Bella questioningly. Jacob wasn't happy to see Mike again, could have gone the rest of his life without ever seeing Mike Newton again. The idea that he now had to tell Mike about them, to let _Mike Newton_, of all people, know the Quileute secret, the Cullen's secret, was a miserable one. He would sooner have taken Mike to bed than tell him their secret. But Leah thought that the only way she could have a long and happy life with CJ was if they were completely honest and, in her mind, that included CJ's family. Jacob forced a smile and waved at Mike, knowing that he looked the same as he had the last time he'd run into Mike, before leaving Forks, down to the same short hair cut. Meanwhile, Mike had aged twenty years. Mike's hair was gray, his skin wrinkled, and his stomach slightly pouched. He wasn't an unattractive man; he had just aged, as people did... everyone but the people in Jacob's small corner of the world.

"You..." Mike started and faltered. He looked between Jacob and Bella several times before he tried again. "You must be... you look so familiar."

"Mike," Bella said with a weary sigh, "you remember Jacob Black."

"Yes I do," Mike said. He continued to stare at Jacob until his face lit with recognition and he smiled broadly at Jacob. "Of course, you look _just_ like him. You are the spitting image of your father."

Mike reached out for Jacob's hand and Jacob couldn't keep the laughter that bubbled up in him from bursting free. Jacob grasped Mike's hand and shook it with more force than necessary. He caught Mike's eyes and smiled. If he were going to do this, if he were going to tell his biggest secret to a complete stranger, then he would at least have some fun with it.

"I _am_ Jacob," Jacob said. Mike chuckled and glanced at Bella, but her expression was somber, and turned back to Jacob.

"That's impossible," Mike said. "Jacob would be... jeez... forty years old."

"Forty-eight," Jacob corrected.

Mike laughed incredulously. "You cannot be Jacob Black. You don't look a day over twenty-five."

Jacob chuckled and let go of Mike's hand. Mike let his hand hang in the air as he stared after Jacob. Jacob smiled at him teasingly and turned back to face Bella. Her face hadn't softened at all but Jacob ignored her sour disposition and instead grabbed her luggage, easily hefting all three of her large trunks. Jacob arranged the luggage in his truck and got in the driver's seat. CJ moved to get into the front seat but Bella caught him by the wrist and forced him into the back seat beside her. Mike climbed into the passenger seat and stared at Jacob. The entire trip back to the Cullen's, Mike's eyes never left him. Bella talked with CJ in fervent whispers, though Jacob could still hear them. When they finally reached the house Jacob hopped out of the truck almost before he'd finished turning it off. Jacob moved around to the back of the truck, away from Mike's prying eyes and flipped up the hatch.

He heard Mike gasp, a startled strangled sound, and stuck his head around the truck to see him watching Alice as she came down the front steps. For a moment, Jacob allowed himself to feel bad for Mike. Jacob could remember how difficult it was to learn the truth, to realize that everything you had thought you knew about the world was untrue, and he was sorry that Mike couldn't go on believing the lie for the rest of his life. Alice smiled at Mike, completely unconcerned with his fragile state, and moved to Bella. Not for the first time, Jacob wondered how they did it. How did the Cullens abstain from drinking human blood, how did they resist the temptation when it was always so close? Even Jasper had gotten so much better at it over the years. Still, Jacob wondered.

"Practice, practice, practice." Edward said breathily into Jacob's ear.

Jacob turned to him with a smile and stooped to wrap his arms around Edward's waist. Jacob pressed Edward against the truck, pinned him with his body, and kissed Edward's lips with zeal. Only Bella's loud scoff reminded him that they were in mixed company, but even that didn't spoil the moment. Jacob loved these moments, loved the moments when they were reunited, loved wrapping his arms around Edward and kissing him as if they had been apart for decades instead of hours. Even Bella's misery couldn't ruin it for him. Edward smiled up at Jacob, his firm hands rubbing circles on Jacob's back, and kissed Jacob chastely before he slipped out of his grasp and moved closer to where Alice stood. Edward slipped a hand around his pseudo-sister's waist and brought her up close to him. She was angry; Jacob could see that now, angry and staring right at Bella. He knew that they'd been friends and that Alice had known about Bella's betrayal, that she'd kept Bella's secret. Over the years Jacob had seen how much that decision had tormented Alice, how she felt that she had betrayed Jacob and sided with Bella.

"Bella," Alice said shortly.

Bella's eyes locked on Alice, mesmerized, and Edward trapped Alice at his side with one arm around her waist. If Bella noticed the anger in Alice's eyes she didn't let on. She didn't seem aware of anything accept that Alice was near her again. Bella moved towards Alice but Rosalie appeared at Alice's side and Bella stopped in her tracks.

"Bella," Rosalie sighed, "you look… old."

Bella glared at her. "You look… frigged, as always."

Jacob chuckled scooped up the bags from the trunk and took them into the house. There were enough people there with abilities to handle any problem that might arise. Esme stood just inside the door, wringing her hands, and watching the scene worriedly. Jacob dropped the luggage and went to her side, slipping an arm around her small waist; he kissed the top of her head softly.

"It's okay to have missed Bella," Jacob assured her. "I understand."

Esme looked at him like she wanted to slap his face. "_Missed_ Bella? After what she did to you? I never missed her a day." Esme turned to face the unfolding scene again. "I just don't want her here; I want to go out there and pick her up and toss her as far as I can. I know that she'll expect me to be motherly but I can't… I just can't look at her after what she did to you."

Jacob rubbed Esme's back softly, he didn't want to cause her trouble or heartache, and he definitely didn't want there to be a problem because of him. Edward swept into the room and stopped at the doorway, he stared at Jacob and Esme.

"The problem isn't you," Edward said. "The problem is _her_. The problem has always been Bella."

* * *

The next few weeks Jacob tried to keep his presence to a minimum, though he stayed at the main house to be nearer to Esme. While Bella, Mike, Esme, Leah and CJ planned the wedding slowly, reluctantly on Bella's part, Jacob and Edward kept themselves busy on the estate. It didn't require much upkeep but they found miniscule flaws that could occupy their attention. They cleared brush, planted flowers, mended tiny flaws in fences, created a flowering utopia according to Carmen's intricate plans and still, in two weeks time, they had run out of reasons to be away. As Jacob descended the back stairs of the Denali/Cullen estate he could hear Mike in the foyer talking loudly to Jasper. Mike had mistaken Jasper's quiet nature and unwillingness to carry on a conversation as a problem with his hearing. Now, when Mike addressed Jasper he did so at the loudest possible volume. On occasion Jasper had taken to pumping Mike full of euphoric emotions and walking away, ignoring the conversation all together. This time, however, Jacob imagined he would let Mike talk.

"I mean," Mike continued loudly, "I haven't seen Bella this upset in years… hell! Decades."

"Perhaps—" Jasper started but Mike ignored him.

"I thought she was over this," Mike said. "I thought that she had gotten over the whole Edward, Jacob thing. I thought that, once we moved to California, she had forgotten all about this whole thing but here we are… her son is marrying Jacob's cousin, or whatever, and she is back to being the same desperate woman I'd known twenty odd years ago."

"I think that—"Jasper tried again.

"Have you seen the way she watches the door?" Mike asked. "She's always waiting for Edward to come in. Whenever the door opens she turns towards it hopefully. I think she's still in love with him. I think… I think she's still hoping that he's going to come back to her."

Jacob rolled his eyes. It seemed like something Bella would do, hold onto hope that Edward would realize that he was actually in love with her and he would leave Jacob forever. Jacob crossed the room silently and opened the refrigerator but before he could reach inside the door was slammed shut on him. Edward glared at him as he leaned against the fridge.

"What's up?" Jacob whispered. "I was going to have something for breakfast before heading out. Did you see that hole in the fence?"

"No," Edward said flatly, "because there is no hole. I have something else planned for us today. Don't worry about…"

Edward trailed off and Jacob could see that he was listening to the inner workings of someone's mind. Like Alice and her visions, Edward too had a distinct look that came across his face when he purposely used his gift. He eyes were on Jacob but his thoughts were elsewhere, in someone else's head, and whatever he heard didn't seem to be improving his mood at all. Jacob touched Edward's shoulder lightly, hoping to bring his focus back, but Edward remained fixated.

"I am quickly beginning to lose my patience with Mike and Bella," Edward grumbled.

"Don't listen," Jacob said.

"I can't just not listen," Edward said in exasperation, "it's like they're broadcasting it. I can hear it when we're out in the field sometimes. I just want them to shut up."

"You can hear Bella?" Jacob asked.

"I can hear her talking," Edward amended, "I hear Mike's thoughts. If I have to hear him thinking that I should just be a man and speak to Bella one more time…"

Jacob chuckled, moved forward, and wrapped his arms around Edward's waist. "Perhaps you _should_ speak with her. Her son is marrying into our family; it might make the whole process a little… easier."

"Easier for whom?" Edward asked. Jacob frowned at him and Edward sighed, reached his arms up and wrapped them around Jacob's neck. "Forget about that, I have a surprise planned for you."

Jacob smiled. "A surprise? What kind of surprise?"

"You," Edward said and leaned up to kiss Jacob's lips, "just go upstairs and get dressed. _I_ will handle everything else."

Jacob rolled his eyes but smiled and, after a slow kiss, headed back upstairs. Halfway to his room Bella came out of her room into his path. Bella looked at him bitterly, purposefully, as though she meant to speak with him. Jacob tried to keep his thoughts placid and serene and not give away to Edward that she was there; he knew that Edward would be at his side instantly. Bella crossed her arms, pulling the edges of her black and gray flowered robe tightly closed as she did, and stared at Jacob.

"Bella," Jacob said as quietly as he could.

"You betrayed me," Bella whispered. "You and Edward… you… you _loved_ each other and you kept it a secret."

"We kept it a secret from each other too," Jacob said.

Bella held up a hand to stop him from continuing. Bella took a deep breath before continuing: "You hurt me, and I know that you didn't do it on purpose but… back then… it felt that way."

Jacob tried to keep his thoughts contained, tried not to get angry at this infuriating topic, but found it hard not to think about what she was saying when what she was saying was so confusing. Why was she bringing this up again? Why was she trying to make him feel bad for falling in love? Did she think that she could convince him to leave Edward? Did she think that, after all of these years, she could make Jacob feel guilty enough to leave? Did she think that, if he did, Edward would come back to her?

"What is the point of this, Bella?" Jacob asked.

"I just…" Bella took a long and exaggerated sighing breath. "I wanted to… apologize to you."

Jacob's face went slack. Of all of the things he thought Bella might have said that had been nowhere on the list. "You want to apologize?" Jacob said skeptically. "Sure sure. Then pigs will fly, hell will freeze over and the Cubs will win a world series. What are you up to?"

"Damn it, Jacob," Bella snapped. "It's been twenty-six years! We're not children anymore."

"Meaning?" Edward called from behind Jacob. He came to stand beside him and casually laid his arm around Jacob's waist.

"Meaning," Bella said with a sigh, "that I have had to come to some… _hard_ realizations over the years."

"What realizations?" Edward asked skeptically.

"I had wanted to do this for you both separately," Bella said, "but, I suppose, since you never do anything separately anymore—"

"Or ever again," Edward added.

"Jacob," Bella began turning her attention to him, "I realize that you didn't _steal_ Edward from me, that you couldn't have controlled the way you felt about him anymore than I could. I realize that I was completely out of line and I am… I am, honestly, so regretful for what I did to you."

Bella's voice quavered and she turned her head sharply to conceal a tear that leaked from her eye. She brushed it away swiftly with her hand and, after taking a deep breath, turned back towards them. Jacob gaped at her and, though he couldn't tear his eyes away to look at Edward, he imagined he was much the same. The last time Jacob had seen Bella she had been wishing he were dead, or that he'd never been born in the first place, and now here she was apologizing to him.

_What a difference a few decades make_, Jacob thought.

"I can't tell you how many times I wished that I could have changed my past," Bella continued. "How many times I wished that I had been a stronger person, a better friend. I wish I could have been there for you two; instead, my suffering was all I could think of. I have had twenty- six years to think about myself, to think about how I treated you… both of you… and to try and reconcile the monster I had become with the person I wanted to be.

"I wanted to find you in Forks, but the only time I saw you, you were at Billy's funeral and I couldn't approach you there." Bella took a deep, shuddering breath. "I realized too late the truth of my selfish actions. I wish I could have made it up to you… I wish there were a way that I ever could… but I just want you to know that I have truly grown up. I wanted to let you know that I realize that I was completely out of order, and I wanted to apologize to you both. I am so sorry. God, Jacob, I am so sorry."

Bella turned away and rushed into the bathroom. Jacob turned slowly towards Edward and whispered; "Did that really just happen?"

"Yeah," Edward said slowly, "I think it did."

"I tried to tell Mike," Jasper said from the other end of the hallway, "but he doesn't like to listen. I never got that she was waiting for Edward… she wanted to speak with Jacob. She _really_ is sorry, unbelievable as that may seem."

Jacob nodded slowly then asked; "Where is Mike?"

"Mike is taking a little nap on the couch," Jasper said. He smiled then quickly went into the room he shared with Alice.

Edward kissed Jacob's cheek then told him to get dressed and pushed him towards their bedroom. Jacob dressed quickly and, walking through the front room where Mike wasn't so much sleeping as sitting on the couch staring off into space dazedly, joined Edward on the front porch. Edward lifted a large wicker picnic basket and smiled at Jacob excitedly.

"What's that?" Jacob asked.

"We're going to have a picnic," Edward answered.

"Why?" Jacob asked.

"It's romantic," Edward sighed.

"You don't eat," Jacob said, "you want to go into the woods and watch me eat? That's not romantic… that's creepy."

Edward let the basket drop back onto the patio couch with a heavy thud. "Maybe I'll get something to eat too."

"Wow," Jacob deadpanned. "So, first you'll watch me eat, then I get to watch you slaughter a wild animal? Who said romance was dead?"

"I was trying to be sweet and loving and spontaneous," Edward said.

"All of which you accomplished," Jacob said. He stepped forward, swept Edward into his long arms and held Edward against him softly. "Maybe we could have a picnic without the basket. I'd love to just spend the day with you."

"It won't be special," Edward said.

"As long as I'm with you, it's special."

"Blech!" Emmett called from behind them. "You're so sappy it's disgusting."

"What do you want, Emmett?" Jacob asked tersely.

Edward sighed; "Esme would like us to help with the set up today, no picnic."

Jacob crinkled his nose as he looked down at Edward. Why would they need to help set up? It would only take one of them a few minutes… half an hour, tops.

"_Mike_ has hired a wedding planner," Edward explained.

"Why do I even bother to deliver messages to you two?" Emmett wondered as he wandered away.

"We're supposed to stay here and pretend to heft stuff all because _Mike_ wants a party planner?" Jacob scoffed. "Won't the others want to, I don't know, _plan_ something? Esme and Leah already took care of all the party planning, didn't they?"

Edward smiled and kissed Jacob before slipping out of his arms and walking back into the house. Jacob sighed, resigned himself to spending his free time pretending to be human, and grabbed the picnic basket. He turned to see Alice standing in the doorway; she had a faraway look in her eyes. She looked towards Jacob without actually seeing him and stood with one hand braced on the doorframe. Jacob reached out to her instinctively, resting his large hand on her tiny shoulder, and she focused her caramel eyes on him.

"She tried that with me too," Alice said. "She came to me and told me she was sorry, that she had learned her lesson. Does she think we can forgive her?"

"I think," Jacob said, "that she thinks that _her_ son is marrying _our_ Leah and that she should make peace before she loses him."

Alice scoffed. "Like Leah will want to stay here once she marries CJ. She won't want to remain here where she will never age but he'll grow ever older."

Jacob draped his arm around Alice's slight shoulders and squeezed her affectionately. He knew that Alice had been avoiding Bella, hadn't spent any time with her since the few moments when Bella had arrived, only long enough to let Bella know that they wouldn't be having a happy reunion. Alice had decided to sequester herself in her room. Jacob didn't exactly know what she was doing up there but he imagined she was keeping her vision on Bella's actions. Alice often kept to her room, the highest point in the house without standing on the roof, when she was trying to use her visions. She wanted to do right by Jacob, Edward had told him, and she did not want to 'let him down again'. Even though Jacob firmly told her that she had never let him down, she had hoped Bella would make the right choice, as Jacob had refused to believe that Bella might be responsible. Alice wasn't responsible for Bella's actions, or for thinking that Bella would change her mind. The only one who was at fault was Bella, and now she seemed to want to reconcile. Jacob wondered how he could reconcile with her. Could he forgive her for trying to kill him? Could he forgive her for letting him die, for hurting Edward? She had broken Edward when she let Jacob die; even now, Edward still had moments where he wasn't quite all there. Moments when he would come rushing into the room Jacob was in to make sure he was still there.

Jacob's thoughts broke around Leah crashing into the house and calling for Carlisle. The bitter tang of blood filled the air. Jacob moved to turn but Alice gripped him and her hidden strength kept him rooted to her side. Alice still didn't look at him, kept her vague eyes looking out over the vast expanse of the front lawn.

"Alice," Jacob said, a pinch of terror tinting his voice, "that was Leah… something's wrong." Jacob tried to tug free of Alice's grasp but she held him easily.

"Jacob," Alice said ominously, "I'm afraid I've seen something."

"You always see things," Jacob said anxiously.

"It's about Leah and CJ," Alice said.

"What do you mean?" Jacob asked. "Is CJ having second thoughts? Is he thinking about walking out on Leah?"

"No," Alice said somberly, "but I don't… I think we'll have to delay the wedding."

"Delay the wedding for what?" Jacob bellowed.

"For CJ," Alice said finally locking eyes with Jacob. "I'm afraid he's been in an accident."

"What?" Jacob asked. "He's going to be in an accident? When? Where? We'll search for him… we can find him before—"

"No," Alice said softly. "I'm sure that it's already happened. Now, we'll just have to wait."

"WAIT FOR WHAT?" Jacob yelled. He didn't care who heard him, he was getting annoyed with all of Alice's double-talk and her non-answers. Where was CJ and why, if he were in an accident, would they just wait?

"Leah's already gotten him," Edward answered from behind them. Jacob turned to look at his husband but Edward's eyes were on Alice's stricken face. "She felt it; she already went to him and brought him here… to _us_."

Of course she would, if CJ were hurt, even if he were dying, Leah would bring him home, to Carlisle, to their family. If CJ were dying, Leah would bring him to be changed but Jacob wasn't sure Leah was considering all of the ramifications of her actions. One look at Edward's face and Jacob knew that he felt the same way, CJ could have no life with them, and he would be forever changed. Any plans he had had for his mortal life would be gone, would Leah be able to live with making that decision for him? And would their bond be able to last after his death? Or would it sever the moment he stopped being human?

"I didn't stop loving you when you died," Edward said.

"But I didn't die," Jacob said, "not really. This… this will be totally different."

Alice sighed and moved past them and into the house. Edward put his hands on Jacob's shoulders and rubbed softly. Leah, Jacob knew, would be devastated no matter what happened. Any outcome would change Leah and CJ's relationship and she might end up losing him. But she would do whatever needed to be done to save him, Jacob knew, because he would do the same for Edward.

"And I for you," Edward whispered. He pressed his cold lips to Jacob's neck and kissed softly.

"We were lucky," Jacob sighed. "You were just as imprinted on me as I was on you. When I lost you, you still had me. They won't have that. What if they lose the love they share? What if he doesn't love her anymore?"

Edward sighed. "We just have to be there for her, for him, and trust that everything will work out as it is supposed to."

* * *

Jacob placed his hand on Leah's shoulder as she waited beside CJ's bed. She didn't look towards Jacob, didn't even acknowledge his presence. It was going on the end of the third day of waiting, waiting for some sign of life from CJ, waiting for CJ to wake up, waiting. When Leah brought CJ home he'd been hardly recognizable, the car accident nearly killed him. Carlisle had been the one to turn him, Leah had sobbed and begged but Carlisle would have done it for her without urging. Three days and CJ's wounds had finally healed, his broken body regained its form, and Leah remained at his side the entire time. Jacob wished there were an approximation of when CJ would wake that up someone could give Leah; he wished that someone could tell her that CJ _would_ wake up. Most of all, Jacob wished someone could tell Leah that when CJ woke up he would still love her. Even Bella, who had sent Mike away days ago, seemed to have sympathy for Leah. Bella often brought Leah food or water, never asking her to leave CJ's side, never trying to start an argument with her; she seemed to have a genuinely motherly concern for Leah.

Jacob watched Carlisle for a moment as Carlisle examined CJ, then Jacob turned and left the room. Down the hall, he joined Edward in their room; they hadn't had a moment to themselves since their honeymoon. Jacob snuck in and slid his arms around Edward's waist. Jacob leaned his head on Edward's shoulder and kissed the pale skin of Edward's neck. Jacob felt for Leah, felt a pity she wouldn't be pleased to know he harbored. She waited and hoped for CJ's recovery while Jacob held Edward in his arms. Jacob knew that Edward would never die, never turn from him; Edward would be his forever, as he would be Edward's. Leah didn't know if CJ would feel the same towards her.

"Everything will be fine," Edward said softly. "When CJ wakes up—"

"He'll look into her eyes and realize that there is no one else for him in the world and we can continue to be one big happy family," Jacob finished.

Edward frowned at him, twirled in Jacob's thick arms and wrapped his arms around Jacob's neck. "And money will rain from the sky and peace will spread over the earth and we won't need to hide anymore… you forgot that part, I always add that part." Edward teased.

"I'm just worried," Jacob said.

"We all are." Edward said. "But sometimes, in life, you just have to hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and be there for each other."

Jacob nodded; he knew they would be there for Leah, no matter what. They would be there for CJ, for Bella and even Mike. They were a family, tied together in a way that would allow for nothing less. They may not always get along, they may not always see eye to eye or always agree but they would always have each other. Jacob kissed Edward's lips softly, pulled Edward's body firmly to him. They would always be together, always, they were soul mates, born to be together, and not even time had been able to separate them. Fate brought them together. Edward, born too early, became a vampire, immortal, and extended his life so that he could reach Jacob. And Jacob was born into a family where the only thing that could extend his life to match Edward's was vampires. They were destiny.

Edward stiffened in Jacob's arms and whispered, "He's waking up."

Jacob turned back to the room where the others were already stirring; gathering at CJ's side, and Bella was being ushered out for her own safety. Edward took Jacob's hand and began towards the room. Jacob watched as Leah stood, leaned over CJ and CJ's eyes opened. His blood red eyes scanned the room quickly, taking in the Cullens, the Quileute, before finally settling on Leah's face. Jacob took a deep breath and exhaled. Everything would be as it was meant to be, he knew, and no matter what they would have each other. Jacob smiled and squeezed Edward's hand.

The End.

* * *

A/N: Well, that didn't take long. *ducks rotten fruit* Thanks everyone for reading, thanks everyone for your reviews, thanks for your encouragement, your enthusiasm, your assistance, and even your pessimism. Thanks for taking this bizarre trip with me. Temperance


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